- Joined
- Nov 26, 2007
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- 2,414
Is this fixable?
This is going to be long, because the current situation is so damn complicated and got to be this way over a time span of almost 5 years…
I’ve been having a lot of issues with my girlfriend of 4.5 years lately. Actually, we’ve been having issues for a long time but its all coming to a head right now. It comes down to trust and she just doesn’t have it. She says she would never believe I would ever cheat on her but because of our past she literally goes insane about certain things.
First I’ll explain fully our background so you all have a better understanding of the current issues… Laying it all out here
1. When in college I liked to party. We lived 45 minutes away from each other. I would party 1-2 times a week without her around but would also drive back to her EVERY weekend. I might have missed 2 weekends over a span of 3 years… In my days of partying I would do my drug of choice which happened to be ecstasy. I had easy access and it was extremely cheap, not to mention very good... Well my friends liked it even more than I did and I had a hard time saying no if all my buddies were taking it. It was one of those things where I wouldnt mention it if not asked about it but if asked I would admit I did it.. I never did anything with any other girls while on it, just loved socializing and being in a club setting.
2. Its been about 2 years but I used to watch porn and she had a problem with that. Cycling didn’t help at all. My sex drive would be through the roof and I couldn’t help myself. I started out telling her and being upfront but eventually hid it from her. She checked my computer on more than one occasion and found out I had been lying.
3. About 3 years ago I went on a trip for spring break. I was 21 at the time, young and dumb. I happened to kiss another girl at the club. I regretted the whole thing the second it happened and still to this day it makes me sick to think that I was stupid enough to even begin the first steps of the cheating process. I am sure as fuck no cheater. Right when I got back she seemed to suspect something had happened, well I never told her. She somehow found out on her own through talking to others who had been there with me. She broke up with me but I did everything in my power to get her back. And since then nothing has been the same really. It was really the beginning stages of her trust issues with me.
4. She had found a message facebook with me talking to a girl I had met from college. Nothing major, just some minor flirting and talk about parties. (This was before spring spreak).
So I want to make this clear. I’ve fucked up in the past. I was in college trying to maintain a relationship with some distance. I was immature and curious. I don’t do those things now. I still party on occasion but not even close to the extent it used to be.
Here is some of the current issues:
-Me chatting/texting a friend from college who happens to be one of my good friends’ ex girlfriend (who also happens to be pretty cute). My g/f and I split up about a year back. During that period I spent a lot of my free time with these two. Well I talked to her a lot about me and my g/f (ex at the time) issues and she would give me her input and just listen to me complain. I was a complete mess then, depressed and lonely. Well we still maintain a friendship even though I never see her and only have small talk conversations over text and maybe facebook chat occasionally. And by occasionally I mean once a week tops, but a lot of the time we say nothing over a month time frame. My gf straight up says she doesn’t trust me with her. She looked through my phone months back and saw a conversation I had with her through text. I’ll admit I was flirty (in a friendly kind of way, not I want to fuck you tonight type of flirting).
My gf also saw that she had asked me to lunch to catch up and talk about her and my buddy (who had just broke up). So now the tables had been turned and instead of me being the depressed mess, she was, and since I knew them both very well I figured I could help her out and give my input. I told her I would meet up with her. Well we talked more through text and a phone call but never ended up meeting anywhere. Well my gf then found it and shes been worked up about it since. She says she cant trust me and that I would have went to lunch with her for sure if it hadn’t been for her reading through my text conversation. So since then she freaks out about everything when it comes to this girl. I liked one of her status’s on facebook, of course my gf had to say something stupid about it. One time she saw we were both online on fb chat and then accused me of talking to her all the time. Last night I had mentioned a tv show being popular (one my gf has never heard of), and she asked who watches this? I said I’ve seen and heard plenty of people talk about this show and like it.. Then she goes on facebook and sees that this girl “likes” it and then says “ohh how precious, I figured it was her who talked about it”. In reality I had no fucking idea she watched the show. This type of shit is just scratching the surface… And let me just mention that my buddy who used to date this girl for something like 2 or 3 years knows we talk on occasion. He finds it laughable that my gf has a problem with it. I just want to put it into perspective that there is really NOTHING going on.
So her “solution” to this problem is for me to let her check my phone, my facebook and whatever the fuck else she thinks I could be hiding something somewhere. I tell her no. She says since I don’t let her take a look then I’m hiding shit.
-Steroids, I told her about 3 months into our relationship that I used them. She has never been ok with them due to the legality. They never cause me to be moody or change anything at all with my personality when I’m with her. I’ve fought with her for the past 5 years over what to do. Even though I’ve only competed one time and am just beginning to scratch the surface of competitive bbing, she knows how much I enjoy it. At the same time I’ve been in some legal trouble because of it 2 years back. I’m sure some of you guys remember. My roommate at the time was busted for selling some weed to someone wearing a wire and then they got a search warrant and happened to find my stash. So of course we argue about that and whos fault it was. When it comes down to it guys who obey the laws and happen to cycle on the side DON’T get caught. Its that simple. My mistake was having a dumbass roommate. Anyway, I told her I would quit and am just now going through with the process. I’ll be starting pct soon and honestly Idk how I’ll be able to handle it. I’ve been running test for over 1.5 years, cycling on and off the past 5. I honestly don’t know what life is like without them at this point. I want to compete and bodybuild forever but also love my gf.
So her solution to this is to flat out stop, no compromises, no bargains. My only hope to ever do what I wanted to do would be to find a doc to get me on trt and then do more on the side. I’m doubtful though since I’m only 25..
-Again to do with steroids, someone asked me for some “help” on knowing where to get them. I said I’d help them out. She snooped on my facebook and found the conversation. She confronted me about it. I told her I wouldn’t help them and that was that. She still brings it up and says its another reason she cant trust me and that I’m hiding things from her.
So in summary, I’ve done some shady shit in my past, tried to hide my mistakes, been caught, kissed another girl, done drugs, looked at porn, and whatever else I might have forgotten. I’ve caused some hurt for her… This was all years ago. I rarely party anymore (drinks with friends every other week MAX), I’m trying to stop using steroids (which I still HATE to think about), stopped looking at porn, but yet because I talk to a friend who happens to be female, and was considering helping a guy out to get some muscles (who I've known btw), I’m untrustworthy.
Where do I go to begin fixing this mess?
Is there a solution at all?
Should I show her my phone conversations?
I feel like I'm in fucking high school right now after reading over this shit. All this talk about facebook LOL. Fucking pathetic.
This is going to be long, because the current situation is so damn complicated and got to be this way over a time span of almost 5 years…
I’ve been having a lot of issues with my girlfriend of 4.5 years lately. Actually, we’ve been having issues for a long time but its all coming to a head right now. It comes down to trust and she just doesn’t have it. She says she would never believe I would ever cheat on her but because of our past she literally goes insane about certain things.
First I’ll explain fully our background so you all have a better understanding of the current issues… Laying it all out here
1. When in college I liked to party. We lived 45 minutes away from each other. I would party 1-2 times a week without her around but would also drive back to her EVERY weekend. I might have missed 2 weekends over a span of 3 years… In my days of partying I would do my drug of choice which happened to be ecstasy. I had easy access and it was extremely cheap, not to mention very good... Well my friends liked it even more than I did and I had a hard time saying no if all my buddies were taking it. It was one of those things where I wouldnt mention it if not asked about it but if asked I would admit I did it.. I never did anything with any other girls while on it, just loved socializing and being in a club setting.
2. Its been about 2 years but I used to watch porn and she had a problem with that. Cycling didn’t help at all. My sex drive would be through the roof and I couldn’t help myself. I started out telling her and being upfront but eventually hid it from her. She checked my computer on more than one occasion and found out I had been lying.
3. About 3 years ago I went on a trip for spring break. I was 21 at the time, young and dumb. I happened to kiss another girl at the club. I regretted the whole thing the second it happened and still to this day it makes me sick to think that I was stupid enough to even begin the first steps of the cheating process. I am sure as fuck no cheater. Right when I got back she seemed to suspect something had happened, well I never told her. She somehow found out on her own through talking to others who had been there with me. She broke up with me but I did everything in my power to get her back. And since then nothing has been the same really. It was really the beginning stages of her trust issues with me.
4. She had found a message facebook with me talking to a girl I had met from college. Nothing major, just some minor flirting and talk about parties. (This was before spring spreak).
So I want to make this clear. I’ve fucked up in the past. I was in college trying to maintain a relationship with some distance. I was immature and curious. I don’t do those things now. I still party on occasion but not even close to the extent it used to be.
Here is some of the current issues:
-Me chatting/texting a friend from college who happens to be one of my good friends’ ex girlfriend (who also happens to be pretty cute). My g/f and I split up about a year back. During that period I spent a lot of my free time with these two. Well I talked to her a lot about me and my g/f (ex at the time) issues and she would give me her input and just listen to me complain. I was a complete mess then, depressed and lonely. Well we still maintain a friendship even though I never see her and only have small talk conversations over text and maybe facebook chat occasionally. And by occasionally I mean once a week tops, but a lot of the time we say nothing over a month time frame. My gf straight up says she doesn’t trust me with her. She looked through my phone months back and saw a conversation I had with her through text. I’ll admit I was flirty (in a friendly kind of way, not I want to fuck you tonight type of flirting).
My gf also saw that she had asked me to lunch to catch up and talk about her and my buddy (who had just broke up). So now the tables had been turned and instead of me being the depressed mess, she was, and since I knew them both very well I figured I could help her out and give my input. I told her I would meet up with her. Well we talked more through text and a phone call but never ended up meeting anywhere. Well my gf then found it and shes been worked up about it since. She says she cant trust me and that I would have went to lunch with her for sure if it hadn’t been for her reading through my text conversation. So since then she freaks out about everything when it comes to this girl. I liked one of her status’s on facebook, of course my gf had to say something stupid about it. One time she saw we were both online on fb chat and then accused me of talking to her all the time. Last night I had mentioned a tv show being popular (one my gf has never heard of), and she asked who watches this? I said I’ve seen and heard plenty of people talk about this show and like it.. Then she goes on facebook and sees that this girl “likes” it and then says “ohh how precious, I figured it was her who talked about it”. In reality I had no fucking idea she watched the show. This type of shit is just scratching the surface… And let me just mention that my buddy who used to date this girl for something like 2 or 3 years knows we talk on occasion. He finds it laughable that my gf has a problem with it. I just want to put it into perspective that there is really NOTHING going on.
So her “solution” to this problem is for me to let her check my phone, my facebook and whatever the fuck else she thinks I could be hiding something somewhere. I tell her no. She says since I don’t let her take a look then I’m hiding shit.
-Steroids, I told her about 3 months into our relationship that I used them. She has never been ok with them due to the legality. They never cause me to be moody or change anything at all with my personality when I’m with her. I’ve fought with her for the past 5 years over what to do. Even though I’ve only competed one time and am just beginning to scratch the surface of competitive bbing, she knows how much I enjoy it. At the same time I’ve been in some legal trouble because of it 2 years back. I’m sure some of you guys remember. My roommate at the time was busted for selling some weed to someone wearing a wire and then they got a search warrant and happened to find my stash. So of course we argue about that and whos fault it was. When it comes down to it guys who obey the laws and happen to cycle on the side DON’T get caught. Its that simple. My mistake was having a dumbass roommate. Anyway, I told her I would quit and am just now going through with the process. I’ll be starting pct soon and honestly Idk how I’ll be able to handle it. I’ve been running test for over 1.5 years, cycling on and off the past 5. I honestly don’t know what life is like without them at this point. I want to compete and bodybuild forever but also love my gf.
So her solution to this is to flat out stop, no compromises, no bargains. My only hope to ever do what I wanted to do would be to find a doc to get me on trt and then do more on the side. I’m doubtful though since I’m only 25..
-Again to do with steroids, someone asked me for some “help” on knowing where to get them. I said I’d help them out. She snooped on my facebook and found the conversation. She confronted me about it. I told her I wouldn’t help them and that was that. She still brings it up and says its another reason she cant trust me and that I’m hiding things from her.
So in summary, I’ve done some shady shit in my past, tried to hide my mistakes, been caught, kissed another girl, done drugs, looked at porn, and whatever else I might have forgotten. I’ve caused some hurt for her… This was all years ago. I rarely party anymore (drinks with friends every other week MAX), I’m trying to stop using steroids (which I still HATE to think about), stopped looking at porn, but yet because I talk to a friend who happens to be female, and was considering helping a guy out to get some muscles (who I've known btw), I’m untrustworthy.
Where do I go to begin fixing this mess?
Is there a solution at all?
Should I show her my phone conversations?
I feel like I'm in fucking high school right now after reading over this shit. All this talk about facebook LOL. Fucking pathetic.
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