Trying to process this - involves a newborn baby

[renewlyf]

Hey everyone,
I'm a unsure over what we should do, if anything about the following situation.
My stepdaughter's friend (23yrs old) just had a baby two weeks ago. My wife visited them in the hospital and came to realize that they had no means to provide for the initial needs of this baby. (People having kids with no regard for being able to financally taking care of them, is a pet peave of mine, but not the main issue in this situation.) My wife collected a bunch of baby clothes, bought diapers, wipes and things they needed and took it to them today. When she got there the place reeked of weed and the father of the baby was so high he couldn't even speak.

Now my wife's initial reaction is, she doesn't want to try and help them anymore. I feel this way to a degree. Basically our thought along this line is, if they have money for weed they have money for what the baby needs.
My main dilemma is the welfare of the baby. Do we say something (what?) to someone (who?). If they take the baby away from the parents, then what. Are we willing to take care of this child?? (I don't know if I am!)

What would you do?? Should I even care or get involved?
This is something that is very common I'm sure.
Maybe I'm just venting.

Take Care
Renewlyf

 

[under]

I think the overriding thing here is the babys safety. Personally I have seen too many children be harmed/killed to not say anything. If the mother wants to keep the baby then she will kick him to the curb and step up, if not then you will have done the right thing. But either way you won't have an injured/ neglected child on your conscience or worse mate. Hope it works out.

 

[Ness]

What if the father had some beers and got drunk? Would you feel the same way?

I would prolly just tell the father that youre not going to help them anymore because you object to his behavior. Id leave it at that and walk away from the situation.

However, I think weed is less dangerous than most other things...but thats just me.

Sorry that youre dealing with this. Tough stuff.

 

[renewlyf]

What if the father had some beers and got drunk? Would you feel the same way?

I would prolly just tell the father that youre not going to help them anymore because you object to his behavior. Id leave it at that and walk away from the situation.

However, I think weed is less dangerous than most other things...but thats just me.

Sorry that youre dealing with this. Tough stuff.

That is exactly what I said to my wife. (I have never met these poeple)

In refference to the beer comparison, it is different in the sense that he is obviously smoking in the house with the baby present. That's is like putting beer in the baby's bottle. I'm not okay with either! Also if they were spending money on beer and couldn't afford stuff for the baby I would feel the same way!
Thanks for the reply!

 

[dpn12]

What if the father had some beers and got drunk? Would you feel the same way?

I would prolly just tell the father that youre not going to help them anymore because you object to his behavior. Id leave it at that and walk away from the situation.

However, I think weed is less dangerous than most other things...but thats just me.

Sorry that youre dealing with this. Tough stuff.

This isn't a weed debate.

The point is they're too poor to do anything for the baby but spending money on weed. Beer, anything would be the same.

Also, if you think it's okay to be so high that you can't speak when you have a newborn to take care of, you're a sorry man.

 

[renewlyf]

This isn't a weed debate.

The point is they're too poor to do anything for the baby but spending money on weed. Beer, anything would be the same.

Also, if you think it's okay to be so high that you can't speak when you have a newborn to take care of, you're a sorry man.

dpn,
I appreciate your response. Lets be cival. Ness is a long time board member and someone who's opinion I respect! He didn't say it was ok to be high around a newborn. No need to get negative.
The situation is a horrible one and slamming each other isn't going to make it any better.
Take Care

 

[Miss Q]

What does your heart tell you to do?

 

[TeknoViking]

^^^you need to listen to your heart. as long is it is within the law you should do what you feel is the correct thing to do. if its calling social services then do it, if it stepping away from the situation then do it. But if something happens to this baby you are going to feel like shit. Do something imo instead of nothing, but i think there are a few ways of going about this thing.

but remember just because you think you are doing what best for the baby by say notifying the authorities you know that baby is going into the system. and if the parents have a criminal record at all its gunna be very hard process for them. on top of that i have been to many of these places and sometimes the deadbeat parents are better then what the system has to offer.

my dad was an only child of two alcoholic immigrants from scotland. he lived in the back of a bar, lost all his teeth because his parents never took his to the dentist, always would miss the first day of school, no family support...

its made him the man he is today he is a multi millionaire, and its huge into charity. just something to think about.

 

[magnus82]

I would contact child protective services. You could be annonymous and explain the situation to them. They deal with this day in and day out and could give you some idea as to what could and should be done. Based on your posts you seem like a smart person and will know what to do when all the information is gathered. I know many of us here dabble on the otherside of the line, but i would also like to think many of us would give up anything for the wellbeing of our newborn baby. Not only is this babys care affected, but its health. In my opinion there is no way this is ok or fair to that little baby.

 

[Performance Based]

Hey buddy, sorry for the dilemma. Absolutely say something, I am not sure who to report the issue to but this is completely unacceptable.

The child obviously has no voice of its own, I am a firm believer that the strong need to look after the weak (not financially but offer a sense of protection and keep from harm). This infant does not need to be around this.

Honestly even with reporting it chances are in this broken world nothing will happen but at the very least you did everything legally within your power.

I strongly believe saying something would be the honorable thing to do.

 

[norbit09]

If it was me after sending some things over and seeing what your wife did. I would just walk away from the situation. Unless you suspect abuse then would I call someone. Also think with your head not your heart.

 

[Gunsmith]

being a father and having worked in law Enforcment and seen what terrible things happen to children this is a very very sore subject to me. I have zero toleance for child abuse and child neglect is beyond zero , literally costing me thousands of dollars in legal fees.

in my oppinion , if you are spending money on ANYTHING other than means to protect and nurture your children then you are neglecting then which again in my oppinion is the exact same thing as abuse..

i would first off pull them both aside at the same time and let them know that they are on your radar and if they can't get their shit together then they need to find a new home for this child where it will be loved and cared for like it should be and if they cant do that CPS will!!
Their are millions of people that want a child but are not blessed with the ability to make their own so their is no fucking reason for a baby to be raised in a home where it's not loved and has the means to provide for it.

If the boyfriend can't straiten his shit up then he needs to be gone and if momma can't get her head out of her ass the she does not have the right to be blessed with raising a child.

 

[iceman74]

A newborn baby doesn't need to be getting stoned and definitely doesn't need to be neglected either. Call Children's Services and see what they have to say (like was mentioned above).

 

[gymQT]

i wold still help out... for the baby

i would still try to help them out by bringing them stuff for the baby. not money of course, but stuff like baby food, diapers, baby toys and clothes. it could only help the baby.
i think i would also offer to help them out by watching the baby if they ever needed a sitter. that way you can spend more time with them and really see if he baby is being neglected and whats really going on. maybe that was just a one time thing or rare occasion. maybe they are so overwhelmed with all responsibility of new parenthood they are dealing with it the wrong way. maybe they just need some good role models like you and your wife to show them how to be great parents. and show them how to step up and grow up for their new baby.
good luck.
i am sure what your dealing with is not easy.

 

[Gators]

Sometimes, if not oftentimes, doing the right thing is hard and painful. I know you're a man of Faith, so pray for the strength to carry out God's will.

 

[matt1164]

I'm not saying to do this,

But you can call child protective services. They can remove the baby if they think its warranted.

They can give the baby to you. Temporary custody.

Do what you think is right. do you truly think the baby is in danger?

 

[Comegetsome]

Hey everyone,
I'm a unsure over what we should do, if anything about the following situation.
My stepdaughter's friend (23yrs old) just had a baby two weeks ago. My wife visited them in the hospital and came to realize that they had no means to provide for the initial needs of this baby. (People having kids with no regard for being able to financally taking care of them, is a pet peave of mine, but not the main issue in this situation.) My wife collected a bunch of baby clothes, bought diapers, wipes and things they needed and took it to them today. When she got there the place reeked of weed and the father of the baby was so high he couldn't even speak.

Now my wife's initial reaction is, she doesn't want to try and help them anymore. I feel this way to a degree. Basically our thought along this line is, if they have money for weed they have money for what the baby needs.
My main dilemma is the welfare of the baby. Do we say something (what?) to someone (who?). If they take the baby away from the parents, then what. Are we willing to take care of this child?? (I don't know if I am!)

What would you do?? Should I even care or get involved?
This is something that is very common I'm sure.
Maybe I'm just venting.

Take Care
Renewlyf

IMO, knowing about this and not doing something is almost as bad as doing it. Ask urself a few questions. God forbid something happens to the baby, r u going to be OK.. please done stop helping if u can..that how people end up the way they are by everyone giving up.addiction to anything g is hard to beat and can't be done alone. I don't know where ur located but Aa/NA is everywhere. When I was addicted I didn't care about anything. Just sayin u have a chance 5o do something g great....... pl3ase don't give up.....

 

[Stayinfit]

The heart

Go with your heart bro. If it feels wrong to you then be assertive and stand up for someone who can't ie the baby.

I was in Walmart just the other day and a child, small girl, who had a medical condition, mental retardation I believe, anyway must have done something the man who was with her had her by the neck squeezing hard and walking her out towards the doors. I could tell she was hurting...it didn't feel right...I followed him outside and confronted him..."sir, I'm feeling uncomfortable about how you are handling this child, if you don't mind I'd like it if you'd stop holding onto her neck like that." You know what he did? He apologized, released her neck and walked on. I followed them to the car cuz I know during this time he was either cooling down or thinking about how he was acting. POint being, I was assertive, standing up for someone who couldn't and maybe I stopped something from happening. Idk, but I felt better knowing that atleast at that moment I think she was safe.

 

[BillHilton]

What about contacting either or both sets of grandparents? I know what I would do if I heard that one of my sons was endangering a baby.

 

[renewlyf]

Thanks Everyone!

I appreciate all the thougthful input!

After doing some praying (Thanks Gator ) and soul searching.
Here is what my heart is telling me is the best thing to do.
In a few days we will bring them some more items for the baby. This time I will go and meet everyone. (I've never met these people) If the conditions are as they were before, then I will confront the father and assess things. I will determine at that time if Child Prodective Services should be notified. If he is not high at the time, I will try to establish a repport with the guy. Then I will bring up the past incident and express my concerns and see how that goes.
There is now way I can do nothing!!
I'll let you know how it goes!