OT: Monogamy, Ego, Hormones

[little slice]

"wifing up used goods".....so what would you suggest Little Slice, only ever taking a virgin seriously? Not all women are incredibly promiscuous. I would not even say most. Maybe most of the women we've fucked....because they are the one's out there fucking a ton of guys and we are one of those guys. I know plenty of women with a number of 1-10 over a decade of having sex, I would not consider that very promiscuous.

I'm not concerned about this one ever cheating or divorcing me unless I cheat on her. You and I are both very cynical but I'm just not concerned here. One of the few very very good people I've met and again the legal marriage isn't even on the table right now but a family and kids are.

i would never pay top dollar for what another guy got for free. call it ego or whatever, i would just never do it.

i would never marry any woman, much less a woman who has been around the block. keep them around for fun and lighthearted companionship? sure.. anything other than that...not a chance.

someone will treat you with respect and care in a relationship if they know you can walk away at the drop of a hat completely unscathed. that's why women change so much after they get married... the realization hits them that the guy has tied himself down.


marry a woman, and your relationship becomes an obligation.

do not marry a woman, and you are with her at your own pleasure. you are with her only because you want to be, not because you have to be. it's almost like you are re-marrying her every single day that you remain with her.


that sounds a bit more romantic to me... but what do i know lol

 

[maldorf]

want to get a massive red pill? sit in family court for a day, and see how unfairly men are treated... second class citizens.


that could very well be you, if your wife so chooses.



younger folks... DO NOT LISTEN TO BOOMERS, their life experience is NOT relevant to our circumstances.

She could divorce me but I don't have a job or any assets she can seize, so I don't know what you mean. Like I said, for me its the other way around. You act like most women are out to screw the man out of all his money the first chance they get etc. The reason you feel like that is because of your job, you apparently work with guys going through this legal problem. You are dealing with a select population and not even the majority of marriages end like that. Your view is skewed as much or more than mine. The truth lies somewhere between in shades of grey.

I only know one guy that divorced and ended up giving a decent sum of money, and even that wasn't too bad. He gave her the equity in the house and both cars. He did not pay any alimony. He could have fought more too but chose to get it over fast offered her the deal which she took. Most of the people I know that are married never have divorced and most of them have been married as long or longer than me, 23 years.

My first marriage ended without any problem because neither one of us had much money and things were equal. No alimony etc. Don't think every marriage is like that of your clients. I think most guys on here are smart enough to figure that out though.

I didn't think prenupts would hold up too well. That is good info for guys to know.

 

[maldorf]

Nemsz is starting to get it... If he wants to attract a specific type of woman, what kind of man would he need to be. Most people never have that moment of personal reflection so he gets an applause! We all put off energy (good or bad) through the ether and it attracts like kind. You can`t be out looking to hook up 3 nights a week with new women than say they are all bad!

YES! Good way to put it. Also, where you go looking for a mate is important too. If you look in the sewer youre going to find rats.

 

[maldorf]

that type of relational arrangement is exactly what im looking for.


the boomer advice of 'just walk in and give the boss a firm handshake, that's what i did!'

'i bought my first house when i was 21 and raised a family of five on my wages from the grocery store. millenials are so lazy!'

'millenials are wasting their time with all this university bullshit. just pull yourself up by your bootstraps!'

'just make sure you find the right woman before you settle down and get married'


is no longer relevant. the calculus has changed.


they imported tens of millions of illegal immigrants, causing the cost of living to skyrocket while causing the value of labor to plummet.

you can't even get looked at for employment without a bachelor's degree and years of relevant experience - at the very least

the women of our generation are not the women of their generation



their knowledge is no longer relevant, and their input is no longer valid... they are incapable of seeing it, which kinda underscores the whole point.

and now the majority of women are out there hunting for some fool man to marry so they can one day divorce them and take them for all they've got! There aren't any smart professional women out there earning as much as men. Women are just secretaries and in jobs that earn very little, and so they are all looking to hook a man with money. Talk about living in the past! Man, you think like an old man living in the 50s!

 

[little slice]

She could divorce me but I don't have a job or any assets she can seize, so I don't know what you mean. Like I said, for me its the other way around. You act like most women are out to screw the man out of all his money the first chance they get etc. The reason you feel like that is because of your job, you apparently work with guys going through this legal problem. You are dealing with a select population and not even the majority of marriages end like that. Your view is skewed as much or more than mine. The truth lies somewhere between in shades of grey.

I only know one guy that divorced and ended up giving a decent sum of money, and even that wasn't too bad. He gave her the equity in the house and both cars. He did not pay any alimony. He could have fought more too but chose to get it over fast offered her the deal which she took. Most of the people I know that are married never have divorced and most of them have been married as long or longer than me, 23 years.

My first marriage ended without any problem because neither one of us had much money and things were equal. No alimony etc. Don't think every marriage is like that of your clients. I think most guys on here are smart enough to figure that out though.

I didn't think prenupts would hold up too well. That is good info for guys to know.

in the county i grew up in, the divorce rate is 55%... that is the majority.

and yes, i deal with a lot of high net worth clients.


my entire argument is this... there is absolutely no reason to get married. it won't make you love her more, it wont make her love you more. there are no real tax benefits to being married...trust me, im a CPA.

all you are doing is bringing the government into your relationship, and thereby adding an immense amount of consequences and difficulty to your life, as the man, should the relationship end under any circumstance.

 

[maldorf]

I have told her, and unfortunately it put a scar on the relationship for her, but yes she still wants to be with me. We've lived together for a few years now, if anything she's been better than ever (more confident, more frequent sex, etc.).

My behavior has still been questionable in that I find myself frequently flirting, making it seem like I'm single, etc...call it a need for attention and high libido. It really does feel like an addiction to be honest.

That need slowly goes away as you grow older. After awhile for me at least I would have women hitting on me and I would get freaking annoyed by it, even though they were hot. Every once in awhile Ill still get some extra attention from women that are even considerably younger than me and it is flattering but that's about it.

 

[gungalunga]

This thread definitely needs Dr. Phil.......

 

[maldorf]

i would never pay top dollar for what another guy got for free. call it ego or whatever, i would just never do it.

i would never marry any woman, much less a woman who has been around the block. keep them around for fun and lighthearted companionship? sure.. anything other than that...not a chance.

Sounds like you are buying a horse or an automobile! How you view a woman is going to affect how she treats you.

 

[maldorf]

in the county i grew up in, the divorce rate is 55%... that is the majority.

and yes, i deal with a lot of high net worth clients.


my entire argument is this... there is absolutely no reason to get married. it won't make you love her more, it wont make her love you more. there are no real tax benefits to being married...trust me, im a CPA.

all you are doing is bringing the government into your relationship, and thereby adding an immense amount of consequences and difficulty to your life, as the man, should the relationship end under any circumstance.

How about states with common law marriage? Isnt that about just the same thing as a true marriage, at least legally speaking? I don't know about it. Does a common law marriage give the partners more freedom and less chance to get "screwed"?

 

[maldorf]

Oh, and for the religious, getting married carries a special weight in the bond. I suppose someone that is religious could get married in a church but not make it legal?

 

[little slice]

How about states with common law marriage? Isnt that about just the same thing as a true marriage, at least legally speaking? I don't know about it. Does a common law marriage give the partners more freedom and less chance to get "screwed"?

common law marriage states are the vast minority.

the overarching principle is this - give someone power over your life, and they have the ability to use it against you.

 

[maldorf]

common law marriage states are the vast minority.

the overarching principle is this - give someone power over your life, and they have the ability to use it against you.

Looks like it now, used to be 28 more that had it so the majority did at one time. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage_in_the_United_States

Only 8 still have it. Some states just within the past 20 years got rid of it. So I guess only guys living in those 8 states should worry:

"

1. Colorado[6]
2. The District of Columbia[7]
3. Iowa[8]
4. Kansas[9]
5. Montana[10]
6. Oklahoma;[11] but see the note below regarding Oklahoma law being unclear.
7. Rhode Island[12]
8. Texas[13]
9. Military law;[14] a defective state marriage was still valid under military law due to the length of time the defendant lived as married.

Additionally, these two jurisdictions recognize domestic common law marriage in the limited circumstances indicated:

1. New Hampshire recognizes domestic common law marriage for purposes of probate only.[15]
2. Utah recognizes only common law marriages that have been validated in a judicial proceeding. A common law marriage may be validated by a court of law up to one year after the alleged marriage has been terminated.[16][17]"

 

[Deleted member 121863]

someone will treat you with respect and care in a relationship if they know you can walk away at the drop of a hat completely unscathed. that's why women change so much after they get married... the realization hits them that the guy has tied himself down.

marry a woman, and your relationship becomes an obligation.

The threat of you walking out the door does not build loyalty, trust, dare I say love. Throw this bait in your match.com profile and see how it pulls... "Looking for single women to use for my pleasure as needed, must have low mileage. Will never marry or have kids". Then to confirm it all on your first date (dutch of course outlined ahead of time), talk exclusively about how all your clients get screwed with divorce. That fills ZERO needs of a woman. Your a nice guy but with that approach and POV you will be solo for a long time.

In 12 yrs my wife has only gotten better. She is only 5lbs over wedding weight after 2 kids. It does happen. When I want advice on a topic, I seek out EXPERTS in that field. People who have mastered the craft. I don`t feel you are quite their yet on relationships, but we all love your entertainment

 

[little slice]

The threat of you walking out the door does not build loyalty, trust, dare I say love. Throw this bait in your match.com profile and see how it pulls... "Looking for single women to use for my pleasure as needed, must have low mileage. Will never marry or have kids". Then to confirm it all on your first date (dutch of course outlined ahead of time), talk exclusively about how all your clients get screwed with divorce. That fills ZERO needs of a woman. Your a nice guy but with that approach and POV you will be solo for a long time.

In 12 yrs my wife has only gotten better. She is only 5lbs over wedding weight after 2 kids. It does happen. When I want advice on a topic, I seek out EXPERTS in that field. People who have mastered the craft. I don`t feel you are quite their yet on relationships, but we all love your entertainment

the threat of having your life blown up in front of you should the relationship end for any reason would be enough to make any man anxious... idk about you, but i dont like being anxious.

i am glad that you situation has worked out for you as well as it has, but you must understand, you are the exception, not the rule.

 

[maldorf]

Slice, im not a Boomer. I am a Gen X!

 

[Deleted member 106824]

i would never pay top dollar for what another guy got for free. call it ego or whatever, i would just never do it.

i would never marry any woman, much less a woman who has been around the block. keep them around for fun and lighthearted companionship? sure.. anything other than that...not a chance.

someone will treat you with respect and care in a relationship if they know you can walk away at the drop of a hat completely unscathed. that's why women change so much after they get married... the realization hits them that the guy has tied himself down.


marry a woman, and your relationship becomes an obligation.

do not marry a woman, and you are with her at your own pleasure. you are with her only because you want to be, not because you have to be. it's almost like you are re-marrying her every single day that you remain with her.


that sounds a bit more romantic to me... but what do i know lol

You didn't answer my question directly. Are you saying you would never seriously date any girl who had been fucked before ("someone else got it for free")? What exactly are you looking for in your long term (not marriage) life partnership? Be specific

Also, why don't you want kids?

As for your views on marriage in particular, I know them well, so we don't need to fill up this thread with why men shouldn't get married. The point of this thread for me is staying with this girl (married or not) forever and starting a family vs continuing to play the field and be with girls who have had me fall for them but generally are not this high quality.

Also for what it's worth, both of us came out of school with a ton of debt and if we were married say 10 years, she took care of the kids, the house, etc then I would say she deserves half if we got divorced or at least a reasonable sum. She would have been my partner, put her career on hold to raise our kids and take care of things, etc.

That need slowly goes away as you grow older. After awhile for me at least I would have women hitting on me and I would get freaking annoyed by it, even though they were hot. Every once in awhile Ill still get some extra attention from women that are even considerably younger than me and it is flattering but that's about it.

I've always wondered how much of that is "maturity" and how much of that is really just men getting old and losing their hormones and drive lol. I've said this a lot in the past, probably doesn't apply to you but a lot of these guys who got fat, bald, have half the testosterone they used to, etc talking about how they've "settled down".

Joe Rogan is highly succesful, ambitious, and on HRT. I would bet money he's fucking around on his wife. I think Brendan Shaub let that cat out of the bag accidentally.

 

[gungalunga]

Slice, im not a Boomer. I am a Gen X!

Right on my brotha! I'm a gen-Xer, I survived the 90's, and I've got a bad tattoo to prove it....

 

[maldorf]

Right on my brotha! I'm a gen-Xer, I survived the 90's, and I've got a bad tattoo to prove it....

We are the forgotten ones. Growing up in the 70s and 80s was great. I had a good childhood.

 

[little slice]

You didn't answer my question directly. Are you saying you would never seriously date any girl who had been fucked before ("someone else got it for free")? What exactly are you looking for in your long term (not marriage) life partnership? Be specific

Also, why don't you want kids?

As for your views on marriage in particular, I know them well, so we don't need to fill up this thread with why men shouldn't get married. The point of this thread for me is staying with this girl (married or not) forever and starting a family vs continuing to play the field and be with girls who have had me fall for them but generally are not this high quality.

Also for what it's worth, both of us came out of school with a ton of debt and if we were married say 10 years, she took care of the kids, the house, etc then I would say she deserves half if we got divorced or at least a reasonable sum. She would have been my partner, put her career on hold to raise our kids and take care of things, etc.



I've always wondered how much of that is "maturity" and how much of that is really just men getting old and losing their hormones and drive lol. I've said this a lot in the past, probably doesn't apply to you but a lot of these guys who got fat, bald, have half the testosterone they used to, etc talking about how they've "settled down".

Joe Rogan is highly succesful, ambitious, and on HRT. I would bet money he's fucking around on his wife. I think Brendan Shaub let that cat out of the bag accidentally.

I date women like that casually, typically having other women around if I feel the need

I don't want kids. Never really have, and I think it is immoral to have kids if you are not absolutely certain that you can give them a better life than the one you had. The boomers certainly failed miserably in this regard, and I would hate to live my life knowing that I did the same. I don't want to bring children into this world so they can occupy a cubicle and slave their lives away hoping to be able to afford rent.

I believe that the US is on the decline due to demographic shifting, and will only be going downhill from here.

Regarding marriage and divorce, men think they only lose half... But that's just at first. In some states, alimony becomes permanent after 10 years of marriage.

She also will likely get custody of the children.

You may very well end up like my latest client - having his wife cut him in half, take his kids, and his house, and he may very well have to cut her a tax-free check every 2 weeks for the rest of her life.

Maybe he thinks it was worth it, who knows.

 

[viensviens]

i've talked with plenty of older men (late 40s, early/mid 50s etc.), who have relevant life experience. all of them told me that this desire to ocassionally fuck other women never really goes away; the difference is that when you become older, it's easier NOT to be a victim of your own emotions/impulses.
it is rather funny how so many of replies here are so focused on morality. have any of you had a honest conversation with a women in her 50s/60s about all this? women ain't dumb, especially when they get older, they understand that men have this impulse - to spread the seed. smart women learn to live with it, dumb women get divorced.
my aunt, who is turning 60 this year and has had plenty of men in her life once told me a funny quite about men. she said "a woman shouldn't be worried when her mans fucks a random women; rather, she must become worried if her man is starting to fuck one particular woman". you see, men can still love one women, but ocassionally fuck others (and it won't lessen his love for his women).

i know others will hate this and probably i'll get a lot shit for all this, but if i was in your shoes, i'd stay with the current girl and keep fucking side chicks from time to time (whenever you feel a need for it), just be careful and smart about it, just like women when they cheat on their S.O. i don't forcing to decide now is going to do any good for you, that's why i suggest keeping status quo.. perhaps some day you will figure you no longer need to sleep around, perhaps not.

either way man, don't force anything yet, if you are on the fence, give it more time..