A goodby letter from my daughter. What do I do now??

PHIL HERNON · Jan 20, 2006

> "Dear Dad,
> It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
> you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a
> scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and
> she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all
> her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because
> she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad, she's
> pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in
> the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a
> dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact
> that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for
> ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune,
> for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll
> pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. > She
> sure deserves it!!
>
> Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care
> of myself.! Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to
> know your grandchildren.
>
> Love, your daughter, Jessica.
>
> P.S. Dad, None of the above is true. I'm over at Tammy's house. I just
> wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
> report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is
> safe for me to come home.

TooPowerful4u · Jan 20, 2006

OMFG taht is the funniest shit iv read in a while. awesome. Your daughter is funny as shit bro, pretty smart for a 15yr old to come up with that. Did your heart drop?

BigBis · Jan 20, 2006

about half way thru the letter, I was thinking it reminded me of "Monster" then I'm thinking Phil seem to have better morales then to raise a daughter without any....then I was relieved when I got to the bottom.....
she's definatly a smart girl..

PEACE BigBis

HELLA SWOLE · Jan 20, 2006

That is a forwarded email that has been going around. This funny though, none the less

juicyr6 · Jan 20, 2006

lmao...hahaha

Phil you got a very smart girl...
after reading this letter even if my daughter had a bad report card , i don't know if i could get upset...

Maverick · Jan 20, 2006

Thats a funny letter. I thought it was serious until I read the part about the girlfriend being pregnant and then I thought to myself.....

"why would Phil's lesbian daughter run away with another woman who got pregnant obvioulsy by a man??"

That would be some real jerry springer shit right there!!!!

Mav

JasonWojo · Jan 20, 2006

Holy shit that was freaking me out until I got to the end. LOL. That's awesome.

Jwillbc55 · Jan 20, 2006

I'm assuming her bad grades weren't in creative writing

khalnayak · Jan 20, 2006

I loved the growing marijuana part...funny stuff.

mike1107 · Jan 20, 2006

LMAO !!!!!!!

KaotikChem · Jan 20, 2006

Thats awesome

Fastandfurious · Jan 21, 2006

Reply

Dear Jessica,

i think it's time you knew some things that have happened in my life in the past.

Before you,me and your mother had another lovely daughter.She got only to 14 though because one fateful evening she brought home a report card a little bit better than yours.
I didn't give it much thought,i went right away to the garage and took the chainsaw .I put it to good use and your younger sister is still with us in a way,as she's still buried right beside the big oak,a few yards from the garage.
What's really cool about this story is the fact that good'ol roid rage worked as an excuse in court and i got out of trouble only with 100 hours community work as a gym instructor in the local high school.You could have seen the boys in our town are quite big and know me by my name.The head judge told me that if it was entirely up to him he wouldn't even give me this sentence ,but he did this because he thought the boys needed some workout and guidance.
I think he's still a judge and the law hasn't changed since then.I also recently bought a brand new chaisaw .

PS Dear daughter,most of the above are also not true.But you have to understand, a good amount of spanking will take place along with quite a few hours of murmour from your mother.It's not as bad as the chainsaw treatment but it will surely make you think again about bringing such a report card again.

bellx1 · Jan 21, 2006

That was AWSOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Give that girl credit..... and I hope she got an A in english

n4dmoney · Jan 21, 2006

Funny sh*t!

JETHRO TULL · Jan 21, 2006

PHIL...THAT REPORT CARD CAN'T BE THAT BAD!

SHE'S CERTAINLY CREATIVE. GOOD STUFF...

vitor · Jan 21, 2006

Damn, Phil, I was just pulling out my box of cleanex, and trying to peice that together, Like your daughter is gay, then her lover has a baby, she is gonna live in a trailer, sell pot, trade it for coke and E,

Whew

T-MUSCLE · Jan 21, 2006

I JUST CANT IMAGINE

PHIL HERNON said:
> "Dear Dad,
> It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
> you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a
> scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and
> she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all
> her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because
> she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad, she's
> pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in
> the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a
> dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact
> that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for
> ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune,
> for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll
> pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. > She
> sure deserves it!!
>
> Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care
> of myself.! Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to
> know your grandchildren.
>
> Love, your daughter, Jessica.
>
> P.S. Dad, None of the above is true. I'm over at Tammy's house. I just
> wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
> report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is
> safe for me to come home.

I WONDER WHERE SHE GOT HER SENSE OF HUMOR ??? I COULD NEVER GUESS ..LOL VERY TYPICAL HERNON GENES AND MIND SET
FUNNY VERY FUNNY , I REMEMBER BOTH YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUTHERS
AS LITTLE TINY BABIES .. TIME FLY'S HEY PHIL
MAN I MISS ARE CHATS AND ETC .. WE NEED ( OR I NEED TO RECONNECT WITH YA BRO,

Crowler · Jan 21, 2006

T-MUSCLE said:
I WONDER WHERE SHE GOT HER SENSE OF HUMOR ??? I COULD NEVER GUESS ..LOL VERY TYPICAL HERNON GENES AND MIND SET
FUNNY VERY FUNNY , I REMEMBER BOTH YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUTHERS
AS LITTLE TINY BABIES .. TIME FLY'S HEY PHIL
MAN I MISS ARE CHATS AND ETC .. WE NEED ( OR I NEED TO RECONNECT WITH YA BRO,

lol Phil's daughter didn't write that

**broken link removed**
http://creative-insane.livejournal.com/146821.html?mode=reply

BTW I am not too impressed that her gf has enough wood for the winter. Winter in NY isn't suppose to be that cold this year any ways lol

CROWLER

T-MUSCLE · Jan 21, 2006

well .................................................. ................

Crowler said:
lol Phil's daughter didn't write that

**broken link removed**
http://creative-insane.livejournal.com/146821.html?mode=reply

BTW I am not too impressed that her gf has enough wood for the winter. Winter in NY isn't suppose to be that cold this year any ways lol

CROWLER

so what .....i still remember them as babies ... lol

BRADHOLLIBAUGH · Jan 21, 2006

how the years go by

Phil,
I tell ya seeing Jessica name sure brings back memories of her and Alyssa playing together in Vancouver ...What were they 3 years old then? They were inseparable!Wow,they are in high school now and teenagers! I just can't believe how fast time goes by.
Sure makes you realize what really matters...
Your bud 4 life,
Brad