After the breakup

[massnup]

So me and my gf broke up a week ago Sunday and then she seother es me fri and sat nite out with another girl and calls and texts me to come get my stuff which is noting important... battery charger, protein shaker, a few shirts. So I don't reply and ignore it all. Today I hear from a friend that shes tellin people she hatesis time that she wouldn't do it again me... I assume because she seen me 2 nights in a row out with another girl and I did nothing wrong by doing that but when we broke up 3 times before she never did see me out with another woman but I didn't go out with any either. Anyway, I hear about how she hates me today and then I get an email from her tonight at 10:30 about a refund she needed to give someone on Amazon and wanted to know if she did it right and starts out with Hey! and tells me to take care after the email. What is you guys/girls take on this situation? I'm trying to move on and shes sayin this stuff and then emailing me when I'm trying to move on? What do I do? I don't think it will stop because she did this all before and we got back together all 3 times and I thought for sure that she wouldn't do it again because she saw me out with another girl but that might of made it worse, I dunno?

 

[abolish the weak]

she sounds very immature, almost like this is all some sort of game. And it's not fair to you that she changes her mind like this every 5 minutes. I think you should just ignore her and go on about your business. you guys already broke it off 3 times before, its obviously not meant to be

 

[OuchThatHurts]

So me and my gf broke up a week ago Sunday and then she seother es me fri and sat nite out with another girl and calls and texts me to come get my stuff which is noting important... battery charger, protein shaker, a few shirts. So I don't reply and ignore it all. Today I hear from a friend that shes tellin people she hatesis time that she wouldn't do it again me... I assume because she seen me 2 nights in a row out with another girl and I did nothing wrong by doing that but when we broke up 3 times before she never did see me out with another woman but I didn't go out with any either. Anyway, I hear about how she hates me today and then I get an email from her tonight at 10:30 about a refund she needed to give someone on Amazon and wanted to know if she did it right and starts out with Hey! and tells me to take care after the email. What is you guys/girls take on this situation? I'm trying to move on and shes sayin this stuff and then emailing me when I'm trying to move on? What do I do? I don't think it will stop because she did this all before and we got back together all 3 times and I thought for sure that she wouldn't do it again because she saw me out with another girl but that might of made it worse, I dunno?

Okay, I understand the situation but you didn't tell us the most important part!

DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO BE WITH THIS GIRL OR NOT?

Hard to say anything until you know the answer to that simple question.

 

[massnup]

Okay, I understand the situation but you didn't tell us the most important part!

DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO BE WITH THIS GIRL OR NOT?

Hard to say anything until you know the answer to that simple question.

Well, I do like the girl but then again shes real jealous, insecure and doesn't trust because of her ex husband and on top of that has 2 kids... a 2 year old boy and an 8 year old girl that won't mind and backtalks. Shes 26 also. I have never been married and have no kids.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Well, I do like the girl but then again shes real jealous, insecure and doesn't trust because of her ex husband and on top of that has 2 kids... a 2 year old boy and an 8 year old girl that won't mind and backtalks. Shes 26 also. I have never been married and have no kids.

Well things will all work out when you decide what you want but you clearly have no idea whether or not you want to do this and I guess it's not hard to see why. You need to make a decision and stand by it. She's jealous, insecure, has baggage, foul-mouthed kids... so what do you like about her? You don't need to answer that.

 

[massnup]

Well things will all work out when you decide what you want but you clearly have no idea whether or not you want to do this and I guess it's not hard to see why. You need to make a decision and stand by it. She's jealous, insecure, has baggage, foul-mouthed kids... so what do you like about her? You don't need to answer that.

?????????????????????

 

[OuchThatHurts]

?????????????????????

What don't you get?

 

[massnup]

What don't you get?

I'm sayin I don't know what I like about bein with her!

 

[tomuchgear]

not to bash chicks with kids in any way shape or form. that being said you need to really look at the kids. alot of guys will get with a single mom get hooked on the kids. even if they are little foul mouthed shits. then there is the other end are the kids a big problem. always tread lightly were children are involved. good luck bro.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

I'm sayin I don't know what I like about bein with her!

Then keep dating, have a good time, wear a condom of course, and let this girl find some other dude to put up with her.

See? Sometimes life's biggest problems are just a few steps away.

BTW. Stop returning her calls for a while. Stop worrying about her and worry about you. I'm assuming these are not your kids. Block her number if you have to. That will give her the message.

Go have some fun!

 

[massnup]

Then keep dating, have a good time, wear a condom of course, and let this girl find some other dude to put up with her.

See? Sometimes life's biggest problems are just a few steps away.

BTW. Stop returning her calls for a while. Stop worrying about her and worry about you. I'm assuming these are not your kids. Block her number if you have to. That will give her the message.

Go have some fun!

I don't return her calls and I don't answer her calls or text her back but shes persistant. She will give me a call, text or email every week or so just so I don't forget about her so to speak... and no, they are not my kids.

 

[cslim]

If you don't know what you like about her and if there aren't any completely irresistable qualities about her that you feel you could never find in someone else, there is no reason to allow more time to pass while being in a situation you aren't 100% happy in. Every second you spend unhappy with her is a second you are not 1) spending time being happy in your own life, 2) allowing yourself to be open to meet someone new that could be your partner in life.

Obviously I don't know either of you or the details of the situation/relationship, but I do know that you need to figure out what makes you the happiest. I think mostly people fear change, fear giving up what they know even though it's not the best thing for them, fear of not knowing for sure if it's the right decision, etc. But, if you dig deep, you'll know the answer.

 

[massnup]

Obviously I don't know either of you or the details of the situation/relationship, but I do know that you need to figure out what makes you the happiest. I think mostly people fear change, fear giving up what they know even though it's not the best thing for them, fear of not knowing for sure if it's the right decision, etc. But, if you dig deep, you'll know the answer.

cslim, I think your absolutely right... those are the things I fear the most and what makes it hard to get over it and be done for good, I was never the one to come back, she was the one doing the contacting saying that she had changed and that she wouldn't be the way she was anymore and I would believe her and then bam a week or so goes by and its back to the same crap. Everyone around me says its the best for me and they don't know why or how I put up with it all as long as I did.

 

[cslim]

cslim, I think your absolutely right... those are the things I fear the most and what makes it hard to get over it and be done for good, I was never the one to come back, she was the one doing the contacting saying that she had changed and that she wouldn't be the way she was anymore and I would believe her and then bam a week or so goes by and its back to the same crap. Everyone around me says its the best for me and they don't know why or how I put up with it all as long as I did.

It's completely understandable and natural. To let you know, I was "stuck" in a relationship like that for a while. You wonder what went wrong, you blame yourself, you give that person more chances than he/she deserves because there are things you could've done differently too, all the while knowing in your gut that you should move on. Then you don't because you really hope it isn't over and you dont' want to start again with someone new etc. Sometimes accepting the change takes a while, but once you do, you realize it isn't the end of the world! You have total control over what makes you happy; you have the power to change the situation. You have one life to live and with time being our most precious gift, spend it wisely; spend it doing things that make you happy and with someone that makes you happy.

Life will go on & you have the ability/choice to make it be way BETTER than it was!!

We're here for you!

 

[massnup]

It's completely understandable and natural. To let you know, I was "stuck" in a relationship like that for a while. You wonder what went wrong, you blame yourself, you give that person more chances than he/she deserves because there are things you could've done differently too, all the while knowing in your gut that you should move on. Then you don't because you really hope it isn't over and you dont' want to start again with someone new etc. Sometimes accepting the change takes a while, but once you do, you realize it isn't the end of the world! You have total control over what makes you happy; you have the power to change the situation. You have one life to live and with time being our most precious gift, spend it wisely; spend it doing things that make you happy and with someone that makes you happy.

Life will go on & you have the ability/choice to make it be way BETTER than it was!!

We're here for you!

Everything you say is so true and its the same exact way I'm feeling and its like I don't know what to do to get over it all. I know I don't need it or need to be in it but I keep getting dragged back in it. Its like she makes me feel sorry for her by saying she cries every night and she knows I have a big heart and that I will feel sorry for her and take her back. I've told her that I can't keep doing this over and over and over. Its like a vicious cycle that won't stop!

 

[cslim]

Everything you say is so true and its the same exact way I'm feeling and its like I don't know what to do to get over it all. I know I don't need it or need to be in it but I keep getting dragged back in it. Its like she makes me feel sorry for her by saying she cries every night and she knows I have a big heart and that I will feel sorry for her and take her back. I've told her that I can't keep doing this over and over and over. Its like a vicious cycle that won't stop!

Ok...you've done the first thing: admitted that it's a vicious cyle and that you keep getting "dragged" back in etc. Now, the only thing that can happen is for time to pass. You have to remain strong. Going back with someone because you feel sorry for her is not going to make the situation better. Fill your time with things that make YOU happy. Spend more time at the gym, go for a drive, go out with your friends, anything...I realize it's the times when you have nothing to do, when your brain isn't occupied with more productive things that you get weak. You just want to send that text to say hi or respond to hers asking how you are etc. THis only opens up the door to more hurt. IF you really feel that this should be over, IF you REALLY understand that it's a vicious cycle and most likely you'll end up more hurt and unhappy, it's best to cut it off.
The guy i dated kept pulling me back in by texts or emails...wanted to keep me hooked. THE ONLY thing this did was give me hope and think ok, this can work out, etc., but I FINALLY realized, after way too much time wasted, that things were not going to change. After I finally pulled my head out of my ass, erased his phone number, blocked it and blocked his email address, I had lunch with a mutual friend... she flat out told me that's what he was doing. He verbally admitted to her that he did that to me to "keep me around" in case no one better came along or in case he was having a lonely weekend and felt like having my company.

It's an awful realization, but I never looked back and now my life is WAY better than it ever could've been with him.

It takes time, but during that time surround yourself with the things that give you joy. I'm sure there are things you had to cut out or compromise on by being with her...well, go do those things! Try to do whatever you can to find the joy in this situation, the positive aspects that will come out of it.

No one can make you feel better about the situation, but you have the power to do it. It really isn't the end of the world even though if often feels like it is when you are in it.
Be strong

 

[massnup]

Ok...you've done the first thing: admitted that it's a vicious cyle and that you keep getting "dragged" back in etc. Now, the only thing that can happen is for time to pass. You have to remain strong. Going back with someone because you feel sorry for her is not going to make the situation better. Fill your time with things that make YOU happy. Spend more time at the gym, go for a drive, go out with your friends, anything...I realize it's the times when you have nothing to do, when your brain isn't occupied with more productive things that you get weak. You just want to send that text to say hi or respond to hers asking how you are etc. THis only opens up the door to more hurt. IF you really feel that this should be over, IF you REALLY understand that it's a vicious cycle and most likely you'll end up more hurt and unhappy, it's best to cut it off.
The guy i dated kept pulling me back in by texts or emails...wanted to keep me hooked. THE ONLY thing this did was give me hope and think ok, this can work out, etc., but I FINALLY realized, after way too much time wasted, that things were not going to change. After I finally pulled my head out of my ass, erased his phone number, blocked it and blocked his email address, I had lunch with a mutual friend... she flat out told me that's what he was doing. He verbally admitted to her that he did that to me to "keep me around" in case no one better came along or in case he was having a lonely weekend and felt like having my company.

It's an awful realization, but I never looked back and now my life is WAY better than it ever could've been with him.

It takes time, but during that time surround yourself with the things that give you joy. I'm sure there are things you had to cut out or compromise on by being with her...well, go do those things! Try to do whatever you can to find the joy in this situation, the positive aspects that will come out of it.

No one can make you feel better about the situation, but you have the power to do it. It really isn't the end of the world even though if often feels like it is when you are in it.
Be strong

Sounds like your guy was doing the same thing that this girl is doing... texts, emails etc and she even said that on the weekends when she was home that she was sooooo close a few times and almost drove over to my house but was scared to cause I might have a girl there and she would be sad. Its like she knows what to do to keep me hooked! Everything she says sounds believable and I think things will change for the better but it never does. Your right about when I'm sitting around bored, nothing goin on I tend to think about it and get weak and I know better than to do that cause like you said if I text or email it will just lead to more hurt and then we start talking again and BAM were back together again and I can't do that again!

It is an awful feeling realizing that yea, this is it this is the end of it all because you have all those memories creeping back in your head and think about all the good times you had together. I don't know how much time it will take to get completely done with having those feelings but I'm ready for them to be gone! I know in the end when it all passes that I will be a happier person and thank God that I didn't get married into that mess.