Cutting a chick off...

[VNV]

Been sleeping with a girl for a couple months. We see each other about once a week, usually late at night, and there's usually alcohol involved when we sleep together.

She's starting to text me during the week and we're becoming friends, but if we're not drinking, I just don't want to sleep with her. Despite her great personality, I'm not physically attracted to her. It's been a few months and she apparently has no interest in getting in shape.

Is there a best way to say that we should still be friends and hang out, but I have no desire to sleep with you?

Should I tell her we're "physically incompatiable?" Is that too obvious? Should I just lie and make something else up?

 

[Designbuilt]

This should probably be in the counseling forum, but here goes anyway:

a). If you don't have any desire to sleep with her unless you're both drinking and
b). you don't want to sleep with her anymore....

Then

c).Stop drinking with her. If you want to be friends, and hang out, then do so, but keep the booze out of it.

Don't mean to sound like a smartass, I can come off that way sometimes in writing, but it helps to see things on paper.

Good luck!

 

[the_warrior]

Are we talking about a true 5 who becomes a 6 or 7 when you're drunk and late night horny or...a fatty

 

[The Striated One]

unfortunately, you need to find an excuse to cut ties and leave the situation..............

i just dealt with a similar situation of a woman giving up on herself and there's really not another option...............pregnancy and other potentially devastating situations can arise and you'll regret it forever.

you need to GET LOST and not worry about hurting feelings or friendships before it's too late

 

[JN456]

tell her it's against your religion and you are starting to feel really bad about it and don't want to go to hell haha

 

[HawaiiMuscle]

Are we talking about a true 5 who becomes a 6 or 7 when you're drunk and late night horny or...a fatty

LOL

 

[HawaiiMuscle]

Is it too late to tell her that you and your EX are trying to work things out?

 

[Ivanko]

is there a best way to say that we should still be friends and hang out, but I have no desire to sleep with you?

There is, from my numerous and insipid experiences, no "just friends" option if one party wants to have a sexual relationship with the other. DOES NOT WORK. Tell her anything but to do try to stay friends.

 

[oldfella]

Bro, just tell her the truth..........in the end it is the best way. The truth is not always pleasant and will sting for a while but then you will get over it and so will she. But lie to her and you will live with it for a long long time and the lie usually hurts forever. The truth only hurts for a little while. Your call bud but I would just tell her straight. You can slavage a hell of a lot with the truth if you still want to be friends. But the lie will destroy trust and the relationship altogehter.

 

[Beachmuscle]

unfortunately, you need to find an excuse to cut ties and leave the situation..............

i just dealt with a similar situation of a woman giving up on herself and there's really not another option...............pregnancy and other potentially devastating situations can arise and you'll regret it forever.

you need to GET LOST and not worry about hurting feelings or friendships before it's too late

Agreed, don't get yourself trap, be true to yourself. You can let her down gently but you already know what you gotta do.

 

[marilyn]

hi..

Sounds like your mind is made up, so you must end it..........She maybe pissed, or hurt, so careful how you handle...words are very important here, since actions have already taken place. If you don't enjoy it, end it..leading her on will be worst, if you want to be friends.

 

[njpooldude]

Dont be a dick... fat girls ALWAYS have pretty friends

i wouldnt be 100% honest.. i wouldnt wanna hurt her feelings.

i would say something like this... listen, we both know we only have sex when we drink..its startin to really get to me. I dont wanna be THAT guy anymore... im goin through a shitty time right now, and while i deff have fun gettin drunk and naked with you.. its not helping my situation. this is so hard fo rme to say and im not usually good with these kinda things but i hope u understand... i just cant hangout anymore... i woudl have no problem hanging out sober.. your an awesome girl... but i know im not 100% myself right now, and if i cant be "me" then its just not fair to you...you would think any guy woudl love to have a girl to get drunk with and get laid... but thats not me and i think thats why its bothering me so much, i stard to feel bad like im using you and shit.. ect..ect..


not saying its gonna work.. some food for thought i guess

 

[klowndog]

Dont be a dick... fat girls ALWAYS have pretty friends

I'll leave the rest to Ouch.

 

[carrierdome]

I feel your pain. Im in the exact same situation except we went the non-drinking route and then it was really horrible.

She did not want to get in shape either. Slept till noon if possible. Depressed on the couch the rest of the time. Plus, Fibromalagia.

So, I decided to get selfish and split. I was nice and told her i needed to work on me, etc...

But, it does hurt seeing a woman go through turmoil because of us as we have all felt the same at one point.

 

[Gators]

I'd ask her if she minded you bringing 3 midgets, a donkey, 6 chickens, and a gallon of Ky the next time y'all get together...

tell the truth, it's always the right thing to do...

 

[cslim]

I would just be honest with her... say some decent things like njpooldude suggested except I would leave out anything that would give her the opportunity to say, well i'll be your girlfriend!

If you leave it too open-ended when you talk to her, she'll probably jump at the opportunity to say she'd like to be more than friends with you. So, best course of action, cut her off now, gently, but honestly

 

[bling]

without being mean or have your gal leave or break up with you, how do you ask or tell them you want them to work on their body or stomach a little more? kinda of a new relationship so you know how that could be?

 

[Incoldestblood]

All the nice stuff is fine, and there's no need to be a dick, but unfortunately, girls tend to hear what they wanna hear. Whatever you decide to say doesn't matter a ton as long as you leave no doubt as to your intentions. Plus, on your end, you gotta make sure to stay disciplined and resist dialing that number when you're up late and horny.

 

[railslave]

Are we talking about a true 5 who becomes a 6 or 7 when you're drunk and late night horny or...a fatty

sounds like how i met my ex.....stuck with her for 5 years.... biiiiiiiiig mistake, lol

 

[Sigmund Roid]

I often hear about relationships like the one you are describing-

Been sleeping with a girl for a couple months. We see each other about once a week, usually late at night, and there's usually alcohol involved when we sleep together.

She's starting to text me during the week and we're becoming friends, but if we're not drinking, I just don't want to sleep with her. Despite her great personality, I'm not physically attracted to her. It's been a few months and she apparently has no interest in getting in shape.

Is there a best way to say that we should still be friends and hang out, but I have no desire to sleep with you?

Should I tell her we're "physically incompatiable?" Is that too obvious? Should I just lie and make something else up?

In theory, [friends with benefits] seems like a mutually beneficial situation for everyone involved. In reality, such a relationship rarely works out due to the fact that in spite of assurances, someones feelings tend to get involved. One of the two parties tends to develop a stronger attachment and inevitably someone gets hurt.

It's best to be kind and let this girl find someone who might want to be more than her friend since her actions clearly indicate that is what she is looking for.