Dilemma! Life sucks!

[BitsOBrawn]

Well bros I'm in a tough ass situation. I'm 25 years old and I was engaged to get married to my fiancee of 4+ years this summer. She is 28. I told her a few months ago that I don't want to get married this summer, I'm not ready to get married, and basically I want a break from our relationship and that I have doubts about her being the one. Before I get into details let me give you a little background info.

My fiancee is the only person I've ever dated and been with sexually etc. We moved in together fairly soon after only dating for about 8 months. When we didnt' live together I was always at her place. I was in school and she was done with school at the time. I was like 20 when we met and she was 23. I was going through a rough time in my life and had just moved out west. We met online and fell in love with each other and she moved out to be with me and took a new job. My parents had divorced after thirty years (fairly bad one mom cheated on dad who treated her like crap) 6 months previous and that's why I was out here in CO. To get away from that shit. So she was a welcomed blessing in my life. Eventually we moved around a bit grew as a couple but deep down I always felt like something was missing. Maybe I was missing out or something. I guess I repressed those feelings and got used to everything. We overrall had a great relationship through the thick and thin of it. (Granted I never felt like I knew anything about women or relationships. Her on the other hand dateed and partied in college etc.) We moved around and I worked while she concentrated on her career. I was in and out of school trying to figure out what I wanted to do. So about a year and a half ago I decide I want to pursue nursing. At the same time she wants to buy a house. We had talked about marriage etc. but I didn't propose to her. So we figure buying a house is a better investment then renting so we do. Meanwhile I'm making 11/hr and can barely afford to pay my bills. We move into our house and about three months later I propse to her. Fast forward to now. My dad dies last march of a stroke at 63. Hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. He leaves me with more money than my older brothers. I have a falling out with my brothers over it and she's involved and they treat her like crap. Her family has been nothing but wonderful to me. My family on the other hand is completely dysfunctional. I guess I've always had doubts about her being "the one." I mean how the heck am I supposed to know if she is the "one" if I've never even experienced anyone or anything else? So this past September rolls around and I meet this girl at work. Short little brunette hottie that I immediately feel attracted to. Over the next few months up until now I get to know her through work and what not. We actually went out and had drinks one night and really clicked. She really likes me and if I was single I know she'd date me. I've worked with plenty of women before and have had women hit on me and like me etc. However, this girl is different. I feel very different when I'm around her. I feel a crush, chemistry whatever you want to call it. So she is part of the reason I decided not to marry my fiancee along with other thigns like me wanting to finish school and figure out myself first. But no matter what I'm doing or where I'm at all I can think about is this other chick. I mentioned this girl to my fiancee but really downplayed my feelings for her that it was no big deal. So anyways, long story short I'm not getting married this summer and have told my fiancee that I want a break but we live together so it's hard. She is probably going to move to another state this fall and just took a new job and will be traveling these next few months. I can afford to get out on my own and think that's just what I need to do right now. But she keeps asking me questions like how can my feelings change so fast? Why did I propose to her? She really loves me and can see herself spending the rest of her life with me. I on the other hand feel like I"ve missed out and want to date and concentrate on school, be single/bachelor. I dont feel like marriage is what I want in my life right now. I feel like my whole life, one ripe with opportunity is awaiting me and that by getting married and being in a serious relationship Id be cutting myself short. Who knows maybe after some time apart or dating other people I might realize she's the one. However, she might have moved on. But that's a risk I'm willing to take. I just feel like a complete asshole who's led her on and is breaking her heart and scarring her for life. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I've paid for most of the wedding so far but I feel like I"m letting her parents down. She is an amazing woman but I just don't feel in love with her. And this girl that I work with and have gotten to know makes me feel a way I dont know if I've ever felt about my fiancee. Any bros been through shit like this before? Does life go on? Will she be ok? She also has been so upset she's talked about killing herself or saying shit like what do I have to live for now? I know she'd never do that but that freaks me out. One thing that's hard is she's so successful at her job and I haven't even finished school. There just seems like there are so many issues between us but she doesn't think so. I just dont feel like I want this anymore. Later!

 

[SouthernMuscle]

well bro, I have actually been thru a similar situation a couple of years ago. what you're going to hear is that if she's a great girl and is totally devoted to you then you should stay with her cuz you might not ever find that kind of thing again. But the truth is that you've already made your mind up that you need to date around, and personally I think it's a good idea cuz if you didn't do this now you'd end up breaking up with or cheating on this chick after you got married and that would be a lot more messy than what's going on now. furthermore if she is talking about killing herself and such, she may not be someone you should think about spending the rest of your life with, life will go on and she will get over it. You may feel like an asshole, and you might look like one to everyone involved, but there is no reason you should have to take a bullet just to make everyone else happy

 

[Sigmund Roid]

Honesty is the best policy.

Those feelings you have of guilt are real because you did something to feel guilty about. You asked this girl to marry you and then decided you don't want to follow through with it. That's a hard thing for her. I think you should explain to her how you'd want her to tell you before hand if she had serious doubt about getting married. You sure aren't doing her any favors by marrying her when you feel like you do. If you find out too late that you should have married her, then that is something you'll have to deal with. At least you are letting her know the truth. The future in laws would really be disapointed later on if a divorce could have been avoided. You are doing the right thing. That's just one opinion. There are many insightful thinkers with much to offer on this board.

Good luck!