Feel like the only single guy I know

Blitzkrieg · Jun 25, 2007

With all the more serious issues giong on in this thread I feel a little stupid for whining about this but it's been bothering me a lot. Of my circle of friends I'm the only one who's not married or couple and doesn't own a house. Even most of the folks here on the board seem to be in some kind of romantic partnership of some sort of another. It's just been making me feel lately like either something's wrong with me that I'm still single and living in an apartment or (even worse) that I've "missed the boat" and am never going to find someone to share my life with because everyone's already taken. I honestly try to be happy on my own, and a lot of the time I really am, but I still get really lonely especially around my friends.

The fact is I'm really shy and have a hard time meeting people, and the few times I've initiated conversation I guess haven't gone so well. Like tonight I found out that someone I asked out (and turned down by) is now dating some total jerk that everybody hates. That kind of sent me over the edge I guess. Or the one I asked out from the gym who told me about the boyfriend in the middle of our date. Or the woman from work who is "over men right now." The list just seems to go on.

I'm just feeling really alone and isolated and not sure what to do about it. Thanks for listening. I'll stop whining now.

hotttsauce · Jun 25, 2007

Join the club dude, being single has it's pluses too though! You don't have to put up with some of the regular relationship b.s. your friends do. I'd rather be alone an content than live in misery or with a liar!!!

oldfella · Jun 25, 2007

Hey Blitz, you sound pretty normal to me! I think mall of us in the singles game felt that way at some stage. It is a shitty feeling for sure. You feel like everyone arond you is normal and you are not. Well it may just be the other way around. Like Hott said. You do not have to answer any questions or explain your actions when single, to a point. Don't be in a hurry to tie yourself down. When the right one comes along you will know. I do not know of anyone that handles rejection very well. it is a gut wrenching feeling being turned down/rejected. You feel second best and your self esteem takes a hit. But you get over it and get on with it. Cheer up man, you're ok!

SAWADEEKROB · Jun 25, 2007

U need to rebound!

I think that your issues, like Oldfella said are not from being lonely, but from feeling that being single is a bad thing and that being a couple is a "good" thing.

Well man I am here to tell you that you need to learn how to rebound fast from these issues otherwise you are setting yourself up for hard times. This is just not only for young people but also for "us" olders that have had divorces or separations.

Let me ask you these 2 questions..why are you shy? and why do you feel isolated? I know these may sound like too personal to answer in an open board, but really ask yourself why, what is the real reason for them.

1. You fear rejection?
2. You do not have self-confidence?

I believe from experience that these issues come from a lack of experience in what I call "rebounding" from failures. When you are hit with someting unexpected (as the girl you mentioned that is going out with what everybody calls a complete jerk). The reason you are upset is because you feel that you are not a jerk, however this may seem crazy, but women do not care if you are a good guy or a bad guy. They are more into emotions and what they hear. Remember that because we will come to this later.

Now how do we solve these issues. The only way (and it is not easy) is to set yourself up for failure. What do I mean by this crazy idea...set yourself the mentality that every weekend you will do go out with someone different....and I mean a different girl every weekend. If you can get 1 for friday and 1 for saturday do it. Try different approaches and record them. What will this do for you. At first you will be scared and nervous, that happens about the first 20 or so. After so many rejections you start developing a rebound effect because you realize that there will allways be someone next. That was not the first nor will be the last, but just one of many.

When you learn that dealing with rejection and bouncing back is part of the singles game you will then start working on your pick-up techniques, but that is another animal entirely and I don't want to take over your thread by writting 2 pages worth of techniques. And for the record what I am suggesting for you is not new or even unique. Women have been using this for a looong time. They just call it "having friends".

Now when you learn that this is part of the game and learn not to get your feeling involved from the beginning you can start practicing on what women like to talk about, what they like to hear and most importantly how they expect you to act in a 1st, 2nd and subsequent dates. Remember this is still part of the rebound game.

For example if you want to start practicing I would suggest you try to take that girl (the one that said no) and use every conceivable angle to get her on a date with you. Do not accept NO for an answer. If she says no, then wait a few more days and try again from a different angle. Wait 1, 2, 3 as many weeks as needed. In the meantime you are still doing what I suggested of dating 1 or 2 girls every weekend.

See how that works for you.
In a nutshell
1. Go out more often/do different things.
2. Be around unknown women more often.
3. As soon as a woman says no to you, go and find another and try something different than what you did with the one prior.

You are single and this is WAR! :st:r-wars

thebrick · Jun 25, 2007

hey Blitz, you just are like everyone else on this planet. No different at all. My advice is don't judge yourself based on your perception of others. Trust me, their lives are not as perfect as they may seem to you. Life your life now. Enjoy it as a single person while you are single. Enjoy your freedom. Do what you want to do, when you want to do it. The bonus is women are attracted to happy self-assured men (at least well adjusted women in my book

). One day, just when you least expect it... and you quit trying so hard... THATS when you'll meet the right woman.

maxsupplements · Jun 25, 2007

SAWADEEKROB said:
I think that your issues, like Oldfella said are not from being lonely, but from feeling that being single is a bad thing and that being a couple is a "good" thing.

Well man I am here to tell you that you need to learn how to rebound fast from these issues otherwise you are setting yourself up for hard times. This is just not only for young people but also for "us" olders that have had divorces or separations.

Let me ask you these 2 questions..why are you shy? and why do you feel isolated? I know these may sound like too personal to answer in an open board, but really ask yourself why, what is the real reason for them.

1. You fear rejection?
2. You do not have self-confidence?

I believe from experience that these issues come from a lack of experience in what I call "rebounding" from failures. When you are hit with someting unexpected (as the girl you mentioned that is going out with what everybody calls a complete jerk). The reason you are upset is because you feel that you are not a jerk, however this may seem crazy, but women do not care if you are a good guy or a bad guy. They are more into emotions and what they hear. Remember that because we will come to this later.

Now how do we solve these issues. The only way (and it is not easy) is to set yourself up for failure. What do I mean by this crazy idea...set yourself the mentality that every weekend you will do go out with someone different....and I mean a different girl every weekend. If you can get 1 for friday and 1 for saturday do it. Try different approaches and record them. What will this do for you. At first you will be scared and nervous, that happens about the first 20 or so. After so many rejections you start developing a rebound effect because you realize that there will allways be someone next. That was not the first nor will be the last, but just one of many.

When you learn that dealing with rejection and bouncing back is part of the singles game you will then start working on your pick-up techniques, but that is another animal entirely and I don't want to take over your thread by writting 2 pages worth of techniques. And for the record what I am suggesting for you is not new or even unique. Women have been using this for a looong time. They just call it "having friends".

Now when you learn that this is part of the game and learn not to get your feeling involved from the beginning you can start practicing on what women like to talk about, what they like to hear and most importantly how they expect you to act in a 1st, 2nd and subsequent dates. Remember this is still part of the rebound game.

For example if you want to start practicing I would suggest you try to take that girl (the one that said no) and use every conceivable angle to get her on a date with you. Do not accept NO for an answer. If she says no, then wait a few more days and try again from a different angle. Wait 1, 2, 3 as many weeks as needed. In the meantime you are still doing what I suggested of dating 1 or 2 girls every weekend.

See how that works for you.
In a nutshell
1. Go out more often/do different things.
2. Be around unknown women more often.
3. As soon as a woman says no to you, go and find another and try something different than what you did with the one prior.

You are single and this is WAR! :st:r-wars

wow.. i couldnt have said this any better myself. this guy totally has it figured out. get over the anxiety and worries. thats no fun. by approaching more and more women you will find that the little "fear" you have will soon go away. totally! and then you will soon be dating more and more women..

Bod1ggity · Jun 25, 2007

SAWADEEKROB said:
I think that your issues, like Oldfella said are not from being lonely, but from feeling that being single is a bad thing and that being a couple is a "good" thing.

Well man I am here to tell you that you need to learn how to rebound fast from these issues otherwise you are setting yourself up for hard times. This is just not only for young people but also for "us" olders that have had divorces or separations.

Let me ask you these 2 questions..why are you shy? and why do you feel isolated? I know these may sound like too personal to answer in an open board, but really ask yourself why, what is the real reason for them.

1. You fear rejection?
2. You do not have self-confidence?

I believe from experience that these issues come from a lack of experience in what I call "rebounding" from failures. When you are hit with someting unexpected (as the girl you mentioned that is going out with what everybody calls a complete jerk). The reason you are upset is because you feel that you are not a jerk, however this may seem crazy, but women do not care if you are a good guy or a bad guy. They are more into emotions and what they hear. Remember that because we will come to this later.

Now how do we solve these issues. The only way (and it is not easy) is to set yourself up for failure. What do I mean by this crazy idea...set yourself the mentality that every weekend you will do go out with someone different....and I mean a different girl every weekend. If you can get 1 for friday and 1 for saturday do it. Try different approaches and record them. What will this do for you. At first you will be scared and nervous, that happens about the first 20 or so. After so many rejections you start developing a rebound effect because you realize that there will allways be someone next. That was not the first nor will be the last, but just one of many.

When you learn that dealing with rejection and bouncing back is part of the singles game you will then start working on your pick-up techniques, but that is another animal entirely and I don't want to take over your thread by writting 2 pages worth of techniques. And for the record what I am suggesting for you is not new or even unique. Women have been using this for a looong time. They just call it "having friends".

Now when you learn that this is part of the game and learn not to get your feeling involved from the beginning you can start practicing on what women like to talk about, what they like to hear and most importantly how they expect you to act in a 1st, 2nd and subsequent dates. Remember this is still part of the rebound game.

For example if you want to start practicing I would suggest you try to take that girl (the one that said no) and use every conceivable angle to get her on a date with you. Do not accept NO for an answer. If she says no, then wait a few more days and try again from a different angle. Wait 1, 2, 3 as many weeks as needed. In the meantime you are still doing what I suggested of dating 1 or 2 girls every weekend.

See how that works for you.
In a nutshell
1. Go out more often/do different things.
2. Be around unknown women more often.
3. As soon as a woman says no to you, go and find another and try something different than what you did with the one prior.

You are single and this is WAR! :st:r-wars

Bump this... its always better to get shot down by 20 girls and hook up with 1 than not approach any and get 0... once you get more confidence the women come. I have always had it easy, I just get girls, very little effort, but I exude confidence wherever I go. Dont forget to smile and have a good time, girls see that and they want to be part of it.

JuiceRoad.com · Jun 25, 2007

hey bro. dont worry like i see you are right now.
Some day ( very near to you ) a girl will fall into your arms automatically. These days come but dont forget theres someone for everyone

Blitzkrieg · Jun 26, 2007

Bod1ggity said:
Bump this... its always better to get shot down by 20 girls and hook up with 1 than not approach any and get 0... once you get more confidence the women come. I have always had it easy, I just get girls, very little effort, but I exude confidence wherever I go. Dont forget to smile and have a good time, girls see that and they want to be part of it.

I try to have this attitude but it seems like the more I get turned down the less confident I am. I wish it would just 'roll of my back" so to speak but I tend to take it to heart. I catch myself thinking "why bother?" when thinking of introducing myself to someone.

You're like my buddy, everyone flocks to him. He's got them lined up. But he's always been confident, charismatic, and a good looking guy. I've been trying to become more like that but am having a really hard time. I'm thinking of seeing someone about it, actually.

vitor · Jun 26, 2007

Blitz,

Can you be honest with yourself and us

Tell us the following and I can help

1. Age
2. Height and Weight
3. Post a pick
4. Occupation
5. What state do you live in
6. What do you enjoy doing
7. Relationship goal

My idea is lets see who you are, what you look like and all that good stuff and we can try to coach you or give you advice.

I just got out of a year long relationship which I was madly in love with the girl. She was my world spent 5-6 days together, and I screwed it up. Im pretty upset and a bit depressed about it. I have to move on because she has asked me never to contact her again. once you break up lose trust its time to hit the road even if you dont want too.

SAWADEEKROB · Jun 27, 2007

The heart of the problem

Blitz my friend that is the main issue. It is a vicious cycle that you must break as fast as possible. You receive rejection, it hurts, you stay alone, more insecurity and makes your confidence suffer the most. Then when you meet someone that you like there are troubles because you do not know how to handle it and thus come off as insecure.

I still stand with my original post that you need to make an effort to go out every weekend with the goal of meeting and getting the real phone number of a different girl. That is friday and saturday. 2 new girls per week, 52 weeks of the year. I give you 6 months to 1 year of this and you will have so many girls that it will not be a attitude issue, but a boredom issue (of you bored with so many girls).

Seeing someone about it? U are going to spend money, and time with the result that this so called "specialist" will take your money for as long as he can get, try to know the relationship you had with your father and tell you that YOU NEED TO GO OUT MORE!

Off topic, but I see this happen all the time, good looking guy, a little bit shy b/c of not enough time with the ladies and gets hurt because doesn't know the rules of the dating game (or is it war?). Anyway my friend if this makes you a little bit more confident I am speaking to you from personal experience. I am neither handsome, or tall, neither rich, or powerful; but I have dated so many girls that other guys have come and ask me "how can that beauty go out with you"...it is all in coming to terms that she is not a beauty but a normal girl who happens to be hot at this time (not forever). And just treat her with respect and make her laugh.

Why do you feel that you are not a good looking guy? I am assuming that if you work out, you also know how to take good care of your face, body odor and mind (which is the most important). Could I be wrong..?

Blitzkrieg said:
I try to have this attitude but it seems like the more I get turned down the less confident I am. I wish it would just 'roll of my back" so to speak but I tend to take it to heart. I catch myself thinking "why bother?" when thinking of introducing myself to someone.

You're like my buddy, everyone flocks to him. He's got them lined up. But he's always been confident, charismatic, and a good looking guy. I've been trying to become more like that but am having a really hard time. I'm thinking of seeing someone about it, actually.

VanR__ · Jun 28, 2007

Blitzkrieg said:
I'm just feeling really alone and isolated and not sure what to do about it. Thanks for listening. I'll stop whining now.

I'm almost 30 and still got my V-card. You feel better?

vitor · Jun 29, 2007

V card as in Virginity?

Blitzkrieg · Jun 29, 2007

Hey Vitor, I'll put up that stuff when I have more than 20 minutes to spend on the pc at any given time LOL

VanR__ · Jun 29, 2007

vitor said:
V card as in Virginity?

yep

Blitzkrieg · Jul 1, 2007

Ok here goes:
1. Age - 34
2. Height and Weight - 5.7" 200+ (and growing)
3. Post a pick - **broken link removed**
4. Occupation - Customer service
5. What state do you live in - WA
6. What do you enjoy doing - Training (duh), 4x4ing, shooting, dining out, movies at home, hitting tourist traps, going out dancing every now and then...
7. Relationship goal - Finding someone who will support my obsession for physical growth (and not be all "don't get too big" or "your going to damage your liver" etc etc...), that I can train with, that can cook

, that I can own to the bone and vice versa...

vitor said:
Blitz,

Can you be honest with yourself and us

Tell us the following and I can help

1. Age
2. Height and Weight
3. Post a pick
4. Occupation
5. What state do you live in
6. What do you enjoy doing
7. Relationship goal

My idea is lets see who you are, what you look like and all that good stuff and we can try to coach you or give you advice.

I just got out of a year long relationship which I was madly in love with the girl. She was my world spent 5-6 days together, and I screwed it up. Im pretty upset and a bit depressed about it. I have to move on because she has asked me never to contact her again. once you break up lose trust its time to hit the road even if you dont want too.

DOGMA · Jul 2, 2007

"confident" That's the key word Bro! Think about it this way EVERY girl like's to be asked out. It's a compliment, the more you do it the more confident you will become. Every time you hit a golf ball you dont get the green either. It's not the kill but the chase that's exciting. Ask that first girl out again. See what she say's now, If she turn's you down again its her loss. Some girl's just stck to jerk's and abuser's like velcro...

I dont remember how many time's I asked this one girl out but I know it was more than 8 time's and now she is my wife of 10 year's, and trust me I never ever thought I would have one so beautifull and smart. I scare's me to death to think If I gave up on the first no, I could be married to a 200lb twinkie eater.

Go post this on the female forum they will give you the best advise you could ever get.

sup · Jul 3, 2007

hit up a library for some "how to have more confidence" and "how to date women" books (or men if that is your preference *shrug*)

that will help alot to give you ideas on how to project more confidence.

also rent the movie "the Tao of Steve"

cheesy but... there are some truths in there

just talk to attractive women as to where they hang out.. then.. go there. Learn how to be a great listener and how to make small talk without going on about bodybuilding or your latest PB lift (most women don't give a shit about that stuff)

read up on current affairs to have something to chat about. read cliff's notes on popular books that women like.. PRACTICE talking to cuties.. at the grocery store, etc..

even silly stuff like "wow that perfume is great, what is the name of it?" to some random woman at the elevator (don't forget to chat up older women, its a safe way to get used to starting conversations)

talk to your married/commited friends.. see if their wife/gf will help give you tips/tricks etc..

there are alot of neat little tricks that you can employ.. but the number ONE THING never to do is be thinking about getting them in the sack.. women have radar for that..

just try and talk to them.. hope this helps