Getting Back On Track

DIEZEL666 · May 18, 2006

Hey guys, I started a journal over at Intense, but I wanted you guys to know what was going on here, too. About 7 weeks ago I had a massive psychotic episode. I was not on any drugs (AAS or otherwise) or alchohol. Most likely it had to do with the head trauma I suffered on active duty a few years ago, coupled with ALOT of stress and how I handle things. Long story short, I destroyed quite a bit of my house and attempted to kill myself. Don't ask me why, I don't remember much of it. Now I'm relearning how to handle my emotions and behavior in better ways. Lifting always made me feel great, so this is where I start over. I just need to find new ways to motivate myself, because I used to come to the gym pissed of and use anger to fuel me. I realize that's not the healthiest way, so I'm looking for a positive expression of my goals. Thanks again for the patient ear.

Crimson Ghost · May 18, 2006

Glad to hear you're ok bro! I'll check you out at IM too....

JETHRO TULL · May 18, 2006

We all get out of whack once in a while....

good luck getting back in the gym and making progress! That's a positive thing.

strongmind · May 18, 2006

Sorry to hear about your head trauma and the problems it has caused, Diezel. I commend you for taking an active role in getting your life back on track, and starting a journal is a great way to do that. Are you in therapy also?

Dave_19 · May 18, 2006

Well brave of you to be speak about it. Seems like you got the right idea about fuel in the gym. If your using anger as motivation your not actually "releasing" any thing in the gym, your just concentrating on things and that will just make you worse. Life too short to be mad all the time I've learned.

DIEZEL666 · May 18, 2006

strongmind said:
Sorry to hear about your head trauma and the problems it has caused, Diezel. I commend you for taking an active role in getting your life back on track, and starting a journal is a great way to do that. Are you in therapy also?

Strongmind, Yes I have been going to therapy for myself and for my marriage. They also prescribed me Xanax to take if I feel my temper getting away from me.

Thanks again for the support.

DIEZEL666 · May 18, 2006

Dave_19 said:
Well brave of you to be speak about it. Seems like you got the right idea about fuel in the gym. If your using anger as motivation your not actually "releasing" any thing in the gym, your just concentrating on things and that will just make you worse. Life too short to be mad all the time I've learned.

Dave, I don't think it's brave, just a way for me to put it in the proper place of my life. Another thing to learn from. As for your observation about not actually releasing anything, I agree completely. It seems to compound the problem for me. The hard part is I have thought this way for as long as I can remember, so trying to change is like trying to learn how to read again. Frustrating, but not impossible. Thanks.