how do i help her?

[flexmaster]

how should i help my girl have self confidence in her breast size? she wears a size 34 c bra...and doesnt have a boob job. but she still feels insecure about them. she sees everyone on tv, and so many of the girls around her have fake boobs, she just feels horrible about herself. i personally LOVE her boobs to death...and i really dont want her to get implants. i have never done or said anything negative about her boobs, in fact, i think it might be my love of them that makes her insecure about them. she thinks i just love boobs in general, not her's specifically. i couldnt care less if they were a's or dd's...but her and i were talking tonight and she was almost crying about it because she feels un pretty(i think), and thinks i want her to have bigger boobs, or boobs that look fake. she told me about when she went on birth control right after we started dating and how her boobs got bigger and fuller for the first few days, and how great she felt. i dont know what to do. i looked into some herbal breast enhancement pills but im sure they are mostly just scams...and i dont think i want to get her some pills, or send her the link because then she'll think i really do want her to have bigger boobs. but i also dont want her to keep feeling like this. i dont want to seem insensitive and shrug the problem off like i dont care, but i also dont want to push it and make it seem like i dont like her breasts. i would love a womans perspective here please as well...lynx, phidias, ect...thank you so much.

 

[Curiousity]

One of my ex-girlfriends ended up getting a breast enlargement because she felt that her breasts weren't "full" enough. She did that a while after we split up. I told her that if she wanted to get that procedure it was fine by me, but that I loved her breasts exactly the way they were. Maybe that's why she didn't do it until after we split up. *shrug* I don't know.

This is her internal battle and isn't your battle as much as you would like it to be; however, you can do a couple of things to help her. Maybe find a big-breasted woman of the size that your girlfriend wants to have and have that lady talk to your girlfriend about the joys of back aches, men commenting from across the room ("Oh damn, look at those!"), and men speaking to her breasts. I had a friend who got a breast reduction for all the above reasons.

Of course this is only layman's advice, but hopefully it will help a little.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Flex,

You may not know the answer to this but what does she think getting implants will do for her?

In other words, what's her return on her investment?

I'm probably a poor one to ask about this as one of my core philosophies, in basic, is that we live in a superficial society and we think that by improving our 'outside' somehow magically, our 'inside' will get better. In fact, I believe, that it works in reverse. For example, if you take a 150lb insecure man and give him 100lbs of muscle you pretty much get a 250lb insecure guy.

Saying that today is like throwing water into the sea. Women complain (and rightly so) about being objectified yet cosmetic surgery is on a steep, steep increase. I had a girl who's father bought her implants as a graduation present! I wonder how people would feel about a mother purchasing her son a penis enhancement for graduation? What does a person like myself say to a girl who hates being objectified, yet willfully undergoes surgery to enhance her breasts?

I've got to get somewhere with this before I start to rant. Few things here:

- There's not much you can do about it
- Do NOT show her any herbal, non-surgical ads as this will just reinforce what she already believes is true: that the yardstick or measure of a woman is somehow linked to the size of her breasts (how rediculous).
- She has some peer-pressure going on here so take that into consideration. Did all these boobs help her friends? Probably not so that's EXACTLY why she should do it (hear what I'm saying?)
- If she does goes through with it, it's not a very dangerous procedure. I don't think it will benefit her emotionally or mentally but it is what it is.

I may get flamed for some of this as people today are pretty adamant about their beliefs on this subject. But let's face it, bigger breasts and penises do not make better people. How many people today get locked into a pattern where their "next" surgery will be the one that 'fixes' them?

You have an uphill battle my friend. I see it everyday.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

Doc

 

[JustWannaBeHuge]

wow Doc... Man, this is off topic, but every thread I read by you and Sigmund are outstanding. You two guys are great additions to the board and glad Big A asked you guys to help out.

Rob

 

[JustWannaBeHuge]

I was thinking about this thread as I was feeding my face.

Honestly, IMO, I don't think there is much you can do to "help her". What I mean is this, last year I weighed in at 248, no I wasn't ripped, but I was thick and strong, esp on certain exercises. and I was doing a nice amount of reps with that weight. My point is this, my ex told me that I looked good and thick, but I didn't see it... all I saw was how many more improvements I need to make to my body, which caused arguements between me and her as she said she was getting worried about my health and how much weight I was gaining just to get stronger.

the samething has happened with the last lady I was involved in, right now I'm at 216, bf a LOT lower, and she would say how wide my shoulders are and how thick my chest and arms are. But I again just don't see the "great body" that they said I had/have.

I'm the last one to try and cut you down or make you feel helpless and hope my post didn't come across as to negitive, but to be honest, just as no matter what they said made me "see" how big I was, even at my heaviest, I don't think there's much that you can say or do to make her feel comfortable with her breast size if she's unhappy with it. I think she first needs to possibly talk to a professional to find out why she feels as if she's not attractive enough because of her breast size or what the case may be... and why she feels that larger breasts will make her a better/more attractive person.

just my 2 cents.

rob

 

[maxsupplements]

rob... i know what you are saying

i totally know where you are coming from on the "not seeing what you truly are in the mirror"... my ex wife would tell me that when i was at 220 i was TOO big.. i saw NOTHING in the mirror.. just a bloated gut and a skinny guy.. people would comment all the time.. its called BODY DISMORPHIA .... i dealt with this for a long time, and after a little counseling for this and some other personal issues, i dont see myself as scrawny and skinny anymore.. i just accept the compliments, and try not to look in the mirror so much..

as far as the breat things go,, theres not a lot you can do, but whatever you do, DONT TELL HER ABOUT ANY THING THAT WOULD ASSIST IN THE LARGER BREASTS!! lol.. seriously, this will only solidify and seem to her as if you are agreeing that her breasts are small to her.. she SEES them as small, but i reality, they are not.. same issue, her eyes dont see what is TRUE..

OUCH always has great advice, and he is right, its not the improvements we make on the outside that change who we are, they may TEMPORARILY, but not for any longer than that.. she will then be a woman with big fake tits that is still insecure about her self and her self image..

it all boils down to how we see ourselves.. do we see something in the mirror that NOONE ELSE SEES>?!?! no, we see what we WANT to see, and only focus on the lacking areas, as humans, we are our own worst critics..

when we try and make changes to our appearances in a outreach to be accepted, we are only fixing things on the outside, nothing on the inside is changed..

 

[lynx]

Hi Flex, I read this thread and was thinking, "Man, I'd love to be a C cup!"
Ok, kidding aside, I went through something similar. When I was in H.S. I wanted bigger breasts (still do) but I was content with being a B cup, in other words it didn't bug me. After getting leaner I noticed that my bras were kind of...empty looking, they were starting to look saggy on me. I just switched to wearing sports bras. Well one day I wore a normal bra and told JT what had happened and that it made me feel bad. He didn't believe me and that's when I pulled up my shirt and showed him. His comment was, "Wow, that bra use to fit you really good!" Duh!

It still bugs me and I feel that a augmentation would just make me look more proportioned. I have talked to everyone that I know that has gotten a boob job and their response was, "Best money I have ever spent." There is just something about feeling feminine.

I'm wondering, does she work-out? I know that this incident happened to me about 8 years ago, but I kept seeing improvement in my physique and that made me happy with myself. Are they other things about her body that are making her unhappy? Are her breast droopy looking? Are they proportion to her body? I'm just trying to figure out what she's thinking.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Thanks, lynx, it was good to hear a female perspective. All us guys have been jabbering about boobies and without even a single female thought. I notice when I reread this thread that it seems to matter very little to guys regarding breasts. It actually seems to be a female issue entirely.

It is very easy to see how closely linked women feel the size/shape of their breasts are linked to their femininity. Similiarly, men do this with the size of their muscles.

In a former post I remarked how rediculous it is that the yardstick or measure of a woman is somehow linked to the size of her breasts. I need to correct myself in that in an evolutionary biological sense they are linked, like musculature, to survival, propagation of the species, etc.

Now, in modern times, muscles and breasts are for the majority of our lives ornamental - they serve no purpose. We no longer have to ward off neighboring tribes with physical strength and agility or observe breasts as some indication of fertility since we no longer have the large families we once had and no longer have to ward off hostile tribes. Nevertheless, those traits are still hard-coded into our strand.

The problem comes with indulging these traits. This, in my opinion, is a step backward. Can you imagine a society of men and women with cartoonish muscles and breasts (obscenely large sex organs)? Is this evolution? I think that sometimes our most important task in life is learning to become master of our emotions and tendencies - to master your own power of free will as a DISCIPLINE. A person can choose to go hungry so that someone else may eat. An animal cannot make this choice. A person can choose to pierce their ears. An animal can not - and I wouldn't advise trying to 'help' an animal to do it since they tend to bite.

The point I'm trying to get to here, as it's part of my most recent writing, is that our free will is what makes us identifiably human. The more we allow ourselves to indulge in our basic instincts, the more we regress to the 'animal' restraints that we have fought for thousands of years to break free from - the less 'human' we become. As a result, the less free will we have. At it's logical conclusion, we find ourselves a slave to our instincts again. We may say "he is free to do this" or "she is free to do that" but in reality, our freedom only exists while we still have some mastery over our free will.

This topic goes very deep and provokes many emotions in all of us. In any case, the procedures that we undergo to achieve these physiques have to be carefully considered every step of the way. You have to question your own motives. Many people do not like to question their own motives and even fewer enjoy someone else doing it for them.

I need to get moving here but to conclude I ask all of you to try to think about what you do and why you do it. Ask yourselves what really is going to make you a better person and what is not. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how easily you can reserve judgement on these things. Do you think it a coincidence that all the right-thing-to-do's in life are all contrary to our nature and all the wrong-thing-to-do's are our first reaction?

Thanks for your time. Be well everyone.

Dr. Jon

 

[lynx]

I was thinking about this some more. For me it was hard losing breast tissue and being quasi muscular, I felt like I looked more like a little boy than a woman. It didn’t help that when I was in collage I was eating two meals at the cafeteria a day, 4 cans a tuna and 4 cans of Veg-All a day, lifting and doing cardio. I got pretty lean. One day I was getting my dinner with some friends and was wearing a short-sleeved sweater and a guy was staring at me getting water. He later went and sat down right next to the area where the drinks were. I overheard him say, “I didn’t know if she was a boy or a girl!” I knew he was talking about me since he was staring at me in the drink line. It crushed me, for a long time it bugged me and made me feel bad about my accomplishments. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there is something to “feeling” womanly. Men are attracted to womanly women. Otherwise Maxim, Playboy, and all those other magazines wouldn’t be selling. Guys SAY it doesn't matter, but then why do these publications do so well? Yep, they say they are a butt man and boobs are not that important, but then they see Selma Hayek dancing on a table in the movie From Dusk from Dawn and their jaws hang open. Yeah...right!

 

[OuchThatHurts]

lynx, so many good points!

You bring up so many good points. Obviously, at that point in your life you exhibited a lot of physical traits that are characteristically male - muscle, low bodyfat, etc. Even still, I'm guessing if you had been standing in that same line with hoop earrings, a skirt, and heels, there would have been no question whatsoever. I'm not trying to say that this how woman should dress but how woman are stereotypically viewed. I hope you don’t mind that I throw a few questions your way for the sake of the thread.

The media (movies, shows, etc.) does much to stack the odds outside the favor of most women. Isn't there even a show called "Stacked" that more or less revolves around a pair of silicone implants? These shows and magazines appeal to the eye because the shows and magazines themselves are unrealistic and are a fantasy view not a realistic view since no woman in reality has naturally occurring breasts of that size in relation to her body. As a result, with the population watching 4 hours of television per day, peoples’ views become distorted.

In the real world, men don't expect woman to have these features any more than women expect men to have the features sexy men are portrayed with in the same type of magazines or movies.

Actually, it would be my guess that men would prefer smaller, firmer breasts to swaggering udders. Although I'm not conducting any studies to discover how true that comment is.

I saw a photograph of a female BBer the other day by the name of Britt Miller. Stunningly beautiful. Fit, feminine, well proportioned. I hope she never gets implants. She looks good just the way she is.

Another thing to consider is that the whole lean woman concept is only about 50 years old. For thousands of years woman were praised for being voluptuous and round. Now that woman are working to reduce their bodyfat levels, the result is simple - smaller breasts.

I suppose you have to finally ask yourself how much pressure you put on yourself cosmetically. Can you be a happy person the way you are? You mentioned that many woman have said “best money I ever spent” My question to them would be simple “Why?” How did it improve them? What about them is better now (other than superficially) than before?

 

[flexmaster]

Lynx

thank you so much for your reponses...

yes, she does work out...i think she feels like as she is getting into better shape, her breasts are becoming smaller. i think shes pretty much just trying to hold the shape she's in right now...not get any better...which is great because she looks great right now.

from talking to her about this, she relates it to the time when se first went onto birth control...and how they felt so much bigger and fuller. her breasts are not droopy by any means, but you know how fake boobs look...really perky, and he likes the shape of fake boobs too. i dont know, if it made her feel more confident and feel better about herself...then i kind of have mixed feelings about it...on one hand i think she is absolutely perfect the way she is, and i dont think she needs them, i honestly mean that...and on the other hand...i know how it is to be self conscious about something...for me it was muscles, and aas gave me that edge...so if i used aas to feel better about myself and have more confidence and to look the way i want...it would be kind of hypocritical IMO to not want the same for her. i dont know, i guess it comes down to her making the choice and me supporting her whatever route she chooses to go...

 

[Sassy]

Hey Flexmaster,

I'm new... I hope you don't mind me chimming in on your thread. Being president of the tiny tits club, I thought I might could help you out; although, this is something your girl will have to work for herself. I'm a size 36B and a barely fill out a B. I've always been self-conscious of my small breast. When I was married, my now ex-hubby always told me he would pay for enlargements. I always felt like I woud make the best of what I have and that's one more reason I continue to work out. I mean a great body with small breast isn't so bad.

Something that really helped me was a "good" fitting bra. What I mean be this is a bra that fits like it is suppose too. I've heard this all my life, but I never really believed it until a couple of years ago. I was at Victoria Secrets and the sales lady worked with me on find the right bra. It has made a tremendous difference. It has a little extra padding and lift to make me look bigger without looking like I've stuffed my bra. I know it's sound a little crazy, but I haven't thought about get surgery ever since.

I'm not sure how to approach her on this. If you can get her to go be professionally fitted and give a new well fitted bra try before she has surgery, she might decided she doesn't need surgery after all. If she still doesn't feel better, she can get rid of the bra but surgery is harder to undo.

Whatever she decides, it will be up to her to accept herself and be happy. You can't make her happy... that's something she has to do on her on.

Good luck...

 

[flexmaster]

sassy

Hey Flexmaster,

I'm new... I hope you don't mind me chimming in on your thread. Being president of the tiny tits club, I thought I might could help you out; although, this is something your girl will have to work for herself. I'm a size 36B and a barely fill out a B. I've always been self-conscious of my small breast. When I was married, my now ex-hubby always told me he would pay for enlargements. I always felt like I woud make the best of what I have and that's one more reason I continue to work out. I mean a great body with small breast isn't so bad.

Something that really helped me was a "good" fitting bra. What I mean be this is a bra that fits like it is suppose too. I've heard this all my life, but I never really believed it until a couple of years ago. I was at Victoria Secrets and the sales lady worked with me on find the right bra. It has made a tremendous difference. It has a little extra padding and lift to make me look bigger without looking like I've stuffed my bra. I know it's sound a little crazy, but I haven't thought about get surgery ever since.

I'm not sure how to approach her on this. If you can get her to go be professionally fitted and give a new well fitted bra try before she has surgery, she might decided she doesn't need surgery after all. If she still doesn't feel better, she can get rid of the bra but surgery is harder to undo.

Whatever she decides, it will be up to her to accept herself and be happy. You can't make her happy... that's something she has to do on her on.

Good luck...

thank you for your advice...i think she already has a bra like the one you describe...its when shes not wearing a bra that she feels self conscious...but thank you for your advice

 

[OuchThatHurts]

So.....

What was the eventual outcome of your situation? Is everything going well?

Doc

 

[flexmaster]

well

i would imagine she still feels self conscious about her breasts to some extent...not that she should...but i dont think its to the extent where she is seriously contemplating getting implants. i dont know really, i wish she had more self confidence...i tell her how beautiful she is, and how much i love her body, and everything, but it just doesnt seem to make any difference. i dont think i tell her these things too often either. i havent brought it up since we talked about it last, just because i didnt want her to think it was a big deal for me, which it isnt. i could care less if she had a cups or dd...not really THAT important to me...just want her to be happy.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

There are many ways (and I'm sure you already know this) to show a woman that she is adored without saying a word. Sometimes I think these more subtle ways are even more powerful than words.

Over time, these little things have a way of creating a seed of confidence that grows within someone (or her in this case).

her: "Why did you do that?"
you: "I can't help it. I just adore you."

For my girlfriend, I always try to do something that takes my time. Not just send flowers or buy her a piece of jewelry but create something. For instance, spending a week in my spare time, secretly staining the antique end tables she wanted so badly. That type of thing.

Actions speak much louder than words. You seem like such a good couple. I wish you the best.

take care for now,

doc

 

[flexmaster]

There are many ways (and I'm sure you already know this) to show a woman that she is adored without saying a word. Sometimes I think these more subtle ways are even more powerful than words.

Over time, these little things have a way of creating a seed of confidence that grows within someone (or her in this case).

her: "Why did you do that?"
you: "I can't help it. I just adore you."

For my girlfriend, I always try to do something that takes my time. Not just send flowers or buy her a piece of jewelry but create something. For instance, spending a week in my spare time, secretly staining the antique end tables she wanted so badly. That type of thing.

Actions speak much louder than words. You seem like such a good couple. I wish you the best.

take care for now,

doc

i love showing her i love her. i am constantly thinking of ideas of things i can suprise her with, or fun things we could go do. i am a total romantic...but sometimes i think i might do things for her too often...so she kind of takes it for granted. its hard for me to NOT do things for her though...even though shes in mexico, i still always get good ideas of little ways i can show her i am thinking about her...but i am holding off on a little because i want it to be special, and for her to really appreciate it when i do things for her.