How do you move on? I dont even wanna live.

[MrCyp]

I dont wanna bore you all and if I explain everything it would be 100 pages so i'll sum it up. Im 27 been with my wife for 5years, known her for 8years. Best thing thats ever happened to me. When we were younger our relationship was perfect. As we grew older and actually had responsibilites things changed. The last few years were a rough battle but the good time still outweighed the bad. Well, long story short we called it quits for about 6months. I dated and she met a guy she volunteered with. The slept together after dating for a while. This was about 5months ago. So she comes back and we get together again. We thing its gonna work and we are madly in love again. She starts feeling sick, goes to dr. and is pregnant. Its with the other guys kid. She always had a light period and didnt even find out until she was about 4months into it. She even passed a preg test but they found hcg in her blood and said its very rare but it does happen. This destroyed everything. So we decided to still work it out and I convinced her to get an abortion. They say the baby is small enough for her to take the pill. So she takes the pill then 72hrs later takes the 2nd dose. She was devistated by the guilt of the abortion. She needed to move back home(2kmiles away) and stay with her mom to get over it. So as if that wasnt bad enough, she has been feeling sick again lately. Went to dr. Guess what. STILL PREGNANT. The fucking idiots at planned parenthood should have done the real abortion but they said its very rare that the pill didnt work this happens in %5 of cases. So now she is preg and decided she is gonna keep it b/c she cant live with the guilt. And its like 5months now. She said she realizes her life will be over now having a kid as a single mom. She has gone mental from the guilt from the 1st time. She was accepted into school and everythign and its all down the toilet. I've begged her to just get the abortion and we can be a happy family again but she wont do it. She is picking that damn fetus over our entire relationship. Of course I cannot ever be with her again. Can you imagine? You wife pregnant with another guys kid and actually gonna have it. This just wasnt meant to be. We should have been together, everything was working out and now its all over. I've been with her for so long. I dont even wanna live anymore. The only thing keeping me from killing myself is my 18month old dog. How will I ever move on? She was my 1st and only love. Every girl I meet i'll compare to her and i'll never find anyone. I just cant believe it happend this was. I wish it could have happend a normal way to breakup but this is the worst thing possible.

 

[ericraven2003]

If she would have had an abortion, she would have despised you later for pushing her into it. You would have lost either way. Abortions fuck women up. My wife had one(not with my child) when she was in her early 20's. It still bothers her until this day.

FYI. If you really love her, then set aside your emotions and stay with her. She wasn't cheating on you when it happend. You were broken up. I guess it comes down to how much do your really love her versus your pride.

 

[Ehren]

Bro, that's a hard story.

IMO: You've received an abundantly clear sign from the universe, so, best listen to it. The break up, sex with others, back together, preggo, attempted abortion, STILL preggo! I'd say that's pretty clear.

You can't change what happened. She fucked up by getting pregnant and now she'll live with it. You, on the other hand, are free to move on. The plan for you is apparently much better than for her.

I get that you're afraid now. Dont be. Yes, you will meet someone else. Probably several. One or more of them will be great and all you hope for. You can choose the best. All options are open, where before they were closed. You'll look back on this hell, as the turning point in the happiness that you feel in the future. When all is right with the world, and you wake up next to the woman you never thought could possibly exist, with no baggage, no kid, no fucked up history that you have to blot from your mind, you will recognize this as a necessarry step in your evolution. You have no responsibilities to her now, you are free to do better next time. To improve and be the man you imagine, with the life you want.

You know how it is, Cyp! Adapting to pain in order to become stronger is what you're all about! Look in the mirror, the evidence is there.

I speak from experience here. Almost identical experience to yours. Met when we were in college, at 19, dated for seven years, married for 2, divorced...gave up my house, everything. She even ended up dating my ex-partner for a while! Two miserable souls. Well, they can have it, with my blessings! I now live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, with the girl of my dreams (who, incidentally, SMOKES my ex on every level). I'm so glad that shit happened. Make some good choices now, and you will be too.

Oh, and how to get over it? Start talking to women, online, in bars, everywhere. Start dating, have a few dates. Maybe some sex if you feel like it. Your ex is not perfect. There were problems and she is now pregnant. Not perfect at all. You will soon see how fucking UNcomplicated it can be. Having fun, dating normal girls, with no bullshit, no bad history.

As they say, "The best way to get over an old lover, is to get under a new one". It sounds harsh, but it does change your perspective and take the focus off the last one.

 

[T TOTAL]

If she would have had an abortion, she would have despised you later for pushing her into it. You would have lost either way. Abortions fuck women up. My wife had one(not with my child) when she was in her early 20's. It still bothers her until this day.

FYI. If you really love her, then set aside your emotions and stay with her. She wasn't cheating on you when it happend. You were broken up. I guess it comes down to how much do your really love her versus your pride.

Ditto to the above.....Man ive been in long term relationships and broke up, felt all the pain and hurt, but time heals and you do move on.....that is if you want to...

From what im reading you don't want to move on as you still love her. So as above this could be the hard bit for you...acceptance and pride.
Accept whats happened and put your pride aside, be the babys father.

She clearly wants to be with you, hence coming back and also trying to have an abortion for YOU in the first instance. But you have to realise this is a very big decision for a woman and as has been said it can haunt many with guilt for many years and cause all sorts of issues for her and between you both and inevitably it may of caused you both to end up breaking up again and she would feel even worse.

Youve got to accept this fella and in doing so show her that you love her, this will im sure draw her closer to you. No doubt it'll be tough at first for you but true love will prevail....

 

[marilyn]

Life is a gift and beautiful........we are survivors by nature...Hang in there and think positive thoughts....Life is great.

 

[Gators]

Be a man and be by her side, if you love her, then stick by her and love her through tough times. Being a man isn't about how big one is, it's about how you react when the sh*& hits the fan, do you run away or do you stay there and fight for your loved one. Not trying to be an ass, but i don't sugar coat.

Human life is human life, a baby is a beautiful innocent miracle, no matter who the father is

 

[cad3055]

My friend your young, dont waist your time there are to many woman out there to be dwelling on a woman that goes off and gets pregnant and "supposably"didnt know she was pregnant!! bullshit homeboy didnt want to take responsability so she went to put it on the next nice guy. There are many ways she could have handled this that might have saved your relationship but according to your story she has shown to not have the same thoughts and interests as you in your relationship, you were too invested and she wasnt. My wife was reading this with me and her opinion is that this girl is full of shit. my wife is the mother of 3 and she says a woman knows when she's pregnant, it's not just the monthly cycle thing it's alot of other emotions that you just know. Your girl must be ashamed which is why she ran back home and I dont think that you guys can ever have a healthy relationship after all this, it will eat you up inside and you will never truly be happy

 

[RONJON]

Bro I cant imagine something like this not being in the situation. Good replies above..and Ill be praying for you man. Hope it all works out

 

[ajdos]

Bro- 2 cliches come to mind- life aint fair and everything happens for a reason...weather we like that or not- life is a bitch like this- probably wont make you feel better. Feeling like shit like that is part of the healing process. It sucks but you will get better and you will be able to move on, eventually, just takes time.
Try to focus on the positives in life right now. I know thats easier said than done.
Im sorry to hear that, I have been in a similar situation before, without the pregnancy...and I realized it wasnt meant to be, eventually I met someone new and I couldnt believe how great she was and it all seemed like a distant memory, but it took time...a lot of time.

 

[MrCyp]

The hardest part for me is I wish I could just hate her and move on but I still love her and she loves me. She basically feels she owes it to the kid to keep it and understands that if that ruins her life and mine that she still has to do it. This is the worst b/c its not a normal ending relationship. It wasnt supposed to be this way.

 

[ericraven2003]

The hardest part for me is I wish I could just hate her and move on but I still love her and she loves me. She basically feels she owes it to the kid to keep it and understands that if that ruins her life and mine that she still has to do it. This is the worst b/c its not a normal ending relationship. It wasnt supposed to be this way.

Life sucks some time. If you can't accept her and her kid, then for god sakes move on and leave her alone. Don't stay and be the mean ass step dad that hates the kid because its not yours.

 

[MrCyp]

Life sucks some time. If you can't accept her and her kid, then for god sakes move on and leave her alone. Don't stay and be the mean ass step dad that hates the kid because its not yours.

Your right. This will never work. Even if we did get back I wouldnt be mean to the kid obviously but it would always remind me of the situation. then if we ever had kids one day I would probably favor my own. I really dont know how i'd deal with it. She was thinking about putting the kid up for adoption. Maybe if that happens we could work things out but if she keeps it I think thats a for sure sign that its over forever.

 

[Gators]

Your right. This will never work. Even if we did get back I wouldnt be mean to the kid obviously but it would always remind me of the situation. then if we ever had kids one day I would probably favor my own. I really dont know how i'd deal with it. She was thinking about putting the kid up for adoption. Maybe if that happens we could work things out but if she keeps it I think thats a for sure sign that its over forever.

No, sounds like she wants the child, not the painful ties to the father, but a sweet innocent beautiful baby. Both of you will get past this if y'all hang in there and grind through the bad times. Your perspective is skewed (though understandable) now, but i'm guessing in time the ill feelings will go away to be replaced by the love for a beautiful child, regardless of who the father is. Just my .02...

 

[pesty4077]

When God created marriage, it was a holy union between two. "Two become one" He didn't believe in divorce or adultry. The problem here is both of you went outside that circle of trust. When a partner has sex with someone else, wether a baby is involved or not, it is never the same. Now there is an innocent life at stake. Destroying it will not let you forget the infidelity. Aborting this child is not the answer, moving on is. All you are doing now is created hate, by forcing her to get this abortion. If you have thoughts if suicide, seek help through counselling. Time will heal all wounds, with the right guidance.

 

[maximis17]

i know bro i have a similar situation. after being w my gf for 14 yrs we got married everything was good, she had her own business and i had a very well paying carrear. we got married in 05 it was good for 2 yrs mabye. then she got into drugs and hanging around the wrong people. now is an absolote drug addict alcaholic that needs serious mental help.she lives at her boy friends house for the last 5 mths never comes home. we have a domestic case going in the local distric court. hopefully will be over tomm i have court in the morning in superior court for my 10th visit on the same charges. i have already paid my devorce lawyer. wed im filing for devorce and getting as far away from her as i can. i suggest you do the same! get away from her she is nothing but trouble, i no how hard it is BELEIVE me i no.but yr younger than me. and you thats a good thing. do it now dont wait like i did. MOVE on and start a new life. thats what im doing.my 2cents. good luck whatever u decide.

 

[triathloncoach]

Tough to stay

Unless she gets an abortion (I am pro-choice) or puts the baby up for adoption. And even then I would stay away from her through the pregnacy. Remember - if she has the kid, the other guy is in your life for the next 20 years as well. He legally can not go away. And it's his kid and he is the kids biological father. You should have a lot of fun with that!

It's your GF's choice to do this - as it should be - but it's also your choice on how to deal with it as well. Do you feel like getting married, and taking on all that responsibility - to raise another man's kid - ALONG with that man. You are morally released from this girl. To stay will be a lot of heart ache and sad memories. I know I couldn't do it.

Your heart is in he right place - you seem like a good person - but you would be taking on a lot of grief. Best wishes from me.

 

[ericraven2003]

Unless she gets an abortion (I am pro-choice) or puts the baby up for adoption. And even then I would stay away from her through the pregnacy. Remember - if she has the kid, the other guy is in your life for the next 20 years as well. He legally can not go away. And it's his kid and he is the kids biological father. You should have a lot of fun with that!

It's your GF's choice to do this - as it should be - but it's also your choice on how to deal with it as well. Do you feel like getting married, and taking on all that responsibility - to raise another man's kid - ALONG with that man. You are morally released from this girl. To stay will be a lot of heart ache and sad memories. I know I couldn't do it.

Your heart is in he right place - you seem like a good person - but you would be taking on a lot of grief. Best wishes from me.

I took on another mans child when she was 1 year old. She is now 17 years old, and I love just as much as my own. I wouldn't trade it for anything and YES, I had to put up with the father. We all make choices. I guess it depends how much you love and how strong you can be.

 

[wrought]

It wasnt supposed to be this way.

The only way it is supposed to be is the way it is. Your situation sounds heart breaking but its times like this that you need to think with your head as much as your heart.

There was a reason the two of you broke up in the first place, there was a reason she got knocked up (lets face it, the odds of that happening accidentally when people are taking every precaution is pretty damn small), and there's a reason she ran to her parents instead of staying with you during this time of need. You're keeping yourself on the hook for a situation is not your doing, and not your responsibility.

Weigh your own needs, your own goals and determine what will happen if you stay with this woman. If she keeps the child and you try raise it as your own that will be the biggest commitment of your life and you will never be able to walk away from it.

Take your time, stay calm, stay focused, stay rational, and for fuck's sake don't do anything pointless like hurt yourself. And trust me, you will not compare every other girl to her and if you do chances are you'll sit there wondering why the hell you were so hung up on her in the first place.

Cheers

 

[MrCyp]

Well she def wants to keep the kid and raise it now. Honestly she has kinda become mental from all this. She has always needed to be on some type of SSRI but now she really needs one. She's 2k miles away with her mom, seeing a counsler, and I guess I just cant do anything more about it. She is so convinced that she is meant to raise this kid adn didnt want any of this to happend and would easily go back in time if she could fix it but the damage is done and she's kinda crazy now and already calling herself momma and stuff.
What Im having the hardest time with now is that its offically over. I already delted all our pics in my phone, threw out all our wedding cd's and anything that could remind me of her. The worst is that I still love her and want to be with her but now I just cant, so how am i gonna move on knowing I still love someone and would have stayed with them if things were diff? We have been together so long at least 20 things a day will remind me of us. We even had little "sayings" and "rituals" and stuff that will always haunt me when I see something to remind me of them. Its just so weird. Its almost as if i've been scooped up away from my life and put in prison. Im in some weird foregin zone right now. Everything seems so diff. LIke 1/2 of me is gone. Its horrible.

 

[PHIL HERNON]

Sad

Well she def wants to keep the kid and raise it now. Honestly she has kinda become mental from all this. She has always needed to be on some type of SSRI but now she really needs one. She's 2k miles away with her mom, seeing a counsler, and I guess I just cant do anything more about it. She is so convinced that she is meant to raise this kid adn didnt want any of this to happend and would easily go back in time if she could fix it but the damage is done and she's kinda crazy now and already calling herself momma and stuff.
What Im having the hardest time with now is that its offically over. I already delted all our pics in my phone, threw out all our wedding cd's and anything that could remind me of her. The worst is that I still love her and want to be with her but now I just cant, so how am i gonna move on knowing I still love someone and would have stayed with them if things were diff? We have been together so long at least 20 things a day will remind me of us. We even had little "sayings" and "rituals" and stuff that will always haunt me when I see something to remind me of them. Its just so weird. Its almost as if i've been scooped up away from my life and put in prison. Im in some weird foregin zone right now. Everything seems so diff. LIke 1/2 of me is gone. Its horrible.

You are creating all of this turmiol yourself........you could have a child that would grow up to love you both, you could have anabundance of love in your life of , but you choose hate.........you choose to be alone..... You are sick man....you choose to kill something because of your insecurities?........You do not own that girl.........you dated also........she is not damaged goods............you are selfish, talking about wedding CDs.......what the fuck man. Get on the fucking phone or better yet a plane, go see her, get with her, stop crying.......do it..........be a man, a father........TRUST ME.......TRUST ME.....its the only way