How to maintain contest focus during relationship breakup?

[norm1220]

I have had my sights set on doing the 2014 North Americans over 50 division for quite some time now. I have spent the last few years slowing bringing up weak spots and this summer stepped things up a few notches with really good results.

Then my personal life fell apart. I found out that my wife has been playing house with someone else for at least 5 years. Leading a double life. We have had a committed relationship since 97, we exchanged rings in 2007 shortly after I competed in Master's Nationals. We never got legally married because she insisted that she would be deported if we did. Turns out, she never divorced her first husband(they still file joint tax returns!) which means she has lied to me for 16 years.

Needless to say I had her move out as soon as I discovered all this. I keep finding out more and more bad things about her. This other guy didn't know about me (I made sure he does now!) and he divorced his ex to be with her in 2009.

So..... My appetite is gone, finishing meals is not consistent, and it's way tough to find any focus in the gym or anywhere else for that matter. I took one positive step and have arranged to work with a local IFBB pro on my posing and stage presentation.

Any suggestions on how to re-gain focus?

 

[Thor]

Damn Bro

I just wanna say how sorry I am to hear that..dont know what to tell ya except theres not much you can do about it now..water under the bridge,let your emotions run thru you but try to channel them to your workouts and use them to your advantage..I had some of my best lifts when I was going thru a divorce, I just tried to channel all that anger and resentment into the gym....Good Luck! and Keep your eyes on the prize !

 

[Gaintrain]

wow that sucks bro, keep your eye on the prize, an to be honest you don't need a un trust worthy dishonest whore, sorry if this offends you, but she obviously has no morals or is worth your time an think its ok to have her pie an ice cream an eat her cake to on the side.....there is plenty other fish in the sea...train hard and keep your mind clear!

 

[red5150]

First off take some you time. If your not into the gym right now take some time off and clear your head. Don't beat yourself up about what transpired, learn what lessons can be learned and move on. Went through divorce myself and that is what got me back into bodybuilding after not touching a weight for 7 years. If anything I would think knowing now that your free and unencumbered and not having your mind run wild (I'm sure you had your doubts) it should make focusing on you and whatever you want to easier.

 

[Cerberus777]

Wow, im really sorry to hear...depression is normal. Ive been through this myself (not as long or bad, not comparing) but the sadness will turn to anger chanel that drive when it does.
Ill keep you in my prayer, you'll come out stronger in the end.

 

[EzekielAnon]

Hey Norm all I can say is keep your head up. Life gets tuff and then we go threw really tuff situations at same time. Lean on positive friends and family to make it out of this difficult time. You will make it keep your head up!!

 

[johnjuanb1]

Man, I am so sorry!

This may be bad advice, but use all that betrayal and turn it into rage to fuel your desire to win that show. Hatred is what I used as fuel to get back into bodybuilding competition. It kept me focused to never cheat on my diet, do every cardio and training session, etc. Every time you feel depression and pain, tell yourself she will not beat you. You will not be destroyed! You will conquer and come out on top.

I swear by ON GOLD STANDARD WHEY. Two scoops of that with 2 of the same scooper full of quick instant oats. They are very easy to get down unlike chicken breast. Drink one mixed with ice water every 2 to 3 hours. They will keep you looking very full and vascular. The extreme milk chocolate is so tastey it's like desert and it has virtually no carbs or fat. Optimum Nutrition is one of the only companies that actually makes their own protein powder here in the usa. It doesn't come from China. It tests out at 90% the protein it should have whereas many companies only have 40-60% the correct protein content.

I wish you the best of luck! Stay strong and you can do this.

 

[abs32]

Been there bro it set me back two years and two failed show attempts... the gear didn't help days would go by I became distant from everyone fell into deep deep depression..

My advice is to get your head right in a natural environment (if you are not already)... at least that is what it took for me. That was a dark time in my life I look back on it now and I still have a hard time believing that it affected me that much. Like I said if there is one advice I can give you is STAY off the gear and re-gain your focus and drive. You have to get back to why you love this and that this is for yourself and no one else... took me a long time to get back to that.

I wish you the best and hope you get over it quickly...

 

[norm1220]

I appreciate the advice and the empathy. In the past my motto was "Living well is the best revenge" so maybe it's time to re-visit that thought.

 

[chgolatin2]

And females say that man are bad, perfect example as to how well a woman could play you right under your nose and you won't even know it. Nothing new in relationships, crap like this happens all the time. It won't be the first or the last, however, I know that a situation like this isn't a pleasant one. Just keep in mind and that somewhere around the world or around the corner someone else could have it way worse than you. Some people are dying from cancer, disease, some people are handicapped, paralyzed, many ppl go hungry, homeless, and the list goes on. Once you start to realize the reality of things you'll understand that focusing your energy on the past or the "what if" won't get you anywhere. Karma is a bitch, trust me on that one

 

[seymoor77]

I have the only answer there is

TIME

 

[sbc5966]

I am terribly sorry. I feel your pain (although not to that extreme).

I agree with a previous post.

Going into cruise mode with gear/life/emotions until you can get your head straight seems like the smartest thing to do.

If your heart isn't in it, you won't bring the package you want, and this whole fiasco will come full circle.

 

[Phatboy]

Wow that is a heartbreaking story. There are some really evil people out there. I am sorry bro. Keep your head up, man.

 

[steel1970]

My wife of almost 15 years and I split up in April...I went thru the same type thing my friend. Another member already said it: TIME....

That is the only thing that helped for me. At times over the last 5-6 months I felt like dying.....but life does indeed go on. I took time off from the gym personally. I tried to eat ok and just spent time with my kids.....I've been back training fairly steady for about 3 months now and things are finally looking up....

Sorry to hear about your troubles, but just like everything else, this too shall pass. When it's time for you to be motivated, you will be I'm sure....

Good luck....

 

[Johnny Smiles]

tought story there bro. i am sorry.

I have had some TOUCH relationship experience as well. I was prepping for a big show (atleast it was big to me lol) and things went nuts with my first "wife" and I found myself sleeping on my friends couch and parents spare bedroom while continuing prep for the show I was committed to. I learned a lot during that prep....
I don't know your personality but I am "obsessive". so obsessing over something is my downfall OR my advantage. if you are similar then you just need to do what I do: decide what you want to obsess on.
your hurt and divorce and sadness
OR
your diet, your lifting, your posing, your job, yourself.

I do believe it is a choice. I am no psychaiatrist so perhaps this is not the optimal advice, BUT I can say I placed first at that show. and it was the best I ever looked....in my life

I been so happy since that bitch I could never seem to suffer enough o get in same conditioning. fucking truth. LOL. cant believe I just admitted that to myself....and the board...... I had some drinks....
-JS

 

[NPCS FINEST]

Oh my brother!!!

I feel for you right now! I can only imagine what you are feeling/going through! It saddens me bro to read threads like this! I dont know if you are a religious man or not. But times like this I pray! I look to God for help, heeling,strength and guidance! I really hope this does not over come you bro! I dont think you will let it! I hope you stick with the prep for the show brother and give 100% to it! I think when its all said and done you will look back and see that it has really helped you. I know bodybuilding has saved me from addiction! If it can help save a addict like myself as bad as I was then it can most def help you over come this and come out in the end a stronger, happier better person. I will pray for you bro!!

 

[Pusher]

will only get better with time... use it for motivation. success is the sweetest revenge dude. my experience? you're a bodybuilder, so post some pics on Plentyoffish and go through 10-20 girls... you'll feel better at first, but it'll get old after a month... but at least you'll forget about the Ex, and refocus on what you want.

 

[beans]

will only get better with time... use it for motivation. success is the sweetest revenge dude. my experience? you're a bodybuilder, so post some pics on Plentyoffish and go through 10-20 girls... you'll feel better at first, but it'll get old after a month... but at least you'll forget about the Ex, and refocus on what you want.

Idk about that.I tried that when tried to get over a girl I dated.for me it made it worse. Takes time. But I just realized what she did was pretty messed up so I was better off without her.like js stated...obsess over something else to keep your mind off of it

 

[tr]

Feel so sorry to hear all that.
I have been there few years back it was not as bad situation as yours but I felt very depressed and only work and gym kept me going through all this. At first I tried to take time off from gym training eating strict regime tried to work less but it only made to feel worse, all I did was thinkin what has just happened, what was in the past etc...as soon as I got back into strict regime, training, hours and hours of work I started to feel A LOT better, my mind was always onto smth not on bad relationships. I do not know if it is a good idea to start dieting and using lots of aas right away since it fukcs the mind a lot, but you must be busy all the time it makes you not to think about you do not need to think, clears your mind, this is the only way IMO

 

[matt1164]

Your mindset must change.

Please don't think I'm a dick, I know she WAS your wife but fuck her. Go out and win your show meet someone else and move on right away.

It's hard bro but it's the only way. Infidelity is unforgivable in my book. It's never happened to me yet and I'm hoping it never does.

I'm here if u ever need a bro to talk to and if ur in NY I'm more than happy to go out and be your wingman if u want to attempt t