I feel horrible!

[pesty4077]

I don't have any toddlers of my own, but I know better than to fucking yell at them lmao.

Then you are just talking out your ass. Until you have kids that do something that drives you crazy shut the Fuck up. Your posts are assnine at times.

 

[pesty4077]

Method, I raise 2 kids and did my share of yelling. They are grown now, but I now have a 9 year old step daughter that can be over bearing at times. One time I just yell at her for jumping on the couch. I acually didn't feel bad about that one. But I was in the Movies and she was asking me stuff over and over and I got a nudge from my wife telling me I need to be patient. She is right, but sometimes it can be very hard. Children are the biggest responsibilty we as adults will ever have. Sometimes the books don't teach the hands on approach. We have to learn that as we go. Will we every be perfect parents? No way, but if we learn patience and show love first, I bet we will be one of the better ones.

 

[scmtnboy]

I remember when my son was around two and I was hanging his diaper.. He was fighting me like crazy and when the new diaper was on I swatted at. I meant to hit the diaper even though it was in anger and not trying to teach him anything. Well he squirmed and I hit the side of his butt and he looked at me terrified and started to cry. About the worst I've ever felt and still remember this 10yrs later like it was yesterday.

I just share this because everybody has their own struggles. The fact you come on here to tell on yourself shows that you don't want to do this. I am not religious at all but I have had some success with praying (to what I'm not sure) for strength to change a certain behavior.

Our behavior must change before our thinking. Basically we need to "Act our way into right thinking"


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[muscle96ss]

Wow, reading this is making me feel bad, I yell at my kids on a daily basis(maybe even hourly). Have you ever watched the Goldbergs? Thats me! If I wasn't yelling at my kids, they would probably think I was sick or there was something wrong with me.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

wait a second.. aren't you like.. comically short? maybe your anger problems stem from that. I think you are on the right track with seeking therapy. either that or try standing in a corner on time out lmao.

ive taken care of enough little shits to know not to lose my temper. that's how you scar them.. just give em a little bit of Nyquil, take em to a park and make em chase a ball or some shit and see how fast they drop.


I don't have any toddlers of my own, but I know better than to fucking yell at them lmao.

Are you insane? You are cock-punching a guy that's looking to better the lives of his children and himself? Are you on the pipe? That's when you decide to pounce on this poor guy? I don't know what you've contributed to this board which is to say I don't remember anything you've said but take a ban. Not only for grossly violating the rules of this forum which you should have read but for flaming another member of the board repeatedly for absolutely no apparent reason. You're gone bud.

 

[2PRO4U]

Wow, reading this is making me feel bad, I yell at my kids on a daily basis(maybe even hourly). Have you ever watched the Goldbergs? Thats me! If I wasn't yelling at my kids, they would probably think I was sick or there was something wrong with me.

Haha, i'm exactly the same man. Thinking about it i do feel bad, but the kids know i love them to bits. Like you, if i didn't yell they'd think something was seriously wrong

 

[Bio]

M2M, congrats on being able to recognize the problem. It shows a lot of character to bring something like this up. The fact that you're seeking help is huge...So many people think that seeking help shows some type of weakness, which is sad because it keeps people from personal growth.

For those that have admitted to yelling at your kids, remember that you're teaching them to respond to frustration the same way. You may tell them that it's not the right way to handle things, but actions speak louder than words. Instead of staying calm and using intellect to respond to issues, they will react purely on emotion (anger)...This is something that will inhibit their personal and professional lives. Patience is one of the greatest tools you can teach your kids.

I know this is only about some of you raising your voices at this point, but where does it go from there? Once you say something damaging, those words can never be taken back or unheard. The following made a big impact on me...

The Fence

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.

His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.

He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.”

 

[Aliendogstar]

Just discipline, correct, and misdirect out of love and you'll be alright. Most importantly, kids want to feel loved. Often times as guys, we end up playing "the heavy" role and I can't say that's ever worked for me or left me feeling good afterwards. Make sure you and your wife try to stay consistent with correction. Otherwise, kids quickly learn that one of you are pushovers and will take advantage. They're testing boundaries just like the velociraptors looking for weaknesses in the fence in Jurassic Park. I love that reference. Anyway, I feel for you because it's tough. I have a daughter and a step-son. Any type of discipline with my daughter always left me feeling terrible afterwards. You have to make peace with it because you're the child's father...not their friend. You're responsible for the child's safety, boundary setting, manners, values, lessons....etc.

 

[muscle96ss]

Just discipline, correct, and misdirect out of love and you'll be alright. Most importantly, kids want to feel loved. Often times as guys, we end up playing "the heavy" role and I can't say that's ever worked for me or left me feeling good afterwards. Make sure you and your wife try to stay consistent with correction. Otherwise, kids quickly learn that one of you are pushovers and will take advantage. They're testing boundaries just like the velociraptors looking for weaknesses in the fence in Jurassic Park. I love that reference. Anyway, I feel for you because it's tough. I have a daughter and a step-son. Any type of discipline with my daughter always left me feeling terrible afterwards. You have to make peace with it because you're the child's father...not their friend. You're responsible for the child's safety, boundary setting, manners, values, lessons....etc.

The part that I bolded is so true!!! My kids are angels arounds others and when alone with me. But whenever mommy is around they are the complete opposite and impossible to control. They are blank slates, and the message they have learned from mommy is, "if mommy says no then it really means yes, I just have to make a bigger fuss and eventually she will give in". Until about the age of 4, it used to take my wife almost 2 hours to put our daughter to bed every night, not exaggerating.

 

[richiec]

M2M, I have a 3.5 year old boy and a 3 weeks old girl.
When my daughter is sleeping, my son wants to run around the house screaming and banging things. I've gotten on to him pretty bad, but, my wife and I always pull him to the side and explain to him why he can't do it. Does he fully understand, of course not, he's a kid lol.
But, everyday I pray that my reactions are more acceptable and that I don't fly off the handle. I've always had a short fuse, but it is getting longer and longer. I've really only yelled at my son after talking to him multiple times about not doing something. Once he's continued to do it, there is no calm talking anymore, he knows dad means business. Most of the time I just have to call him over in a stern voice and he knows. Then it's a man-to-man talk with him to make sure he understands what he did was wrong (driving me nuts). It's tough man, but talking to the kids helps me a lot. It doesn't do anything for them, they don't really know what you're talking about, but it helps me to get out what I need to say in a way which doesn't scare them

 

[j2048b]

What steps are u doing to end this? I ask because im the same way, and even a bit worse at times....and i hate it! And i could use a bit of guidance myself in this


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[OuchThatHurts]

I'm not a big fan of textbook parenting. I was, until I actually became a parent (har har!). Now I have 3 of various ages and what I can tell you is that you are experiencing something very common. While it will not always be possible, you can try to master what my wife (fiancee) and I have tried with much success which is to keep our anger (fury) to ourselves and discipline out of duty. As an adult you must deal with the frustration and outright anger that all children will cause you from time to time. Once you have got your anger in check, THEN discipline your child accordingly. This can be a time out, a swat on the rear, whatever. You are providing negative reinforcement for "bad" behavior - behavior outside established rules.

Rules are the second part. Establish beforehand what the EXACT rules and boundaries are and what the consequences will be should they not adhere to those boundaries. If the child should willfully disobey the rules you set forth then you MUST PROVIDE for your child the discipline you established AS A DUTY AS A PARENT and not out of a moment of frustration or anger.

With your discipline, be careful not to set precedents. A child gets away with something once, they will do it again. If the agreed punishment is 10 minutes sitting on a chair, do not let them free in 3 minutes. Otherwise, from then on, you'll hear, "Can I get up now? Can I get up now? Can I get up Now?"

Lastly, remember to give your child choices (freedom over their own lives). Make certain that the freedoms you give are not freedoms that break the rules you've set forth. For example, your child must eat breakfast. But rather than fight with the child to eat his/her breakfast, ask them if they want cereal or oatmeal. The child must go to school. Don't fight and yell whether or not they're going to school but rather ask, "Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?" This takes the high ground over whether or not the child eats breakfast or goes to school and places in their authority what they will eat or what they will wear. It gives them freedom with boundaries. Some wiggle room.

These are just a few things parent to parent that I can offer but you MUST keep anger out of the equation and realize that it's just a job. The job? "Dad". That's what you do. You work, eat, sleep, etc., and PARENT. Don't make it personal. Save the personal moments for tender things like playing games and throwing the ball or just watching Rudolf together on the couch.

Hope this gave you some ideas.

Peace,

OTH

 

[Jefe]

I'm not into the parenting thing at all (vasectomy) with one exception: I want to prevent my nephews from suffering the cycle of abuse that's in my family.

I see it starting all over again with them, the same way it was with my brother and I.

There was some really good advice in this thread.

Thank you.

 

[method2madness]

I've begun seeing an anger management therapist. It's a long road but it's been two months and some positive changes have been made, with more to come. Good luck to you brother!

What steps are u doing to end this? I ask because im the same way, and even a bit worse at times....and i hate it! And i could use a bit of guidance myself in this


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[Aliendogstar]

I've begun seeing an anger management therapist. It's a long road but it's been two months and some positive changes have been made, with more to come. Good luck to you brother!

If anything, seeing a therapist is an outlet for all those bottled up emotions. A "check" to let you know that you're not crazy and just because your wife or someone else can deal with mayhem better than you, doesn't mean you love your child any less. We're not all wired to deal well with screaming and bad behavior. One thing that I've realized is that you can shape them, guide them, teach them, and protect them.....but you can't control them. The famous adage "you can bring a horse to the water, but you can't make them drink" is so true when it comes to parenting.

 

[j2048b]

I've begun seeing an anger management therapist. It's a long road but it's been two months and some positive changes have been made, with more to come. Good luck to you brother!

another avenue ive recently signed up for is this website that tony dungy has become a big part of and here is a great article on toddlers:

How to be a Good Father to a Toddler | All Pro Dad

 

[method2madness]

Form me this all stems from my perfectionist controlling nature. As a competitive bodybuilder and a teacher I am so conditioned to have control in the classroom and the gym, but that does not translate well to a child(son or daughter). I have learned over the years to accept my flaws and re-direct my own feelings when they're counterproductive. Now I'm learning to accept and redirect my son as a way to avoid bringing those counterproductive feelings to the surface. So far so good. Putting on his diaper this afternoon I effectively redirected his energies and got the job done and things went off without a hitch. Perfect practice makes perfect!

 

[Bio]

Form me this all stems from my perfectionist controlling nature. As a competitive bodybuilder and a teacher I am so conditioned to have control in the classroom and the gym, but that does not translate well to a child(son or daughter). I have learned over the years to accept my flaws and re-direct my own feelings when they're counterproductive. Now I'm learning to accept and redirect my son as a way to avoid bringing those counterproductive feelings to the surface. So far so good. Putting on his diaper this afternoon I effectively redirected his energies and got the job done and things went off without a hitch. Perfect practice makes perfect!

We spoke via PM but I just wanted to say here, that you're a really good dad, on your way to being a great dad! What your doing for yourself and your family is beyond commendable! Most people make excuses for their bad behavior...Recognizing it and doing something about it sets you apart from so many! Congrats!!

 

[Achilles-reborn]

Method I've got 3 boys, 10, 8 and 2 and I have lost it before and I always feel bad after. I've gotten way better at controlling it over the years as it doesn't help anything. That said, don't beat yourself up. Try to better yourself (as it sounds like you already are) and remember little boys are far more resilient than you know. I've come back to my oldest two to apologize after having some time to cool down and they didn't even remember what I was apologizing for but they wanted to throw the football around. Good luck to you brother!


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[little slice]

Hey Method2Madness,


I wanted to apologize for being a dick. My posts were way out of line, and considering how I don't have any children of my own, they were made out of complete ignorance.


it's just.. not that long ago, I saw a father yelling (more like screaming) at his poor little son. The boy was bawling his eyes out, and the father was going batshit insane. I have no idea why that was happening, but it was really a heart wrenching sight.

but that was no excuse to be a dick to you

I know you aren't a bad father, and I know kids can really make anyone lose their temper. So I wanted to say that im sorry for butting in when I had no clue what im talking about.



No mods told me to say that btw. I genuinely am sorry. I hope that the efforts you are making to better yourself are rewarded.



cheers