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Ok so ive been pretty hesitant about posting this cuz i normally don't like to post OT stuff. But here it is.
The girls of my dreams i met 4 years ago, it was amazing and it really really was my first love, heck even my first relationshit. I was her first love and relationshit. The beginning as usual was amazing. I used to buy her flowers we rushed things a little too quickly cuz the emotions we felt we had never felt before, we had our ups and downs. We became posessive but we would always say things to each other no one else says, like she would tell me "i want to have your baby." (lol) and "i want to marry you" stuff like that all the time. It really was great.
I met her when she was 15 and i was 17 11th grade from highschool, just like me she was put back a year for personal reasons, she became really depressed in the 8th grade. I was put back a year cuz my english wasnt that good when i came here. Any way, by the time i was about to graduate i stopped carring about here, getting accepted to college and doing things by myself became more important to me than her. We broke up for like a week and it was all i needed to realize i needed her, this girl was the love of my life.
fast forward to now, she's graduating from highschool, started doing things for her self and forgot about me completely, suddenly her future plans for our relationship changed, shen no longer wanted to be with me forever wanted to party and go away. She went on a spring break trip to the Dominican and came back and broke up with me, saying she had come to a "realization" and that this relationship was too demanding and possessive, (probably true). I was devastated to a very dangerous point. Because i felt i had gone thru what she is going thru before but stayed with her cuz i realized this girl was my life. I actually tried to give her some space to see if she would change her mind, it was hard and i just psychotically kept calling. She blocked my number and threatened with a restraining order. I for once felt it was finally over. My reaction to the matter became pretty violent. I started getting into fights again, partying and even fucked a prostitute (soo against my morals). Ive been devastated, and what i am going to say next is what just makes me feel like shit... Sunday morning i get a call from a friend saying they saw here getting down with some guy who slept over (aka they fucked)... I was enraged but took it in and swallowed it, next day i send her a message: "I cant believe you, at least the girls ive had sex with i havent done it infront of an mutual audience who would call me" (i did this from a friends phone since mine is blocked) right after that, she calls me puts me on speaker knowing i would say things like "i can't believe how much you hurt me" and other sensitive things, and all i could hear on the other side was her friends laughs. So she had the nerve to mock my pain.... I lost it, completely, even got a panic attack. Today i get a call from a friend confirming me they fucked and that he is staying at her house, her parents are away... and... once again i fucking lost it... This time i am really disappointed with myself for what i did... I go to her house suspecting this guy would be there, i run in, they had just had a party the night before, they were cuddling (clothed, thank god) in her bed. I jsut started swinging at the guy, yelling and the guy runs away. What i did was despicable im really not gunna go into it, i didn't touch her is the only thing i can say to my advantage. Ill summarize i have a restraining order and maybe even a warrant for break and enter i dunno im not even going to my house. I really went crazy and scared the guy to death, im normally not like this. I am very very disappointed with myself but thats life. I know i have to stay away from her and i will, seeing her with another guy did it for me, i lost all desire for her. But here is my problem... I am in AWW at the fact that the same girl that said "i want your baby" "i never wanna kiss anyone but you" "i wanna marry you" "I want to be with you forever", is repeatedly fucking some piece of shit that wont even stand up for her after 4 weeks, 4 weeks!! I seriously cant believe this it blows my mind. I have had sex with a a hot girl since breaking up, but all i could think about was my ex, the only thing i wanted was her. I seriously don't know what went wrong, and i never knew i could be this psychotic. I never could never imagine this girl kissing let alon fucking and even more retardedly cuddling some fucking random. It blows me away cuz this girl is the most affectionate gorgeous girl ever and she acted like that with him only 4 fucking weeks after doing it with me after meeting him on friday. I seriously im at a point where i just want to be like "fuck life" and move somewhere else. I am more angry and dissapointed that devastated but still am in complete AAAWWWW. Sorry guys just needed to vent, sorry for the long ass post i normally hate doing this. And for you guys who read this thank you, and please dont tell me how stupid i am cuz i already know, advice and opinions are always welcome tho, thaks.
The girls of my dreams i met 4 years ago, it was amazing and it really really was my first love, heck even my first relationshit. I was her first love and relationshit. The beginning as usual was amazing. I used to buy her flowers we rushed things a little too quickly cuz the emotions we felt we had never felt before, we had our ups and downs. We became posessive but we would always say things to each other no one else says, like she would tell me "i want to have your baby." (lol) and "i want to marry you" stuff like that all the time. It really was great.
I met her when she was 15 and i was 17 11th grade from highschool, just like me she was put back a year for personal reasons, she became really depressed in the 8th grade. I was put back a year cuz my english wasnt that good when i came here. Any way, by the time i was about to graduate i stopped carring about here, getting accepted to college and doing things by myself became more important to me than her. We broke up for like a week and it was all i needed to realize i needed her, this girl was the love of my life.
fast forward to now, she's graduating from highschool, started doing things for her self and forgot about me completely, suddenly her future plans for our relationship changed, shen no longer wanted to be with me forever wanted to party and go away. She went on a spring break trip to the Dominican and came back and broke up with me, saying she had come to a "realization" and that this relationship was too demanding and possessive, (probably true). I was devastated to a very dangerous point. Because i felt i had gone thru what she is going thru before but stayed with her cuz i realized this girl was my life. I actually tried to give her some space to see if she would change her mind, it was hard and i just psychotically kept calling. She blocked my number and threatened with a restraining order. I for once felt it was finally over. My reaction to the matter became pretty violent. I started getting into fights again, partying and even fucked a prostitute (soo against my morals). Ive been devastated, and what i am going to say next is what just makes me feel like shit... Sunday morning i get a call from a friend saying they saw here getting down with some guy who slept over (aka they fucked)... I was enraged but took it in and swallowed it, next day i send her a message: "I cant believe you, at least the girls ive had sex with i havent done it infront of an mutual audience who would call me" (i did this from a friends phone since mine is blocked) right after that, she calls me puts me on speaker knowing i would say things like "i can't believe how much you hurt me" and other sensitive things, and all i could hear on the other side was her friends laughs. So she had the nerve to mock my pain.... I lost it, completely, even got a panic attack. Today i get a call from a friend confirming me they fucked and that he is staying at her house, her parents are away... and... once again i fucking lost it... This time i am really disappointed with myself for what i did... I go to her house suspecting this guy would be there, i run in, they had just had a party the night before, they were cuddling (clothed, thank god) in her bed. I jsut started swinging at the guy, yelling and the guy runs away. What i did was despicable im really not gunna go into it, i didn't touch her is the only thing i can say to my advantage. Ill summarize i have a restraining order and maybe even a warrant for break and enter i dunno im not even going to my house. I really went crazy and scared the guy to death, im normally not like this. I am very very disappointed with myself but thats life. I know i have to stay away from her and i will, seeing her with another guy did it for me, i lost all desire for her. But here is my problem... I am in AWW at the fact that the same girl that said "i want your baby" "i never wanna kiss anyone but you" "i wanna marry you" "I want to be with you forever", is repeatedly fucking some piece of shit that wont even stand up for her after 4 weeks, 4 weeks!! I seriously cant believe this it blows my mind. I have had sex with a a hot girl since breaking up, but all i could think about was my ex, the only thing i wanted was her. I seriously don't know what went wrong, and i never knew i could be this psychotic. I never could never imagine this girl kissing let alon fucking and even more retardedly cuddling some fucking random. It blows me away cuz this girl is the most affectionate gorgeous girl ever and she acted like that with him only 4 fucking weeks after doing it with me after meeting him on friday. I seriously im at a point where i just want to be like "fuck life" and move somewhere else. I am more angry and dissapointed that devastated but still am in complete AAAWWWW. Sorry guys just needed to vent, sorry for the long ass post i normally hate doing this. And for you guys who read this thank you, and please dont tell me how stupid i am cuz i already know, advice and opinions are always welcome tho, thaks.
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