O/T advice for raising a son

[npcout]

Will be having a son. I don’t want to mold him into what I want him to be, I want him to decide, but I want to guide him properly. I was very competitive in sports growing up, a lot of self motivation which transitioning to competitive bodybuilding. Looking back, I think a big thing was my dad was always present, I never played outside by myself. It was either friends or with my dad.

I’d love him to be competitive in sports, but that might not be him. I’d love him to be a masculine man. But it’s not my call, Who knows.

What’s some life advice/tips on raising a boy. Thanks all!

 

[alfresco]

After reading your post I think you will be a very good father.

All I can add is be a good role model. That is priceless.

 

[Barbell-king SC]

You sound like your ahead of the curve my friend you have a solid head on your shoulders it seems but one thing I always do with my boys is
(Praise in public and punish in private ) always give them an ear and understand there kids Evan though to us their problems seem small in their minds their real problems so listen provide advice and be their super hero congratulations my friend

 

[Heath82]

Give him opportunities in sports and other things, let him figure out what he likes then be his biggest fan and supporter…

 

[Hyperemia]

My only advice is to be present. Not just there but actively involved. From reading your post, I dont think this is going to be a struggle for you. Congrats dude, it's always good seeing a father who wants nothing but the best for their kids.

 

[npcout]

After reading your post I think you will be a very good father.

All I can add is be a good model. That is priceless.

Appreciate that man.

I’d love him to be what I want.. but I know I gota let him figure this life shit out on his own too.

 

[SABAGOY]

I am going to PM you as well, but props on posting this and I agree if this is where your head stays you will raise a great kid! This is coming from someone who regrettably was not as present in my sons first few years as I should have been to now I am the class dad of his kindergarten class, coach his tee ball team and spend countless hours playing cars with him everyday and thankful for every second of it. Agree with what everyone is saying about being present but to specific to things like sports...trust me, its harder than you think, but realize they are young and will have time to try everything. Its very tempting to try and put him in more activities than necessary at a young age but you run a bigger risk of turning them off certain activities vs getting them involved early so they are a "better" baseball player at 9 years old. LOL

Not sure the situation with his mom, but being a good man to her is one of the best ways to make him a good man.

 

[Bleed]

Accept him as he is, be present, and expose him to as much as you can at the right times. Can't go wrong that way. He'll turn out to be the best version of whatever he is.

 

[hogan87]

I would say don`t try and be his friend, be his leader, let him be who he wants to be while giving him options to grow. He will be a little baby until puberty. If he wants to be trans at 8 years old, tell him to shut up and learn some math/science. I told my kids, I`m here to mold you from a little turd into a young responsible adult. Until then we will have fun, but I`m in charge

 

[control]

My advice is don't get parenting advice from a bodybuilding forum. Read books written by experts.
Being a parent is extremely complex and it's the most important thing in life; but for some reason people try to do it without any expert education. Most people just raise their kids the way they were raised, then their kids grow up with the same issues they have....

 

[MR. BMJ]

I would get him active into multiple sports throughout the year while he is young, as well as some form of martial arts training (wrestling, JJ, and either boxing or kickboxing). If he does not get interested into them until he is late in his teens, he'll be too far behind the rest of the kids who have been doing it since they were young. If he likes them then it will be easier, but if he is not athletically talented, you will need to explain the importance of practice, which will make him better, and once one becomes better at something, then it also becomes funner as well. If he is into running, then most areas have cross country teams or leagues, which will keep him in good shape for other sports as well. There is a fine line between forcing a child to do sports, but i'd recommend stepping in to do at least something so that he does not become like a lot of kids these days who are addicted to TV and video games and tablets.

My son is not athletic at all and dislikes most sports, at least competively. he likes to lounge around and be lazy. I have to be a little more forceful with him, but also find stuff he will like and have some sort of chance at.

My daughter is a freak, great athlete at only 8 years old. She is good at everything and works hard. I follow her in the car as she jogs around town and does laps at the park. She is also very strong. I need to get a bike, but no way in hell i'm jogging alongside her at this point, LOL.

At the end of the day, keep it real. You ride them hard, but constructive...none of that easy talk stuff. Tell them you are proud of them, and that you love them, but always push them. Have separate time for fun and stuff as well. I should go into more detail on this part, but hopefully it makes sense.

If they can find friends who also likes sports, then it will make it easier as well. Teach them as much as you can while they are young.

 

[Chipper Jones78]

So much good advice here, literally every post here has merit, especially what @Hyperemia added, BE PRESENT.

I have three kids, all under 10.

When I was about to have my first, I leaned into someone I admired and listened to and asked him, "do you have any advice for me raising my first child"

His reply "the best advice I can give you, is no advice"

To sum up his answer, we can all give you advice on what works and what does not, at the end of the day, I figured it out what he meant, your going to have to figure out this journey on your own and you'll make the right decisions when they present themselves, believe you me you will, full stop.

I never looked back.

Side note - just because Joe and Joan do things a certain way, does mean you have to, you'll figure out exactly what to do, trust me, the male protective dad in you will show up.

Congrats BTW.

 

[solarsentinel1]

In the famous words of Kahlil Gibran:

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."

As the father of three sons (all now in their 30's) I can say that constantly reminding myself that I am the "stable bow" and not the "archer" has been invaluable both to me personally and to my sons.

Books to invest in:

Letters to My Son: A Father's Wisdom on Manhood, Life, and Love
Raising a Modern Day Knight: A Father's Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood
Raising Emotionally Strong Boys
Raising Men: Lessons Navy SEALs Learned From Their Training and Taught to Their Sons

Study him. Know him. Hear him. Understand him. Evolve with him. Be his eternal champion. At every opportunity, let him know how much you love and care for him.

Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your son!

 

[bjjgear]

In the famous words of Kahlil Gibran:

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."

As the father of three sons (all now in their 30's) I can say that constantly reminding myself that I am the "stable bow" and not the "archer" has been invaluable both to me personally and to my sons.

Books to invest in:

Letters to My Son: A Father's Wisdom on Manhood, Life, and Love
Raising a Modern Day Knight: A Father's Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood
Raising Emotionally Strong Boys
Raising Men: Lessons Navy SEALs Learned From Their Training and Taught to Their Sons

Study him. Know him. Hear him. Understand him. Evolve with him. Be his eternal champion. At every opportunity, let him know how much you love and care for him.

Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your son!

I love Gibran’s writing and had not seen this passage. Beautiful, thanks for sharing bro.

 

[npcout]

In the famous words of Kahlil Gibran:

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."

As the father of three sons (all now in their 30's) I can say that constantly reminding myself that I am the "stable bow" and not the "archer" has been invaluable both to me personally and to my sons.

Books to invest in:

Letters to My Son: A Father's Wisdom on Manhood, Life, and Love
Raising a Modern Day Knight: A Father's Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood
Raising Emotionally Strong Boys
Raising Men: Lessons Navy SEALs Learned From Their Training and Taught to Their Sons

Study him. Know him. Hear him. Understand him. Evolve with him. Be his eternal champion. At every opportunity, let him know how much you love and care for him.

Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your son!

Wow, damn that was powerful. Thank you.


Seriously, thank you everyone, it’s a lot to take in at once but greatly appreciated

 

[Golden]

In addition to everything else already written I’d add, enjoy the time when they’re small. It goes by with the blink of an eye. It’s scary how quick it goes. 1 day you look and he’ll be 18 when it felt like yesterday he was a baby

 

[heavyhitter]

Lead by example brother. Show him what a man should be. You’re on the right path already by being worried about it

 

[EnhancedFatGrappler]

Got no clue about raising kids, but I'm happy for you and your son, sounds like he has a great father !

 

[pesty4077]

My daughter thought I was a bit mean at times. I pushed her because I saw potential to be outstanding. Here is the secret IMO for raising good kids. It isn't the discipline or staying on top of them that is a problem. It is not rewarding them or telling them they are doing a great job when they do. You need to have correction in a child's life, but you better tell them they can do it or reward them when they succeed. Always tell them you love them too and want the best for them. Tell them what you think and then ask for their opinion. Have balance in their lives.

 

[w8tlifterty]

In the famous words of Kahlil Gibran:

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."

As the father of three sons (all now in their 30's) I can say that constantly reminding myself that I am the "stable bow" and not the "archer" has been invaluable both to me personally and to my sons.

Books to invest in:

Letters to My Son: A Father's Wisdom on Manhood, Life, and Love
Raising a Modern Day Knight: A Father's Role in Guiding His Son to Authentic Manhood
Raising Emotionally Strong Boys
Raising Men: Lessons Navy SEALs Learned From Their Training and Taught to Their Sons

Study him. Know him. Hear him. Understand him. Evolve with him. Be his eternal champion. At every opportunity, let him know how much you love and care for him.

Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your son!

Every post you enlighten the board with, your character shines through.

I am a dad to a beautiful 10 year old girl… I adhere to many of the things you said above and the Gibran quote is priceless. So much wisdom in those words.

OP, it’s a scary time to raise a child. You’ve gotten a ton of solid andvice. All the best to you as you navigate fatherhood. No greater gift in my opinion. If you are a man of strong character, which your initial post suggest, you will be just fine.

I wish your soon to be baby boy a long, healthy, beautiful life. Shower him w all the love you have to give and guide his growth w pure intentions.