O/T advice for raising a son

[mimo]

Accept him as he is, be present, and expose him to as much as you can at the right times. Can't go wrong that way. He'll turn out to be the best version of whatever he is.

Exactly this! This is the most important advice and what i'm doing with my boys (4 yr old twins).

 

[Liter O' Test]

Personally, I wouldn't let my kid near a screen. except for old documentaries and cool 80s cop movies
I'm terrified of the long-term impact of content targeted towards children, or even the media they are exposed to not specifically targeting children.
A childs brain can't filter things themselves, everything is new to them and they accept it as 'normal',
as others have said you have to be "present" for them more than ever, because there is a war going on for their mind.

 

[cage99]

Just be present and a role model for him! My son is in his teens now and is the polar opposite of me. It’s hard at times because sports never have been his thing. When I was younger I loved sports! Super competitive!!!!

I have to remind myself DAILY he’s not me and let him do his own thing. In the last couple of years he’s begun weightlifting. I don’t think it’s his passion, but more so mimicking me.

Also, I’m not an emotional/sensitive guy. Most people tell me I have a black heart, saying I’m heartless. My boy is super compassionate.

I’m NOT the perfect father by no means, but I’m here EVERYDAY and there for EVERY EVENT!!!! Just be present, engaged, encouraging, respectful, responsible, and teach him how to be a productive member of society.

It goes fast! So make sure you enjoy the ride.

Cage

 

[cage99]

@npcout, forgot to say Congratulations my man!!!! Enjoy it!

Cage

 

[gauge22-v2]

- Let your kids, boys or girls, make mistakes. Unless it is dangerous let them figure shit out.
- Being on a team builds a sense of commitment that exceeds solo sports.
- Read to them all the time. Build a love of reading within your kid
- Encourage them to be adventurous, get dirty, climb trees. Do not be one of the helicopter parents
- Build a love for the outdoors through shared experiences
- Get them doing chores, age appropriate
- Let them be them, do not live out your glory years through your kid (fuck me I saw this hundreds of times when coaching football)
- Expose them to all sorts of things and let them figure out what clicks with them. Shit, museums, outdoors, crafts, chess, whatever...
- Keep them off electronics for as long as possible.

Now you. You must be a role model. Your behavior as a man/father will be the single biggest influence on them.

If this is your first kid, you ARE going to fuck up, lose your cool, be overwhelmed, and think you are a shit father. All normal, but it is tough.

Lastly, take care of your health and maintain something for you (gym I suspect).

Congrats!

 

[richiec]

I have a 13.5 year old and was terrified when we found out she was pregnant. I didn't know what to do, except try to continue what my father did with me.
My grandfather was a hard man, rarely gave praise. In fact, I can only remember him telling me he loved me 1 time my entire life before he passed away when I was 18.
My father took a different approach, he constantly told my sister and I how much he loved us, how proud of us he was.

The days are long, the years are fast. Enjoy the moments, even the messy and hard ones.
Don't let your anger/frustrations surface, breathe. Let him make mistakes and guide him through the processes of decision making.
Tell him you love him often. Tell him you are proud of him often. Ask him questions.

 

[Gizmo]

A lot of good advice in this thread already. I’m a father of three myself (21,18 and an almost 2 year old), and one of my goals as a parent is that my children know that they can come to me with anything. I will never tell them I am disappointed in them, I will never get angry with them for whatever they tell me. This way you will have a better idea of what goes on in their lives and will be better able to be present and help them navigate this confusing road to adulthood. Of course they will still have their secrets, but when they see you as a source of protection, love and guidance it will make their lives easier. I was afraid of my dad and his reactions and internalized a lot of my problems and fears and I think that’s partly why I tend to be a very anxious person.

 

[fisther69]

As a father to a son and daughter I have come to the conclusion being present is damn near everything! That means put the phone down!! I’m off today and my son fell asleep in the car while my daughter was in school..it is the only reason I’m on the phone now.

Secondly, give your son the masculine edge..teach him what a man really is…calm, compassionate, empathetic, but will turn into a straight fucken demon when the situation calls for it.give him confidence but know when to roll it back a little..good judgement comes from experience, but experience is gained from poor judgement and learning from it.

Daughters? They are different..as a father, you will be your daughters first love..everything you do matters!!! You give that baby girl so much damn confidence that the world has no choice but to follow.

All in all I have had an epic life..I’ve met every goal I have ever put in front of me and have lived easily 10 lifetimes in under 40 years…having kids blows all that shif out of the water..I don’t care about anything but that now.

I might be the only one to tell you this, but having kids is the easiest damn thing you will ever do..I love having kids so much.

Good luck brother

 

[tommyguns2]

Lots of good advice here. I will reiterate the comment seen multiple times: be present. Kids don't need you to buy them stuff, they need you to be around, investing your time into them.

I've got two sons, and both are very different from one another. One was an athlete, the other was into art and drama. I encouraged both, and was present with them for both.

Your words "whisper," but your actions "yell." What I mean by that is that your son will be watching you and what he sees you doing will, in many instances, be more influential than what you say. His work ethic, his ability to work/play well with others, loyalty, responsibility, how he respects his mother, how he treats women in general, will likely be influenced by watching you do these things. And he'll just presume that this is what men do. It's a great opportunity, and also a great responsibility. Good stuff!

Congratulations! I'm glad you care about being a good dad.

 

[Alzadosghost]

Will be having a son. I don’t want to mold him into what I want him to be, I want him to decide, but I want to guide him properly. I was very competitive in sports growing up, a lot of self motivation which transitioning to competitive bodybuilding. Looking back, I think a big thing was my dad was always present, I never played outside by myself. It was either friends or with my dad.

I’d love him to be competitive in sports, but that might not be him. I’d love him to be a masculine man. But it’s not my call, Who knows.

What’s some life advice/tips on raising a boy. Thanks all!

For someone that says he wants his son to choose his own path in life but…..you have a lot of time before you can start living vicariously through your son lol just feed and water him and he will blossom.

 

[Mufasa123]

Be present
Act and make the decisions like the man you want to be and him to grow into
Pay attention to him and devote time
Take him places and show him things
Make sure he knows you love him and care
When he asks a question, give a thoughtful solid answer (consideration and showing him he matters to you is more important than the answer)
Let him know trying things (sports/foods/etc) is important and biggest death bed regrets are not spending time with family and not trying things
Don't be too hard on him or yourself - it's about consistency and parenting is hard (but the most rewarding thing you may ever do).
Work ethic is important, make sure he sees you and learns from your example
Instill a sense of wonder about the world and make sure he knows how to contribute to family and community. He may be on the other side someday.

 

[Blueballs]

Steer him in the direction of a combat sport(s). Boxing and rugby for example and tell him the truth about lgbtq and that anyone who suggests there is more than one gender should be ignored at all costs.