O/T things get bad with gf ...

[mike1107]

together since 8 months, love at first sight and no story I knew could compare to what we had ... got fiance together .... she asked me to live together and I found a new lodgment for the both of us ... now she does 1 step back and look for any excuses not to come ... she hides behind her daughter (she has her every 2 weeks on the week end) and say the change will be too hard ... as if a woman with a child can't have her life rebuilt ... and there is less than 1 hour between our homes so there is no difference for her daughter in term of "travel" .. don't trust her anymore, still love her but it'll sadly go to an end
bad excuses and it's not the 1st one ... I fuckin felt that
don't call her anymore, let her call ... and know how it's gonna end anyway ... this time it was too much ... I made many mistakes with her but for sure this one it's not me ... my friends keep tellin me I changed a lot for her in a good way .. she doesn't know what she wants and I fee like like I've been lied for a while

fuck ....

sorry needed to vent ...

 

[Bigredpits]

Sorry to hear that and I feel for you....at least you have the foresight and you are protecting yourself and cutting your losses. Good luck and keep your head up.

 

[Enanthanator]

That sucks bro...women are the worst pain in the world to me...

 

[Bigredpits]

Also change is a two way street...I think almost everyone has changed for someone they love but you know when its true love if the other person changes with you aswell. If your the only one changing there is a problem bc if she didn't like you for who you were when u first met then probably should have never been together in the first place. You made a comitment and she is not (warning signs) been there. Its hard I know we don't know when cupid will shoot us with his arrow my 2 cents. I hope you get things figured out my friend.

 

[JETHRO TULL]

Mike, I learned that lesson a couple times myself.

If you've been honest and tried, that's all a guy can do. Keep being yourself, the best person you can be. There is a woman out there who will appreciate that.

I hope things work out for you. We sure appreciate your input here. I do anyway.

 

[VulgarDisplay]

Look at the bright side...

If you can...I know it's hard but think of how hard it would have been if you had found a new house, moved in together and then at some point down the road when you were more heavily invested emotionaly she decided it wasn't what she truly wanted. Take it as a sign and move on my friend.

 

[Phidias]

If you can...I know it's hard but think of how hard it would have been if you had found a new house, moved in together and then at some point down the road when you were more heavily invested emotionaly she decided it wasn't what she truly wanted. Take it as a sign and move on my friend.

Agreed 100%!

Don't let her take you down Mike. There's a fine line between being nice, making concessions, and becoming her toy. Focus on yourself from now on...

Still see ya on saturday?

 

[Kaiser]

together since 8 months, love at first sight and no story I knew could compare to what we had ... got fiance together .... she asked me to live together and I found a new lodgment for the both of us ... now she does 1 step back and look for any excuses not to come ... she hides behind her daughter (she has her every 2 weeks on the week end) and say the change will be too hard ... as if a woman with a child can't have her life rebuilt ... and there is less than 1 hour between our homes so there is no difference for her daughter in term of "travel" .. don't trust her anymore, still love her but it'll sadly go to an end
bad excuses and it's not the 1st one ... I fuckin felt that
don't call her anymore, let her call ... and know how it's gonna end anyway ... this time it was too much ... I made many mistakes with her but for sure this one it's not me ... my friends keep tellin me I changed a lot for her in a good way .. she doesn't know what she wants and I fee like like I've been lied for a while

fuck ....

sorry needed to vent ...

Well Mike, First, sorry for what you are going through. It's tough dealing with that kind of inconsistency in a relationship. Some thiings do set a flag up in my mind, and the main one is why isn't she primary guardian of her child? This would normally be one of 2 things in which both are a little negative. 1. She did something or the judge is aware of something that kept her from being primary guardian which holds it's obvious problems OR 2. She didn't want the responsibility of being primary guardian which also has it's downfalls and tells you that she is probably selfish by nature. I am not speaking negative about your woman Mike, as you know I like you and respect you, I just am not going to beat around the bush on these types of issues because they do nothing but prolong pain if not realized in a resonabe amount of time. I am sure OTH or Strongmind could shed some more light on the subject, and hell, OTH may find me to be totally off on this, but that is what set up a flag in my mind.

You came to the right place to vent because you're well liked and respected here.

 

[nemo]

Well Mike, First, sorry for what you are going through. It's tough dealing with that kind of inconsistency in a relationship. Some thiings do set a flag up in my mind, and the main one is why isn't she primary guardian of her child? This would normally be one of 2 things in which both are a little negative. 1. She did something or the judge is aware of something that kept her from being primary guardian which holds it's obvious problems OR 2. She didn't want the responsibility of being primary guardian which also has it's downfalls and tells you that she is probably selfish by nature. I am not speaking negative about your woman Mike, as you know I like you and respect you, I just am not going to beat around the bush on these types of issues because they do nothing but prolong pain if not realized in a resonabe amount of time. I am sure OTH or Strongmind could shed some more light on the subject, and hell, OTH may find me to be totally off on this, but that is what set up a flag in my mind.

You came to the right place to vent because you're well liked and respected here.

I noticed that too, Kaiser. Here in North America that is definitely a big warning sign. I'm not sure if that's that case in Europe but it would still make me wary of the situation regardless.

Personally, I try to treat people the way I like to be treated: with consideration and kindness. If they don't reciprocate then it's time for me to move on. Why invite all that negative energy into your life? Maybe I'm just too simple in my approach to life.

 

[celtic-devil]

Hi Mike,

Your situation seems quite similar to mine.

I've been broken up with my ex for about 4 months now. ANyways, before that, we had been together 7 months. Really really loved that girl... felt different about her than most all the other girls I've been with.

Things went great at the start. But like you, she began to increasingly use excuses not to meet up at the weekend etc. I didnt realise it at the time, but looking back on it now it's so obvious that she was lying to me.

there was one incident where she rang me at 4 in the morning after she had been out partying with her friends. I had my cell turned off but she left a voicmail which I listened to the next day....I dont think she realised my voicemail was running because I could hear her in the background denying to her friends that I was her boyfriend at all, and saying that we weren't really going out, only havin a bit of fun.....that shit really got to me....especially that she had told me many times before that she really wanted to be with me and have a relationship with me.

But still, I stayed with her and didnt even confront her about it. In hindsight, I made it way too easier for her.....I acted like a pushover (becuase I liked her so much). I should have been way more firm with her and layed down the law.

One thing I firmly believe about women (not all women, just most), is that they want a dominant man. I dont mean dominant in a bad way. I mean, they want an assertive man who is able to lay down the law and doesnt allow himslef to get pushed around. I really think that if you play it too cool, and are too layed back and let her away with too much then she will have no respect for you. It's biology really. Women naturally want men who can support them (just like any other species; the human race is really not that different), and assertive, strong, non-shit taking types almost invariably make it to the top of the pile, forge better careers etc. THAT is what women are attracted to (in the context of long term relationships)

My advice is...lay down the fuckin law man. Let her know your not gonna stand for this shit and that if she keeps it up, your gonna kick her to the kerb.
If you dont, she will have no respect for you.

ITs what I shoulda done. I firmly believe that because I was too easy going and non-confrontational with my girl that she lost respeect for me. I just wasnt assertive/strong anough and so I wasnt relationship material. I was too passive.

I've learnt my lesson and if that shit happens to me again, I'll act differently.

You HAVE to confront her about it though......It still eats me up every day that I allowed her to treat me like shit and get away with it. She walked all over me and thought it was fine to do it. She never expressed a hint of remorse. That is the hardest thing to get over....you really will never forgive yourself if you dont confront her about the way she's treating you.

I hat to sound like a pessimist, but if you continue the way you are now, a break up is inevitable. at least if you confront her and you guys end up breaking up, then you have your self respect for being a man and confronting her (which I don't have....

cd

 

[balla06]

keep ur head up bro, the rain never last forever and i promise u that everything will work out for the best

jus take care of urself and move forward with ur life and u will run into a girl somewhere, sometime and it will be better then ever bro!

dont let the old split crotch get ya big dog!

 

[mike1107]

thanks guys

well as some of you know last year I went through an horrible death and let's say now I'm not scared about a lot of things ... may sound stupid but once u know the worst u're not really scared
I'm really disapointed though ... I believed in love again ... fuck friends is cool but have a gf is better ....

I stay focused on what I like, never lost the love of my sport which is my primary interest and what I live for and where I get the $$$ for a livin ...

Kaiser, judgement has not been set yet (really slow here in Europe) but she lives with a roomate in a REALLY REALLY small apartement and works non stop from 9AM-9PM ... anyway ...

Phidias U bet we'll meet on saturday bro !! and don't worry I'"ll never become anyone's toy (excepted a sex toy ok )
je t'envoi un message privé mon pote pour samedi

well funny things is that she calls me .... wants to see me more ... but for sure something is broken in my mind .... she'll probably be just my gf from now on ... simple as that ...

I'll move to thailand with 2 of my best friends so I think hot water, beach and cheap vodka - redbull willl help

 

[oldfella]

Hey mike, I think as men most of us have been down this road. I know I have, more than once. You put it all in, make a few changes, think that it's going well and then, it goes to shit! You try to figure out if you could have done things differently, you try to find fault with what you've done and in reality, you have done what your heart told you to do. No shame in that but it gets painful. You can look back and remember the good times and forget the bad, You are making the right choice! Get on with it and let her know you are going to do just that! Sit down and have a heart to heart and let her know the state of affairs as you see it! Tell her it will only be a casual thing and try not to let it under your skin. The child issue is a tough one, I think Kaiser had some very wise words there. You need to know how commited to a relationship is she? Ask. Try and get some answers to your questions. But with a custody case looming I doubt she will give you her full attention, and maybe that's a fair call. She also has to realize that you can not hang on a string and a hope. She needs to be fair to you also! You come on here and vent brother, we are here and we will help you, listen to you and give you our take on things. It's what we do for each other. Because we all have the common bond, we alll share the love, joys and heart aches. We are your brothers Mike and we will listen. So let your feelings out, we will catch you if you fall. All the best bro and things will get better!!

 

[mike1107]

to be honest I think it's not to me to save anything
that's her turn now
and won't be easy considering my anger now and how much I go disapointed by this reaction
it sure hurts but I've also my proud as a men and did many things
I did A TON of things wrng with her that I regret, I also did many things to listen her, hear her and show her I love
I used to play with women now I'm able to be serious and proved it

the child isssue is absolutely not the main problem, only an excuse I swear it .... and I like to trust and believe in what I'm said and don't feel it's only BS
fact is I bet she doesn't even know what she is scared of ... I bet it

she is that kind of person who is scared of being happy because she thinks she'll lose it or doesn't deserve that... I'm not a psychologist and will never be ... just a person who wanna live something good ... and can't do more than I did
as I said I've been doing many mistakes, changed a lot for her (I needed to change for sure and I have to thank her for the work I've been able to do on myself and my impulsivity) and though it was all about me
now I discover it's not all about me ...
I don't call her from now on ... if she loves me she'll call me ... we were supposed to see on friday ... we'll see how it goes ...
relationship sucks

 

[oldfella]

to be honest I think it's not to me to save anything
that's her turn now
and won't be easy considering my anger now and how much I go disapointed by this reaction
it sure hurts but I've also my proud as a men and did many things
I did A TON of things wrng with her that I regret, I also did many things to listen her, hear her and show her I love
I used to play with women now I'm able to be serious and proved it

the child isssue is absolutely not the main problem, only an excuse I swear it .... and I like to trust and believe in what I'm said and don't feel it's only BS
fact is I bet she doesn't even know what she is scared of ... I bet it

she is that kind of person who is scared of being happy because she thinks she'll lose it or doesn't deserve that... I'm not a psychologist and will never be ... just a person who wanna live something good ... and can't do more than I did
as I said I've been doing many mistakes, changed a lot for her (I needed to change for sure and I have to thank her for the work I've been able to do on myself and my impulsivity) and though it was all about me
now I discover it's not all about me ...
I don't call her from now on ... if she loves me she'll call me ... we were supposed to see on friday ... we'll see how it goes ...
relationship sucks

I hope you get the good things in life bro. It is not that much to ask but seems so hard to reach. I do not know how old you are but it also sounds like some serious maturity creeping into your life now. It is not a bad thing either. All the best mike, I know things will come good for you!

 

[mike1107]

I'll turn 26 bro

 

[oldfella]

I'll turn 26 bro

Cool, lots of years and lots of ladies ahead my friend. Go out and enjoy!! Thanks.

 

[mike1107]

Cool, lots of years and lots of ladies ahead my friend. Go out and enjoy!! Thanks.

had more than I wanted to as an ex-bouncer lol

no seriously, I tried but not for me ... at least this time hehehe

 

[manboy270]

Don't sweat it. 26.....man! I've had alot of relationships-4 times were special though. Marriage material for sure but I didn't want it so I'd take off. Last one I couldn't pass up, married two years now and I can't believe it but it's really great. Thing is I probably would've been happy with either one of the other three! If you told me that at the time I would've said "she's the one" or some other stupid shit. The moral is (ha,ha) there's so much ass out there that you'll be compatable with over your lifetime-no such thing as "Soul Mates," so don't lose to much sleep over it. When you're in the midst of it though, it sure can sting.