QUESTIONS THAT HAVE HAUNTED ME

[PHIL HERNON]

> QUESTIONS THAT HAVE HAUNTED ME
>
> ________________________________
>
> Can you cry under water?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> How important does a person have to be before they are considered
> assassinated instead of just murdered?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... But it's only a 'penny for
> your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
> buried in for eternity?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> What disease did cured ham actually have?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
> a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up
> like every two hours?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
> binoculars to look at things on the ground?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why do doctors leave the room while you change?They're going to see you
> naked anyway.
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
> crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
> him?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
> why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?They're both
> dogs!
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't
> he just buy dinner?
>
>
> If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
> vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
>
>
> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
>
> ________________________________

> Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
> tune?
>

> Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
>

> Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
> call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

> Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
> you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the
> window?

 

[Ryce]

man you must be really bored today!

 

[inoverdrive]

Are you bored Phil? Just kidding. I like that but the deaf one is just wrong! It does make you think.

 

[natabolic]

HAHAH
i think i have read a lot of these before.

 

[Physick]

Some classics in there. Slow day today Phil?

 

[gearhead4life]

why does store 24 close at 11pm?

Why does 7/11, which is open 24/7 have locks on the doors?

What are these lumps and soars on my penis? All the hookers said they were clean.

Why do they call it tuna fish, is there a tuna chicken?

 

[gearhead4life]

why do you call it a peanut if its not a pea or a nut....its a legume

why do you call it an eggplant? there is no eggs in it.

why does that man come in my room and touch my special spot at night? LOL

 

[ALLEX]

________________________________
>Can you cry under water?

Yeah, but if the PH is between 7.4 and 7.6 you won't feel it.

> ________________________________
>
>
> How important does a person have to be before they are considered
> assassinated instead of just murdered?

If you see them on TV, you and your wife know their name and they get killed, this is "assassinated". All others are murdered.
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... But it's only a 'penny for
> your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

To George W. Bush.
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
> buried in for eternity?

No, you get naked so the party can start... All those female angels...
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Because the Chinese distributor charges 3 cents more for round boxes.
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> What disease did cured ham actually have?

He wanted to be cheese
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
> a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Man hasn't gone to the moon, it's a hoax remember?
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up
> like every two hours?

But they sleep 16 hours per day, altogether.
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

No, that'd be a watching.
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV

Movie screen is too large for you to step on.
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
> binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Because the naked girl down there on that first floor can't see you up here.
>
> ________________________________
>
>...

 

[Physick]

________________________________

>
> Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
> buried in for eternity?

No, you get naked so the party can start... All those female angels...
>

>...

Dude, it's heaven. For EVERYBODY!

 

[aeliop]

Arkansas and Kansas

Why is Arkansas pronounced ar-kan-saw and not ar-kan-sas or Kansas not pronounced kan-saw?

 

[Fa Seeshus]

"Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV"

funny thing is
Marshall McLuhan invented a whole new field of academic study based on this question.

 

[dancinfool]

Excellent thread!

Why is it called Rhode Island if it is neither a Road nor an Island?

 

[MightyJohn]

Why do You PARK in a DRIVEWAY.....yet DRIVE on a PARKWAY...?LOL

 

[Jarconis]

Why are they called busts if they stop at the neck?

Why are women's prisons called Penal Colonies, when there isnt anything Penal in there?

Why are buildings called buildings, they are done being constructed, they should be called builts.

Can a parsley farmer have his wages garnished?

If someone dies from 3rd degree burns and they get cremated, does the family receive a discount?

 

[tkav1980]

why do they call it a building if its already built?

If Brittany Spears farts in the woods and noone is around to hear it, does it still smell?

Why are no smoking signs always right next to an ashtray?

Its legal to sell things, and legal to have sex, but if you put the 2 together its against the law.

how many licks does it take to get to the center of Tara Ried?

where does your lap go when you stand up?

why do people say have a seat when theyre not really offering you their furnature?

 

[Physick]

Oh, never mind... I thought that was my idea of heaven...

From here:

http://www.professionalmuscle.com/forums/showpost.php?p=418279&postcount=513

Yeah I think I could spend eternity there!

 

[ironfreak83]

why do they sterilize everything before a lethal injection?

 

[gridlock]

why do they sterilize everything before a lethal injection?

very good point

 

[tank5469]

why do we say I gotta take a shit when we are actually leaving it there

 

[meanjoebean]

Haha, good questions. Here's some that haunt me a little.

-Is there a shitload of calcium in grass? All cows eat is grass and they have massive amounts of it in their milk.??

-There's iron in our blood, like real iron. Iron's extremely attracted to magnets. Well what if someone held a very strong magnet on their wrist or even over their heart, would all the iron that passes through that vein or artery be held in place by that magnet, thereby causing sort of a blood clot?

-Supposedly light goes on forever until it's "soaked up" by something with color. For instance if you shine a light on mirrors, it will just keep bouncing off of each one until it hits something else. Well what if we had something shaped like a basketball or a box in which the entire inside was made of mirrors, like a mirror coating. If we shine a light inside it and seal it off shouldnt there be light bouncing around in there forever and if we bust it shouldnt there be like a flash of light?

I thought about these in Chemistry class in high school but they've "haunted" me ever since.

Their not as good as yours Phil, but they aiigght.