Stuck on an old ex for 7 years

[zipzster00]

I have been in love with my ex for the past 7 years and I can't snap myself out of it. I've been with many other girls over the years, but have always thought of her. There was nothing special about her, she wasn't my first anything, I didn't even bang her, she was only 16 and I was 18 and I was only with her for a month and a half. We have been friends, sometimes closer and sometimes more distant friends and we did go out all the time before for a while. We also hooked up at a Halloween party 3 years ago.

Shes also done stuff that makes me think she likes me. She added the girl I'm seeing on facebook (the girl i'm seeing accepted the request not knowing that its my ex and thought it was someone else). So she added the girl im seeing on facebook just to find out stuff about us and whats going on in my life and then deleted her. I ran into her around that time and she was so friendly and talkative and all that (it was at a bar) and she pretty much wouldn't leave me alone until I said I had to go. Shes also asked a girl I know about me and how I've been, so I think she might like me, but I really never had the balls to go ask her to dinner or something.

But my real problem is that I've been with a girl now for a year, I do like her a lot, but I feel like I'm being torn apart between the two. I want to be with my ex, but at the same time I don't want to hurt the girl I'm with because I do like her and she loves me and shes just been so great to me and has done so much for me. I also know the girl I'm with is a good girl and the relationship is going to last. I just don't know how to get over my ex. I don't know what it is about her, I have thought about it for years, there was nothing special about her. But I am still stuck on her, someone told me that I am stuck on a memory that I had with her, but I can't think of any specific memories.

I appreciate your help!

 

[Conagher]

But I am still stuck on her, someone told me that I am stuck on a memory that I had with her, but I can't think of any specific memories.

I appreciate your help!

This.You are infatuated with the ideal of her,not the reality of what she may or may not be.I am in a somewhat similar situation.I was involved with a girl many years ago.It was brief.I cut the relationship short because I had serious doubts about her ability to remain faithful to any one person.
My suspicions have been validated over the years as she has cheated on her husband numerous times.Despite knowing this,I reflect often on the moments we shared,basically because they were the most intense emotions I have ever experienced with a girl.

 

[triathloncoach]

Gee Whiz

You're not married, living together or engaged with your current GF? Than ask the other one out to lunch or to meet for a drink or something simple and harmless. Go for it. Why the F not? Get it out of your system. Or go back to her. I don't get the problem. Your GF doesn't need to know.

 

[EVERLAST]

get on with it...

If you do not get this over with,
or on with it...it will EAT YOU ALIVE!!!
FIND out and then MOVE!!!
either way...

LIMBO is a shit place to be in.


If it's good then you know...if it's not then YOU GO!!!

what are you waiting for man???

 

[Jasthace]

I think the first thing to consider should be, why you broke up with your ex in the first instance.

 

[aolsux00]

Thanks for everyone's replies, sorry for taking so long to get back to everyone, I've been out of town...

Well there are a couple problems I have with doing this.

Even though I live in LA and its a big city, my GF and ex who of each other and have some of the same friends. Also, pretty much everyone that is the same nationality as me knows each other someway or somehow, whether its directly or thru a friends. She will find out for sure, without a doubt. Someone will see and it will get to her. They also both live in Beverly Hills, and I think the ex would kind of find it weird if I took her someplace far away for dinner or coffee.

Another problem is that one time she was texting me and we were texting back and forth for like 15 minutes and then at one point I asked her if she wanted to do coffee, and she didn't respond. This was maybe a few months before she started showing all this interest and everything else happened. So things may be different now.

You're not married, living together or engaged with your current GF? Than ask the other one out to lunch or to meet for a drink or something simple and harmless. Go for it. Why the F not? Get it out of your system. Or go back to her. I don't get the problem. Your GF doesn't need to know.

 

[aolsux00]

I didn't, she broke up with me... And she didn't give me a real reason, she said "its not you, its me." One of those dumb excuses girls give you when they don't want to tell you what's wrong.

I was talking to one of my coaches and he was telling me the first step to getting over her is for me to want to let her go. As much as I want to because I know it will be good for me and my current relationship and all that, I still don't want to in a way. I don't know why its so difficult for me.

I think the first thing to consider should be, why you broke up with your ex in the first instance.

 

[EVERLAST]

7 years?

Got to get on with this one way or another.
Take her to dinner.
Go talk in person and lose all the texting crap...
get on with your life.

Or just drop her.
Get some behavioral modification/OCD therapy if you need to. Hell hire a big f@%$ with a stick to whack you if you think about her.

Like I said...being in limbo sux.

E

 

[Jasthace]

I was talking to one of my coaches and he was telling me the first step to getting over her is for me to want to let her go. As much as I want to because I know it will be good for me and my current relationship and all that, I still don't want to in a way. I don't know why its so difficult for me.

That's for sure,you can become obsessed with girls if you don't get your head straight.I don't think any long term relationship is 100% rewarding.There is always room for more passion and inspiration,which you can feel like perhaps you could get that from another girl.
In the end every couple has their problems and the girl you are currently directing your extra interests to wards has already shown you that she is not the exception, with her "it's not you,it's me" story.
Be real,don't live in a dream world,you have a great girl now.If the other girl really wants you ,she would say something to you like, hey I made a mistake,if sometime in the future you become available, I would be interested in seeing you again.But she hasn't.
Until then consider her to be full of shit and expect the worst from any engagements you make with her in any way.
She has to say something REAL to you.

 

[hawkmoon]

7 years? That must feel terrible.
I have been stuck on the same girl for 7 weeks and it drives me insane at times.

 

[aolsux00]

I kinda get what your saying, but in our society, its a guys job most the time to say something and the way girls "say" something is by flirting with us. I just can't convince myself that she was asking about me for any other reason than because she is interested in me, same with the checking out my current GFs facebook page, to try to find out more info about my life.

I also think I found out why I am having such a hard time letting her go, its because I feel as if there is still a chance between us. I think if I didn't feel there was a chance, I would have let her already. But then again, I didn't feel like there was a chance 4 years back, but I still was stuck on her...

That's for sure,you can become obsessed with girls if you don't get your head straight.I don't think any long term relationship is 100% rewarding.There is always room for more passion and inspiration,which you can feel like perhaps you could get that from another girl.
In the end every couple has their problems and the girl you are currently directing your extra interests to wards has already shown you that she is not the exception, with her "it's not you,it's me" story.
Be real,don't live in a dream world,you have a great girl now.If the other girl really wants you ,she would say something to you like, hey I made a mistake,if sometime in the future you become available, I would be interested in seeing you again.But she hasn't.
Until then consider her to be full of shit and expect the worst from any engagements you make with her in any way.
She has to say something REAL to you.

 

[aolsux00]

Yeah, tell me about it. I did feel better at times when I was with someone, but even then I thought about her here and there. I had to cut off a lot of mutual friends. I just couldn't handle it. I got into so many arguments with everyone because they kept on mentioning her and many of them for no reason, they would tell me stuff like "I saw her 2 days ago." And I would be like "why are you telling me this?" I used to see her around all the time, but now its so much better that I only see her around a few times a year.

7 years? That must feel terrible.
I have been stuck on the same girl for 7 weeks and it drives me insane at times.