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My marriage is turning to shit.

Freedom15Muscle

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875
First off, I want to say its not like me to envolve others in my personal life. However, there comes a point where it starts to spill over into other things... A little background info. Ive been married six years and have a two year old and an eight month old. Heres my situation. Ive been military for a few years now. I recently deployed overseas. This is when everything started. My wife had been talking to a, "old friend". This old friend...which ive never met, stayed at my house. Eventually I found out because my neighbor is a snoop. I confronted the ball and chain and got the story. At that point I was pretty fed up.After, I returned to the states some time later, I found out this piece of shit stayed at my house 3 days(originally I was told one day. He was just passing through the state. He was also a military guy). She assured me she didnt cheat. I yanked and pulled at her for a week daily for the truth. I believe she did cheat but she doesnt have the courage to tell me. To cut this down a little. I gave her another chance and burried the hatchet.

Situation #2
This shit put me on a whole new level. Wifes gets a new part time job at a restaurant close to the house. She Tells me about a guy at work and how hes a manager at a store. Of course I naturally listen and sound interested. I brush it off... She continues to talk about him more and more. Yesterday she goes out for a, "girls night". She doesnt txt or call but i figure its a, "girls night"...so whatever. I start thinking about the guy and frantically check her phone... shes passed out on the bed drunk. I was thinking, I wonder if shes still txting that dude? I check her phone, and to my suprise shes txting that fucking puke. I say nothing today and go to work. Im at work boiling all day trying to secure my thoughts of rage. I try to analyze the situation on my way home. When I walk in the house she goes to the bathroom without her phone...the phone was chilling right in front of me. I grab it and open the convo to see more txts, like good morning. If Im lucky will you call me this morning? When will you come see me. You should send me pics. There wasnt any horrible shit because I caught it before it became worse. Immediately she says oh my girlfriend said," Rick", has a thing for me. She starts staring at me like I hopefully saw nothing on her phone. I could tell she was nervous. I looked at her and said, "Yeah!! Look at those fucking txts, do I look like an idiot?" Now, alot of my military experience and general nose for bullshit tells me when things arent right, you just know....I guess really im at a boiling point. I have a new house, car, two kids, great family, wife is smoking....literally everything a person could want. I came from nothing so to me I dont give a fuck about anything but my daughters....Im on a rant so I apologize, but shes sleeping next to me and all I can think about is a divorce. Im fed up. Once a liar and cheater, always a liar and cheater. Whats worse is her behavior is driving me away, and on the opposite side of the spectrum I have hot ass women throwing themselves at me at work. Im at fault here too because I often think about other women...however I dont act on it. Someone with some experience chime in. Im out of solutions.


Sent from my SM-G530P using Professional Muscle mobile app
 
First off, I want to say its not like me to envolve others in my personal life. However, there comes a point where it starts to spill over into other things... A little background info. Ive been married six years and have a two year old and an eight month old. Heres my situation. Ive been military for a few years now. I recently deployed overseas. This is when everything started. My wife had been talking to a, "old friend". This old friend...which ive never met, stayed at my house. Eventually I found out because my neighbor is a snoop. I confronted the ball and chain and got the story. At that point I was pretty fed up.After, I returned to the states some time later, I found out this piece of shit stayed at my house 3 days(originally I was told one day. He was just passing through the state. He was also a military guy). She assured me she didnt cheat. I yanked and pulled at her for a week daily for the truth. I believe she did cheat but she doesnt have the courage to tell me. To cut this down a little. I gave her another chance and burried the hatchet.

Situation #2
This shit put me on a whole new level. Wifes gets a new part time job at a restaurant close to the house. She Tells me about a guy at work and how hes a manager at a store. Of course I naturally listen and sound interested. I brush it off... She continues to talk about him more and more. Yesterday she goes out for a, "girls night". She doesnt txt or call but i figure its a, "girls night"...so whatever. I start thinking about the guy and frantically check her phone... shes passed out on the bed drunk. I was thinking, I wonder if shes still txting that dude? I check her phone, and to my suprise shes txting that fucking puke. I say nothing today and go to work. Im at work boiling all day trying to secure my thoughts of rage. I try to analyze the situation on my way home. When I walk in the house she goes to the bathroom without her phone...the phone was chilling right in front of me. I grab it and open the convo to see more txts, like good morning. If Im lucky will you call me this morning? When will you come see me. You should send me pics. There wasnt any horrible shit because I caught it before it became worse. Immediately she says oh my girlfriend said," Rick", has a thing for me. She starts staring at me like I hopefully saw nothing on her phone. I could tell she was nervous. I looked at her and said, "Yeah!! Look at those fucking txts, do I look like an idiot?" Now, alot of my military experience and general nose for bullshit tells me when things arent right, you just know....I guess really im at a boiling point. I have a new house, car, two kids, great family, wife is smoking....literally everything a person could want. I came from nothing so to me I dont give a fuck about anything but my daughters....Im on a rant so I apologize, but shes sleeping next to me and all I can think about is a divorce. Im fed up. Once a liar and cheater, always a liar and cheater. Whats worse is her behavior is driving me away, and on the opposite side of the spectrum I have hot ass women throwing themselves at me at work. Im at fault here too because I often think about other women...however I dont act on it. Someone with some experience chime in. Im out of solutions.


Sent from my SM-G530P using Professional Muscle mobile app

Youre in a predicament bc you have two lovely daughters but a wife you dont trust

Its best to vent and tell her how you feel. If it causes you to boil , communicate with her and tell her how you feel. Dont hold back, ask her who was the last dick in you, etc... its better to express your feelings and be honest then to hold a grudge , and not know the whole story. The truth will always come out and its best to vent to her face then hold all that stuff inside.

as far as thinking of other girls, thats normal man, and its okay, people fantasize about other people all the time when having sex. As long as youve done your part and been faithful in your committed relationship you have nothing to worry about

if someone has any other advice , please chime in
 
well i'd say if you still love her, ask if she'd like to go to counseling. just because you go does NOT mean things are completely over. in fact, my wife and i are talking about it and we have a great relationship, only b/c it gives you different points of view in an unbiased setting.

there's NEVER an excuse to cheat (well, almost never) but *maybe* there's something she's not getting from you that she's seeking elsewhere <---now PLEASE don't take offense to this, but i've known plenty of guys who cheated b/c honestly, their wives just plain wouldn't put out (or give head, or whatever) so they found someone who would. not saying you don't want to have sex w/ your wife, but generally they seem to need attention in other ways that sometimes we (as men) overlook (telling them how pretty they look, stuff like that).

now, you being deployed and her having a guy *stay* w/her, i don't know, bro. that's a tough one. i know exactly how you feel, tho. been in the same situation, when you can just sense some shit isn't right, and where there's smoke, there's generally fire.

as far as 'once a cheater, always a cheater' goes, i don't think this always holds true. back in the day, i dated a girl for 4 yrs that i really couldn't stand being with, but was sorta tied to b/c our families were cool, we had the same friends, etc., but i was also a young, handsome bartender w/ plenty of oppty's, and i took as many as i could get away with. never got *caught* red-handed, but had some close calls until i finally just got the balls to end it all.

fast forward a few yrs, and i had TWO women do the same shit to me, and i figured i had it coming but it SUCKED, nothing like that feeling that your woman has been unfaithful, and i could never prove anything, however but i got out of both situations relatively unscathed, told em both to kick rocks and suck cocks (literally lol) as painful as it was. one of em, i didn't sleep/eat for 3 days, i was so damn depressed.

here i am MANY yrs later, been w/ my wife for almost 9 yrs (married for 1, tho) and the LAST thing on my mind is cheating. she has some intimacy issues about which she's been in therapy for the last 8 mos and she's changing by the week. thru communication, she's telling me what she needs from me and we're working thru it together (b/c she doesn't want to have sex as often as i do) but she wants that to change and i'm working with her.

the reason i say this is b/c the old 'me' would have been out, sniffing around for someone to bang on the side, but that really doesn't interest me anymore. i remember what a piece of crap i felt like when i was a 'cheater', and i never felt good about myself (even tho i didn't really like my g/f either). that way of life doesn't appeal to me anymore, and i absolutely cannot imagine betraying her trust in me that she's built up so much (her last relationship, the guy was a total dirt bag and ran around on her all the time, messed her up w/ trust issues). NO piece of ass would be worth doing that to her, and as a mature man now, i don't really have the energy to pursue other women anyway. so your wife could be just going thru some stuff that she feels like she can't discuss with you, for whatever reason.

bottom line: if you still care about her and think you can get past any bullshit, suggest therapy. if not, do some more detective work and file for a divorce but ONLY after getting some hard core proof so you don't lose your ass in alimony.
 
well, im telling you now.....DO NOT.....DO NOT lose your shit
and have the cop called....no even for an argument or NOTHING...
NO NOT even raise your voice....

the next thing to do (as you know this thing is over) is start preparing
for it.....start cleaning up "your shit"...anything she can use against you
(because she WILL use ANYTHING she can and even make up shit to use)

do you have the means to get custody..??? meaning can you work from home
or have MOMs watch them during the day..??? because this will be your
biggest problem....proving you can take care of them (and be there with them)

its very hard for men who an actual job to get custody or part custody of
kids who are not in school yet....and need constant care...

the next thing i would do is encourage to "GO OUT"...tell her "yea hun go
out with the girls...ill watch the kids"....then call your mother over to sit
with you....as you mother can testify this...as you cannot testify against
your wife...

all im saying is be smart and DO NOT get police involved at ANY time.
this would destroy you...and take ANY credibility away from you...

and start preparing yourself now......as im sure she already is too....sadly.

im sorry to hear about this shit.

:cool:
 
well i'd say if you still love her, ask if she'd like to go to counseling. just because you go does NOT mean things are completely over. in fact, my wife and i are talking about it and we have a great relationship, only b/c it gives you different points of view in an unbiased setting.

there's NEVER an excuse to cheat (well, almost never) but *maybe* there's something she's not getting from you that she's seeking elsewhere <---now PLEASE don't take offense to this, but i've known plenty of guys who cheated b/c honestly, their wives just plain wouldn't put out (or give head, or whatever) so they found someone who would. not saying you don't want to have sex w/ your wife, but generally they seem to need attention in other ways that sometimes we (as men) overlook (telling them how pretty they look, stuff like that).

now, you being deployed and her having a guy *stay* w/her, i don't know, bro. that's a tough one. i know exactly how you feel, tho. been in the same situation, when you can just sense some shit isn't right, and where there's smoke, there's generally fire.

as far as 'once a cheater, always a cheater' goes, i don't think this always holds true. back in the day, i dated a girl for 4 yrs that i really couldn't stand being with, but was sorta tied to b/c our families were cool, we had the same friends, etc., but i was also a young, handsome bartender w/ plenty of oppty's, and i took as many as i could get away with. never got *caught* red-handed, but had some close calls until i finally just got the balls to end it all.

fast forward a few yrs, and i had TWO women do the same shit to me, and i figured i had it coming but it SUCKED, nothing like that feeling that your woman has been unfaithful, and i could never prove anything, however but i got out of both situations relatively unscathed, told em both to kick rocks and suck cocks (literally lol) as painful as it was. one of em, i didn't sleep/eat for 3 days, i was so damn depressed.

here i am MANY yrs later, been w/ my wife for almost 9 yrs (married for 1, tho) and the LAST thing on my mind is cheating. she has some intimacy issues about which she's been in therapy for the last 8 mos and she's changing by the week. thru communication, she's telling me what she needs from me and we're working thru it together (b/c she doesn't want to have sex as often as i do) but she wants that to change and i'm working with her.

the reason i say this is b/c the old 'me' would have been out, sniffing around for someone to bang on the side, but that really doesn't interest me anymore. i remember what a piece of crap i felt like when i was a 'cheater', and i never felt good about myself (even tho i didn't really like my g/f either). that way of life doesn't appeal to me anymore, and i absolutely cannot imagine betraying her trust in me that she's built up so much (her last relationship, the guy was a total dirt bag and ran around on her all the time, messed her up w/ trust issues). NO piece of ass would be worth doing that to her, and as a mature man now, i don't really have the energy to pursue other women anyway. so your wife could be just going thru some stuff that she feels like she can't discuss with you, for whatever reason.

bottom line: if you still care about her and think you can get past any bullshit, suggest therapy. if not, do some more detective work and file for a divorce but ONLY after getting some hard core proof so you don't lose your ass in alimony.

Yeah, I mentioned the counseling this morning. It looks were going to take this route sometime soon. Haha and as far as the putting out thing goes...That's half the problem some days. I cant even have my wife look at me the wrong way without me jumping her bones. The attention thing is what it seems to boil down to though. I think from years of the military and generally working long hours, I tend to ignore my own feelings...which also leads to her not getting any emotional support.

Sent from my SM-G530P using Professional Muscle mobile app
 
Ive deffintly taken in a little bit of everyones point of view. Its better to get advice from people outside the situation. Thanks alot, and im going to refrain from getting the police called lol. However, I'll be cleaning up my shit just in case.

Sent from my SM-G530P using Professional Muscle mobile app
 
Yeah, I mentioned the counseling this morning. It looks were going to take this route sometime soon. Haha and as far as the putting out thing goes...That's half the problem some days. I cant even have my wife look at me the wrong way without me jumping her bones. The attention thing is what it seems to boil down to though. I think from years of the military and generally working long hours, I tend to ignore my own feelings...which also leads to her not getting any emotional support.

Sent from my SM-G530P using Professional Muscle mobile app

She's got you blaming yourself for her being a scumbag. Bro, she had a guy stay over your house (!!!) while you were deployed and then lied to you about it. Read that again aloud and listen to how that sounds. It DOES NOT get worse than that. If that is not a WORST-CASE-SCENARIO then it's WORSE-CASE adjacent. Make plans to cut this cancer out of your life. I'm sorry you're going through this and good luck to you in the future.
 
In the Military to brother, divorce her and move on. Be an amazing father. But it's only going to get worse. You know this. We deal with this shit all the time.


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Take the high road - divorce her, keep things civil, and get the best possible cud today situation. Don't rage out in front of your kids, don't make her out to be a villain in front of them. Remain civil and do what you need to do to be the best man you can be for your kids. Staying with her might be toxic. That's my advice. Good luck bro and kudos for not bashing those guys heads in


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She's got you blaming yourself for her being a scumbag. Bro, she had a guy stay over your house (!!!) while you were deployed and then lied to you about it. Read that again aloud and listen to how that sounds. It DOES NOT get worse than that. If that is not a WORST-CASE-SCENARIO then it's WORSE-CASE adjacent. Make plans to cut this cancer out of your life. I'm sorry you're going through this and good luck to you in the future.
She does try to play the victim card alot. You do have a point her, that shit does sound bad. As far as getting worse, I dont think anything could of by that point. I would of left out of here a long time ago if I didnt have kids.

Sent from my SM-G530P using Professional Muscle mobile app
 
Take the high road - divorce her, keep things civil, and get the best possible cud today situation. Don't rage out in front of your kids, don't make her out to be a villain in front of them. Remain civil and do what you need to do to be the best man you can be for your kids. Staying with her might be toxic. That's my advice. Good luck bro and kudos for not bashing those guys heads in


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Like I said literally the only reason I havent done anything stupid....is because I have my daughters. Now before I had them I would of went to her work, bought the guy a couple drinks and play friend...then probly bash his scull in.


She does try to play the victim card alot. You do have a point her, that shit does sound bad. As far as getting worse, I dont think anything could of by that point. I would of left out of here a long time ago if I didnt have kids.

Sent from my SM-G530P using Professional Muscle mobile app


Sent from my SM-G530P using Professional Muscle mobile app
 
The guys aren't really the ones you should be focusing on. They're not the cause of your problems.

Did you find out if your kids were home while she had this stranger staying there? I feel like with statements from your witness/neighbor, you may have enough to show that your wife is making terrible decisions and putting you and your children in danger by having men come into the home. Have you gotten checked for STI's?
 
The guys aren't really the ones you should be focusing on. They're not the cause of your problems.

Did you find out if your kids were home while she had this stranger staying there? I feel like with statements from your witness/neighbor, you may have enough to show that your wife is making terrible decisions and putting you and your children in danger by having men come into the home. Have you gotten checked for STI's?
My kids were home. They're too little to realize whats going on. As far as STDs I have been checked. I have no issues to date. We've remained civil the last twenty four hours, but with all this... it has my mind wandering.

Sent from my SM-G530P using Professional Muscle mobile app
 
Yeah, I mentioned the counseling this morning. It looks were going to take this route sometime soon. Haha and as far as the putting out thing goes...That's half the problem some days. I cant even have my wife look at me the wrong way without me jumping her bones. The attention thing is what it seems to boil down to though. I think from years of the military and generally working long hours, I tend to ignore my own feelings...which also leads to her not getting any emotional support.

Sent from my SM-G530P using Professional Muscle mobile app

You just answered your question of why your marriage is going bad.
 
Let me tell you from experience, it hurts to leave AT FIRST, but once you're all said and done and through with the whore (whore in general) life is so much better. Everyday for the rest of your life you'll think about this situation, then you'll wonder what you DON'T know that has happened. Take the kids and move on. It's better to keep the kids away from a fake relationship before you blow up and ruin your chances to get the kids.

#TeamDreamCrusher
 
no matter what you will be labeled the bad dad, bad husband - that's the usual end game for chicks who get caught and see their "freedom" to whore out exposed.

K.I.T. = keep it together, keep it together and don't do this:
 

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She cheated on you when you were deployed. It's obvious. Divorce her and make sure you file first. Don't be unreasonable with what you ask for when you file or it will just be a long expensive fight.

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My kids were home. They're too little to realize whats going on. As far as STDs I have been checked. I have no issues to date. We've remained civil the last twenty four hours, but with all this... it has my mind wandering.

Sent from my SM-G530P using Professional Muscle mobile app



I think you misunderstand. It's not the age of your kids that's important right now. It's the fact that she's bringing strange men around them. GOD forbid, but anything could happen. She's putting them in danger by doing this. She's putting you in danger because now these "men" know the layout of your house, details about you and whatever else she told them, among other things.

And don't, for one second, blame yourself for any of this. You did not force her to do these scumbag things. Lots of marriages need work but that doesn't give the woman carte blanche to do what your wife did. And these are the things you know about. I'd bet there are more things you don't.
 
well, im telling you now.....DO NOT.....DO NOT lose your shit
and have the cop called....no even for an argument or NOTHING...
NO NOT even raise your voice....

Can definitely confirm this one. I learned it the hard way.
 

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