little slice
Featured Member / Kilo Klub
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2014
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- 12,597
i had my first job when i was 12
slinging dope
slinging dope
There is no single answer that applies to everyone, as the correct response will depend on the circumstances. Factors such as your income and expenses, what he is doing with his life, his level of gratitude, etc, will all play a role in determining how you should proceed.
It's one thing for a family with a 200K/year income to buy supps for their appreciative 19 year old son while he holds down a 3.5 GPA in college...and another for a family that earns 50K to do the same thing for a 19 year with zero gratitude who sits on his ass playing Play Station all day.
Only you know you and your son's situation. As far as him being your biological child or not, it doesn't matter. When you married your wife, he became your son--so your decisions should be based on that fact.
However, if he is working and has extra spending money, he should be contributing at least a portion of it to help pay for his own supps no matter what the situation is. Furthermore, if he "expects" you to buy supps for him, that attitude needs to change. Many kids are like this because they have been taken care of and babied their whole lives. Gratitude is a MUST regardless of anything else that is going on.
oh its most certainly the latter..all i hear is food,, his mom is the enabler not me. I'm at my breaking point. always worked for everything i ever wanted no matter how big or small..its hard we fight over it sometimes. and no we don't have the means to continue this..
My son is 20 and a full time college student .he started lifting when he was 17 and I'm in the same boat ,buying supplement all the time .my son is a good kid and a junior in college .he had made honor roll the last 3 semesters and I am very proud of him .once school is finished "he will be buying his own stuff"
It's obviously not my place to tell you what to do, but I have an 18 year old stepson myself, and I would never buy him supps if he wasn't in college. Any 19 year old man who is not in college should be working full-time (or close to it) and paying for ALL of their own supps. Actually, I will take it a step further than that and say that any 19 year old who isn't in school, doesn't plan on going to school, and still lives with his parents should at least be paying a monthly fee to help pay for some of his food. $200/month is more than fair, as there is nowhere else in this world he could go and have all of his needs provided for at that cost--not even close. As for supps, that's not even a question--he can pay for those with his own money, especially being that you don't have a lot of extra money available for stuff like this.
Allowing grown men to mooch off you when they aren't even attempting to better their lives or improve their earning potential is not only unfair to you, but it is a disservice to them--because they will never learn responsibility or the true value of money and hard work. 1
I could completely understand a parent helping pay for their kid's supps as a "reward" for getting goods grades in college or doing something honorable with their time/money (assuming it's not a financial strain), but a kid who does neither can buy their own supps--because they have no reason not too. Why should you pay for supps, on your limited income, when he could--and should--be paying for it himself with money he should be earning from his own job? What has he done to deserve such a reward? He is a grown man...he's just not acting like one because he doesn't have to..and he probably won't as long as his parents continue to allow it.
He is now at the point in life where if he doesn't want to pursue higher education or start building some type of a career, he needs to begin supporting himself...or at least get on the path to being able to do so. A man who wants to do neither while continuing to live with his parents should not only NOT get free supps, but he should also be contributing a least some money towards household expenses. Otherwise, he is just a bum..and that's the truth. The only difference between a bum on the streets and a kid like that is the kid has parents who will fully support him living like a bum.
I worked full-time during the summer at age 15--at a barn. It was hard, nasty work, but it taught me valuable lessons about the worth of money.
Part of this is not your son's fault--because he has never been forced to grow up and begin taking responsibility for himself. This is something you have to do for him...and it will be hard at first, but the alternative is far worse, for everyone involved. Hopefully your wife doesn't make the mistake of thinking that one day he will just turn into a responsible man. This doesn't just happen. It needs to be learned, it is uncomfortable, and it takes years, but it is up to you to initiate that change. Mothers are often too easy on their sons--they coddle them as if they are still their little boys who need to be taken care of, even though they may be adults. As a stepfather, you may be at a disadvantage, especially if your wife pulls the "I am his mother" card (as if to say you "aren't" his father), but don't let this discourage you. As long as you have his best interests at heart she will see that and eventually have to admit that the current course of action is not helping him. She wants him to be the best man he can be, she just might not know the best way to make that happen. The conflict between what she feels and what she know is best can be hard for a mother to deal with. Of course, I am not saying your wife is this way--just that its common.
I am in no way sympathizing with the kid in question... I had part time jobs through out high school And worked full-time at least most of the time as soon as I graduated (was stupid with my money but at least worked for it).
...but all the older guys who use your self as an example of becoming your own man at 18 etc...hate to say it but it wasn't that hard to make a living back then. Anyone with a full time job could afford rent/mortgage and possibly even support family off one income. Here in 2015 where I live you need to make 70-80k per household just to even think of living somewhere respectable. It's a verrry different time.
But again this isn't defending OP situation as he doesnt work. Sounds spoiled.
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Well I guess it depends what we mean by "back then". If we go back far enough it was very common for one income to support entire family. Not anymore.It wasn't that hard to make a living back then? Because of what it costs to live now? Hahaha, I need to laugh! What do you think salaries were back then??? Minimum wage when I was 18 was $3.00.
My first full time job, after college, paid me $10,000 per year.
Well that obviously has more to do with where you live. My parents bought a house for 150k in 1991 that would now cost 800k.Well, my parents didn't know anyone, and they certainly didn't help me get a job.
I had a strong work ethic and goals. Something that is lacking with many 18 year olds today.
Are things different today? Of course they are. My point is that back when you could live on less, you also made a lot less. It had nothing to do with college or education. When I started my chosen profession starting pay was around $15-19,000 per year. Now it's in the mid $60,000's. I bought my first house back then for $66,000. That exact same house is going in the $150,000's now. Do the math. Of course the recession corrected the housing market values which were growing out of control.
The trouble today is everyone thinks it's their God given right to be middle class no matter what their effort or skill level.
I have two boys that have graduated college in the last three years. I've often said in conversations with other parents that I feel sorry for those graduating today. It used to be that when you graduated employers competed for you, now you compete for them.
Well I guess it depends what we mean by "back then". If we go back far enough it was very common for one income to support entire family. Not anymore.
You took what I said and compared it directly to yourself which is pretty silly.
It WAS a generalization. But just because it was easier to support a family back then doesn't mean you didn't work hard. The jobs themselves were difficult. But that's kind of my point...hard work was all you really needed (generally) back then. You just had to work your ass off and you had a house and support your family. Now simply busting ass mon-friday doesn't promise much.But you also made a generalization and made it sound as a given. LOL
And I you're right, my mom didn't have to work back then! My wife does though...
oh its most certainly the latter..all i hear is food,, his mom is the enabler not me. I'm at my breaking point. always worked for everything i ever wanted no matter how big or small..its hard we fight over it sometimes. and no we don't have the means to continue this..