chuck norris crap?

[maxsupplements]

i gotta say, i dont understand this chuck norris stuff.. i guess its all in a good laughing, making fun of nature?

never thought i would say this, but my lord its gay... hAHAHAHAHahaha


DONT REALLY FIND HIM TO BE THAT SCARY MYSELF...

I WOULD BE MORE SCARED OF PHIL INSTEAD OF little norris!!!!

:star-wars ::tar-wars :s:ar-wars :st:r-wars

 

[Got Juice]

Chuck Norris counted to infinity,, TWICE..

Yeah, some of those things are pretty funny. It's worth reading to kill some downtime at work I guess.

 

[maxsupplements]

hahahaha

killing down time...

did chuck norris do anything to time to make it stop???



littlemack, do you know? you seem to know alot about chucks secrets!!!!

HAHAHAHAA!!!!

 

[littlemack]

I'm hooked on this shit. lol. If you can't laugh at this stuff...lord help you. hahahahaha Google it and you'll find THOUSANDS of these quotes. Even Chuck has chimed in about how funny this stuff is.
Enjoy!

 

[maxsupplements]

HAHAHAHAHA

you are right man, if you cant laugh at this, you must be sick... hahaha..


Chuck norris once looked at a piece of steel rebar and said, MOVE, well, it moved, it fell into neutrons and protons and then dissapeared into the earth...

 

[littlemack]

you are right man, if you cant laugh at this, you must be sick... hahaha..


Chuck norris once looked at a piece of steel rebar and said, MOVE, well, it moved, it fell into neutrons and protons and then dissapeared into the earth...

hahahaha....

 

[teedubgee]

chuck norris doesn't do shit for a klondike bar

 

[Vander_V]

ok hows this one

When chuck Norris takes a shit the shit comes out and then runs and hides.

Ok that sucked but still made me laugh.

 

[TooPowerful4u]

Chuck Norris CAN believe its not butter

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris does not do pushups, he pushes the world down.

Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer.

 

[BrooklynBB]

Chuck Norris invented the C-section when he roundhouse kicked out of his mothers belly.

 

[littlemack]

I was reading all your responses on my cell phone in the car and almost had a wreck. This stuff is hilarious.

Chuck Norris shot Bon Jovi in the heart for giving love a bad name.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.

A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.

 

[liftin4life]

When Chuck Norris was born, he roundhouse kicked the doctor in the face. No one delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris!

 

[gassy]

Chuck Norris was held captive in a convent till he slept with every nun. The resulting offspring went on to become the undefeated 1972 Miami Dolphins.

Chuck Norris doesn't read. He stares at books till they give him the information he wants.

Chuck Norris doesn't go "hunting" because the word infers the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes "killing"

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Then roundhouse kicked him in the face and had scrambled eggs.

 

[bigfatandugly]

lmao..

Chuck Norris died 6 years ago- but Death doesnt have the balls to come and get him.

when Chuck Norris jumps in a pool, Chuck Norris doesnt get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.


BFU

 

[TONE]

When chuck Norris takes a shit the shit comes out and then runs and hides.

Ok that sucked but still made me laugh.

Dude you gotta tell that one at COOKIES!!!! bwahahahaha

 

[terryd5150]

WHERE DID THIS SH-T START???

This thread has got me rolling!!!!


BUT-


How the hell did we get stuck on Chuck Norris?


He's cheesy as hell.

 

[garrithv]

the chuck phenomenon started about a year ago, he even had an interview about it. He laughed and said he doesnt know jow it started but he did read out 5 of his favourites. I got the chuck norris fact book! about 20 pages of it! dont know where the person got it but its damn funny!

chuck norris got a perfect score for SAT's simply by writing chuck norris for every answer

lightning nevers strikes twice in the same place because chuck norris is looking for it

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter"

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he himself had made a mistake.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

 

[pdogg7]

**broken link removed**

When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
Chuck Norris uses redhot lava to moisturize his skin.
Chuck Norris invented the apple.
Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.
Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.
Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up.
Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.
If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!
Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.
Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.
P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.
Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
Chuck Norris' paradise is war.
Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.
Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time.
Chuck Norris can kick start a car.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.
Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.
Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.
Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill.
Chuck Norris can hold Puff Daddy down.
The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth... then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into orbit.
Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.
Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.
The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend.
Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.
On the Asian market, Chuck Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce.
See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.
Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls.
Chuck Norris sneezes electricity.
Chuck Norris performs colonoscopies on himself.
If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.
Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.
You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.
Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.
Chuck norris invented the corndog.
The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.
Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Chuck Norris belives the hype.
Chuck Norris CAN in fact stop the beat.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
When Chuck Norris picks his nose, he REALLY does find Gold.
Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.
Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years.
Chuck Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots.
Chuck Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse.
When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.
Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight
Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris had his tonsels removed with a chainsaw.
Chuck Norris digs graves with a shoe horn.

 

[Kahn]

That list is true. When I read Chick Norris was RIGHT BEHIND ME, I looked.