Close Friend with rec drug Problem

[6.8SPC]

My best friend (and roommate) has had a rec drug problem for a long time. He started about three years ago taking percocet, lortabs, and oxycontin recreationally to get high. It started innocently enough but has now progressed to full-blown dependence. If he cannot get opiods (no script, just black market) he goes through terrible withdrawals within 24hrs. He vomits, gets vertigo, hallucinations, and talks about not wanting to go on living this way. It gets worse. About three months ago he started using heroin, which he started off snorting, but now injects intravenously. He is an incredibly bright young man, has owned and sold two businesses since he was twenty years old (he's twenty-five now), One of which I was a partner with him in and we did really well. Now he has no job and basically just sells dope to support his habit.
Now I feel as though our lives are going in different directions, I am thinking in terms of longevity, and he in terms of satisfying his addiction. He has no more ambitions or drive to be great. He would just rather sit home slangin'. I've talked to him about quitting on so many occasions, it just doesn't get anywhere. I feel as though I need to distance myself from him because there's just too much negativity, but I also care a geat deal about him. I feel as though I have exhausted every possible resource at my disposal, however, and he would have been stealing truck gas caps to pawn by now if it weren't for all the money I have "lent" him. It seems like I am a fool to keep putting such strain on my own life, but I don't feel right about just walking away. Any advice will be sincerely appreciated. ~Peace.

 

[jake76]

Bro i have alot of experience with addiction. I am a recovering addict myself. I also have addicts in my family. The hardest thing i have ever had to do is watch my little brother go through heroin addiction. It is a demon thats different from most. It physically calls you and they will do anything to avoid withdrawal.

I understand completely you wanting to help him but you need to understand there is nothing you can do, other than be there for him if wants help to get clean. Anything else is just enabling him. What you need to do is let him hit bottom. Just pray that his bottom isnt death. I dont know what it will take, maybe legal consequences or some outside entity intervening with his usage. But just know that until he is ready you are powerless, because he is powerless over that drug. Recovery is something that noone can do for someone else. He will have to do it himself and for himself. Its heartbreaking to watch I know, but the worst thing you can do is take his bottom from him by suppoting his habit. When he is ready to make a change, be there for him because thats when he'll need you...and if you dont keep giving him money and etc., you wont resent him. He may not get it the first, second, or third time...but if you care about him, always support him when he is trying to do the right thing. I never lose hope on anyone because i have seen miracles happen eith people. You never know when or if someone will get it but as long as he's alive there is a chance.

If you really want to be proactive, you could stage an intervention. Assemble a group of family and friends who love him and confront him on his behavior. Let him know that you all love him but until he seeks help you can no longer be a part of his life. He may or may not respond to this but he will get the message and a seed will be planted. Other than this there is nothing you can do. I hope this helps and i wish your friend the best with his struggles.

 

[aquaholic]

If you really want to be proactive, you could stage an intervention. Assemble a group of family and friends who love him and confront him on his behavior. Let him know that you all love him but until he seeks help you can no longer be a part of his life. He may or may not respond to this but he will get the message and a seed will be planted. Other than this there is nothing you can do.

There's a fine line between being supportive, and then being an enabler.

I agree with what Jake just said.

 

[wucrew420]

I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM WITH A FRIEND OF MINE I GREW UP WITH. TRIED HELPING NUMEROUS TIMES ACTUALLY COUNTLESS TIMES. THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN BE HELPED IS WHEN THEY REALIZE THEY NEED HELP. HES NOW I IN JAIL WHICH IS THE BEST PLACE FOR HIM, REHAB'S ARE A JOKE PRETTY MUCH AND HEROIN IS A SERIOUS DRUG. IT STORES IN YOUR BRAIN AND PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY WAY TO GET OFF OF IT IS TO GET THE CHIP INSERTED IN YOU THAT MAKES YOU SICK AS HELL IF YOU GET HIGH. I AM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR CASE, BUT THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IT JUST DISTANCE YOURSELF, AND IF HE NEEDS SOMETHING, OTHER THAN MONEY BE THERE FOR HIM, BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DONT GIVE HIM MONEY TO SUPPORT HIS ADDICTION. IVE SEEN WAY TOO MANY INTELLIGENT BRIGHT KIDS WITH BIG FUTURES AROUND MY AREA THAT HAVE GONE DOWN TO HEROIN. ITS SAD BUT TRUE. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK BUT REMEMBER NO ONE CAN HELP HIM BUT HIMSELF. HE HAS TO WANT HELP BEFORE HE CAN BE HELPED BY ANYONE

 

[nosmas]

You may want to consider the fact you are roomates. If he gets in trouble, it could involve you somehow. Just something to consider. Plus, the people who he does and will hang around "slangin" are not of the best integrity (that has been my experience anyway) and you stand to fall victim to theft among many others. Plus, Like a ship, If he sinks, so do all the people on board. What I mean is...there is a chance you might go down with him.
Regardless, His road is a long and hard one, and difficult for the ones who care about him and consider him there friend i.e. YOU.

 

[jake76]

I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM WITH A FRIEND OF MINE I GREW UP WITH. TRIED HELPING NUMEROUS TIMES ACTUALLY COUNTLESS TIMES. THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN BE HELPED IS WHEN THEY REALIZE THEY NEED HELP. HES NOW I IN JAIL WHICH IS THE BEST PLACE FOR HIM, REHAB'S ARE A JOKE PRETTY MUCH AND HEROIN IS A SERIOUS DRUG. IT STORES IN YOUR BRAIN AND PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY WAY TO GET OFF OF IT IS TO GET THE CHIP INSERTED IN YOU THAT MAKES YOU SICK AS HELL IF YOU GET HIGH. I AM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR CASE, BUT THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IT JUST DISTANCE YOURSELF, AND IF HE NEEDS SOMETHING, OTHER THAN MONEY BE THERE FOR HIM, BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DONT GIVE HIM MONEY TO SUPPORT HIS ADDICTION. IVE SEEN WAY TOO MANY INTELLIGENT BRIGHT KIDS WITH BIG FUTURES AROUND MY AREA THAT HAVE GONE DOWN TO HEROIN. ITS SAD BUT TRUE. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK BUT REMEMBER NO ONE CAN HELP HIM BUT HIMSELF. HE HAS TO WANT HELP BEFORE HE CAN BE HELPED BY ANYONE

You should really keep your mouth shut when it comes to issues you obviously are clueless on....AND WHEN YOU KEEP THE CAPS ON DO YOU REALLY THINK YOUR GETTING YOUR POINT ACROSS CLEARER? HOW DOES MAKE YOU FEEL HUH? ARE YOU LISTENING MORE NOW THEN BEFORE?

 

[OuchThatHurts]

My best friend (and roommate) has had a rec drug problem for a long time. He started about three years ago taking percocet, lortabs, and oxycontin recreationally to get high. It started innocently enough...

...He is an incredibly bright young man...

...Now I feel as though our lives are going in different directions, I am thinking in terms of longevity, and he in terms of satisfying his addiction...

...distance myself from him...

but I also care a geat deal about him. I don't feel right about just walking away.

Usually when I hear or read sentences like the above, they aren't coming from "friends". Either way, what is it you would like advice on? He's an addict. He's been one for a long time. Interventions are okay but I doubt you would be exposing anything new to him about his addiction or the fact that everybody knows. He needs rehabilitation for sure but he needs to do it. Unfortunately, what he does now is almost entirely beyond your control. And yes, it probably would be foolish for you to continue to help him.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Not everyone that deals is a dirt bag. Some people do their "job" with integrity and as much honesty as the law would allow.

Integrity? Honesty? What would you know about either?

 

[JustWannaBeHuge]

Not everyone that deals is a dirt bag. Some people do their "job" with integrity and as much honesty as the law would allow. A dealer getting high on his own supply, and having junkies visit his house, that's another story.. I'm not the paranoid type myself but you're right.. It's best to avoid the ambient..

I didn't really wanna get involved in this thread, but I'm going to have to disagree with you dude. Living in the inner city, I see men and women selling whatever they need to in order to make their pockets phat, taking out another humans life is nothing for most people in this lifestyle. I have "friends" from my childhood that are in prison for selling dope, and most of them have also taken a human life at some point. I wouldn't trust them to hand me my morning paper.

I'm not going to say much more, just that I 100% disagree with you.

 

[nosmas]

Not everyone that deals is a dirt bag. Some people do their "job" with integrity and as much honesty as the law would allow. A dealer getting high on his own supply, and having junkies visit his house, that's another story.. I'm not the paranoid type myself but you're right.. It's best to avoid the ambient..

Actually.........

No. Im not even gonna bother.

 

[buffbabeca]

wow.... im just speechless from this thread... you need to not be an enabler to him by giving him money... that is all the advice i can offer.

 

[6.8SPC]

I had afunny thing happen to me tonight. I was at applebee's with my g/f and we had both just eaten huge meals. As we were leaving we saw a stray cat licking a ketchup pack (I thought it was a stealth inj. lol). As she stopped the car I could see how skinny the cat was and obviously took pity on it. She had some salmon in a to-go box so I started feeding it and it was apparent how famished this cat was by how fast he was devouring the fish. Anyway long story short I tried to get it in the car (I thought I could help it more by taking it in) but it swatted at me, hissed, and ran away. It made me realize that not everything(or everyone) needs or desires pity or compassion. Its going to be hard, but my g/f and I have decided to move on after our lease is up in Oct. and go elsewhere, just her n me. Looking back I have often attracted these types as friends (not really sure exactly why), but recently I am finding new people to associate with who are not on such a destructive path. I appeciate evryone's advice so far it has really helped me to see the hard truth that our lives must diverge for my own sanity and growth as a person to continue. Sucks, but I am clearer on what I must do now. btw Ouch I had a feeling someone would bring that up, the old "I have a friend..." It's really not me. I value your input though, much respect bro.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

btw Ouch I had a feeling someone would bring that up, the old "I have a friend..." It's really not me. I value your input though, much respect bro.

Actually, when you said "distance yourself from him", "I'm thinking in terms of longevity", "I don't feel right about just walking away", etc. - I usually associate that kind of language with relationships. Generally a person will not say of a buddy, "I feel as though our lives are going in different directions."

That just had me wondering if this roomate was perhaps more than a buddy. People speak (and especially write) differently but more than a few times I've been able to pick up on a few things just by the way someone writes.

But don't worry about all that. Just make sure you do what's necessary to make yourself and your gf happy. Someday your buddy may come around and I pray he does. The path he has taken you cannot choose to follow. Leave a light on, a candle in the window, all that shit, but take care of yourself now and with a little hope and some grace, you may see your buddy again someday.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Actually.........

No. Im not even gonna bother.

Yes. Don't worry about him. He's banned anyway. I think it's perfectly safe to say that anyone who deals in recreational drugs is a dirtbag. And we don't them or their lingo on the board.

 

[6.8SPC]

Well good news here. After pretty much hitting bottom, my buddy finally told his parents that he's an addict and asked them for help. He will be going to rehab in Boca Raton on Sat.(we live in Orlando) for 45 days. He will be coming back for 1 day after that then moving with some family in Louisiana indefinitely to break his ties around here. I told him that I support his decision and that it's the best thing he could have done for himself. He had been pissed off because he asked me for money again a few days ago and I told him that "I can't help him with that anymore." Hopefully he'll make it through this and everybody will be happy. My g/f and I have already made plans to move in Oct, so I probably won't see him for a year or so, but that's good cuz I'm ready to get on with my own life. Thanks again everybody for all your advice, you all have been a HUGE help. ~Peace

 

[jake76]

Well good news here. After pretty much hitting bottom, my buddy finally told his parents that he's an addict and asked them for help. He will be going to rehab in Boca Raton on Sat.(we live in Orlando) for 45 days. He will be coming back for 1 day after that then moving with some family in Louisiana indefinitely to break his ties around here. I told him that I support his decision and that it's the best thing he could have done for himself. He had been pissed off because he asked me for money again a few days ago and I told him that "I can't help him with that anymore." Hopefully he'll make it through this and everybody will be happy. My g/f and I have already made plans to move in Oct, so I probably won't see him for a year or so, but that's good cuz I'm ready to get on with my own life. Thanks again everybody for all your advice, you all have been a HUGE help. ~Peace

Like i said i never count anyone out As long as your alive you have hope...dont be surprised if he doesnt make it the first time...trust me, a seed will get planted in Boca Raton and it will change his using forever..."a head full of recovery and an arm full of heroin dont mix well" just dont support him when hes using, but always show support when he is honestly trying to do the right thing...this is how we learn. Hey if i made it anybody can, and people do everyday. This is great news bro and i hope it works out for all of you. Best Wishes.
jake

 

[nosmas]

THE STATS DONT LIE...

The odds are against him.
They say its the rule of three.
One in three make a full recovery
One in three recover but "fall off the wagon"
One in three never recover period.

I wish him the best of luck and hope he has a strong support group around him.