You guys have all had great advice from several perspectives...
"go with your gut, more fish in the sea"
I used to live by that rule but this girl just does it for me and don't want to start over. It has been worth it to hang in there...
Let me get to the big issue that really fired this up...
Along with the sexual changes, she tripped out 3 different times over marks or hickies left in absolutely hidden areas that no one would see. To me, there really is no excuse for that. She saw one on the underside of her breast one morning and said"OHH SHITTT!! You left a mark.......that's ok I know a way to get rid of them fast"
My god, that set off alarms in my head that fast. I started asking her right there. What the hell is going on with you? Who are you worried about seeing a hicky on you? There really is no other explanation for that. The only person that should be seeing any of that is me and her doctor....
SO with all that going on, we hang out with a long time friend of mine that I have known for 20 yrs and his new, young ghetto sort of girlfriend.
She is new to my friend and she and my girlfriend got along great.
I had mentioned some of these incidents to my friend about the hickies and things and he too thought that was odd. After spending a day at the lake with my friend and his girlfriend, he tells me. "you were right dude, she is seeing someone" "SHe told my girlfriend that she likes this other guy, he's 7 years younger, helps her out with money and goes to see her a couple times a week at her house early in the mornings before work when you aren't there."
This really tied it all together... Did the arguments start then. WOw, we really started going at it. She claimed it was all lies. I couldn't imagine why my friend and/or his girlfriend would make something up like that. There was a lot of detail thrown in that made it fit...
Bad part is, I had just moved in with her and a lot of arguing went on when her 17 yr old son was home. He stayed away mostly but he didn't like seeing her so upset. I am not one to argue, especially in front of kids. I would always start talking to her about it because it was always on my mind. She would cry, drop to her knees begging me to believe her and not move out.
It was so confusing. Why would she lose it so hard, cry for days, take of work depressed if she had another guy anyway?
"spy on her, there are lots of new devices, hidden cams etc.."
Yeah, I resorted to this after I did ask her over and over to just be honest. Tell me if she is interested in someone else. That's fine, I would rather know the truth and deal with that than find out later and freak out. She continued to hold her ground that she has done nothing wrong... I bought a digital recorder and threw it under the seat in her car. THinking maybe she would talk to a friend and I would hear all about it. Then she would have to explain and we could go from there. Never heard that. Just lots of thoughts she would say to herself. One of them I heard was "what if I told him.........no, that will never happen" another one was "try not to get caught"..
This was all before I moved out. Everything together just had me convinced.
I couldn't take it, she wouldn't tell me what was going on even though I said that I understand we all make mistakes and I would try to understand why she did it. The truth is better than losing us over a secret..
I moved out. She kept calling me trying to convince me it was all lies and she is innocent. That she is being punished for something she didn't do and I'm a fool..
I sat with her one day and we are over the emotional part, over the anger and just talking at this point. I believe what I believe and she's the same. We talked about how our future was supposed to be and things we talked about doing together and I jokingly said "well if you are innocent and I'm just a crazy fool with a liar for a friend, maybe a lie detector test would solve our problems" She said, sure... set it up.
I found a retired cop that had been an expert witness in court, done lie detecting work for the DEA, local police and sheriff depts and provided the same service to the public for $395..
She agreed and we went. The day we got together and drove to see him she was pissed. Wouldn't talk to me at all. Said i was a fucking asshole. I just told her that we or I at least need to know the truth. I can't prove she did it and she can't prove she didn't.
Long story short, she passed.... He asked if she had slept with anyone since we started dating. Asked if she slept with anyone at work. Asked if she had told that girl about another man...."No"
My friends girlfriend heard we were having problems and just added the jet fuel to blow us up. She had a couple girlfriends she wanted me to date so we could all go out. She didn't like my girlfriend and just wanted rid of her.
I never realized there were such conniving unscrupulous people out there... That was a whole lot of trouble for us that we are stilling seeing if we can recover. She knows I bugged her car and feels violated and that I lied and went too far.
As far as the other stuff, I guess she is just different and I was reading into it too far. She passed all the questions, no cheating.
Straight up ask her. Tell her why you think that when she denies. Make it clear that you'd rather know the truth then be strung along. If things don't improve/she tells you she's cheating/whatever other result, time to end it and move along.
.gif "IP Gear")
