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Hey guys been awhile

machomadness22

Well-known member
Registered
Joined
Jul 31, 2014
Messages
944
I hope I’m not breaking rules here so sorry mods in advance. Just wanted to touch base while I was never a huge contributing member here I used to love coming on here. Not going to bore everyone to death but wanted to be open and transparent and offer help and guidance if I could. I think the vast majority of us here know what we are doing isn’t healthy and I’m not talking about our organs ok I’m talking about our mental state.
I was a steroid junkie straight up blast small blast cruise with compounds other than test didn’t start out that way of course but it progressed to that .
Why? Because we are all obsessed with being better than. That’s bodybuilding , who here is in a n aerobics class raise your hand.
Long story short I was huge best shape of
My life looked fucking good, I became a complete narcissist straight up bros. But then one day herniated disc ouch right can’t do shit. So what did I do? Like a fucking Dumbass? I blasted heavier doses right kept lifting ignored all the great stuff I got here on the forum, but like how many of those post did people take their own advice? I don’t know the answer to that but I hope they did.
Steroids brought me to a dark dark dark world of depression,
Suicidal thoughts, cocaine abuse, alcohol abuse, Tylenol 3 xan you name it because I was so fucking depressed fucking with my hormones and being a Dipshit. And ignoring what was causing my depression all for a big chest and a six pack. I ruined my marriage my life and tried to commit suicide( I’m so thankful to be alive now
I’m a complete idiot and for what I did).
I digress I’m writing this but I see this same post so often when someone dies but after the calum thing I just said man I know I’m not the only one but I think we always try to “justify” our dosage like the one “10mg of tren a day is ok and healthy because blah blah does it 🥴 you get my drift. I just want to say I’m out the game I’m on TRT because I’m fucked basically but hey that’s what happens right. Listen I take responsibility too I’m a jackass an idiot I stuck that needle in me I picked up the bottle and blasted coke daily . I opened pandoras and lost.
I just wanted to extend our and tell anyone and everyone I’m here for anyone going through a tough time and or someone who is battling this. I’ll check in for the next few weeks but after that I’ll probably check out of here. I want to be healthy and be there for my kids so being around juice talk all day is stuff I just can’t deal with.
I truly appreciate everyone here again mods can definitely modify if needed definitely not trying to cross a line.
 

3BILLS

Well-known member
Kilo Klub Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 1, 2007
Messages
2,111
This board is about more then just juice talk, hence your post about your life experience

Glad your moving in a better direction though 👍
 

machomadness22

Well-known member
Registered
Joined
Jul 31, 2014
Messages
944
This board is about more then just juice talk, hence your post about your life experience

Glad your moving in a better direction though 👍
Thanks man yeah I know it is I just tough to be around for me anyways. Trying to focus and shift in a different direction just do to what I know I will become. It might sound weak lol just what I have to do for now.
 

jeroendebleser

Well-known member
Registered
Joined
Apr 17, 2018
Messages
2,253
I hope I’m not breaking rules here so sorry mods in advance. Just wanted to touch base while I was never a huge contributing member here I used to love coming on here. Not going to bore everyone to death but wanted to be open and transparent and offer help and guidance if I could. I think the vast majority of us here know what we are doing isn’t healthy and I’m not talking about our organs ok I’m talking about our mental state.
I was a steroid junkie straight up blast small blast cruise with compounds other than test didn’t start out that way of course but it progressed to that .
Why? Because we are all obsessed with being better than. That’s bodybuilding , who here is in a n aerobics class raise your hand.
Long story short I was huge best shape of
My life looked fucking good, I became a complete narcissist straight up bros. But then one day herniated disc ouch right can’t do shit. So what did I do? Like a fucking Dumbass? I blasted heavier doses right kept lifting ignored all the great stuff I got here on the forum, but like how many of those post did people take their own advice? I don’t know the answer to that but I hope they did.
Steroids brought me to a dark dark dark world of depression,
Suicidal thoughts, cocaine abuse, alcohol abuse, Tylenol 3 xan you name it because I was so fucking depressed fucking with my hormones and being a Dipshit. And ignoring what was causing my depression all for a big chest and a six pack. I ruined my marriage my life and tried to commit suicide( I’m so thankful to be alive now
I’m a complete idiot and for what I did).
I digress I’m writing this but I see this same post so often when someone dies but after the calum thing I just said man I know I’m not the only one but I think we always try to “justify” our dosage like the one “10mg of tren a day is ok and healthy because blah blah does it 🥴 you get my drift. I just want to say I’m out the game I’m on TRT because I’m fucked basically but hey that’s what happens right. Listen I take responsibility too I’m a jackass an idiot I stuck that needle in me I picked up the bottle and blasted coke daily . I opened pandoras and lost.
I just wanted to extend our and tell anyone and everyone I’m here for anyone going through a tough time and or someone who is battling this. I’ll check in for the next few weeks but after that I’ll probably check out of here. I want to be healthy and be there for my kids so being around juice talk all day is stuff I just can’t deal with.
I truly appreciate everyone here again mods can definitely modify if needed definitely not trying to cross a line.
I understand you being better off not being here and wish you all the luck in the world!

But from now on, please use paragraphs 😁
 

Virtuous

Verified Customer
Registered
Verified Customer
Joined
Jan 26, 2013
Messages
1,069
There’s more to life than being jacked and strong, despite what most of us tell ourselves.

Prioritize optimizing your human experience and get healthy physically and mentally. If gear and lifting fit into that puzzle later, cool. If not, cool.

You’re not weak or less of a man for recognizing you need to fix some shit.

Best advice I’ve gotten: from time to time sit down and talk to yourself like you’re counseling your best friend, and tell yourself (honestly) the biggest ways you’re fucking your own life up. Then fix those things. It’s hard to swallow sometimes, honestly.
 

cage99

Well-known member
Registered
Joined
Dec 31, 2006
Messages
2,081
Sorry for your struggles my man! Keep your head up, learn from your past mistakes. Focus on your kids and make sure to steer them in the right direction. All the best to you!

Cage
 

K1

Blue-Eyed Devil
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Joined
Sep 2, 2005
Messages
10,956
My opinion has always been, AAS are drugs like any other...We are drug addicts like any others...But consuming drugs are fine as long as you know your limits and how to conduct yourself on them. If not AAS the same as anything else will take you down a bad road.

They may not be psychedelics but they can change your mindset and perception real quick...Just look at the guys that get roidrage over their insecurity complexes, thinking because they are bigger now from the gear they can fight the world bahaha! How man guys fuck up a perfect relationship because they got big, people noticed (positively), and they wanted more - you're one of countless in that regard.

We all have to manage our vices in the best way we can...That's all we can do. I wish you the best my man!
 

USMuscle9403

Well-known member
Registered
Joined
Dec 24, 2004
Messages
3,047
You've gotta be real with yourself before you can be real with anyone else. I can't get along with gear, I'm an overly emotional trainwreck and it's hard to realize until you step back from it. This is Me, it's highly individual. Some guys can take a gram of tren a week and be fine; I'd be in prison.

There's no shame in any of this, I'm glad you're mature enough to realize these issues. You strike me as close to my age (mid to late 30s) and this is a very bad time to fuck up any work relations, especially if you're trying to move forward.

Good luck, man
 

pimpman

Featured Member / Kilo Klub / Board Supporter
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Oct 22, 2006
Messages
8,804
So basically all this to say you out.just because you became a coke user or abuser and everything else. don't blame it on the gear.its more a personality thing.you could of met and hung out with people that would of introduced you to coke.I hate when people blame gear for all their fuck ups in life
 

machomadness22

Well-known member
Registered
Joined
Jul 31, 2014
Messages
944
So basically all this to say you out.just because you became a coke user or abuser and everything else. don't blame it on the gear.its more a personality thing.you could of met and hung out with people that would of introduced you to coke.I hate when people blame gear for all their fuck ups in life
Haha sorry to hear you hate me, I believe K1 hit then nail on the head with how some people can’t handle it the attention the need to have a “look”. I was unfortunately one of those people and there are plenty others I was simply extending my hand to anyone who is or feels like they are going through the same to offer a person to talk to.
I definitely take responsibility and I’m not blaming anyone who uses gear or anyone on this board. I personally became addicted to the need to be on steroids to look a certain way to not lose size etc. I was blasting 400mg of tren nonstop for like 9 months and plenty of other things to try to have a certain image. I’m an idiot plain and simple I wouldn’t argue anyone on that subject. I ignored all the great advice here on this message board and thought I would be ok. Calum it seems anyway has gone through what seems close to what I went through. I mean there was also a guy I forgot his name that killed his wife and Chris Benot deal. I’m saying hormones are no joke and some people get addicted plain and simple. I’m not going to argue you on here but if you didn’t understand what I was saying that was it :). Have a nice weekend
 

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