How do you "work @ making a relationship work"?

Donzi · Mar 14, 2010

Well let me briefly explain my situtation. i have a GF whom I love and care about. She is great. Beautiful, trustworthy, constantly trying to please me...everything I would want. I find myself getting easily annoyed over stupid stuff. I admit, I get easily annoyed alot not just with her. chewing with your mouth open, kids dressing like thugs, her clinging on me. Basically stuff that shouldn't matter.
i have recently opened a new bussiness. I have focused alot of time into that and my training. She supports me 100% on everyting. I know we are drifting apart and i dont know how to stop it. I dont know what to do. I know im hurting her and I dont want/ mean to. i just feel un emotional lately. Physically, mentally, sexually etc..
Basically I would say im at fault and I dont know how to stop it. I dont want to lose a great girl. I have done it before. I was young then and didnt really care but now Im getting older and thinking its time to get my life on track. Bussiness is great but what can I do for my relationship? Has this happed with anyone else? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

MikeRoss · Mar 14, 2010

Same here. The first 6 months to a year and a half they seem like they're crazy about you (literally) always want to have sex, want to hang out constanty, cook for you bla bla. Then you start to drift apart, she kinda starts doing her own thing and so do you. So you fight about stupid stuff because you're both aware of whats going on. It sucks because you don't realize how much they mean to you til it gets to that point.

I'm just gonna have to say BUMP.. I cant make it past a 3 yr relationship and dont "qualify" do give any advice lol.

Donzi · Mar 14, 2010

MikeRoss said:
Same here. The first 6 months to a year and a half they seem like they're crazy about you (literally) always want to have sex, want to hang out constanty, cook for you bla bla. Then you start to drift apart, she kinda starts doing her own thing and so do you. So you fight about stupid stuff because you're both aware of whats going on. It sucks because you don't realize how much they mean to you til it gets to that point.

I'm just gonna have to say BUMP.. I cant make it past a 3 yr relationship and dont "qualify" do give any advice lol.

Well were in the same boat and i appreciate your honesty. im a firm believer that you can fall into a great position be work, friends, relationships etc.. but you have to work to keep it. Anyone can be the winner, owner, leader etc..but its who can maintain it.
All im saying is anything that is great (i.e. your body) takes constant work and I dont know how to do that with a relationship. i want to learn if anyone can be a teacher of sort.

igffag · Mar 14, 2010

i can't speak from experience since I have not had a long relationship. My girlfriend doesn't support bodybuilding and hates that our work schedules are opposite. I feel us drifting away too...but see mine isn't even clingy to me she acts like she could careless most of the time. All the advice I could offer is, try harder, if you love her you will find a way to make more time for her and make her happy, because if you don't you will lose her, and you will be miserable.

Big Dave Smith · Mar 14, 2010

Donzi said:
Well let me briefly explain my situtation. i have a GF whom I love and care about. She is great. Beautiful, trustworthy, constantly trying to please me...everything I would want. I find myself getting easily annoyed over stupid stuff. I admit, I get easily annoyed alot not just with her. chewing with your mouth open, kids dressing like thugs, her clinging on me. Basically stuff that shouldn't matter.
i have recently opened a new bussiness. I have focused alot of time into that and my training. She supports me 100% on everyting. I know we are drifting apart and i dont know how to stop it. I dont know what to do. I know im hurting her and I dont want/ mean to. i just feel un emotional lately. Physically, mentally, sexually etc..
Basically I would say im at fault and I dont know how to stop it. I dont want to lose a great girl. I have done it before. I was young then and didnt really care but now Im getting older and thinking its time to get my life on track. Bussiness is great but what can I do for my relationship? Has this happed with anyone else? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Nobody can make you appreciate things in life. Have a near death experience or lose her... then you might change your perspective on things. It's your outlook on life in general, not just relationships. If you prioritize the wrong things in life, you'll be left a lonely old man. Chewing with her mouth open? Clinging on you? Those are petty things (although I'd hate if I saw kids dressing like thugs too!). There are issues causing these reactions that need to be worked out. Tony Robbins and Wayne Dyer are some good people to listen to.

What would you rather do today if you knew tomorrow might not be there?
1) Make sure your business is run efficiently and smoothly.
2) Make sure your meals are in and your training is done.
3) Tell your girlfriend you love her and make sure she knows it.

Donzi · Mar 14, 2010

Big Dave Smith said:
Nobody can make you appreciate things in life. Have a near death experience or lose her... then you might change your perspective on things. It's your outlook on life in general, not just relationships. If you prioritize the wrong things in life, you'll be left a lonely old man. Chewing with her mouth open? Clinging on you? Those are petty things (although I'd hate if I saw kids dressing like thugs too!). There are issues causing these reactions that need to be worked out. Tony Robbins and Wayne Dyer are some good people to listen to.

What would you rather do today if you knew tomorrow might not be there?
1) Make sure your business is run efficiently and smoothly.
2) Make sure your meals are in and your training is done.
3) Tell your girlfriend you love her and make sure she knows it.

I agree i get mad @ petty things and i dont know why. i showed her what I wrote and she think im stretched to thin between work and life. I agree but it no excuse to treat her any less than perfect, that i how she treats me. I do need some alone time or me time. I dont care if i want to sit and stare at a wall, that is what I want to do to relax. But I have underlying issuse with being easily irritated and I dont know why.
Im wondering if i should see a counselor or something. I feel very judgmental towards people and i dont know why. i have a hard time trusting and I think everyone i out to fuck me.
We went to a st. patrick day parade yesterday and It was crazy crowded with drunk people. I found myself clinching my fists like i was going to hit soemone or i fealt like I needed to be on the defense for no reason. It reminded me of a ceasar dog episode when he said" this dog thinks all humans are bad and we need to teach him thats not the case, to trust people".
And to answer your question Dave it would be to make my girlfriend know i love her.
What is my problem???

mexbeast · Mar 14, 2010

Donzi said:
Well let me briefly explain my situtation. i have a GF whom I love and care about. She is great. Beautiful, trustworthy, constantly trying to please me...everything I would want. I find myself getting easily annoyed over stupid stuff. I admit, I get easily annoyed alot not just with her. chewing with your mouth open, kids dressing like thugs, her clinging on me. Basically stuff that shouldn't matter.
i have recently opened a new bussiness. I have focused alot of time into that and my training. She supports me 100% on everyting. I know we are drifting apart and i dont know how to stop it. I dont know what to do. I know im hurting her and I dont want/ mean to. i just feel un emotional lately. Physically, mentally, sexually etc..
Basically I would say im at fault and I dont know how to stop it. I dont want to lose a great girl. I have done it before. I was young then and didnt really care but now Im getting older and thinking its time to get my life on track. Bussiness is great but what can I do for my relationship? Has this happed with anyone else? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

sounds just like me! damned.!

ericraven2003 · Mar 14, 2010

I was like this for years with my wife. It ended up I was just miserable and unhappy with myself. Once I realized that and made some changes, things started to get much better with her.

bloodshed · Mar 14, 2010

ericraven2003 said:
I was like this for years with my wife. It ended up I was just miserable and unhappy with myself. Once I realized that and made some changes, things started to get much better with her.

reminds me of a quote i heard somewhere before
"you can't love someone until you love yourself"

jimmyjones · Mar 14, 2010

Donzi said:
I agree i get mad @ petty things and i dont know why. i showed her what I wrote and she think im stretched to thin between work and life. I agree but it no excuse to treat her any less than perfect, that i how she treats me. I do need some alone time or me time. I dont care if i want to sit and stare at a wall, that is what I want to do to relax. But I have underlying issuse with being easily irritated and I dont know why.
Im wondering if i should see a counselor or something. I feel very judgmental towards people and i dont know why. i have a hard time trusting and I think everyone i out to fuck me.
We went to a st. patrick day parade yesterday and It was crazy crowded with drunk people. I found myself clinching my fists like i was going to hit soemone or i fealt like I needed to be on the defense for no reason. It reminded me of a ceasar dog episode when he said" this dog thinks all humans are bad and we need to teach him thats not the case, to trust people".
And to answer your question Dave it would be to make my girlfriend know i love her.
What is my problem???

Are you on cycle? Maybe the testosterone is getting to your head brother. I know the roid rage shit is mythical, but in a lot of people including me, high doses make me snappy and easily irritated and just get annoyed at dumb shit. Now that im at a nice and low dose I feel great and im always happy, just like I should be. If you arent ON, then excuse me for jumping to conclusions...

Donzi · Mar 14, 2010

jimmyjones said:
Are you on cycle? Maybe the testosterone is getting to your head brother. I know the roid rage shit is mythical, but in a lot of people including me, high doses make me snappy and easily irritated and just get annoyed at dumb shit. Now that im at a nice and low dose I feel great and im always happy, just like I should be. If you arent ON, then excuse me for jumping to conclusions...

yes iam but not a high enough dose to cause problems.

Donzi · Mar 14, 2010

ericraven2003 said:
I was like this for years with my wife. It ended up I was just miserable and unhappy with myself. Once I realized that and made some changes, things started to get much better with her.

What changes did you make?

OuchThatHurts · Mar 15, 2010

Are you an asshole? <---- This is a perfectly honest question.

Donzi · Mar 15, 2010

OuchThatHurts said:
Are you an asshole? <---- This is a perfectly honest question.

i can be. Not the asshole who beats up kids smaller than me or the one who spends months making women think Im into them just to sleep with them once n never call again. But yes I can be sometimes.
I think everyone can be an asshole sometimes. Everybody has a bad day. I can be an asshole to my girlfriend as well though I dont mean it and often end up feeling bad. She is nothing but perfect to me.
Again to not get off topic, im trying to learn what to do or what I have to work at to make a relationship work.

OuchThatHurts · Mar 15, 2010

Donzi said:
i can be. Not the asshole who beats up kids smaller than me or the one who spends months making women think Im into them just to sleep with them once n never call again. But yes I can be sometimes.
I think everyone can be an asshole sometimes. Everybody has a bad day. I can be an asshole to my girlfriend as well though I dont mean it and often end up feeling bad. She is nothing but perfect to me.
Again to not get off topic, im trying to learn what to do or what I have to work at to make a relationship work.

Sure we can be. But from what you said earlier, you get angry or frustrated at little things - things that would not bother most people. At least not to the extent that they bother you whether in crowds or around your girlfriend.

There are many books written (libraries) on what makes a relationship work. Generally, relationships work on their own with individuals that are compatible, generous, and forgiving of one another. Communication (or lack thereof) is probably the number one relationship killer that I have seen.

It is here where my question becomes applicable. There seems to be nothing wrong on her part - she great in every way as you say. So if that's true, then to make this relationship work, hasn't it dawned on you that you may need to change some things about yourself? You need to learn to control your temper and learn the virtue of patience. It's easy to get frustrated and angry at something irritating someone does but it takes a much more evolved person to overlook those small things and focus on the larger things.

On the other hand, maybe she would be eager to change those small things if you'd just discuss it with her and be kind and understanding.

triathloncoach · Mar 15, 2010

Maybe it's time to call it quits

It shouldn't be that tough if you honestly have those feelings for her. You are not married with kids.

Donzi · Mar 15, 2010

OuchThatHurts said:
Sure we can be. But from what you said earlier, you get angry or frustrated at little things - things that would not bother most people. At least not to the extent that they bother you whether in crowds or around your girlfriend.

There are many books written (libraries) on what makes a relationship work. Generally, relationships work on their own with individuals that are compatible, generous, and forgiving of one another. Communication (or lack thereof) is probably the number one relationship killer that I have seen.

It is here where my question becomes applicable. There seems to be nothing wrong on her part - she great in every way as you say. So if that's true, then to make this relationship work, hasn't it dawned on you that you may need to change some things about yourself? You need to learn to control your temper and learn the virtue of patience. It's easy to get frustrated and angry at something irritating someone does but it takes a much more evolved person to overlook those small things and focus on the larger things.

On the other hand, maybe she would be eager to change those small things if you'd just discuss it with her and be kind and understanding.

I do agree with you, the changes need to be made on my end. I guess i know i need to change the things on my end but dont really know how. I think you are right, I need to work on patience and letting things go. I guess im an emotional person when it comes to letting things get to me and that would prob be the best starting spot.
I will get a book, it might be a good way to relax at night as I have been trying to figure out what to do. If you know of any, I would appreciate the recommendation. I'am determined to make myself a better person.

Pekkerwood · Mar 15, 2010

Tren=Pekkerwood being a jerk

minister · Mar 15, 2010

Well my brother, I too lost a great woman in the past, took her for granted , didn't care about her emotional needs, and she left and I was devastated, but I learned from that, now I have been married for over 16 years to the most wonderful woman on earth, not many of us get to have 2 good women in our lives. Women are really not high maintenance bro, but you gotta keep things fresh, really tune in with her personality and learn what makes her tick, and just do it. You can't just sit there and say I'm losing the woman that I love and I'm doing nothing about it. It's not that hard to figure out, if you love her, show her by your actions, you know what you are doing wrong so make the changes or say good bye, you are the only one that knows her, and I'm pretty sure you know how to make this woman have joy in this relationship, don't want to come across rude, but don't wait till it's too late.God bless you my friend.