How to deal with dating/non-exclusive relationships etc..

[bigrig]

so here's story...

divorced last june... blah blah... have had a few short term relationships since then just kinda having a good time etc..

anyway about 2 months ago saw an old friend that i haven't seen for about 3 years.. we always had good chemistry, similar interests etc..

so we started hanging out... then things progressed into what most around us think is a bf/gf thing.. but its not..

i really like her, and i'm very confident she is into me as well.. i just turned 29.. she's 24 almost 25.. so about 4.5 years older than her..

i'm in a very different place in a way.. self employed.. successful.. while she's still finishing up school... however our morals, and interests and everything are so similar...she's very mature.. and well after my divorce i kinda want to step back a bit and not settle down into one place, travel etc..

she also got out of a long term relationship this past summer... and hasn't done a whole lot of dating since.

anyway.. i want to get more serious with her.. we've talked.. she still wants to see other people as she's reluctant to give up her freedom.. this is the first time in her life she's had her own apartment etc.. and i totally understand this...i don't like it lol, but i understand it.

anyway.. how do you deal with this kind of a situation..i took myself off the market a couple of weeks ago as i have never felt so good about someone i'm seeing and i think there is alot of potential for a great serious relationship... which i've told her, and i'm pretty sure she feels the same, but she wants to make sure she's ready for a relationship like this... i know she's been on a couple of casual dates over the past couple of weeks as she's open with me about it and likewise..

i never thought i was a jealous guy, but i kinda am in this situation... i told her this, but we're both so relaxed together and i'm not going to do anything weird over her going out with other guys i'm just like yeah i like you and its not the most comfortable thing for me to know your out wiht other guys.

this all being said... i totally understand why she wants to see other people,and she's younger, and i'd rather have her know that she likes me instead of her always wondering what else is out there...

but how do you handle these feelings?? at first i was kinda like maybe i should just call things off with her because her dating others, or me running into her while on a date with someone else may sting quite a bit.... but then on the other hand calling it off now would sting also... i'm just trying to relax about it all and just roll with it.. should i see other people in the meantime??

i'm a bit concerned that if i start seeing other people , and i'm so busy time wise, that i won't be able to spend much time with her..

on a side note, any other relationship i've been in after a week or so of dating its always turned into a comitted relationship, so this is new for me. thoughts??

 

[oldfella]

Hey bro, first I want to say that at 29 you are hardly a man of the world yet LOL. She is 24/5 so you are both young. i say don't push it and let the cards fal where they will. make your feelings known as you have done and she has also done. Go out with other women etc and see how that sits w/her! hell two can play that game. Just make sure that when you two hook up it is always special. Make her feel the way you would like someone to make you feel........Special. If it is going to happen it won't take long. But if you press the issue you will lose on two fronts........a friend and a possible companion/partner. Just do not apply the pressure, sounds like you have a pretty good thing going on and you don't want to f%^k that up either.

Just play it by ear............she will come around to it or she won't, in either case at least you have someone you are comfortable with to hang out for a while. Beats being totally on your own!!!

 

[flexmaster]

so here's story...

divorced last june... blah blah... have had a few short term relationships since then just kinda having a good time etc..

anyway about 2 months ago saw an old friend that i haven't seen for about 3 years.. we always had good chemistry, similar interests etc..

so we started hanging out... then things progressed into what most around us think is a bf/gf thing.. but its not..

i really like her, and i'm very confident she is into me as well.. i just turned 29.. she's 24 almost 25.. so about 4.5 years older than her..

i'm in a very different place in a way.. self employed.. successful.. while she's still finishing up school... however our morals, and interests and everything are so similar...she's very mature.. and well after my divorce i kinda want to step back a bit and not settle down into one place, travel etc..

she also got out of a long term relationship this past summer... and hasn't done a whole lot of dating since.

anyway.. i want to get more serious with her.. we've talked.. she still wants to see other people as she's reluctant to give up her freedom.. this is the first time in her life she's had her own apartment etc.. and i totally understand this...i don't like it lol, but i understand it.

anyway.. how do you deal with this kind of a situation..i took myself off the market a couple of weeks ago as i have never felt so good about someone i'm seeing and i think there is alot of potential for a great serious relationship... which i've told her, and i'm pretty sure she feels the same, but she wants to make sure she's ready for a relationship like this... i know she's been on a couple of casual dates over the past couple of weeks as she's open with me about it and likewise..

i never thought i was a jealous guy, but i kinda am in this situation... i told her this, but we're both so relaxed together and i'm not going to do anything weird over her going out with other guys i'm just like yeah i like you and its not the most comfortable thing for me to know your out wiht other guys.

this all being said... i totally understand why she wants to see other people,and she's younger, and i'd rather have her know that she likes me instead of her always wondering what else is out there...

but how do you handle these feelings?? at first i was kinda like maybe i should just call things off with her because her dating others, or me running into her while on a date with someone else may sting quite a bit.... but then on the other hand calling it off now would sting also... i'm just trying to relax about it all and just roll with it.. should i see other people in the meantime??

i'm a bit concerned that if i start seeing other people , and i'm so busy time wise, that i won't be able to spend much time with her..

on a side note, any other relationship i've been in after a week or so of dating its always turned into a comitted relationship, so this is new for me. thoughts??

just enjoy yourself man, take the step to go out with another woman and you will feel differently about this girl. you might still like her a lot, but at the same time you wont have JUST her on your mind. you know she is doing the same thing, so i think this is also a good way to guard yourself from getting "committed" to her without really trying to.

 

[bigrig]

^^thanks for replies guys..

even after just typing the message i was like yeah just gonna roll with it and treat her good and let cards fall where they may..

she actually ended up calling about 20 minutes after i wrote that and we went out and had another great time so i'm just gonna keep at it.

thanks again.. everyoen here always has such great input.

 

[LiftHard410]

it sounds like she may be viewing you as the most likely candidate for the next (hate to put it that way) long term relationship, but she is simply not ready to jump back into the frying pan so to speak...just give her space and show her you understand the situation by doing the same thing she is, even though it is hard...just be relaxed about it, you two will probably end up being serious later on, I take it as she doesn't view you two as having an open relationship right? more of a having fun kind of thing? just give her time and don't let her think you are in a rush or she might get scared...hope this helps

 

[FordTurboDiesel]

What, "lifthard" said.

Im not for games, but it's funny what happens sometimes when you say you've been out with, "A friend" some night. Just a friend.....

Always lets them know they're not the only ones. If you guarantee yourself to someone all the time, sometimes the person doesn't have as much appreciation for you.

 

[bigrig]

here's an update....

haven't checked this thread for a while..

but decided to just stop seeing her... honestly it was just too tough for me.. kinda weirded me out that she was with other guys... you know the where have those lips been feeling?? LOL...

so i broke it off last night... ended pretty good, didn't seem like no hard feelings but she definately seemed more upset than i thought...

and yeah she admitted that she knew that if we "commited" into this that she knew it woudl be long term with me...

i don't know, still kinda sit on the fence like maybe i shoulda just seen other women and kept it casual longer, but i didn't.....

 

[Frank-Oh]

i don't know, still kinda sit on the fence like maybe i shoulda just seen other women and kept it casual longer, but i didn't.....

Nah man, you did the right thing. Quite honestly in this day and age that's straight up fucking gross. People need to have a little more self-respect and even more respect for others (get tested, be cautious, ask questions).

 

[pesty4077]

Take advice from an old man, been with my wife for 18 years, because Of mutual respect towards each other. If you force a issue, you are bound for failure, exspecially the opposite sex. Love takes time and commitment, don't push that.

NEVER SWEAT THE SMALL THINGS!