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Interview With A Fake Natty,

Equalizer

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Registered
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Aug 21, 2005
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674
I found this interview on another site. No idea if its real not or who the guy might be but Im just posting it for entertainment purposes as its interesting if nothing else:


Note: The material below contains explicit content.

NN = NattyOrNot;
FN = Fake Natural;

NN: Hello, we know very well who you are, but do you want the audience to know your real name?

FN: Not really. I may lose my sponsorship. For the sake of this article you may call me Mr. Trenbolone.

NN: Cool. What’s the first thing you want to get off your chest and why did you contacted us for this interview, Mr. Trenbolone?

FN: Well, since we are not really allowed to talk about the drug part of the game, it gets pretty lonely sometimes. I can’t talk openly about stuff like that with my wife and even my mother. That’s why I decided to sort of use this site as a way to share my pains and troubles.

NN: Mr. Trenbolone, we are honored to have you here. Tell us, what does a fake natural bodybuilder do in a typical day?

FN: In the morning I usually take a massive dump because I eat a lot of food in order to maintain my size. You gotta keep that protein high – about 500 – 600 grams.

NN: Holy, **** !

FN: Yeah, man! Tell me about it. After I’m done in the bathroom I like to flex in front of the mirror. If I like what I see and I feel full, I may even take a selfie. If I look flat for whatever the reason, I just crack one off instead. It keeps me in a calmer state. Thanks to my smart-phone it does not take me a long time to finish. I have tons of adult material on my phone which helps.

After that I usually shoot 90% of the drugs I use while watching YouTube videos of me deadlifting, squatting and benching. It gets me going and really lifts me up when everything else fails.

NN: What do you shoot normally in the morning? And where?

FN: I like to shoot most of my anabolic steroids in my left glute. For some reason I don’t like shooting drugs in my right cheek. I don’t know why to be honest. It probably has something to do with my childhood, you know. My father used to beat me real bad on the right cheek and I feel like after such rough times I have to cut it some slack and let it retire with honor.

If I run out of places to shoot and my left glute is hurting, I lower the injectable drugs and do a cycle with oral steroids. I am actually quite proud of this technique and I came up with it myself. There are many fake natural bodybuilders out there who have really hard time finding good places to shoot their drugs and usually when their glutes get somewhat beaten they just go off. As a true fake natural bodybuilder you must never go off. That’s only for the pussies. You must always be on.

NN: Don’t say…

FN: Yeah, man! After I’m done with my injections I go to the gym and start warming-up for the madness that’s about to follow.

NN: Don’t you take some pre-workout supplements?

FN: Usually, I just do a line of cocaine or in the worst case scenario I take some speed. That keeps me going. If I was lucky enough to get laid the night before, I like to snort cocaine off the tits of the girl I was with. That’s when I have the best workouts and frankly the only time I set PRs.

NN: What about whey protein and creatine? It seems that natural bodybuilders consider those a must?

FN: Fuck those pieces of garbage man. They do nothing and just give me gas. Sometimes the chicks on the labels are hot and occasionally I use them as stimulation. Hell, to be honest sometimes I even use the guys on the labels to get it up, but I don’t consider supplements useful for anything else. I really don’t store any creatine in my apartment because I often mix it with my cocaine when I am drunk. Damn, I really hate when that happens.

NN: How long do you train?

FN: Usually as long as their are bitches with solid tits and tight slim legs doing cardio. The more bitches there are in the gym, the more I scream. I like them sweaty. I also make sure that they are looking when I do my squats and deadlifts. I think modern women are deeply turned on by raw strength. They don’t always show it because it’s on subconscious level, but I am pretty sure I’ve made so many girls in the gym go wet that I probably have to pay the cleaning man a couple thousand dollars. Chicks dig muscles man. What else can I say about it?

NN: We’ve watched most of your YouTube videos and in one of them you said the following: How much are you willing to sacrifice in order to win? So, what’s your answer to this question?

FN: Everything. I am willing to give my balls, my integrity – everything that I have I am willing to trade for muscle, fame and money. There are no better things than those three. If you have them, consider yourself the king of all kings.

NN: Nice. Respectable dedication….so, what do you do after you are done training?

FN: Well, I usually shoot more drugs in me in order to recover faster and then head to the local McDonald’s or Burger King. I really like eating junk food. I believe it helps me get even bigger because it’s fool of hormones. Do you know that the average height of Asian people has drastically increased among the younger generations thanks to the large consumption of gene modified foods? So, what’s not to like?

NN: What happened to eating clean? Most natty bodybuilders we know have suffered divorces because their partners went borderline insane from living with people who are always on a diet and are afraid to eat one candy even on their kid’s birthday.

FN: Fuck eating clean, man! That’s for the pussies. If it fits and slides, let it penetrate or in other words if it fits your macros, you can’t get fat even if you eat dog crap.

NN: Oh, man! You are dropping some sick knowledge here. That’s what we are talking about. Tell us how it’s done…

FN: Yeah, man! After eating I usually go to the the mall. I don’t like cars. I prefer taking the bus because it lifts me up. I like traveling when there are more kids in the bus because the boys are usually really skinny and make me stand out more. There’s no better feeling than realizing that at the age of 32 you are already 5 lbs heavier than the guys that used to bully you when you were 15 years old.

In the mall I usually meet with my official girlfriend or fiancée. I like her. She has nice tits but unfortunately the nipples are both looking in different directions but that’s fine. They say that in order to make in the marriage game you must be willing to make compromises and accept the imperfections of your partner. Well, I think I am going pretty far with accepting this downside of my girl, but at least I cheat on her, so we are kinda even.

NN: You seem to be able to get your penis quite hard quite often. What’s your secret? We are pretty sure than many fake natural bodybuilders are struggling with their bedroom performance.

FN: Well, to tell you the truth I use more viagra and cialis than I use anabolic steroids. That’s why I am constantly walking with a hard on. In the beginning it was a little inconvenient, but after a certain time you get used to it and you don’t ever want to be soft ever again. My advice to bodybuilders who struggle with getting it up is to up the sexual stimulants to infinity. It’s well worth it in the end.

NN: Cool. So, after you meet your girl at the mall what do you do?

FN: I usually go back home and start getting ready for my web cam show. While I have many sponsors I also like to make some cash on the side. I need to buy growth hormone and all that viagra. That’s why I allow other men to study anatomy with my help….

NN: So, you do G4P ? ( gay for pay)

FN: Well, you can call it that if you are a douche bag, but I consider it more of an art. The money is also good and middle aged men and their grandparents get to see how a real man is supposed to look like. Quite frankly, I think I am doing a great service to the society.

NN: Man, you are just doing some low level striptease in front of a web-cam. Don’t you think you are overestimating yourself a little?

FN: Not really. You see….(pauses and looks at the skirt of a girl passing by or maybe at the biceps of the man walking next to her) it takes skill. You have to be creative in order to stay relevant.

NN: What do you mean by ‘creative‘?

FN: Well, sometimes I use apples, lemons, carrots, grapes and sometimes even grapefruits in my shows. Occasionally, I will also lick my biceps like that guy from YouTube who got caught.

NN: Oh, man! You seem to have some sick repertoire. Mad props!

FN: Yeah, man! My show usually goes for something like 2 hours before I am completely exhausted. About that time my girl comes back home. She doesn’t know about my online adventures, although I think she would like it. I don’t want to push it too far at this point. We are about to get married after all and she is filthy rich. Her father has a supplement line but that’s just a cover and most of his money comes from illegal steroid distribution. Where do you think pros get their steroids from? He used to be one of those 3’2″ tall bodybuilders who competed back in the day. My fiancée also has a hot daughter and a sister. You see, I can’t ruin her happiness by revealing that I am doing cam shows.

NN: Yeah, man! We totally get it. You gotta keep the dream alive.

FN: Precisely, brah.

NN: So, how do you spend your evenings?

FN: Well, I usually watch some kind of reality shows. I really like those TV formats. I think they should make one with bodybuilders. You know….you take a couple of bodybuilders, put them in a house for a month…people vote…..Now that I think about it this is a sick idea and I need to call my man Poor Violin.

NN: Who?

FN: My boy Poor Violin. He is one of those somewhat retried bodybuilders but he has great entrepreneur vision.

NN: Oh, isn’t that the guy who used to put his arms in beehives so that the bees sting his arms. The goal was to make his arms more swollen from the infections. Correct?

FN: Yeah, man! That’s him…one time he got his arms to 23 inches like that. All natural…just bees and hives. However, he swears that Mexican bees and hives are better.

NN: Wow! That’s such a sick way to get your arms bigger. So, what about him?

FN: Well, I will pitch him this idea about bodybuilding reality shows. We may even invite some retired bodybuilders for special guest in order to attract larger audience. Man, I don’t know how I do it, but I always come up with million dollar ideas. God just wants me to be rich and muscular.

NN: When do you go to bed and how much do you sleep?

FN: I don’t really care about sleep. Sleep is for broke people, as 50 Cent used to say. To tell you the truth, if I have a hot piece of ass next to me, I don’t need even a minute of sleep. Just thinking about that girl getting horny while watching me perform squat good mornings with heavy ass weight gives me turbo chargers that make RedBull’s wings seem like Lego toys. Cocaine also helps a lot.

NN: Cool. Is this how you raise your natural testosterone levels?

FN: Well, back in the day yes, but now that I am a grown-up I don’t have to care about stuff like that no more. I just take my juice and I have all the testosterone in the world I need.

NN: What about having kids? We thought steroids were making it harder to impregnate women.

FN: For some people yes, but not for me. I am a proud baby maker. I have about 4 kids from 2 women and 1 half woman – half man?

NN: What do you mean by 2 women and 1 half woman – half man?

FN: Well, I got two kids from one woman and the another kid from another woman. However, the 4th one I got from a person that used to be a woman but now she is a female bodybuilder, and that’s why I call her half woman – half man. Got it?

NN: Yeah, man! That’s so sick. Do you plan on having more kids?

FN: Sure. I want to have more and make them all bodybuilders. Of course, they are not going to be as good as me, but what can you do? Somebody has to be the king, right?

NN: Word. Is there something specific about the industry that you want to tell us?

FN: Well, I like it and I hate it. I love taking drugs and flexing my muscles. I love the fitness girls. By the way all fitness girls seem to the easy. They are always ready. I think they are somewhat mentally damaged. Maybe some childhood things again…I don’t know. As far as the industry goes – it’s corrupt.

Many athletes have to perform sexual services for the judges, the promoters, the CEOs of the supplement companies. Everybody wants a blow job. I hate to admit it but I’ve also done similar favors in the past before I became famous and well established in the industry. All I can tell you is that 90% of my nightmares are linked to that experience. Never again…you feel me?

NN: That’s awful to hear man. We thought that the bodybuilding game was about honor and respect…

FN: hahahhahahaahahahahahah….not really. I mean there are some people who deserve respect, me for example, but for the most part the majority is just a collection of low IQ social degenerates who got bullied in high school or grew up without a dad.

NN: Bodybuilders and their dads…

FN: Tell me about it…it seems that we all had bad connections with our fathers. At least now I have 18 inches arms. {flexes arms and almost starts licking the left biceps but stops}

NN: Do you think having big arms helps with women?

FN: Yeah man. I think most of my pussy I owe to my arms. Girls are crazy about biceps, man. I actually have a cool story. One time there was that girl that I really wanted to fuck, you know…and I go right next to this girl and ask her: ‘Do you want to fuck?’

NN: No, ‘hello’ or ‘how are you’?

FN: No, man. That’s for amateurs and those idiots who think that Barney guy from How I Didn’t Met Your Mother knows how to pick up chicks. Why would you take girl advice from TV shows? Anyway…I am right next to her and right when girls usually slap me she says: ‘Let me see your arm.’ I flex my arm which at that time was very lean because I was 1 week out from the natty Mr. Olympia. She goes: ‘wow’ and before you know it we are in her place and she is having sex with her boyfriend while holding my arms. I think she had arm fetish because her boyfriend was missing one arm. So, you never know when you are going to meet a girl that really wants to hold your arm while jumping on the *** of her boyfriend.

NN: Nice story.

FN: Mmm…yes. Those were the times.

NN: What do you tell the naive fans who think supplements are the reason you are so big?

FN: {laughs} I love those guys. They make me rich while they are getting diarrhea. Who would’ve thought that I will be making so much money for advertising laxative powders. I wish my teachers were here and alive to see how far I made it.

NN: Speaking of teachers, how good is your education?

FN: I got a college degree from the University Of Anabolics… {laughs} But seriously, I think I will get my PhD soon. It seems to help. People seem to love nerdy bodybuilders. I also like wearing glasses and look smarter. I think it will also improve my cam shows. We’ll see how it goes. I first have to prepare for the natty Mr. Olympia.

NN: How is you preparation going?

FN: It’s going pretty well. In a few weeks I will just up the tr*****, the cl****, the T***, the D**** and of course the G**** and the E****.

NN: That’s some stack. How do you get your steroids? Any problems with the law?

FN: I have prescription for all of the drugs I use. I have a friend who is a doctor and helps me with everything. As far as the law goes, I don’t really care. You know, when you have a well established name and enough money laws change. I had more problems with the law when I was younger and more honest. The higher you go, the more corrupt the world is, but at least I have my muscles, don’t I?

NN: You sure do. Do you have any final words? Any advice for the beginners out there who are willing to do anything to get those big arms?

FN: Sure. Tren hard, eat clen and claim natty. Enjoy.

NN: Thanks for the interview man.

FN: I should be the one thanking you. I was heavily depressed the last few weeks because I couldn’t share the truth with anybody. I felt like a miserable son of a bitch with sucky empty life, but now that I think about it my life is awesome. Muscle, money and pussy. What’s not to like?

NN: Take care.

FN: Piece.

You can contact Mr. Trenbolone at [email protected]
 

Sigma

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Nov 23, 2013
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It's obviously a jest but it's still many things are so close to reality it's scary...

we're living in a scary world guys..
 

TrinityD

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lame
 

dorian123

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when I first read the title I thought of Bill Philips from EAS...guy talked all this shit about pros and said that his supplements were that good. Instead of sponsoring pros he sponsored the Broncos...later came out and said he was using the whole time.
 

desibaba

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I never understood other than the legal reasons as to why someone would claim to be natural. Even in the IFBB Pro ranks you had guys like Michael Lockett claiming to be natural. Personally I dont give a shit about what anyone claims anymore. If you are truly natural then good for you but dont give me that shit about how much better you are than others who use.
 

little slice

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I never understood other than the legal reasons as to why someone would claim to be natural. Even in the IFBB Pro ranks you had guys like Michael Lockett claiming to be natural. Personally I dont give a shit about what anyone claims anymore. If you are truly natural then good for you but dont give me that shit about how much better you are than others who use.



one of his legs is natural
 

BBC

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Sep 28, 2014
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I had a hard time reading that article.

Perhaps when I'm slightly stoned I'll re-read it and have a chuckle.
 

Bliitz

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Dec 31, 2012
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I stopped reading after "I like to snort cocaine off the tits of the girl I was with. That’s when I have the best workouts and frankly the only time I set PRs."
I'm surprised I actually read that far.
 

Pumped Up Ya

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That was the gayest shit I have ever read in my life good thing I read only 6sentences..

Sent from my SPH-D600 using Tapatalk 2
 

Marky Boy

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Didn't even read it all, what a fucking moron
 

ubermensch

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I stopped reading after "I like to snort cocaine off the tits of the girl I was with. That’s when I have the best workouts and frankly the only time I set PRs."
I'm surprised I actually read that far.

I stopped at mr trenbelone
 

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