As much as I hate it, I have to be honest with myself and my fiance. I am an addict. The most complex part about this is that I have a real need for both pain meds and hormones. (I'm hypopituitary and suffer chronic pain, both from the same incident.) I hope not to offend you, but it sounds like you too have an addiction. The best thing I ever did was open up 100% to my fiance. When we fight, sure, she throws it in my face, but I am glad someone knows what I take, how much...etc. And bottom line, she cares and still loves me.
Honesly, I think the absolute best way, as far as safety while also maintaining gains, is to stack 1 or 2 AAS @ a total not to exceed 500-600mg and/or do burst cycles.
I am on TRT (which I fought forever to get them to raise my dose beyond 50mg per week.) I take between 200 and 300mg/wk of testosterone but I split it up in 3 doses, as to not spike so much.
I think a lot of TRT stuff should be carried over to bodybuilding, especially low-dose HcG and low doses of adex to keep everything in check.
High DHT/Estradiol is BAD. High testosterone, not so bad. I really wish doctors were more open to helping people juice safely (ie monthly bloodwork, especially when methylated orals are used.)
Anti-Aging clinics are one of the few places that know the truth about safely using these drugs.