My life as a mortal.

[BigBoyJ]

Back in February I wrote a thread about my decision to go clean and natural. It turned out to be a good thread thanks to all the people who contributed. Here's the link to it if anyone is interested.

http://www.professionalmuscle.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42276

Well, I've been off of EVERYTHING since the end of May. I ended up not doing the massive recovery plan that I wrote about in the previous thread. The ONLY thing I ended up using was Nolvadex.....that's it. When I ended my last cycle, I was taking Massdrol daily with 250 mg test per week. That was at the end of April. Throughout May, I used 60 mg of test per week and started taking 12.5 mg of Nolva per day. My hope was that by taking such a low dose and using the Nolva, my body would begin to get the balls working again. Then at the end of May, I dropped the test and continued with the nolva. I had been on something or other pretty continuously for many years prior to this, so I wasn't sure if recovery was possible, but.........

Like I said, All I've taken is Nolvadex. It's now July and strangely enough, I have had very little decrease in sex drive. I'm still having sex twice a day. Plus my balls are growing. haha . I dropped from 250 to 235, but that's probably because I started working for my dad's construction business and haven't been working out after working in the heat all day. I really don't know if I'd be capable of getting up to 250 again if I really put forth the effort without juicing again. The thing is though, I don't really care. I know that when the heat eases up (I live in Texas) and I hit the gym again, I'll easily be able to be at a lean 240. And honestly, THAT is why I went natural in the first place. I had to know what I could be without ANY help from drugs. I'm going to stay clean for at least two years. It'll be good for me mentally just to know that I don't NEED the drugs. After two years of being clean, I will make the decision if I want to use again. Or, I may decide just to stay clean til I'm old and then hit a little test and gh to keep me bangin' when I'm sixty.

I just write all this because I know that sometimes....SOMETIMES, it starts to feel like you have to have the drugs. You can almost feel like they are a part of you because the fear of not having them, the ridicule you get from people when you start losing size, and that fear of not being able to pick up those weights that move so easily on juice......well, that IS something that can be overcome. I had to prove that to myself. I was not about to let other people perception of me and the thought that it was a hormone that was making who I was rule MY life. I made the right decision.

 

[PHIL HERNON]

Exactly

Back in February I wrote a thread about my decision to go clean and natural. It turned out to be a good thread thanks to all the people who contributed. Here's the link to it if anyone is interested.

http://www.professionalmuscle.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42276

Well, I've been off of EVERYTHING since the end of May. I ended up not doing the massive recovery plan that I wrote about in the previous thread. The ONLY thing I ended up using was Nolvadex.....that's it. When I ended my last cycle, I was taking Massdrol daily with 250 mg test per week. That was at the end of April. Throughout May, I used 60 mg of test per week and started taking 12.5 mg of Nolva per day. My hope was that by taking such a low dose and using the Nolva, my body would begin to get the balls working again. Then at the end of May, I dropped the test and continued with the nolva. I had been on something or other pretty continuously for many years prior to this, so I wasn't sure if recovery was possible, but.........

Like I said, All I've taken is Nolvadex. It's now July and strangely enough, I have had very little decrease in sex drive. I'm still having sex twice a day. Plus my balls are growing. haha . I dropped from 250 to 235, but that's probably because I started working for my dad's construction business and haven't been working out after working in the heat all day. I really don't know if I'd be capable of getting up to 250 again if I really put forth the effort without juicing again. The thing is though, I don't really care. I know that when the heat eases up (I live in Texas) and I hit the gym again, I'll easily be able to be at a lean 240. And honestly, THAT is why I went natural in the first place. I had to know what I could be without ANY help from drugs. I'm going to stay clean for at least two years. It'll be good for me mentally just to know that I don't NEED the drugs. After two years of being clean, I will make the decision if I want to use again. Or, I may decide just to stay clean til I'm old and then hit a little test and gh to keep me bangin' when I'm sixty.

I just write all this because I know that sometimes....SOMETIMES, it starts to feel like you have to have the drugs. You can almost feel like they are a part of you because the fear of not having them, the ridicule you get from people when you start losing size, and that fear of not being able to pick up those weights that move so easily on juice......well, that IS something that can be overcome. I had to prove that to myself. I was not about to let other people perception of me and the thought that it was a hormone that was making who I was rule MY life. I made the right decision.

It is not easy.......all the people cheering you on when you gain size are the ones running away when you lose size.........THATS WHY....I cringe when someone says "GREAT JOB ON THE WEIGHT GAIN" ......because that weight will come off soon one day and your self worth/esteem goes with it. Take things in stride, dont make too big an issue of gaining some muscle.......its just muscle.........when it goes away it will be just muscle. Sadie loves to make fun of people past their prime......it sends a bad message to people and life is about more than that.....I feel sorry for people like her actually....they are stuck in a superficial world.

 

[BigBoyJ]

That's exactly what happened, Phil. My self esteem was based on the amount of muscle I carried. I'm getting over that silly shit now. It's horrible to live that way. I'm pretty sure that my sense of humor, my intelligence, and all the other things that make me so adorable are intact whether I'm 270 or 220.

 

[BigMatt]

Back in February I wrote a thread about my decision to go clean and natural. It turned out to be a good thread thanks to all the people who contributed. Here's the link to it if anyone is interested.

http://www.professionalmuscle.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42276

Well, I've been off of EVERYTHING since the end of May. I ended up not doing the massive recovery plan that I wrote about in the previous thread. The ONLY thing I ended up using was Nolvadex.....that's it. When I ended my last cycle, I was taking Massdrol daily with 250 mg test per week. That was at the end of April. Throughout May, I used 60 mg of test per week and started taking 12.5 mg of Nolva per day. My hope was that by taking such a low dose and using the Nolva, my body would begin to get the balls working again. Then at the end of May, I dropped the test and continued with the nolva. I had been on something or other pretty continuously for many years prior to this, so I wasn't sure if recovery was possible, but.........

Like I said, All I've taken is Nolvadex. It's now July and strangely enough, I have had very little decrease in sex drive. I'm still having sex twice a day. Plus my balls are growing. haha . I dropped from 250 to 235, but that's probably because I started working for my dad's construction business and haven't been working out after working in the heat all day. I really don't know if I'd be capable of getting up to 250 again if I really put forth the effort without juicing again. The thing is though, I don't really care. I know that when the heat eases up (I live in Texas) and I hit the gym again, I'll easily be able to be at a lean 240. And honestly, THAT is why I went natural in the first place. I had to know what I could be without ANY help from drugs. I'm going to stay clean for at least two years. It'll be good for me mentally just to know that I don't NEED the drugs. After two years of being clean, I will make the decision if I want to use again. Or, I may decide just to stay clean til I'm old and then hit a little test and gh to keep me bangin' when I'm sixty.

I just write all this because I know that sometimes....SOMETIMES, it starts to feel like you have to have the drugs. You can almost feel like they are a part of you because the fear of not having them, the ridicule you get from people when you start losing size, and that fear of not being able to pick up those weights that move so easily on juice......well, that IS something that can be overcome. I had to prove that to myself. I was not about to let other people perception of me and the thought that it was a hormone that was making who I was rule MY life. I made the right decision.

Cheers bro.
Im natural like you, im not a big guy,

Believe or Not i Went from a 16% 210 To 150, Just because one day i said, Fuck this why have muscle and Everything i think about is working out, So i Start Running and Running And Running like never before, I was running and Cutting Foods , When i was 210 i was eating Restaurant foods, Soda, a Shitload of Carbs... Everything...

One day i realise that Wtf i was doing was not healthy at all, And Today Man, Im 160 8% Bodyfat, I GOT NO WAIST at all , My Insulin Sensitivity is TRU THE ROOF LOL if I eat a Cracker I can feel the Sugar like never before, No love Handle at all, it even Cave in.

The thing That is Funny, Is that People Are Like, WOW you look great, You look so good Lol! Im only 160. They are like You should Model.

I Look WAY YOUNGER! Before people were thinking i was 28-29 at 210lb when i was 22 Years OLD!

Now im 160 and 25 Years old And they think im 23-24 ! LOL

Sometime people overestimate how much muscle and Fat they have.

When i lost the weight i Had SEVERE Hypoglecemia Symptom, I though i was going diabetic.

And its funny Because People are not saying i look small at all.

Dude Changing My Eating Habits, Quitting Eating Every 3 Hours(CARBS DID MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE!) , I can go with my G/F for a day without Having hunger pains.. etc... It made a huge Difference.

Just look at Kevin Levrone man! He didnt care whetheer hes 240 Shredded on stage or 190 15% BF.

Thats whats Making the Man he IS and i Respect That, He know that muscle MEAN JACK SHIT. Its all bout confidence.

Props too you Bro, Remember when you will be getting old, when you think about it, Do you think All that weight is a Good Thing? Im sure some old guys would really like to be Lighter(Im not saying small toothpick, But you know Lean, Lighter and with some muscle) it Make a HUGE impact on your Health.

Stay Healthy

 

[BigBoyJ]

True, Matt. You know, it's been shown that excess muscle mass is harder on the heart than excess fat, due to the fact that muscle is an active tissue that requires lots of oxygen.

I'm 35 now and I have no desire to ever stand on a stage in my underwear. I think I just want to be healthy and happy. And if anyone makes fun of me for dropping muscle mass, I can still show them how losing the extra weight has made me faster when I whip their ass.

 

[thebrick]

That's exactly what happened, Phil. My self esteem was based on the amount of muscle I carried. I'm getting over that silly shit now. It's horrible to live that way. I'm pretty sure that my sense of humor, my intelligence, and all the other things that make me so adorable are intact whether I'm 270 or 220.

BBJ, I found this thread very refreshing for a change around here. You have my total RESPECT. You can already see the big picture. Wise man! Good for you!

 

[Queefer]

Good luck. Keep us informed on how you feel. I want another baby so I may have to clean up my act too!

 

[The BB Monad]

First of all Congratulations for the will power and for your achievements.

And thank you for the inspiration! You gave me something to think about...

Life is much more than hormones, muscle and gym...

Although I am still on and probably still will be for a while I do plan on going natural and living life as healthy as possible without the muscle obsession!

 

[steele]

INSPIRING

THANK YOU for sharing this. i am struggling with some decisions and hearing stories like this helps ALOT. you may have saved a few people from crossing over to the darkside and/or got some to think about letting the darkside go.

great thread. -STEELE

 

[hompie]

question though

BigBoyJ,

For the last 5 years Im on HRT. (Im 45 now)
HRT only ,no cycles for the last 2 1/2 years.
At my age, lets say I wanna quit, would that be better for my body and health in the long run?

 

[steele]

bump

BigBoyJ,

For the last 5 years Im on HRT. (Im 45 now)
HRT only ,no cycles for the last 2 1/2 years.
At my age, lets say I wanna quit, would that be better for my body and health in the long run?

bump for some opinions or experience on this -STEELE

 

[BigBoyJ]

BigBoyJ,

For the last 5 years Im on HRT. (Im 45 now)
HRT only ,no cycles for the last 2 1/2 years.
At my age, lets say I wanna quit, would that be better for my body and health in the long run?

Thank's to everybody who's contributed. And I can say to anyone that if you feel you need a break, or you want to try and see what you can do without the drugs....DO IT!! Do NOT let anyone else's opinion's or ridicule even be a factor in your decision. You do what the hell YOU want to do. Never let yourself become psychologically addicted to a drug or a certain personal "physical standard" that you feel you have to meet. Your health comes first. I know that now.

And honestly, Hompie, I don't really know. I mean, at 45, it could very well be that your natural test levels have lowered to a point that you are able to benefit from replacement therapy. I have no idea what your natural test levels would be without it.....at this point, I doubt you'd really be able to say either, since it's been 5 years. As long you're happy, you're getting your bloodwork done regularly and you're healthy...I'd say continue doing what you're doing. And if you're getting your testosterone prescribed legally and you're under a doctor's supervision, I really see no reason to get off. On the other hand, if you're just curious to see what you'd be without the drugs, you could try it and see. There's no harm really in stopping them (other than possible fat gain and less strength and energy). As long as you keep the estrogen levels under control during your attempted recovery, you have nothing to lose really if you just want to find out if you're happier "off" or "on".

 

[PHIL HERNON]

Hey

We should have a forum on here for coming off and staying off.......

 

[BigBoyJ]

We should have a forum on here for coming off and staying off.......

I think that's a good idea. Having some support when getting off is just as important as guidance while making a decision to start.

 

[maldorf]

That's exactly what happened, Phil. My self esteem was based on the amount of muscle I carried. I'm getting over that silly shit now. It's horrible to live that way. I'm pretty sure that my sense of humor, my intelligence, and all the other things that make me so adorable are intact whether I'm 270 or 220.

I learned that the hard way after having my heart attack. Not worrying so much about how much muscle I am carrying and how much I can squat in the gym is a blessing really. I put so much pressure on myself, and now that is all gone. Gives you more time to concentrate on things that really matter in life. I can still remember Phil trying to talk some sense into me over the phone. I didnt want to listen back then.

 

[jamez]

Have you had your test levels checked since stopping? Very interested to see what they are...

 

[dutch]

I am happy for you man that everything is going so well comming off! Staying positive true out is half te battle i think and quite hard to do.

I came off a 2 year "cycle" 8 months ago. After 4 months my bloodwork came back all in the range off low normal. Untill this day i still feel its going a bit better everyday but its a real slow process for me.

I wish the best to everybody making the choise to come off after long periods "on". Its doable but can be quite a battle. For me it was i gues everybody is different right.

 

[w8tlifterty]

Came off a 1 1/2 year run about 9 months ago, with a 2 week little blurp about 3 months ago..where I thought i was gonna do another run and realized I could lose my fiance. Anyway, it was real tough for awhile...I could handle the depression and what not but what I knew was going to be the biggest problem was losing size and mentally dealing with that. Well, it sucks to put it bluntly. I lift harder than ever and my diet is always on point (work with Phil). But the gains just do not compare. Although, I am starting to work my way up to strength levels near what they were when i was on. That is some satisfaction in itself. Size wise, well I've only actually lost about ten-fifteen pounds but I am not nearly as lean. In my best shape i was 218 or so at 7-8% at 5'8. Now I'm 208, 11-12% i'd say, havent measured in a bit. It's tough, real tough but I just keep banging away...

 

[Theatrix]

This is a decision we all must wrestle with as we get older. As a 51 y/o, I can't imagine living life with 105 test because of the sides associated with low test. There comes a point where this is just maintenance and TRT may be a necessary requirement in order to maintain a reasonable quality of life. I've lived with low test and don't choose to live my life with joint pain, no libido and a quality sense of well being. These things are still of value to me and I can foresee that they will remain of value to me for the next 10+ years. The damage has been done with either multiple cycles or age related degeneration. I see TRT as just a means to end, my end being quality of life.

There is so much more to life than this life style, but this lifestyle has rewarded me with just another sense of accomplishment. Hopefully, with responsibilty, it won't be my demise.

 

[maldorf]

This is a decision we all must wrestle with as we get older. As a 51 y/o, I can't imagine living life with 105 test because of the sides associated with low test. There comes a point where this is just maintenance and TRT may be a necessary requirement in order to maintain a reasonable quality of life. I've lived with low test and don't choose to live my life with joint pain, no libido and a quality sense of well being. These things are still of value to me and I can foresee that they will remain of value to me for the next 10+ years. The damage has been done with either multiple cycles or age related degeneration. I see TRT as just a means to end, my end being quality of life.

There is so much more to life than this life style, but this lifestyle has rewarded me with just another sense of accomplishment. Hopefully, with responsibilty, it won't be my demise.

I totally agree with what you have to say about quality of life. I was miserable the 6 months after my heart attack when I got off all of the AAS. We waited and waited, the endo and I , and my natural test never came back. I had all those symptoms you mention, and then less than 1 week after starting up the 100 mg/wk I felt relief. Went up to 150mg/wk but my hematorcrit is high now. Trying to find out if it was the test or something else. for now though she has me cutting back to 100 mg/wk, and at that dose I still felt rather lousy. What dose do you run? My total test was at 518 when I was taking 100 mg/wk.