my life is falling apart

[SVFootball]

everything is going wrong. nothing i ever do is good enough for anyone, my parents, my friends, anyone. i just got into yet another huge fight with my parents over college...im going of course, but they are just so ridiculous. they tell me i better be ready, blah blah blah. they just wont leave me alone. they yell at me for not getting more scholarships....but ive got over half of the tuition to one of my schools paid for IN SCHOLARSHIPS! it just drives me crazy...

plus my dad told me today that our relationship is shit and that basically we're gonna hate each other for the rest of our lives. this is on top of my mom criticizing me for every choice i make.

my life is just going to shit now. ive worked so hard to be at the top of my class...ive tried my best to be the best i could be....and its all just going to hell. i quit football this year because i never played....then i went and put on 35 lbs of (almost) all muscle. i just feel like im making all the wrong choices. everything i do is WRONG.

plus my family looks like its falling apart. my dad and mom always fight...about EVERYTHING. it drives me crazy. they're always so combative with each other...nothing goes right. my dad left his job just over a year ago to take one with better hours to be home more...but for less money. then that company left the US...he went outta work for a couple months...found a new job where the workers called him a white n***** because he was from up north....he left there for less money and is just on a downward spiral. i feel like theres got to be something i can do...we're just struggling to get by. idk im just so upset about everything.....

idk what's gotten into me lately....ive been really tempermental...aggressive....just angry. im mad at my life...mad at everything. i mean....ive even had suicidal thoughts

idk what to do...maybe i just needed to vent all this....im just tired of typing...i cant think about it all...

i just dont know wat to do

 

[doug1]

first off, sorry. try not to take the crap your folks give you personally, they are frustrated with their own probs and unfortionatley they are taking it out on you. it is good enough, you've done your best, if that's not good enough for those around you then it's their problem,(not screw them), but just their problem in your mind, and leave it at that, they don't need to be told they're being a-holes, just leave 'em be.
your dad's pressure on you with school is because he doesn't want you to have the same problems he's having now, he loves you. don't know why he said you guys would end up hating each other, something he'll regret soon and may already, he's under a lot of stress and didn't mean that.
sounds like your gonna have to be the "adult" here. do the things that you know are right and in time the relationships and your life will work itself out.
peace brother, keep in touch and training hard.

 

[MAINEVENT]

Wow...this is tough and I usually dont respond to these things but you seem like a great kid person so I'll give you my take.

I never really understood why my dad would say things to me when I was younger until i became a parent. At the time I thought he was just being an ass and taking things (his unhappiness at work) out on me and in a way he was. He was also concerned for my future and wanted the best for me BUT it certainly didn't alway come across that way.

In a nutshell, it may be a couple things. He's very unhappy with his choice in jobs and thus taking it out on the one's he loves. More than likely its also a money issue and he's just scared.

Your a good kid. Your going through some things right now that are not your fault. Do the best you can, be the best son you can and thats all you can do. You cant control what your mom or dad are thinking or doing. You can only control your thoughts and actions.

Keep your head up. If you need anything or just someone to talk to every now and then, give me a pm.

 

[SVFootball]

i really just want to die. my mom just told me she hopes i have a miserable life. i hate myself

 

[MAINEVENT]

i really just want to die. my mom just told me she hopes i have a miserable life. i hate myself

If thats true, your parents need to grow up. Like doug1 said, looks like your going to have to be the adult.

My wife has pretty much been on her own since she was 8. Long story, dont want to get into it. She said she knew at a young age that she couldnt rely on her mom, etc. and told herself then and there it was up to her.

I know it hurts bro, but hang in there. The best thing about getting older is you realise that with time all things pass. You dont forget....but it passes.

Hang in there.

 

[buffbabeca]

sv- i am sooo sorry for all that you are going through. I cant say I know what its like but I will definately keep you in my prayers. If you need an ear to listen. PLEASE PM ME!! I dont like knowing that you have had suicidal thoughts... we are family on this board and if you need something you can rely on us =)

~emily

 

[strongmind]

SVFootball... you have a PM.

Like Emily said, we're all here for you. Hang in there, okay?

 

[buffbabeca]

thats right Nat..... we are here... u have a PM also SV

 

[SVFootball]

thanks. im just gonna go to the gym and try and work it off....

we'll see how that all works out

 

[VanR__]

When you graduate, you never have to talk to them again.

 

[hiddenbelow]

Seriously man if you need someone to call and talk to about things. Pretty much anyone here will be willing to talk. If you need someone to talk to give me a PM and I can contact you or you can contact me. Just be calm and keep a level head bud.

 

[GymDudeVA]

If you are still in high school, talk to your guidance counselor NOW. And/or a teacher you like. Your home situation is toxic and could be heading toward a really bad outcome. The key here is that you are having suicidal thoughts. That is definitely crisis time....get help NOW. It is not a weak or wussy thing to do. If you broke your leg or had pneumonia, would you go to the hospital? Of course. This is the mental health equivalent. I guess you still live at home, but in general you need to minimize contact with your parents, and surround yourself with friends and trusted adults. If it gets ANY worse, get the hell out of there. You'll have a great life in a few years, btu don't let anything happen now to prevent you from getting there without damage. I don't want to be dramatic, but some of what you said is really alarming.....not normal family arguments at all.

You sound like a great kid...everything you said points to your family being the problem, not you at all. Just remember that they are separate people, and they are NOT you. Hopefully, you can distance yourself from them soon. Don't let them make you dependent on them more than is necessary.

 

[SVFootball]

Thanks everyone. I just had a really rough morning. Stuff like this is getting more and more common. I've decided to say "screw it all" and live my own life. If they don't approve, that's their problem. I'm not wasting myself to make them happy anymore...

I went to the gym to cool off and really had a brutal back workout.

Deadlifts for 7 sets
T-bar rows for 6 sets
Bent over rows for 5 sets
Lat pulldowns for 5 sets
Dumbbell shrugs for 3 sets

Hard and heavy.

I've realized now after looking at myself that I am me...not what they want me to be. It's better for me to just be myself...and if they don't like it fine. I don't know what I was thinking this morning...I just broke down. I promise everyone...no more thoughts like that. I'm really embarassed that I even thought that . It's not worth trying to please them if they just want to focus on what I do wrong. No one's perfect...I'm far from it. But I do think that I'm not that horrible. They don't approve of a lot that I do...especially the BBing thing. They look at pics of Ronnie and Jay and flip shit on me...telling me I'm a freak for wanting to get that big. Telling me how sick that is. I don't know...I'm just done with it. They think what they want. I don't care anymore. At least I am who I want to be.

 

[buffbabeca]

SV awesome...... i am sooo glad to hear that you are doing better.

 

[oldfella]

SV, I'll give you my thoughts and hope this helps. Your parents are in a very tight situation now. Your father has been backed into a corner and has no where to turn. Your mother is worried about where to go from here and she thinks that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. They are both frustrated and probably very depressed! They are venting on you and that's all. Take it on the chin and be strong. You do not have to put up with degrading remarks but you do not need to get into a full scale war with your folks. It is not a healthy environment right now. You are bright and you are also young. You have a great future ahead of you. Keep your thoughts focused on your future and also keep the love for your family. Love will win out over this and they are only wanting to be good parents. They feel they are failing in this! Get on with your life and do not let the negative comments bring you down. You don't need this and your parents need all the help they can get. You do not want to die and you have everything to live for! In times of stress in my life, had plenty I assure you, I turned to my training and my closest friends. You have more friends and family here than you realize, we are all here for you. I personally have a soft spot for you younger guys and I'm here to try and help in any way I can. This is not the end of the road. Your journey has only just started. Life is unkind sometimes and this is one of those times. Your family will turn this around. For you as much as them be postive and supportive. Try to make things around the house happier when you can. Knuckle down and keep the good marks in school. Get your education and then do something good with it! keep up your training and stay healthy. Lots of people care about you and we want whats best for you. Stay strong in body and mind!

 

[nosmas]

You are on the cusp of entering the time of your life. When you go off to college things are going to happen fast! Your gonna have it going on for sure. I cant wait for you to start actually. I am excited to hear the stories about what goes down. These last few weeks before you move out will soon be forgotten. There acting out because your leaving soon. Your one smart cookie and you know this will pass without me having to tell you. You also know Lindsay and I love you man…so take it slow and enjoy this time…your last few weeks of school. You wont ever get this time again.

 

[balla06]

damn lil bro i jus saw u wrote this man, sorry i wasnt on top of it when u first wrote it brutha! u knwo im here for u bro. i agree with what alot of ppl said. seems like its a really tough time for everyone in ur family right now and things they say or do jus arnt gna be normal nature for them bc of the stress and the load on their backs right now. they too r angry and pist off at the world BUT what u have to member is that they are ur parents AND they too need to realize u r their son, their flesh and blood and thats family bro! nothin runs thicker then that man! cherish it ALL of u while u can bc man u knwo my situation lately and i dont have a mom so to speak bc of choices shes made that i have no control over and bro, as much as i hate her and my dad sometimes for things they say or things they do or if they blame shit on me bla bla bla, they r still my parents and my family and id never turn my back on them. blood is what runs in ur veins lil bro and ur family is ur blood!! like oldfella said jus try to take it on the chin, be strong and keepa good mind set KNOWING that this all is gna pass and in time things will be back to normal. everyone is jus a little hecktic with things right now lil bro and everyone seems to need a break. but ur fixin to leave and go to colege and FUCKINHAVE THE BEST TIME OF UR LIFE BRO!!! TRUST ME! and if ur goin where u said u were thats close to me so u knwo DAMN well ull havea fuckin good time! haha jus try to stay up and keep ur head up man, the rain doesnt last forever bro! somewhere the sun is shinnin bright so stay focused stay on track weave out the bullshit ur rents say and jus try to help out as much as u can bro, they r ur family and family has to be there for one another and take eachothers backs no matter what! even if they r the "adults" u be the bigger one if need be bro!

heres a quote form a song that i listen to that jus keeps me goin when shit gets heavy on my back and i jus think of the positive side and the fact that I DONT GIVE UP AND DONT BREAK FOR ANYONE NO MATTER WHO OR WHAT!!!

I'm a soldier, these shoulders hold up so much
They won't budge, I'll never fall or fold up
I'm a soldier, even if my collar bones crush
or crumble, I will never slip or stumble

keep ur fuckinhead up brutha! im demanding you! damnitt!! i need ur ass hittin the gym HARD and stayin focuses and GROWING!! u still got a trip to vistit here bro! dont forget that shit! if ya need anything GET AT ME BRO!! u knwo where to find me anytime!

stay up lil bro!!

 

[SVFootball]

thanks guys for all your advice.

ive just avoided them for a while...letting everything cool down. idk what happened...i just snapped that morning. everything's cool...i went to the gym and worked it all.

and balla....im still workin hard...still at 182

ill get there! haha

 

[balla06]

thanks guys for all your advice.

ive just avoided them for a while...letting everything cool down. idk what happened...i just snapped that morning. everything's cool...i went to the gym and worked it all.

and balla....im still workin hard...still at 182

ill get there! haha

ur growin and thats what matters bro! ull get there man and im right here with ya too man! jus some hard work and time and it will all come!

 

[Jerkyboy]

SVF-

I spent 1 1/2 hours typing you a very detailed explanation on why things are the way they are in your life/family right now. Based on real life experiences and based on pshychological research.

Well, I was only about half way done when my stupid ass Firefox Browser closed on me for no F*n reason!!!

So soon as I can figure out how/where to find my temp files + folders, and if I can bring up my reply page, I will cut + paste it in this thread for you.

Otherwise, I am sorry for my F*ked Firefox! and I am sorry for your F*ked life!

Just remember, u arent the only one who has been in the situation you are currently in and there are several answers and solutions to your problems.

Main thing is, parents fight because they are unhappy with the current situation and do not know how to fix it other than yell,scream, put each other down. Then when one of them is gone the other one turns the anger on you. Either way its wrong and you and your family both need serious counseling. I know it sounds bad when that topic is brought up, but just you being able to see what is going on, and knowing/feeling its not right, and wanting to fix it (not just for yourself but for your parents too) is the 1st step in the right direction. CONGRATS TO BE ABLE TO SEE IT and THE ABILITY TO ASK FOR HELP!!!! Thats Awesome!!!

Nobody wants to go to a shrink, but believe me, they will give u and your family the hidden reasons behind the fighting and several better ways to communicate to each other and treat each other with the respect and love you all deserve.

SVF.... NOTHING IS YOUR FAULT! THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO BLAME YOU! (even though they think they can blame you) and even though they do not say it enough THEY DO LOVE YOU!!

They are just confused and do not know where to turn for help, so in their mixed up state of mind all they can do is yell + fight. Its a sad situation.



I am sorry you have to see them fight and disrespect each other all the time with vulgarity, shouting, and name calling. It hurts because you are their son and you love them both equally, nobody wants to see the people they love fight, no matter what the reason is.

Hang in there, as I said earlier u can see the problem; now all thats left is getting the help u need to fix it. For you and your family. But you can't force anyone else to get help/guidance, they must want it to get it. If u try to force them they will just deny there is a problem and vent more of their anger towards you.

Some way, some how, you should try to have a heart to heart talk with them. Somewhere on neutral ground with everyone calm, open ears, and speaking softly to each other and willing to listen to everyone else openly and without prejudice or criticism.


I know its hard, but in the meantime, try not to take anything personal and do your best to just stay out of there when they are that way. Sooner or later they will ( I hope ) realize they are destroying their family and be able to see that there is a major problem.