anxiety sucks bad. my x had it and took an ssri for it, which i dont agree with, but it helped a little but opened up a whole different box of emotional surprises we had to deal with. Zanax as needed helps, but is habit forming and you develop a tolerance.
So i never understood anyxiety, she had it, i didnt, i couldnt just put myself in her place and say fix your brain, it made no sense to me. i thought it was totally irrational.
Then a few months later, i started having trouble sleeping, some how this developed into mild night time anxiety. I took some sleeping pills for a month to help which ended up making me feel batshit crazy, which in turn increased my anxiety level. SO then here i was, with irrational anxiety i had no idea how to combat or deal with and it was driving me fucking nuts.
I was never once depressed during this time, but the anxiety was heavily weighing on me, and i would constantly be "aware" of my anxiety level, checking my pulse, even when i wasnt having an anxiety fit. this process itself raised my anxiety levels, so there i was having anxiety about having anxiety.
I tried st johns wart, 5htp, better sleep, etc, but i refused to take and prescriptions that would alter my brain chemistry, even though 5htp kind of does, but its jsut a precursor, so not really.
well none of this worked, and i am a big mind over matter person, so i was really getting pissed off that my mental state was unmanageable. i was still going to work and school, but i didnt want to leave my house, dreaded going to sleep, always worried about a panic attack in public, i was not the normal me.
I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but i had a talk with myself, and basically said that if this doesnt go away by a certain date, i was going to shoot myself. i wasnt going to live like this. so with that in mind, i called a budy in canada, told him to get on a train and meet me in Manhattan. I am from texas, never been to new york, always wanted to go, so i called a buddy and told him lets go party for a weekend and see what new york has to offer. i booked a ticket, loaded up a bag and headed for the airport. no itinerary, no place to stay, not much cash, just a random trip.
as i was waiting to board the plane, i started feeling anxious. this was NOT the time for this shit, i couldnt afford to having this going on this trip. I put myself in a position i had to deal with it or else it was going to be very bad. I got on the plane, and took a nap after we took off, woke up 10 minutes before landing and havent had it since. I dont know what it was that did it, or if it jsut naturally ran its cycle, but take from my story what you want.
About a year ago, i thought i might be having heart problems. Before i let it develop anxiety or something, knowing how i fixed my anxiety problems the last time, i went straight to my BJJ/MMA gym and trained in my gi, in 100+ degree temperature until i threw up with a heart rate of like 200 or something. then i did it again. then i did it again. I was sick, exhausted, took me about 2 hours for my rate to get normal. I decided if that didnt explode my heart, i was totally fine, no problems since. different things work for different people.
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