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O/T Rough time, 26 years down the drain..

doc

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Dec 2, 2009
Messages
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My parents are getting a divorce after 26 years of marriage. Me and my brother are getting dragged in the middle of it. Basically my mom is going through menopause and having a break down, for which she blames my dad completely. My dad is freaking out because he has no idea what's going on or what he did. He stopped eating and all he does is drink beer all day long while my mom tries to start fights. He's finally had enough and is selling both houses (I live in one in a rent to own type agreement) So that leaves me broke, looking for a home for me and my dog, and a full time student, while trying to be supportive to my parents, and keeping things rolling with bodybuilding.... just a rough time guys, needed to vent.
 
That's tough bro...sorry to hear it. I know that it seems that your life feels a little unstable right now but just remember, what doesn't kill only makes you stronger. Focus on the gym and take out your frustrations there! It all works out in the end!
 
Best of luck bro. Remember these are things we don't have control of . . keep your chin up and remember the importance of school.
 
Sorry to hear this brother. To be honest you need to focus on you, and make sure that you are not dragged down. How old are you and your brother? You two can be a support system for each other. I went through this at a much younger age. I was 10 when i went through this, but i had three older brothers to lean on. If this divorce must happen i pray that it is quick, and that you and your brother support each other. god bless you and your family.
 
Sorry to hear it Bro, I feel ya. 35 years and Dad just never grew up, so Mom walked. It gets better. Hang in there.
 
Keep your head on straight, don't look for crutches (drugs, alcohol,
etc . . ) and time will heal these wounds, what you are feeling is
temporary as hard as it might be to believe that now. Focus on things
you can change, look for the bright spots however cloudy the future
may seem to you now. It will get better, just take care of yourself.

Now, to add some perspective . . .

I just worked with man who's parents just got divorced after 25+
years. That, in and of itself, is not all that unusual . . . but that's
not all. His father was a priest, who he found out was gay. Then . .
his mom he found out was a lesbian. Think of the odds of that
happening, and the effect on the family.

Great advice!
 
thats a tough situation man. Like everyone else is saying, Keep your head up and focus on YOU. you cant change the situation so you just need to put your time and effort into something else. LET IT OUT AT THE GYM :eek:

hang in there
 
Thanks guys, I appreciate it, and i've been trying to distance myself from it and let them deal with their own stuff. Like I said they try and pull me into the middle because I'm the oldest, going to school for nursing (which they know i've taken psychology classes), and are looking for answers I don't have. Dad seems to be doing better today, still not eating, but doing better. I've been hitting the gym hard and not giving up on that, still have my diet on track. It's just a mental drain and had to vent out a bit. The only thing I've really wanted was a cigarette or a nice fat dip (that's how I used to deal with stress) but I quit 1 1/2 years ago, so trying to stay away. Alcohol isn't a desire, or drugs well... except maybe some AAS ;)
Thanks guys, this board really is a great support system!!
 
what sucks is that when women get like this they fuckin dont give a SHIT about their kids
 
Same nonsense happened when I was in my late 20's, parents split up after 30 year marriage. My own wedding was scheduled for a month later. My mother went nuts and my father didn't know what was up. Made for an awkward reception. I'm an only child so it sucked being the sounding board for his pain and her insanity. On the bright side my father remarried a really great lady and has never been happier. My mother remarried also, but it's more a marriage of convenience, and 80% of our conversations revolve around her asking me about my father. She really shit the bed on the whole situaton and has never got it back together.

You can't compare it to having your parents split when you are still a kid, but it still sucks. Different set of issues as an adult. You hear the dirty details of issues from years earlier that you'd rather not know, and would never be told to a child. You worry about them aging alone. Long-entrenched holiday patterns get weird, family members ask you about what the real problem is because you're an adult and the only one who was privy to the relationship.

It will get better, but it's damn awkward for awhile. Them dating, etc. is just strange when it's such a long marriage.
 
what sucks is that when women get like this they fuckin dont give a SHIT about their kids
yes that is very sad..im a single dad to a 3 year old and i can agree with this from personal experience so..it does get better though..stay focused on you brother!!
 
Same nonsense happened when I was in my late 20's, parents split up after 30 year marriage. My own wedding was scheduled for a month later. My mother went nuts and my father didn't know what was up. Made for an awkward reception. I'm an only child so it sucked being the sounding board for his pain and her insanity. On the bright side my father remarried a really great lady and has never been happier. My mother remarried also, but it's more a marriage of convenience, and 80% of our conversations revolve around her asking me about my father. She really shit the bed on the whole situaton and has never got it back together.

You can't compare it to having your parents split when you are still a kid, but it still sucks. Different set of issues as an adult. You hear the dirty details of issues from years earlier that you'd rather not know, and would never be told to a child. You worry about them aging alone. Long-entrenched holiday patterns get weird, family members ask you about what the real problem is because you're an adult and the only one who was privy to the relationship.

It will get better, but it's damn awkward for awhile. Them dating, etc. is just strange when it's such a long marriage.

^^^^This

I couldn't have put it better, literally ALL of that is accurate to my situation or see it being a problem in the near future.
 
Just wanted to say thanks again guys, just hearing stories and getting reassurance that this will all calm down eventually is calming. It just puts life in perspective and how it can all change on a whim.
 
make sure you take care of your brother
 
he lives with me, he's 19.
here's an update, I was called over to my parents house again by my mom. My dad packed all of his stuff and left because he's not willing to try a seperation he's going to go straight to the divorce. He sped off down the road and basically told all of us he doesn't know when he'll see us again. My mom called the bank and transferred half of their balance into a seperate account (which I think was decent because she could have taken ALL of it). And so my dad found out and came back (insert horrible names said to my mom here) and called her a thief, took all of his guns and left. So right now I'm waiting to hear from him again, and trying to keep my mom sane.
 
he lives with me, he's 19.
here's an update, I was called over to my parents house again by my mom. My dad packed all of his stuff and left because he's not willing to try a seperation he's going to go straight to the divorce. He sped off down the road and basically told all of us he doesn't know when he'll see us again. My mom called the bank and transferred half of their balance into a seperate account (which I think was decent because she could have taken ALL of it). And so my dad found out and came back (insert horrible names said to my mom here) and called her a thief, took all of his guns and left. So right now I'm waiting to hear from him again, and trying to keep my mom sane.

Sorry to hear of the situation.

With that said...Your mom is not "decent" for only transferring half the monies. In order for you to be unbiased, you should understand how a divorce proceeding will work.

The fact is the courts will ultimately decide what monies get divided and to whom. Typically the courts will examine financial records closely and will note whom 'cleaned out' what monies and from whom when making their decision.
 
Keep your head up bro. Focus on your future now, but try hard to maybe not correct your parents, but to truly understand there situation and how they both feel. I know its tough, but communication is best. Spending time with them separate may be a good way to talk with them, understand them, and help move forward in the best possible way.

You have a family on pro-muscle, vent all you want bro.
 
Lots of great advice here. Stay focused on yourself and you should make it just fine, it gets easier with time. My parents split after 32 years of marriage and it isn't easy on the kids no matter how old you are.

Maintain relationships with them both, that's important, regardless of anything done or said to one another they're both still your parents. Don't forget that.
 
My parents are getting a divorce after 26 years of marriage. Me and my brother are getting dragged in the middle of it. Basically my mom is going through menopause and having a break down, for which she blames my dad completely. My dad is freaking out because he has no idea what's going on or what he did. He stopped eating and all he does is drink beer all day long while my mom tries to start fights. He's finally had enough and is selling both houses (I live in one in a rent to own type agreement) So that leaves me broke, looking for a home for me and my dog, and a full time student, while trying to be supportive to my parents, and keeping things rolling with bodybuilding.... just a rough time guys, needed to vent.

Keep ur head up bro, my parents tried the seperation thing and it actually worked. stay focused in school and make sure ur bro does the same. everything works out for the best anyway i lost who i thought was the love of my life and still trying to get her back.
 

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