When you say 'possibilities', you mean the possibility that you may have an underlying mental illness? You can bash PED's all you like. That's fine. For most people, they're not enhancing performance at all but rather appearance.
I don't think you're bashing anyone. But I do think that you may be your own worst critic and maybe you bash yourself overtly and sometimes unnecessarily. Just remember that everyone is different and all motives are different. It's not hard to know yours because you were clear about it. Not many are.
But let's be clear for the sake of those reading this is that you didn't use PED's to win a competition or increase your strength... you just wanted to look better. That's a bad recipe for several reasons.
So really, you had MANY problems: underlying issues as you say, taking erratic dosages of "the stuff".I used it more or less to get stronger and like you pointed out appearance help. To help achieve goals in strength and training and it worked so I kept with it. The problems I had really weren't instant, my first few years of using it I felt great no real problems.. I cant deny that, so i cant argue with the guys here who claim that they feel better on the stuff, but maybe just warn em that if the shit hits the fan just be careful and don't be hard headed like i was. I really feel you hit the nail on the head, "underlying issues"
Another thing I pointed out was, Initially i was VERY much strict in how i used it but as I "progressed" and got more comfortable with it, I questioned the potency of my supply and didn't keep things "level" going by gut feeling dosages were erratic... That was a huge mistake on my part too. Self control on my part.
So really, you had MANY problems: underlying issues as you say, taking erratic dosages of "the stuff".
Let me tell you where the rubber meets the road here. There is use and abuse. A 45-65-yr-old guy taking testosterone to increase his quality of life? Hell yeah it's going to work! He's going to feel great on REASONABLE dosages. A guy or girl prepping for a bbing comp or NFL combine is going to be pretty damn pleased as well. The point is, is that they are a MEANS to an end, not an END to a means. I see your muscley little avatar there. Were you on or off in that pic? Are you still trying to convince the world that you're not a little nobody?
I'm not going to attack you here but trust me, you need to stay and therapy and off of PED's for a long time, maybe forever. Have you ever seen very old windows or glass? As compared to new glass? Looking at the world through old and warped and bubbly glass vs looking at the world through more modern and more perfectly created glass are two different things.
I'm not saying that there is something wrong with you as much as I'm saying that there is something wrong in the way you look at or view things. You need to continue on with your therapy and hopefully one day, you won't need to look at the world through a pane of glass at all but rather just open the door and come out here with the rest of us.
He is a big boy, football coach would probably love him
No offense bro but it just sounds like you couldn't handle your shit. I've been down the path of darkness a few times and let me tell you Tren will fuck you up if you don't know what to expect.
The point is there's always light at the end of the tunnel. Don't be a quitter. When life gets tough you gotta get tougher. It's the way it goes man. Especially for us drug users. Steroids are not for the weak minded. Which is why the successful guys in life that juice are the smartest and usually the most mentally tough people. The others.... Well they kill people usually ex girlfriends get addicted to other drugs or kill themselves.
Not referring to the OP in that last paragraph but trying to scare people into changing there minds doesn't work. People have usually already made a decision on what there going to do, I feel it's better to be educational about steroids vs the ole fire n brimstone speech. Didn't change my mind one bit ha