Please read this, I wish I did 5 years ago.

[Cobraman]

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Scottyd]

When you say 'possibilities', you mean the possibility that you may have an underlying mental illness? You can bash PED's all you like. That's fine. For most people, they're not enhancing performance at all but rather appearance.

I don't think you're bashing anyone. But I do think that you may be your own worst critic and maybe you bash yourself overtly and sometimes unnecessarily. Just remember that everyone is different and all motives are different. It's not hard to know yours because you were clear about it. Not many are.

But let's be clear for the sake of those reading this is that you didn't use PED's to win a competition or increase your strength... you just wanted to look better. That's a bad recipe for several reasons.

I used it more or less to get stronger and like you pointed out appearance help. To help achieve goals in strength and training and it worked so I kept with it. The problems I had really weren't instant, my first few years of using it I felt great no real problems.. I cant deny that, so i cant argue with the guys here who claim that they feel better on the stuff, but maybe just warn em that if the shit hits the fan just be careful and don't be hard headed like i was. I really feel you hit the nail on the head, "underlying issues"

Another thing I pointed out was, Initially i was VERY much strict in how i used it but as I "progressed" and got more comfortable with it, I questioned the potency of my supply and didn't keep things "level" going by gut feeling dosages were erratic... That was a huge mistake on my part too. Self control on my part.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

I used it more or less to get stronger and like you pointed out appearance help. To help achieve goals in strength and training and it worked so I kept with it. The problems I had really weren't instant, my first few years of using it I felt great no real problems.. I cant deny that, so i cant argue with the guys here who claim that they feel better on the stuff, but maybe just warn em that if the shit hits the fan just be careful and don't be hard headed like i was. I really feel you hit the nail on the head, "underlying issues"

Another thing I pointed out was, Initially i was VERY much strict in how i used it but as I "progressed" and got more comfortable with it, I questioned the potency of my supply and didn't keep things "level" going by gut feeling dosages were erratic... That was a huge mistake on my part too. Self control on my part.

So really, you had MANY problems: underlying issues as you say, taking erratic dosages of "the stuff".

Let me tell you where the rubber meets the road here. There is use and abuse. A 45-65-yr-old guy taking testosterone to increase his quality of life? Hell yeah it's going to work! He's going to feel great on REASONABLE dosages. A guy or girl prepping for a bbing comp or NFL combine is going to be pretty damn pleased as well. The point is, is that they are a MEANS to an end, not an END to a means. I see your muscley little avatar there. Were you on or off in that pic? Are you still trying to convince the world that you're not a little nobody?

I'm not going to attack you here but trust me, you need to stay and therapy and off of PED's for a long time, maybe forever. Have you ever seen very old windows or glass? As compared to new glass? Looking at the world through old and warped and bubbly glass vs looking at the world through more modern and more perfectly created glass are two different things.

I'm not saying that there is something wrong with you as much as I'm saying that there is something wrong in the way you look at or view things. You need to continue on with your therapy and hopefully one day, you won't need to look at the world through a pane of glass at all but rather just open the door and come out here with the rest of us.

 

[Scottyd]

So really, you had MANY problems: underlying issues as you say, taking erratic dosages of "the stuff".

Let me tell you where the rubber meets the road here. There is use and abuse. A 45-65-yr-old guy taking testosterone to increase his quality of life? Hell yeah it's going to work! He's going to feel great on REASONABLE dosages. A guy or girl prepping for a bbing comp or NFL combine is going to be pretty damn pleased as well. The point is, is that they are a MEANS to an end, not an END to a means. I see your muscley little avatar there. Were you on or off in that pic? Are you still trying to convince the world that you're not a little nobody?

I'm not going to attack you here but trust me, you need to stay and therapy and off of PED's for a long time, maybe forever. Have you ever seen very old windows or glass? As compared to new glass? Looking at the world through old and warped and bubbly glass vs looking at the world through more modern and more perfectly created glass are two different things.

I'm not saying that there is something wrong with you as much as I'm saying that there is something wrong in the way you look at or view things. You need to continue on with your therapy and hopefully one day, you won't need to look at the world through a pane of glass at all but rather just open the door and come out here with the rest of us.

Thats great advice brother, thank you, that pic was from about a year ago still on. I plan on staying off.. I already know what i can do on them, and the goal now is to achieve that and more without them. My physical shape now isn't too far off from that pic, but nothing to be arrogant about.. and for the most part I kept good plenty of strength to train. I just stay sore longer... which actually feels somewhat refreshing. I've always been very goal orientated when it comes to training..

Nah I'm not trying to convince the world of anything at this point. I just want to maintain and hold onto my hard work. And as a fat kid, sure i got picked on a lot and stayed obese the majority of my life which was a huge part of having low self esteem among other problems. I don't need that life. Your point about using just to gain physical attraction is right on in my case.

And you're right all the way, I see things so much different now. Oddly It kind of makes staying on diet and routine tough because for whatever reason while on it added my desire to be more accountable. But now there is just so many more important things in life BESIDES B.B. My son is my focus now. He's training along with me and my gf that has given me not only a new outlook but a lot of motivation. My kiddo is just like me, right now he is 14 and 6'1 roughly 245lb he's a big boy and he reminds me so much myself at his age. Helping him get into shape will hopefully help him avoid a lot of the bs i went through as a kid.

 

[mewalrus]

He is a big boy, football coach would probably love him

 

[Scottyd]

He is a big boy, football coach would probably love him

He wants to power lift

 

[jbarbe13]

To the OP i can see where your coming from, BUT AAS is not to blame. I have had many bouts with depression both before and after AAS. I found that i could not "cycle" steroids….i was always messed up in the off time. Once I bit the bullet, went to my doc and got put on TRT everything has been awesome. 200 mg a week from the doc, plus whatever i want to add on top.

Sounds like you loved every minute while ON but felt terrible and think steroids make you feel like shit. When in reality, its the LACK of testosterone when off cycle that makes you feel like that. After I decided to stay on year round with the ole "blast and cruise" things have been great. Just my .02

 

[Scottyd]

Found this video very interesting to those who don't know who this fellow is DIG around a little on this forum, he's is (or was accordingly) a highly respected member here "Big Kiwi" this is the FIRE you play with when you experiment with this shit. NOT only the JUICE but the legal SUPPS too!

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbTyCe2dbRk"]Bodybuilder destroyed by steroids and HGH - YouTube[/ame]

 

[showstopper83]

No offense bro but it just sounds like you couldn't handle your shit. I've been down the path of darkness a few times and let me tell you Tren will fuck you up if you don't know what to expect.

The point is there's always light at the end of the tunnel. Don't be a quitter. When life gets tough you gotta get tougher. It's the way it goes man. Especially for us drug users. Steroids are not for the weak minded. Which is why the successful guys in life that juice are the smartest and usually the most mentally tough people. The others.... Well they kill people usually ex girlfriends get addicted to other drugs or kill themselves.

Not referring to the OP in that last paragraph but trying to scare people into changing there minds doesn't work. People have usually already made a decision on what there going to do, I feel it's better to be educational about steroids vs the ole fire n brimstone speech. Didn't change my mind one bit ha

With all due respect to the OP, sounds like there were some hidden issues before beginning cycle use.

Going from being an average Joe (no disrespect intended) to all of a sudden looking and feeling like "the man" in a short period of time and having this clout that you never had before can cause some real quick personality changes, and sometimes people just don't know how to handle that kind of success.

It's like the same thing as giving a poor ghetto kid who turns professional athlete at a young age millions of dollars, they were so used to a low lifestyle that they go overboard and get in over there head doing things that they were never able to do before.

I have my own issues and I will say that tren DOES definitely make your issues worse, at least in your head... but I know this and don't blame my pre-existing issues on drugs.

Unless you get a wild hair up your ass to decide to want to be a bodybuilder in the middle of your life... i don't see the point of juicing if you're already happily married with kids. Almost everyone I've ever met who juices and doesn't bodybuild or play sports does it for ONE reason only: To look good and get pussy.

Sorry to hear about the sad story, but you have GOT to be living under a rock to not know that steroids have potential negative psychological consequences.

 

[jstrong20]

Sucks when you make mistakes and everybody does it. My story is diffrent. Ran cycles for years and had a blast. Didn't change me a bit. Not looking to be a pro so gave it up and am fine with it. Never forget the feel when I hit my goal of 20" arms. Absolutely felt awesome. Still love to lift but my family life is what makes me most happy now. Also I still use certain things here and their but no gear.