Really depressed...could use some support

[liftin4life]

If you've read any of my previous posts you'll know that I'm 25 years old and my total test is 51ng/dl and 11ng/dl free (AM level)....they tested this several times plus all other hormones (all normal) and did an MRI....I have a pituitary tumor. It's nonsecretory and noncancerous so surgery is not necessary now....IF it doesn't grow. I hope it doesnt.

I'm really upset about this...I'm going on TRT...apparently for life. I know there are benefits...and I should see muscle gain/fat loss...but I'm so upset. I'm very independent and being dependent on test is a major blow to my pride.

They say low test causes depression and fatique so maybe some of this is because it's so damn low (51). The fact that I can't even get an erection is depressing on top of that...been 5 months...can't get off...I'm chemically castrated basically. I think all of these factors plus being upset about the tumor itself....snowballed the depression caused by the low test....and put me into a DEEP state of depression.

I'm VERY upset and tired and down. If anyone on TRT or HRT could offer some support and reassure me that I'm going to be okay..or anyone can relate, please share.

 

[reconhardc]

hey bro hang in there

Hey bro, I am 39 years old, and I am on HRT, for all my life, i was fine, then about 7 months ago, I feel tired and depressed, really bad. Now part of my situation was being very overweight. But my test was always naturally low. My libido was terribble, and could not maintain an erection, even now on HRT, I am just begining to build confidence, and sex drive getting slowly better. I will not blow smoke up your ass!!, I understand about the ego, and it hurts. When this happened to me I got my wife accusing me of all kind sof shit, and then like you the thinking of having to rely on test made me mad. Then I got to thinking. I turned the thinking around after about 3 weeks of deep deep anger and depression. I though suppose this was 1901, and this was happening to me, with out all the available knowledge, and treatment for this condition?, suppose this was 1901, and I could not afford, to go to the doctor to talk to, and get cheked out. Think about how hard it would be just to talk to your best friend about this in 1901, let alone a stranger, who you beleive might laugh at you when you left the room. Think about the family, you might have lost because of lack of understanding of this said condition. Then it hit me " though my test is low, I still have options, though my test is low, I still could access help, and have a decently normal, and read carefullynormal MENTAL exsistence, and sexual fuxntion. They have things that could help me satisfy my ego, and my wife, though my test is low. See what I am saying, you are and have options, and you and I are facing realitys, that life hands us. You train so even with low test I beleive you can be strong. It is no shame to feel angry, or hurt, but understand, the hurt could be much worse, without the options you have. Right now I still struggle, but I say I will have to get by and through this, and some days are better. Bro I feel for you, but I also beleive that if you want to you can, and will be okay. Some people have cancer, some have diabetes, some have high blood sugar, you and I have low test, but thank god we live at a time when you and I can get help for our condition, and make a normal life to. I wish you all the best.

 

[Fullybuilt]

Im on hrt(150mg cyp) per week and its great. My first two cycles I did, I achieved good gains but lost a lot afterwards. I've kept all my size since HRT and never have any sexual issues(unless on ephedrine) You will be very pleased about HRT. The only downside is there is a possiblity that over time, sperm count will be non existant. So, my advice to you is to freeze some sperm now. Most girls won't care at all when its time to have a kid. Also, you will feel like a new man. With TRT your levels will be at what an 18year olds are at, so when you think about it, its much better than having normal test for your age. I bridge with TRT and maybe someday will try to recover on my own, but the pro's of having high/normal test are def worth the 1 shot per week you have to take imo. Also, even if on TRT for years and sperm count is zero, you just run HMG and HCG for a few months and it kicks it right back up, then freeze it and your golden.

 

[PHIL HERNON]

Listen to me.

Are you listening??? I want to congradulate you! Just going up to your computer, turning it on, typing this out is a big accomplishment. Only you and I know this, so I want you to pat yourself on the back for doing this. This was a huge step and a big one for you, GOOD JOB. I went 4 years with those numbers and in a deep depression, so I know where you are. I am on 200mg test for my life also, but you know what, NO BIGGIE!! It is like eating or drinking! Once a week you take 1, 1cc shot. It is painless and then you go about your life. Please use the shot method, the patch and Gel do not work as well, trust me......... please. I promise you, in 3 weeks life will become clearer, you will want to participate in activities such as taking care of yourself ,working out again, and even sex ! Any questions please private message me, ok.

 

[PHIL HERNON]

WTF are you talking about???

Im on hrt(150mg cyp) per week and its great. My first two cycles I did, I achieved good gains but lost a lot afterwards. I've kept all my size since HRT and never have any sexual issues(unless on ephedrine) You will be very pleased about HRT. The only downside is there is a possiblity that over time, sperm count will be non existant. So, my advice to you is to freeze some sperm now. Most girls won't care at all when its time to have a kid. Also, you will feel like a new man. With TRT your levels will be at what an 18year olds are at, so when you think about it, its much better than having normal test for your age. I bridge with TRT and maybe someday will try to recover on my own, but the pro's of having high/normal test are def worth the 1 shot per week you have to take imo. Also, even if on TRT for years and sperm count is zero, you just run HMG and HCG for a few months and it kicks it right back up, then freeze it and your golden.

Dude you are on everything but the kitchen sink!! This kid had a real issue, not worried about between cycles. Man you really need to read these threads.

 

[TeamZ]

When you say TRT I am assuming you mean Thyroid, I had a friend who is a marathon runner he was always depressed and moody, they found him to be thyroid deficient and put him on synthroid and HRT(the patch) he is a new person it mad a night and day difference!

Hang in their bud depression is nothing to fool with and your not alone millions suffer from it so don't feel stigmatized, and get the help you need to feel better and lead a normal life, don't worry about being dependent on meds, do what you have to do to feel better and keep a PMA!

 

[PHIL HERNON]

Synthroid

I am also on .075mg synthroid. It is easy as pie, so no worries ther either. TRT is just no biggie!!! PLease do not read what FULLYBUILT writes, TRT has nothing to do with having the testosterone levels of an 18 year old.

 

[The Real Mako]

I wish you luck and best of health.. you will get through it and be a better person for it.. remember you are a champion a fighter and most of all you a hero to alot of friends and family members

 

[littlemack]

You are also lucky to have found a group that has this kind of experience with your symptoms and depression. Listen to Phil! Be thankful that you are able to get help for this. Also, remember, that your test levels are really low and causing you a lot of the mental anguish that your feeling right now. Its hormonal. I am really happy for you that it is non cancerous. You have been blessed! Trust me. Just talk to Phil. In fact, try and get his number and call him. He's about the most upbeat guy I've ever talked to on the phone! ha. The last time my Dad talked to him on the phone my Dad told me, "Man, that guy is a trip. He's like a ball of energy." hahahahaha

 

[liftin4life]

I really appreciate everyone's support on this. Yeah, I know it's not killing me and yes...from that perspective it's minor. But to me, it is a big deal. When I'm at the gym I look at these hot women and want to talk to them...then I remember that I haven't been turned on in 3 months and haven't gotten off in close to 5. So I stop and think "how could I explain that...better play it safe". So I don't speak to them. I would hate to get into a situation where I couldn't perform.

By TRT, I mean Testosterone Replacement Therapy...not Thyroid. Sorry for not clarifying.

Once again I really appreciate the support here. I'm just struggling mentally to cope with being depending on something.

My entire life I've always thought that the body should be self-sufficient. I've always taken pride in the fact that I could be stranded in the middle of nowhere...butt naked with nothing by myself...and survive....no glasses or contacts, no prescription drugs....etc. And yeah I could survive with low test there but...it still hits hard emotionally...that I will no longer be self-sufficient..like my body is SUPPOSED to be.

On top of that, I feel like I've been cheated out of results as far as training goes. If I had known before that I had LESS THAN HALF the testosterone of a 22 yr old female...I might have corrected the problem earlier. Looking back over the past 6 or 7 years I noticed intermittent sex drive problems that I had passed off as being emotional or just not paid attention to. Now I know the cause. I'm not sure how long the tumor has been here or has been affecting me...but I suspect it's been there for a good while.

 

[mrcat]

My entire life I've always thought that the body should be self-sufficient. I've always taken pride in the fact that I could be stranded in the middle of nowhere...butt naked with nothing by myself...and survive....no glasses or contacts, no prescription drugs....etc. And yeah I could survive with low test there but...it still hits hard emotionally...that I will no longer be self-sufficient..like my body is SUPPOSED to be.

I'm type 2 diabetic and often feel the same way. Like I'm defective. Reliant on a pill or two. At least for me it got better over time. I started making some gains in the gym again and feeling better. I doubt the feeling, at least for me will go completely away, but it has got a lot better. Best of luck. I wish I could be more help...

 

[liftin4life]

Are you listening??? I want to congradulate you! Just going up to your computer, turning it on, typing this out is a big accomplishment. Only you and I know this, so I want you to pat yourself on the back for doing this. This was a huge step and a big one for you, GOOD JOB. I went 4 years with those numbers and in a deep depression, so I know where you are. I am on 200mg test for my life also, but you know what, NO BIGGIE!! It is like eating or drinking! Once a week you take 1, 1cc shot. It is painless and then you go about your life. Please use the shot method, the patch and Gel do not work as well, trust me......... please. I promise you, in 3 weeks life will become clearer, you will want to participate in activities such as taking care of yourself ,working out again, and even sex ! Any questions please private message me, ok.

I've done a lot of reading after finding out about my situation and my findings agree with you on the gel VS shots. I know the Dr's like to push gel. I'm hoping this Dr. and I can come to an agreement...appointment with the endocrinologist is Wednesday. I will NOT rub gel on myself everyday...sticking myself once a week....no big deal.

 

[dragonfire101]

Bro,

I feel for you my total T is on the os side 300 and I feel like crap. So I can only imagine how you feel. Im on 88mcg synthroid and am having other issue sI need to follow up on. Sex drive is very low too, but I guess at least I have one ocassioally.

 

[liftin4life]

Bro,

I feel for you my total T is on the os side 300 and I feel like crap. So I can only imagine how you feel. Im on 88mcg synthroid and am having other issue sI need to follow up on. Sex drive is very low too, but I guess at least I have one ocassioally.

So they have you on testosterone AND synthroid?

My thyroid was fine thank god. Every other level (aside from testosterone) was normal (FSH, TSH, LH, SHBG, E2, Prolactin). Actually FSH was a slightly low but for some odd reason..lately I've had to shave twice a day. That makes no sense to me.

 

[dragonfire101]

just synthroid at the moment

 

[Tman2002]

reply

Tell every one its your birthday and throw your self a party. Sorry this is thw best idea I have. I've overcome severe depression it can be done and when you do you will know that you can do anything.

 

[Magnum]

Bro, you have gotten a lot of great advise on here so far. I say this in a good way, IT'S NO BIG DEAL!. So you go on some test and you will feel great once again and life will be normal. Seriously, all the problems you have right now can be corrected. It could be worse. You could have something that was NOT able to be corrected so easily and who's to say that you can not get the tumor removed later in life. Now go get the shot of test!! I pity the first girl that comes your way.

 

[overman]

ouch

At 25 (now 26), I experienced a horrible episode of depression. My sleep habits went to shit, my sex drive dissappeared, and worst of all, it disturbed my pride. But you know, it is NOT you- it is your body (no debating please). We are biologically designed to experience depression. You recieved a double dose because you are faced with the physiological effects of low testosterone and the news of having a tumor. It's normal! Do not let your imagination run wild; do not let desperation control your thoughts and behaviors; and most importantly, stand proud. You are a strong, courageous individual! Do not own the depression. Get your shot, meet those ladies and BOOM- show them the best time of their lives!!

 

[Fullybuilt]

Dude you are on everything but the kitchen sink!! This kid had a real issue, not worried about between cycles. Man you really need to read these threads.

I actually have never gone over 2g's per week. Also im not positive I need HRT yet, my levels were low but only after 6weeks after pct after my 3rd cycle. Thats why I stay on HRT with 500iu hcg 2x weekely and occasionally some 1month HMG cycles. I was giving this guy good advice? But Phil, since you say im on everything, how come your on HRT when you did such "small cycles"

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Fullybuilt, I spent some time cleaning up this thread this morning. Did you not notice this? I'm giving you a second warning. Take it private and off the board. One more warning and you're out. Can you PM me? What the hell is up with you lately? I'm starting to worry about you.