Sensitive way to motivate my wife to lose weight ?

[Monossi]

Hello , I thought I would give it a shot & see if there is/are people that might have the same concerns a me .
I have been married for 10 years now , two kiddo's together...yada yada
When we met we were both in decent shape.
Here 12 years later (we are both 30) , I have improved on my physique . I'm not a body-builder , because of my profession there is no way to get there & maintain so I aim for a ripped "fitness/athletic" physique.
My wife on the other hand seems to be gaining weight. I don't know what she weighs as she won't tell me & she won't get on the scale with me anywhere around. I have tried to get her to do cardio with me ro to go out walking. I bought her the bike she wanted , but she has yet to use it once. I try to make suggestions on diet & eating clean but I end up a villain by the time the conversation is through. I even went as far as throwing away all the nasty crap in the fridge out & stocking it with good snacks & foods. I have tried to be sensitive & nice about things. Some people say that hispanic or latino women are prone to this (hot when young & blow uplater) but I ain't buying it.
Anyone have a simular situation or suggestions that might help me motivate her to atleast start to exercise ? She is a great woman & has always been there for me no matter what..... I don't wanna give up , but I'm running out of ideas short of being rude.

Thanks for reading ... & any suggestions.
Monossi

 

[triathloncoach]

Wife

Tell her your girlfriend says she looks fat. If that doesn't get the desired results try to make diet and exercise a mutual activity. That means you should be very aware that your fitness level may be intimidating to her. She can dramatically improve herself without putting forth the level of effort as you. Be her personal trainer. It's a fun, healthy common interest that you can bond over. Tell her that if she exercises you'll watch sex in the city with her. Let her know you are also willing to suffer. You need to walk the line between nice and supportive but still let her no that her taking care of herself is very important to you. She also needs to want to please you as you make an effort to be a good husband to her. Bad things happen when one spouse let's themself go and the other does not.

 

[sadie]

i know this is NOT what you want to hear but... shes not going to do it no matter what you say until shes ready. she might attempt or half ass just to shut you up but the facts are people dont change until they are READY to change.. very similar to addiction really.. you can tell the junky they are fucking their lives up etc but until THEY realize things are out of control they arent going to make the necessary changes to turn their lives around. good luck and i do hope she WANTS to change soon

 

[cpesloco]

Tell her your girlfriend says she looks fat.

you crack me up..

i know this is NOT what you want to hear but... shes not going to do it no matter what you say until shes ready. she might attempt or half ass just to shut you up but the facts are people dont change until they are READY to change.. very similar to addiction really.. you can tell the junky they are fucking their lives up etc but until THEY realize things are out of control they arent going to make the necessary changes to turn their lives around. good luck and i do hope she WANTS to change soon

Sadie is right on this one.

 

[VanR__]

If there was a golden rule on how to have a significant other get serious about fitness, the rule creator would have written a book and made millions.

Some people just don't care, have zero discipline, stressful personalities that comfort food quenches, or all the above.

 

[Monossi]

Well , I appreciate it ya'll . I'll continue the crusade ...........
Maybe I outta sighn her up for that Survivor TV show or something .....

 

[Iceman1800]

Too funny, there is absolutely no way to tell your wife you want her to lose weight. Don't ever attempt this and if you think being rude will work, you may want to buy one of the fleshlight things cuz you will be cut off for aloooong time. She has to want to and little hints only hurt, they don't motivate. Commenting on her food or asking her weight? Throwing out foods in the fridge that she likes? I amazed you are still breathing. You need to tell her how beautiful you think she is and don't make any references to her weight in any way at all. She needs to feel you love her as she is and maybe she will make changes on her own. Right now she thinks you are judging her. The best you can do is maybe take a drive down to the beach and see if she wants to go for a walk to watch the sunset. If you make cardio stuff seem like cardio stuff, it ain't going to work. You really need to do a complete 180 on how you are approaching this.

 

[ldog40]

i know this is NOT what you want to hear but... shes not going to do it no matter what you say until shes ready. she might attempt or half ass just to shut you up but the facts are people dont change until they are READY to change.. very similar to addiction really.. you can tell the junky they are fucking their lives up etc but until THEY realize things are out of control they arent going to make the necessary changes to turn their lives around. good luck and i do hope she WANTS to change soon

Sadie is right. I know from personal experience. My wife was pushing 400 lbs (no exaggeration), knees hurting all the time, breating hard walking up a flight of stairs, breaking furniture, the whole 9 yards and when I mentioned that I was concerned about her health she still did nothing and actually got defensive. All you can be is supportive and make sure you stay healthy for yourself and your kids, because until she realizes it is an issue or she decides to do something of her own volition, there is nothing you can do. She may START working on getting shape for outside reasons (you, the kids, etc.), but in the end, she has to be doing it for herself and that is nothing you have any control over, period.

That being said, you also have to be honest with yourself about how important her being in shape is for you and how you feel. A lot of people will say you are shallow or some such thing, but the bottomline is, we all have our own views of what is and is not attractive and what we do and do not want physically in a mate and you need to decide what is and is not ok with you, assuming you are not expecting "perfection", which it doesn't sound like you are looking for. As your spouse, it is part of her obligation to you to take care of herself and look her best just like it is your obligation to do the same for her.

 

[ericraven2003]

After I lost all my weight and got in great shape. My wife was finally motivated to hit the gym with spin classes and weights. She even let me put her on GH.

 

[brucebanner]

i feel for ya as i was in same boat. i was engaged to a girl after being together for 5 years. she was very athletic and in great shape when we met. she played volleyball in college and exercised religiously. after college i continued lifting and making improvements. she quit exercising and quickly ballooned up to 200 lbs. call me shallow but this really bothered me as i was working 2 jobs at the time and still managed to lift 4 days a week. she wasnt even working and refused to go at all. i tried talking to her about it but the more i did it seems the further it pushed her away from getting off the couch. long story short we ar no longer together. theres really no way to say it to her in a good way. just bite the bullet i guess....good luck

 

[Monossi]

Update .......

Well I came home from offshore about 4 days ago. I was laying my dive gear out to dry in the garage when I noticed a nice highend elliptical sitting in the garage next to my weights & squat rack ....... then I noticed a huge shop fan (the kind you buy from Sams Club or something) sitting right in front of it.
Then I noticed one of those little Bose I-pod players plugged in & sitting on my bench within reach of the elliptical ......

So I just go inside & go to sleep (it's 0330 in the morn) without saying anything. So I sleep with one eye open to see if she hits it B4 work .......
Low & behold , her little cellphone alarm goes off @ 0500 & she gets up & goes to the garage for 45 min B4 eating...... She's not playing around I don't think , fasted cardio & all .......

*Fingers crossed for consistency*

 

[EVERLAST]

critical step here................

Well I came home from offshore about 4 days ago. I was laying my dive gear out to dry in the garage when I noticed a nice highend elliptical sitting in the garage next to my weights & squat rack ....... then I noticed a huge shop fan (the kind you buy from Sams Club or something) sitting right in front of it.
Then I noticed one of those little Bose I-pod players plugged in & sitting on my bench within reach of the elliptical ......

So I just go inside & go to sleep (it's 0330 in the morn) without saying anything. So I sleep with one eye open to see if she hits it B4 work .......
Low & behold , her little cellphone alarm goes off @ 0500 & she gets up & goes to the garage for 45 min B4 eating...... She's not playing around I don't think , fasted cardio & all .......

*Fingers crossed for consistency*

Man I am happy for you AND her!

You know her best so...
do what she will respond to.
Maybe just a little praise, maybe do something she has wanted to do
(that you maybe not so much...)

Just show her you notice maybe.
Starting out she may need encouragement and emotional support cause if there is much to lose it can be overwhelming.
Like I said you know her best...
think a minute though because motivation and support is tricky business.
Pick it right and she will just eat it up and your stock will soar in her eyes.
Pick it wrong and it may blow up on you.
Long term is whatcha want. get and keep it.
Steady slow changes so she wont freak out too much.
How much has she lost/ have left to go?

Fingers crossed!

 

[Monossi]

I have kinda kept a "Hands off approach" since I had first posted this thread.
I found that just about anything said can blow up in my face like most of you guys said.
One thing I'm noticing is that she's asking more & more questions about why I eat what I eat & when I eat it. I tell her , but I also tell here that what works for me, may not work so well for her. Atleast a few things I have told her are working for her since I first posted this.
#1. Fasted Cardio in the AM.
#2. NO DAMN BREAD OR FLOUR TORTILLA'S
#3. Taper Carb intake off throughout the day (I don't eat any after 4pm if I can help it)

 

[EVERLAST]

there

there you go!
good

 

[gainingweight]

Being a personal trainer I can't tell you how many similar situations I have encountered myself. The husband or boyfriend is trying to get their girl get in better shape and is just met with total resistance because it's coming from YOU. Often times it takes the guidance or advice from a "professional" to get through to an individual. You may want to consider hiring a trainer for yourself even if just for a few sessions and then tell your wife how awesome it was working with him/her and that you learned alot. Even go so far as buying her a few sessions and telling her how valuable you think it would be as an education in eating and training correctly. Many of these situations that I have personally been involved in have yielded very positive results and more than half of all my clients are women. Just my .02 worth and may you and your family continue in good health.

 

[Designbuilt]

I'm happy for you. One tip, that I think will help is to only keep diet foods in the house. Don't keep any junk in there, and get used to eating clean. That's a good way of having her follow the same habbits.

It worked for me and my wife. She always ate healthy, but along with some junk and couldn't lose the baby weight.

Once I started staying strict 24/7 so did she and watching me lean out helped motivate her as well, now she works out every morning and has dropped a good 20lbs, slowly but comfortably.

Best of luck