- Joined
- Jun 13, 2015
- Messages
- 41
Kind of embarrassing but I've been really socially awkward since childhood.... likely both nature and nurture, I had very overprotective parents and wasn't allowed to interact much with other kids for probably until i was early 20's.
Mid 30's now and regardless of the cause, I find it really hard to interact with people. I stumble over my words a lot and get really anxious when having to make small-talk etc. and in general I just can't even think of what to talk about.
Honestly, this doesn't actually bother me that much since I can't of enjoy being a loner BUT in the work place I feel it has really held me back.
In my mid twenties I did take quite a bit of benzodiazapenes and it was night and day, not just the anxiety but my whole mood lifts, I actually get this really happy feeling and just want to talk and joke around etc. when I was on them. I'll still take them on occasion but obviously it's not something I can do regularly.
I've actually been through a lot of CBT therapy but don't feel it has done much. Putting myself out there in really high "people skill jobs" has shown me that I can survive, but it hasn't actually made the symptoms any better. I can cope.... but I'm tired of just coping, I want to enjoy being around people.
I guess I just want to vent, but am secretly hoping for advice if anyone's been through the same. And I'm reluctant to ask this but it's on the back of my mind, are there any non-habit forming substances that would give me a similar, if not milder, effect of benzos? Aside from gear and benzos I'm actually pretty straight-edge so I don't know much about that.
I do take TRT levels of test (175/wk), which help somewhat, but not nearly enough. I've though about low-dose tren as I feel that more aggression is actually something I need as I'm kind of a doormat and really afraid to speak up....
Please go easy on me with the last two paragraphs, I know substances aren't the answer but a lot of these questions are coming from someone who has lived almost half their life awkward, shy, bullied and at this point a bit desperate.
Mid 30's now and regardless of the cause, I find it really hard to interact with people. I stumble over my words a lot and get really anxious when having to make small-talk etc. and in general I just can't even think of what to talk about.
Honestly, this doesn't actually bother me that much since I can't of enjoy being a loner BUT in the work place I feel it has really held me back.
In my mid twenties I did take quite a bit of benzodiazapenes and it was night and day, not just the anxiety but my whole mood lifts, I actually get this really happy feeling and just want to talk and joke around etc. when I was on them. I'll still take them on occasion but obviously it's not something I can do regularly.
I've actually been through a lot of CBT therapy but don't feel it has done much. Putting myself out there in really high "people skill jobs" has shown me that I can survive, but it hasn't actually made the symptoms any better. I can cope.... but I'm tired of just coping, I want to enjoy being around people.
I guess I just want to vent, but am secretly hoping for advice if anyone's been through the same. And I'm reluctant to ask this but it's on the back of my mind, are there any non-habit forming substances that would give me a similar, if not milder, effect of benzos? Aside from gear and benzos I'm actually pretty straight-edge so I don't know much about that.
I do take TRT levels of test (175/wk), which help somewhat, but not nearly enough. I've though about low-dose tren as I feel that more aggression is actually something I need as I'm kind of a doormat and really afraid to speak up....
Please go easy on me with the last two paragraphs, I know substances aren't the answer but a lot of these questions are coming from someone who has lived almost half their life awkward, shy, bullied and at this point a bit desperate.