Severe OCD After Coming Off Years Of AAS Use And More

[johnjuanb1]

i feel like every bodybuilder has ocd. how can you not. its all repetition everyday. When i was a teenager i would get it alot. fear of someone dying then i would have to touch things multiple times and count. when i write this it hits like dam i sound crazy.

at some point if you are aware of your actions you have to fight your brain. i told myself noone is gonna die if i dont touch this 8 times like go fuck yourself. i fight with my brain alot. even with addiction. i go to sex addict meetings and it helps so much just talking about any addiction.

its a fight. you go to battle everyday. you have to be a warrior and it depends how hard you fight your addictions, ocd, demons, whatever. if you are aware of them and mentally capable its your duty to fight them if you want to.

I have the same extreme fear of people dying. I do the counting thing, always have. I had no idea others were like me. I always knew I was messed up in the head. It makes sense bodybuilders share these traits. Who else would kill them selves in the gym day in and day out, eating bland food no sane person would eat. I’m always watching my back, expecting someone to stab me. I trust no strangers at all. I used to sleep with a gun near my hand, and carry one in my pocket everywhere. My past is the reason for much of this but a lot has always been there.

 

[maldorf]

I have the same extreme fear of people dying. I do the counting thing, always have. I had no idea others were like me. I always knew I was messed up in the head. It makes sense bodybuilders share these traits. Who else would kill them selves in the gym day in and day out, eating bland food no sane person would eat. I’m always watching my back, expecting someone to stab me. I trust no strangers at all. I used to sleep with a gun near my hand, and carry one in my pocket everywhere. My past is the reason for much of this but a lot has always been there.

Can either of you elaborate on the touching thing? How is that related to someone dying?

I agree with you guys too about bodybuilders having OCD tendencies. I remember how I used to freak out if I missed a meal by more than an hour. We were on a family trip once and I wanted to get lunch late and the hotel restaurant had already closed. I had to drive 15 minutes into town and order food. I had plenty of protein powder and other food back at my room but it wasn't acceptable to me. Nowadays it wouldn't have bothered me much at all. I exploded in rage at everyone when I found out it was closed. Stupid shit when I look back now.

 

[johnjuanb1]

Can either of you elaborate on the touching thing? How is that related to someone dying?

I agree with you guys too about bodybuilders having OCD tendencies. I remember how I used to freak out if I missed a meal by more than an hour. We were on a family trip once and I wanted to get lunch late and the hotel restaurant had already closed. I had to drive 15 minutes into town and order food. I had plenty of protein powder and other food back at my room but it wasn't acceptable to me. Nowadays it wouldn't have bothered me much at all. I exploded in rage at everyone when I found out it was closed. Stupid shit when I look back now.

It’s completely irrational. Have to make 10 baskets in a row or I will go to hell. Have to touch a light switch 5 times or my family will die. Numbers have to end in 1, 4, or 7. Have to do this amount of reps or I’ll get a severe injury. And on and on. It’s constant. It pops in my head and I feel I have to do it or bad things will happen. I yell in my head, “Fuck off!” when it happens but almost always do it anyway.

 

[Sparkss]

I struggle with Anxiety and some OCD too.
Its always kinda been there but I think got worse as I got older.
My main OCD tendencies r:
-if I drink water I like to have 7 swallows (zero idea why)
-I don't like to touch anything greasy or messy (I use a napkin to pick up chicken nuggets or French fries for example)
I guess those r my main ones but there are a few...
I guess my main prob really is obsessing.... its the worst. I fixate on something and cant quit thinking about it.
thank goodness for weed and alcohol lol
f ssri's imo
-F2S

I had a therapist prescribe me weed. This was a couple of years ago before it was medicinally legal here (that I knew of). While I am sure it would have helped, I just couldn’t do it. I work for a large corporation and random drug tests are always possible. Until it it legal federally I just can’t risk it.

 

[Sparkss]

Luckily my two daughters don't seem to have inherited my compulsions. I am always finding them leaving lights on in rooms and several times they have left the oven burner turned on!

Lol, have had similar issues with both my wife and daughter. I feel your pain

 

[Sparkss]

Well, that's one good thing at least. I used to be real bad with washing hands when I was teaching. I washed them and put on rubbing alcohol so much that the skin would crack and bleed.

I had to go to the doctor last year because my hands were literally bleeding from my washing them too much and they became cracked to the point of raw and bleeding. It sucked. They gave me a medicated ointment that helped. Now if just use hand lotion after I wash so that it doesn’t get that bad again. I seem to have the problem more in the colder months than in the warmer months.

 

[maldorf]

I had to go to the doctor last year because my hands were literally bleeding from my washing them too much and they became cracked to the point of raw and bleeding. It sucked. They gave me a medicated ointment that helped. Now if just use hand lotion after I wash so that it doesn’t get that bad again. I seem to have the problem more in the colder months than in the warmer months.

Yeah, it's the heat being used in your home or other buildings without having sufficient humidity. Having a humidifier helps a lot.

 

[Sides]

I had a therapist prescribe me weed. This was a couple of years ago before it was medicinally legal here (that I knew of). While I am sure it would have helped, I just couldn’t do it. I work for a large corporation and random drug tests are always possible. Until it it legal federally I just can’t risk it.

I am not sure if weed would help or not. Most people find it relaxing, some get paranoia. Only one way to find out for sure, I guess. Thankfully it is legal now here on the state level (and an essential business during the shutdown LOL), although of course not legal federally. I could just walk into the shop down the street and give it a try. Just another way to self-medicate, I guess.

Lol, have had similar issues with both my wife and daughter. I feel your pain

My wife and boys will be my undoing LOL. They have no problem leaving the lights on, stove on, doors unlocked when they leave the house. I'm constantly running around locking things after them LOL. But I'm happy for them that they are (relatively speaking) mentally healthy.

 

[maldorf]

My wife and boys will be my undoing LOL. They have no problem leaving the lights on, stove on, doors unlocked when they leave the house. I'm constantly running around locking things after them LOL. But I'm happy for them that they are (relatively speaking) mentally healthy.

That's how I feel too, glad they don't worry like I do. I thought I had irrational problems but many on this thread make me feel like I dont have any OCD issues. I really feel for you guys because I have a small inkling what its like to go through it.

 

[Sides]

That's how I feel too, glad they don't worry like I do. I thought I had irrational problems but many on this thread make me feel like I dont have any OCD issues. I really feel for you guys because I have a small inkling what its like to go through it.

All of our problems are relatively small compared to people who have real problems in the world. People dying of cancer or whatever. I took care of my own mother when she was dying of ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and she slowly lost her ability to speak, to move, eventually even to breathe. Compared to suffering like that, if I have to keep on checking the doors to make sure they are locked, my own problems are nothing. So we all have to be grateful for what we have been given, and what we have not had to suffer through.

 

[maldorf]

All of our problems are relatively small compared to people who have real problems in the world. People dying of cancer or whatever. I took care of my own mother when she was dying of ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and she slowly lost her ability to speak, to move, eventually even to breathe. Compared to suffering like that, if I have to keep on checking the doors to make sure they are locked, my own problems are nothing. So we all have to be grateful for what we have been given, and what we have not had to suffer through.

so true. Even with my heart failure, I am still able to enjoy life and have done so now for 12 years. It hasn't been pretty, but ive done it. Many others like me have died. That is really hard I imagine watching your own mother go through that. I hope I don't have to. Sometimes it seems my parents may bury me!

 

[Sparkss]

Yeah, it's the heat being used in your home or other buildings without having sufficient humidity. Having a humidifier helps a lot.

I tend to just wash my hands in cold water (just paint me as a cheap b@stard who doesn’t want the higher electric bill ) I found that if I turned the hot water on enough to make it warm I had less problems with the cracked skin

 

[Flex500]

That's how I feel too, glad they don't worry like I do. I thought I had irrational problems but many on this thread make me feel like I dont have any OCD issues. I really feel for you guys because I have a small inkling what its like to go through it.

personally speaking mine was not debilitating until a couple years ago. It was as many of you describe. It was annoying but would not cause severe anxiety or panic attacks.

Then it exploded and was truly getting in the way of my quality of life. I’m not sure exactly why and I’m also not sure it is solely focused on catastrophic illness. Illness anxiety disorder is the term the therapists and my GP use. I guess they don’t call it hypochondria anymore, but it’s essentially that.

I’ve lost a lot of time and enjoyment as it sounds like others in this thread have due to this.

also just want to say thanks everyone for sharing. It really helps me reading all this.

 

[Sides]

Yes, honestly thanks to everyone who has shared their experiences in this thread. All of our journeys are different, but the same in certain ways. It really does help knowing that other people like us are going through the same thing.

 

[maldorf]

personally speaking mine was not debilitating until a couple years ago. It was as many of you describe. It was annoying but would not cause severe anxiety or panic attacks.

Then it exploded and was truly getting in the way of my quality of life. I’m not sure exactly why and I’m also not sure it is solely focused on catastrophic illness. Illness anxiety disorder is the term the therapists and my GP use. I guess they don’t call it hypochondria anymore, but it’s essentially that.

I’ve lost a lot of time and enjoyment as it sounds like others in this thread have due to this.

also just want to say thanks everyone for sharing. It really helps me reading all this.

Yeah, youre not alone! A lot of us have these tendencies too. I always feel like a freak when I am checking my car doors 5 times and the other things I do. You guys all made me feel better too.

 

[Fit2Serve]

I had a therapist prescribe me weed. This was a couple of years ago before it was medicinally legal here (that I knew of). While I am sure it would have helped, I just couldn’t do it. I work for a large corporation and random drug tests are always possible. Until it it legal federally I just can’t risk it.

I smoke a lot of weed
vape thc mainly
my wife calls it my "medicine." cant wait for the day when its legalized everywhere. soooo stupid its not.
-F2S

 

[maldorf]

It is legal in at least 33 states now for medical use.

Medical Marijuana FAQ

Medical Marijuana: Learn how medical marijuana works, where it's legal, what it's used for, and what side effects it might cause.

www.webmd.com

I think if you have a script from a MD that you would be ok in your state when it's legal. I suppose the company could fire you, but I think they would be required to tell employees way before the test that it's not allowed.

 

[Sides]

It is legal in at least 33 states now for medical use.

Medical Marijuana FAQ

Medical Marijuana: Learn how medical marijuana works, where it's legal, what it's used for, and what side effects it might cause.

www.webmd.com

I think if you have a script from a MD that you would be ok in your state when it's legal. I suppose the company could fire you, but I think they would be required to tell employees way before the test that it's not allowed.

It's still a Schedule I drug federally, so any company with federal contracts might run into trouble if they wish to enforce federal law, which trumps state law and local regulations. I think it's ridiculous and I wish this country could get on one page regarding what drugs are legal and illegal, but it will probably never happen.