- Joined
- Mar 6, 2009
- Messages
- 26,461
I have the same extreme fear of people dying. I do the counting thing, always have. I had no idea others were like me. I always knew I was messed up in the head. It makes sense bodybuilders share these traits. Who else would kill them selves in the gym day in and day out, eating bland food no sane person would eat. I’m always watching my back, expecting someone to stab me. I trust no strangers at all. I used to sleep with a gun near my hand, and carry one in my pocket everywhere. My past is the reason for much of this but a lot has always been there.i feel like every bodybuilder has ocd. how can you not. its all repetition everyday. When i was a teenager i would get it alot. fear of someone dying then i would have to touch things multiple times and count. when i write this it hits like dam i sound crazy.
at some point if you are aware of your actions you have to fight your brain. i told myself noone is gonna die if i dont touch this 8 times like go fuck yourself. i fight with my brain alot. even with addiction. i go to sex addict meetings and it helps so much just talking about any addiction.
its a fight. you go to battle everyday. you have to be a warrior and it depends how hard you fight your addictions, ocd, demons, whatever. if you are aware of them and mentally capable its your duty to fight them if you want to.