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Severe OCD After Coming Off Years Of AAS Use And More

Altair

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Dec 13, 2014
Messages
41
For those who remember me, I had a tumor in my liver rupture in 2018 that almost killed me. I’m doing fine now all things considering, still have multiple adenomas on my liver but most have/are shrinking and stable.

I’ve been on doc prescribed test cyp for a year now after being off completely everything for 6 months.

Testosterone levels hover around 700-800ng/dL and estradiol around 20-29pg/mL

Now a little backstory about me. I’ve been dealing with OCD basically most of my life, it came around at about 11/12 years old and hit me really hard. Mostly contamination OCD.

It got under control as I entered puberty and after discovering the gym/bodybuilding the rest was history. I was basically in remission and under control from age 14 to 24 years old, which was when I was hospitalized for ruptured tumor

I was in the hospital for 3 weeks (had 2 surgery’s) being pumped with so much fentanyl, dilaudid, oxycodone, ativan, valium etc. and then they gave me more oxys and percs when I got home. Then was off testosterone for 6 months which made me crash at 62ng/dL.

I’ve never been the same since. My OCD has come back full force like never before.

Every moment of my existence haunts me with OCD, everything I do every second of my life revolves and consists of OCD.

I swear if I didn’t have the willpower and strength that I have inside me I would off myself a long time ago. It’s hard to find purpose when you can’t function as a normal person of society.

I’ve seen one the best psychiatrist in Manhattan (which I can’t afford anymore she charges $500 for a 50 minute session) and she recommended Prozac to start with or Luvox combined with ERP.

I’m really really not a fan off ssris and really feel it’s like putting a bandaid on something and not fixing the root issue. Plus you deal with the weight gain, erectile dysfunction etc.

I feel like after crashing from all those years of grams of test/tren and opioids/benzos in the hospital my serotonin/dopamine never recovered. I feel flat and that my brain is glitching.

Thank you for reading so far, I really appreciate it and any advice/experience you may have.
 

jeroendebleser

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Registered
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Apr 17, 2018
Messages
1,522
Mirtazapine is an antidepressant worth looking into that doesn't have the sexual side effects of SRI's. If you have any questions about it, feel free to ask. I have extensive experience with it.

What is almost certain is that you'll need some kind of medication and possibly therapy because your OCD sounds like a severe case.

Also, $500 for a 50 minute session is insane and totally unjustified. Find yourself another psychiatrist I'd say.

Good luck and welcome back!
 

Delt123

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Registered
Joined
Jul 9, 2018
Messages
858
What Jeroen said^ plenty of good therapist that aren’t charging $500, which is way too expensive.

I’d seek another, cheaper, but experienced therapist. Preferably one who works with exposure (and response prevention) so search in the (cognitive)behavior therapy corner.

I’d keep taking the medication for now until you can talk to a professional.
 

Sides

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Registered
Joined
Jul 26, 2006
Messages
393
Hey Altair,

We just had an interesting discussion about this in the "Interesting Perspectives on Deca" thread, down a little lower on the page.

You are not alone. I think that if you are predisposed to problems with anxiety, depression, and OCD, then many of us have problems trying to get off gear or go down to TRT levels after so many years of excessive gear use.

Copying my initial post from that thread:

To be honest, yes, I have the same problem as you. I have always suffered to some degree or another from OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) and anxiety. But I feel much better, and much less anxious, at higher doses like 400 - 600mg per week of test, rather than when I have to drop the dose to 200mg for my TRT blood tests.

At 200mg per week of test only, my OCD and anxiety really go through the roof, and I am depressed and miserable. At 400mg per week, I feel much better and relatively normal and not depressed at all. At 600mg a week, I am happy and downright euphoric.

Testosterone, DHT, and other steroids have potent effects at the GABA-a receptors (same ones effected by benzodiazepines like Valium), as well as dopamine, serotonin, and other neurotransmitters. This is still an emerging field of study, and most of the studies that have been done are on animals (usually rats.) So you have to take all of this with a grain of salt and a certain amount of skepticism.

But I know that for myself, when I am at 200mg my OCD and anxiety go crazy, and I am so depressed that I have been advised by my endocrinologist and other doctors to get on an anti-depressant. But at 400-600mg of test per week, I feel much better and not depressed at all.

Everyone else in my family is on various antidepressants and anxiety meds. But for me, quite literally, testosterone and the gym have always been my anti-depressants. When I am on TRT doses I feel anxious and depressed, on higher doses I feel much better, happy and easy-going.

So you and I are in the same boat, along with a lot of other guys if they want to admit it. The question is, what do we do about it? Is it healthier to cut the gear down to TRT levels, and have to go on anxiety meds and anti-depressants? Or would it actually be healthier in some cases to just stay on higher amounts of test and other steroids? I suppose that depends on each individual and their own personal situation. But I know for myself, I feel much better on higher amounts of test and certain other steroids. Some gear raises anxiety and aggression, others decrease it. All of this is individual and everyone has to try things out for themselves to see what works best for them.

www.frontiersin.org

On the Role of Testosterone in Anxiety-Like Behavior Across Life in Experimental Rodents
Testosterone affects brain functions and might explain some of the observed behavioral sex differences. Animal models may help in elucidating the possible involvement of sex hormones in these sex differences. The effects of testosterone have been intensively investigated, especially in anxiety...
www.frontiersin.org
www.frontiersin.org


"The anxiolytic-like effect of testosterone has been revealed in gonadally intact healthy animals, as well (6466). However, testosterone can be either reduced by 5α-reductase to the more potent androgen dihydrotestosterone, or aromatized by aromatase to estradiol converting the androgen to estrogen activity. In brain, dihydrotestosterone can be further metabolized to 5α-androstane-3α,17β-diol (3α-diol) and to 5α-androstane-3β,17β-diol (3β-diol), neuroactive steroids possessing neuromodulatory activity (67). One of the most cited study investigating the rapid effects of testosterone on anxiety-like behavior in mice has suggested that the anxiolytic effect of testosterone is mediated by its 5α-reduced metabolites (64). Likewise, it has been proved that administration of 3α-diol decreases anxiety-like behavior in male rats (52, 59, 60, 63) as well as in female rats (68), while inhibition of testosterone metabolism to 3α-diol increases anxiety in male rats (62). Similar to effect of hormone administration, sexual experience and the exposure of intact male rats or mice to female subjects may decrease anxiety-like behavior associated with increased concentration of testosterone in plasma and hippocampus, as well as increased hypothalamic testosterone and 3α-diol concentration (64, 69). On the other hand, estradiol (61) and another metabolite of testosterone, androsterone (70), may cause anxiolysis, as well. Fernández-Guasti and Martínez-Mota (54) have shown that repeated administration of testosterone, but not a single injection of testosterone, nor treatment with 3α-diol or androsterone produced anxiolysis in male gonadectomized rats (54). According to published data, the manifestation of the anxiolytic-like effect of testosterone or its metabolites is highly dependent on dose and duration of treatment (54, 58, 64, 65, 71).

Due to its complex metabolism, the effects of testosterone might be mediated through different mechanisms of action. Testosterone and dihydrotestosterone are ligands of the androgen receptor. The latter binds with a greater affinity to the receptor and activates gene transcription resulting in an increased androgen activity (72). The role of androgen signaling in the regulation of anxiety-related behavior was demonstrated by administration of the androgen receptor antagonist flutamide (52, 54, 66), but also using the animal model of testicular feminization mutation (7376) and androgen receptor knockout mice (77). In addition, it has been shown that some selective androgen receptor modulators may exert neuroprotective effects (78) and may affect some behavioral and brain functions (7983). However, experimental studies examining their effects on anxiety important for the deeper understanding of the association between testosterone and anxiety, but potentially also for therapeutic applications are lacking."
 

maldorf

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I bet this whole covid-19 event has your OCD elevated horribly? I have slight OCD tendencies and find myself washing hands many times a day, and I never leave the house! First soap and then hand sanitizer or rubbing alcohol.

You didn't see a doctor or psychologist that can give you some behavioral things you can do to cope with it?

You say you were under remission from age 14 to 24. You weren't taking steroids that whole time were you? I'd hope you weren't blasting steriods at age 14. So you weren't using steroids then and your OCD was under control. Just lifting and working out seemed to have helped you then.. What were you doing different then? Maybe there is an external environmental factor causing you some trouble now that you didn't have earlier? This was a problem before corinavirus?

If just working out/bodybuilding as a 14 year old banished your OCD symptoms, it won't help now? Are you still trying to bodybuild or have you gone away from that?

I would definitely not ever go back on steroids again. Your risk of liver problems could kill you next time. I'm in trt just like you, with the same blood levels. It was hard for me to adjust too, but I got used to it. It's been 12 years now since my heart attack and 11 years on yet. I went about 11 months at first after the heart attack on nothing and my total test stuck at about 45.

I think over time you'll get used to having a normal test level. It took me a good 3 years to really settle in! During those 3 years I had urges to use more steroids, it wasn't easy. I was addicted bad.
 

maldorf

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also, what OCD symptoms are you having? Is it all "contamination" focused or other things too? I do the thing where I get the mail, close the mailbox door, and then feel compelled to open it again and check if I got it all. Its so bad that I can be half way back to my house and have to turn around and walk back to the box. I do the same with checking to see if my garage door went down! I'll drive to the end of the street and then turn around and drive back, making my whole family scream at me!
 

LK3

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i have used a LOT of very non traditional methods and methodologies over the years to address my personal head shit which is a pretty impressive list of mental illnesses. if i did what traditional methods suggested i wouldnt be the person i am today. seriously who wants to fat, lazy, sheepy with a limp dick? maybe you have clear delusional mind and dont really care about all that? idk didnt apeal to me.

when i stop to think it kinda seems like things worked, as i dont take much of anything anymore ( my perspective, lol )

you seem to have some serious medical shit going on so you need to pay attention to you and maybe give less thought to what dudes on the internet say as maybe listing to some of that contributed to your here and now.

that said, i stay far away from ssri's and wouldnt use them. there are many things that you can do to help yourself that have nothing to do with ssri's.

you can get through this and be better, but you have to do the work.

good luck bro
 

Sides

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Messages
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Just to be clear, I was not suggesting that the original poster use more steroids. What I was saying is that for me, personally, I have much more OCD symptoms, anxiety, and depression, if I come down to TRT levels than I do at higher amounts of testosterone. Testosterone is a "feel good" drug for me, and for a lot of men, because of it's actions interacting with the GABA receptors, dopamine, serotonin, and other neurotransmitters. My OCD behavior goes way down when I am on a higher dose of testosterone.

But since the OP has had significant liver problems in the past, obviously that may not be the best choice for him.

I completely sympathize with the desire to not use SSRI's because of the negative side effects. The psychiatrist that I was referred to (who does not take insurance, and who charges $400 per hour) recommended clomipramine (Anafranil) as the best treatment for OCD. But of course that comes with the same long list of potentially bad side effects, including sexual side effects, as many other SSRI's and anti-depressants. So I completely sympathize with the OP, and hopefully a professional can help him sort out the best possible treatment in his individual case.
 

johnjuanb1

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For those who remember me, I had a tumor in my liver rupture in 2018 that almost killed me. I’m doing fine now all things considering, still have multiple adenomas on my liver but most have/are shrinking and stable.

I’ve been on doc prescribed test cyp for a year now after being off completely everything for 6 months.

Testosterone levels hover around 700-800ng/dL and estradiol around 20-29pg/mL

Now a little backstory about me. I’ve been dealing with OCD basically most of my life, it came around at about 11/12 years old and hit me really hard. Mostly contamination OCD.

It got under control as I entered puberty and after discovering the gym/bodybuilding the rest was history. I was basically in remission and under control from age 14 to 24 years old, which was when I was hospitalized for ruptured tumor

I was in the hospital for 3 weeks (had 2 surgery’s) being pumped with so much fentanyl, dilaudid, oxycodone, ativan, valium etc. and then they gave me more oxys and percs when I got home. Then was off testosterone for 6 months which made me crash at 62ng/dL.

I’ve never been the same since. My OCD has come back full force like never before.

Every moment of my existence haunts me with OCD, everything I do every second of my life revolves and consists of OCD.

I swear if I didn’t have the willpower and strength that I have inside me I would off myself a long time ago. It’s hard to find purpose when you can’t function as a normal person of society.

I’ve seen one the best psychiatrist in Manhattan (which I can’t afford anymore she charges $500 for a 50 minute session) and she recommended Prozac to start with or Luvox combined with ERP.

I’m really really not a fan off ssris and really feel it’s like putting a bandaid on something and not fixing the root issue. Plus you deal with the weight gain, erectile dysfunction etc.

I feel like after crashing from all those years of grams of test/tren and opioids/benzos in the hospital my serotonin/dopamine never recovered. I feel flat and that my brain is glitching.

Thank you for reading so far, I really appreciate it and any advice/experience you may have.
I have extreme OCD, fear, and paranoia, all the time, but I always have since birth.
 

gib68sg

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I have extreme OCD, fear, and paranoia, all the time, but I always have since birth.
I think that many/most people have some form or another of all of the above. It's almost impossible not to nowadays with constant news cycles and fear mongering. Now, I wouldn't suggest a lot of people have extreme cases of it, but I think you get what I'm saying. I've suffered with paranoia for a lot of my adult life (and my job definitely doesn't help lol) but I've found tuning out and reading or meditating has really helped me in that regard.

As for OP, definitely try to find a cheaper psych or at least one who takes your insurance if you have any. It sucks having to deal with these issues, and if it truly was bodybuilding/weight lifting that helped you before, then maybe everything being shut down now is what is affecting you. Wishing you luck brother.
 

muscle96ss

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For those who remember me, I had a tumor in my liver rupture in 2018 that almost killed me. I’m doing fine now all things considering, still have multiple adenomas on my liver but most have/are shrinking and stable.

I’ve been on doc prescribed test cyp for a year now after being off completely everything for 6 months.

Testosterone levels hover around 700-800ng/dL and estradiol around 20-29pg/mL

Now a little backstory about me. I’ve been dealing with OCD basically most of my life, it came around at about 11/12 years old and hit me really hard. Mostly contamination OCD.

It got under control as I entered puberty and after discovering the gym/bodybuilding the rest was history. I was basically in remission and under control from age 14 to 24 years old, which was when I was hospitalized for ruptured tumor

I was in the hospital for 3 weeks (had 2 surgery’s) being pumped with so much fentanyl, dilaudid, oxycodone, ativan, valium etc. and then they gave me more oxys and percs when I got home. Then was off testosterone for 6 months which made me crash at 62ng/dL.

I’ve never been the same since. My OCD has come back full force like never before.

Every moment of my existence haunts me with OCD, everything I do every second of my life revolves and consists of OCD.

I swear if I didn’t have the willpower and strength that I have inside me I would off myself a long time ago. It’s hard to find purpose when you can’t function as a normal person of society.

I’ve seen one the best psychiatrist in Manhattan (which I can’t afford anymore she charges $500 for a 50 minute session) and she recommended Prozac to start with or Luvox combined with ERP.

I’m really really not a fan off ssris and really feel it’s like putting a bandaid on something and not fixing the root issue. Plus you deal with the weight gain, erectile dysfunction etc.

I feel like after crashing from all those years of grams of test/tren and opioids/benzos in the hospital my serotonin/dopamine never recovered. I feel flat and that my brain is glitching.

Thank you for reading so far, I really appreciate it and any advice/experience you may have.
Did your doctors put you on any new medications following the liver issue? Some new medication you were not taking before could possibly have a mechanism of action that effects other systems you weren't aware of depending on the drug.
 

Altair

Member
Newbies
Joined
Dec 13, 2014
Messages
41
Mirtazapine is an antidepressant worth looking into that doesn't have the sexual side effects of SRI's. If you have any questions about it, feel free to ask. I have extensive experience with it.

What is almost certain is that you'll need some kind of medication and possibly therapy because your OCD sounds like a severe case.

Also, $500 for a 50 minute session is insane and totally unjustified. Find yourself another psychiatrist I'd say.

Good luck and welcome back!
Thank you, I will look into it!
 

Altair

Member
Newbies
Joined
Dec 13, 2014
Messages
41
What Jeroen said^ plenty of good therapist that aren’t charging $500, which is way too expensive.

I’d seek another, cheaper, but experienced therapist. Preferably one who works with exposure (and response prevention) so search in the (cognitive)behavior therapy corner.

I’d keep taking the medication for now until you can talk to a professional.
That’s the thing though I never gave the medication a shot.
 

Altair

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Newbies
Joined
Dec 13, 2014
Messages
41
Hey Altair,

We just had an interesting discussion about this in the "Interesting Perspectives on Deca" thread, down a little lower on the page.

You are not alone. I think that if you are predisposed to problems with anxiety, depression, and OCD, then many of us have problems trying to get off gear or go down to TRT levels after so many years of excessive gear use.

Copying my initial post from that thread:

To be honest, yes, I have the same problem as you. I have always suffered to some degree or another from OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) and anxiety. But I feel much better, and much less anxious, at higher doses like 400 - 600mg per week of test, rather than when I have to drop the dose to 200mg for my TRT blood tests.

At 200mg per week of test only, my OCD and anxiety really go through the roof, and I am depressed and miserable. At 400mg per week, I feel much better and relatively normal and not depressed at all. At 600mg a week, I am happy and downright euphoric.

Testosterone, DHT, and other steroids have potent effects at the GABA-a receptors (same ones effected by benzodiazepines like Valium), as well as dopamine, serotonin, and other neurotransmitters. This is still an emerging field of study, and most of the studies that have been done are on animals (usually rats.) So you have to take all of this with a grain of salt and a certain amount of skepticism.

But I know that for myself, when I am at 200mg my OCD and anxiety go crazy, and I am so depressed that I have been advised by my endocrinologist and other doctors to get on an anti-depressant. But at 400-600mg of test per week, I feel much better and not depressed at all.

Everyone else in my family is on various antidepressants and anxiety meds. But for me, quite literally, testosterone and the gym have always been my anti-depressants. When I am on TRT doses I feel anxious and depressed, on higher doses I feel much better, happy and easy-going.

So you and I are in the same boat, along with a lot of other guys if they want to admit it. The question is, what do we do about it? Is it healthier to cut the gear down to TRT levels, and have to go on anxiety meds and anti-depressants? Or would it actually be healthier in some cases to just stay on higher amounts of test and other steroids? I suppose that depends on each individual and their own personal situation. But I know for myself, I feel much better on higher amounts of test and certain other steroids. Some gear raises anxiety and aggression, others decrease it. All of this is individual and everyone has to try things out for themselves to see what works best for them.

www.frontiersin.org

On the Role of Testosterone in Anxiety-Like Behavior Across Life in Experimental Rodents
Testosterone affects brain functions and might explain some of the observed behavioral sex differences. Animal models may help in elucidating the possible involvement of sex hormones in these sex differences. The effects of testosterone have been intensively investigated, especially in anxiety...
www.frontiersin.org
www.frontiersin.org


"The anxiolytic-like effect of testosterone has been revealed in gonadally intact healthy animals, as well (6466). However, testosterone can be either reduced by 5α-reductase to the more potent androgen dihydrotestosterone, or aromatized by aromatase to estradiol converting the androgen to estrogen activity. In brain, dihydrotestosterone can be further metabolized to 5α-androstane-3α,17β-diol (3α-diol) and to 5α-androstane-3β,17β-diol (3β-diol), neuroactive steroids possessing neuromodulatory activity (67). One of the most cited study investigating the rapid effects of testosterone on anxiety-like behavior in mice has suggested that the anxiolytic effect of testosterone is mediated by its 5α-reduced metabolites (64). Likewise, it has been proved that administration of 3α-diol decreases anxiety-like behavior in male rats (52, 59, 60, 63) as well as in female rats (68), while inhibition of testosterone metabolism to 3α-diol increases anxiety in male rats (62). Similar to effect of hormone administration, sexual experience and the exposure of intact male rats or mice to female subjects may decrease anxiety-like behavior associated with increased concentration of testosterone in plasma and hippocampus, as well as increased hypothalamic testosterone and 3α-diol concentration (64, 69). On the other hand, estradiol (61) and another metabolite of testosterone, androsterone (70), may cause anxiolysis, as well. Fernández-Guasti and Martínez-Mota (54) have shown that repeated administration of testosterone, but not a single injection of testosterone, nor treatment with 3α-diol or androsterone produced anxiolysis in male gonadectomized rats (54). According to published data, the manifestation of the anxiolytic-like effect of testosterone or its metabolites is highly dependent on dose and duration of treatment (54, 58, 64, 65, 71).

Due to its complex metabolism, the effects of testosterone might be mediated through different mechanisms of action. Testosterone and dihydrotestosterone are ligands of the androgen receptor. The latter binds with a greater affinity to the receptor and activates gene transcription resulting in an increased androgen activity (72). The role of androgen signaling in the regulation of anxiety-related behavior was demonstrated by administration of the androgen receptor antagonist flutamide (52, 54, 66), but also using the animal model of testicular feminization mutation (7376) and androgen receptor knockout mice (77). In addition, it has been shown that some selective androgen receptor modulators may exert neuroprotective effects (78) and may affect some behavioral and brain functions (7983). However, experimental studies examining their effects on anxiety important for the deeper understanding of the association between testosterone and anxiety, but potentially also for therapeutic applications are lacking."
Thank you for this, one thing I always think about and talk with my wife is to experiment with 300-500mg of test to see if it alleviates my ocd but it wouldn’t be a long term solution especially with my liver condition.

It just feels like after years on being on 1-2 grams of test plus other stuff, 200mg ain’t cutting it. I feel it in the gym too I’m not nearly as aggressive and my libido/erections are way down.
 

Altair

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Newbies
Joined
Dec 13, 2014
Messages
41
I bet this whole covid-19 event has your OCD elevated horribly? I have slight OCD tendencies and find myself washing hands many times a day, and I never leave the house! First soap and then hand sanitizer or rubbing alcohol.

You didn't see a doctor or psychologist that can give you some behavioral things you can do to cope with it?

You say you were under remission from age 14 to 24. You weren't taking steroids that whole time were you? I'd hope you weren't blasting steriods at age 14. So you weren't using steroids then and your OCD was under control. Just lifting and working out seemed to have helped you then.. What were you doing different then? Maybe there is an external environmental factor causing you some trouble now that you didn't have earlier? This was a problem before corinavirus?

If just working out/bodybuilding as a 14 year old banished your OCD symptoms, it won't help now? Are you still trying to bodybuild or have you gone away from that?

I would definitely not ever go back on steroids again. Your risk of liver problems could kill you next time. I'm in trt just like you, with the same blood levels. It was hard for me to adjust too, but I got used to it. It's been 12 years now since my heart attack and 11 years on yet. I went about 11 months at first after the heart attack on nothing and my total test stuck at about 45.

I think over time you'll get used to having a normal test level. It took me a good 3 years to really settle in! During those 3 years I had urges to use more steroids, it wasn't easy. I was addicted bad.
Hey maldorf good to always see you in my threads.
Ironically the only way this pandemic has affected me is because of the shutdown and all the the free time my brain.
My contamination ocd has nothing to do with germs/viruses/bacteria.

I started taking steroids at 18 years old, I’m still into bodybuilding and also boxing, it definitely helps with the depression aspect of the illness but not much of the ocd part unfortunately.
 

Altair

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Newbies
Joined
Dec 13, 2014
Messages
41
i have used a LOT of very non traditional methods and methodologies over the years to address my personal head shit which is a pretty impressive list of mental illnesses. if i did what traditional methods suggested i wouldnt be the person i am today. seriously who wants to fat, lazy, sheepy with a limp dick? maybe you have clear delusional mind and dont really care about all that? idk didnt apeal to me.

when i stop to think it kinda seems like things worked, as i dont take much of anything anymore ( my perspective, lol )

you seem to have some serious medical shit going on so you need to pay attention to you and maybe give less thought to what dudes on the internet say as maybe listing to some of that contributed to your here and now.

that said, i stay far away from ssri's and wouldnt use them. there are many things that you can do to help yourself that have nothing to do with ssri's.

you can get through this and be better, but you have to do the work.

good luck bro
Thank you, unfortunately medication might end up being my only option. Can you please expand on the non traditional methods?
 

Altair

Member
Newbies
Joined
Dec 13, 2014
Messages
41
do you think it's possible your most recent health scare and hospital stay set off/triggered your OCD?
My best guess would be, coming off 6 years straight of steroid abuse and crashing for 6 months and the opioids/benzos in the hospital.
 

Altair

Member
Newbies
Joined
Dec 13, 2014
Messages
41
I think that many/most people have some form or another of all of the above. It's almost impossible not to nowadays with constant news cycles and fear mongering. Now, I wouldn't suggest a lot of people have extreme cases of it, but I think you get what I'm saying. I've suffered with paranoia for a lot of my adult life (and my job definitely doesn't help lol) but I've found tuning out and reading or meditating has really helped me in that regard.

As for OP, definitely try to find a cheaper psych or at least one who takes your insurance if you have any. It sucks having to deal with these issues, and if it truly was bodybuilding/weight lifting that helped you before, then maybe everything being shut down now is what is affecting you. Wishing you luck brother.
Thank you my friend, the shutdown is definitely making it worse as the gym was my way I coped but it was still very bad before too.
 

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