Social Anxiety Disorder, or Something Else?

[BigBoyJ]

I have a problem that maybe some of you guys can relate to. Basically, I hate people. Whenever I have to go to a place where I have to interact with people everything goes to hell. I start dreading going to wherever it is very strongly the day before. I get very irritable and in an overall bad mood. I pretty much turn into a real asshole. When I actually get to wherever it is that I have to see all the people, I get very withdrawn like I just want to hide under a table. And when someone actually tries to talk to me, I want to knock their ass out. The most recent problem I had was going to my fiancee's family reunion. I mean, this was her family, so of course she wanted me to meet them since we're getting married. The whole time we were there, I was jittery, pissed off, mean and I'm sure I did not make the greatest first impression. Luckily, she's been very understanding, but I have to do something about this.

I have also had A LOT of problems with this when it comes to jobs. Pretty much anything that requires customer service is out of the question because I just get to nervous and then mean.

I can go to a mall, or some place with tons of people and that doesn't bother me at all. Of course if some prick is starting something I'll get pissed, but as long as no one wants to talk to me, I don't have any problems at all.

I think the thing that bothers me most is when people try to get to know me. I don't know why this pisses me off so much, but it does. When someone starts asking me questions about myself, in my mind I start thinking that THEY are thinking they're better than me.

I also have found that the older I get the more withdrawn I become. I really am getting to the point that sometimes I just wish a comet would come flying at the Earth. And does it sound strange that I'm not depressed at all? Actually I'm in a damn good mood 99% of the time. It's just in these social situations that I turn to crap. I know I must be some kind of freak, but does anyone know what I could do to be more socially outgoing instead of a social nightmare?

I really would like to be able to get along with people, I just can't. When I get like this, it literally feels like I'm posessed.

 

[saint808]

xanax is a helluva drug... at least for me it actually enables me to do a customer service job.

 

[Steak Helmet]

I am 100% with you on this one. I hate social places unless they are my friends. Everything you just wrote fits me to the T.

I hate it too...I just get that irritated feeling and want people to just keep to themselves. I am hanging with this girl...well just sex...and everytime I see her, she asks me what have you been doing...who is that...why did you do that...things like that. I go nuts...it seems things have been piling up too.

Anyways I hear ya.

STEAK

 

[Geoffke]

Dude, many people are afraid of places with much people in it.
Me to, If I'm in a bar that's crowed, I'm getting nervous and angry just
because they are much people.

If there's a few people in the bar, I'm totally relaxed.

The same in the gym, I just CAN'T train if the gym is to crowed.

For me places, that are the worst are:

1) airplanes
2) clubs, concerts
3) malls, shops

So I know I have a fear for a place with much people in it.
The strange thing is ,that I have it only for a few years.

This fear has a name, just like people are afraid of spiders, are
we afraid of people.

Nothing to worry about, I don't go to crowed places, I don't need to and I
don't want to, I'm perfectly happy, but I admit my social life is pretty much
the internet and my close family.

But that's how I like it, so the hell with all the rest.

Lol

 

[massmonster32]

Wow alot of the things you said describes my attitude as well. But as long as someone dont mess with me I dont mess with them. But if I can avoid crowded places I will. I hate waiting 50mins for dinner when going out esp when its crowded cause people have no respect now days. Happy as a bee but dont phuck with me ya me to. MM

 

[BigBoyJ]

Well, it's good to know I'm not the only one. I think you're on to something Saint. I think drugs are what I need. I have NEVER been one that believed drugs were the answer for mental problems, but now I don't think I have a choice.

So is Xanax causing you any problems, Saint?

Does anyone else know of any other good options?

 

[xcelbeyond]

Please take this as constructive criticism

Earlier in my life, I could see myself headed in this direction - but I changed, as I believe can anyone, if they so decide.

Going through life, we establish how we are going to act/react. Let me use these two things as examples:
1) We don't like crowds or seeing "new" people. This is our mental focus. So guess what happens when we are in crowds or see new people? We mentally set ourselves up to ingnore, jeer, and say offensive things to people.

2) We make a concerted effort to be friendly to individuals - crowds are just groups of individuals. When I see someone I acknowledge them - smile, say hi, or both. If we're in a store looking at similar things I may strike up a conversation about what we're looking at. Ask people questions, then be quiet and let them talk. You can tell if it's a #1 (as described above) and just be on your way. You'd be amazed at how many people will like you for letting talk rather than talking at them. If you know a great person at conversation, they are the one letting you do all the talking.

You can't talk to eveyone in a crowd but you can talk with an individual. I'm not saying I pull people outta the crowd and start talking to them I've found most people are generally friendly deep down - just like you are.

I was in Frye's Electronics the other day - a HUGE, crowded super store. The computer component section is always jammed with people. I was looking at hard drives along with about 10 other people. I noticed a couple looking at LARGE hard drives as was I. I asked them if they saw this one - a 250GB, SATA (7200 rpm, 8mb cache) for $169? They said no, and said a few things to me. They checked out before me. When I was checking out, they made an effort to find me and thank me. They said they got an ADDITIONAL $30 rebate off that price. It just makes you feel good inside.

If you don't feel like you want to take a big step, take small steps, Just try smiling at people. When that feels normal, try saying hi. When that feels better, try and asking some questions some questions and letting them talk. When conversation stops, you can say something: (depending on situation) I like college football, do you follow it? What's your favorite team. This DOESN"T come naturally to me and I consiously work at doing it. I've just found it's a lot more fulfilling than walking around with a scrown on my face.

 

[saint808]

Well, it's good to know I'm not the only one. I think you're on to something Saint. I think drugs are what I need. I have NEVER been one that believed drugs were the answer for mental problems, but now I don't think I have a choice.

So is Xanax causing you any problems, Saint?

Does anyone else know of any other good options?

xanax is a benzodiazapene and they can be highly addictive, so other than withdrawal symptoms when i go off of them they really haven't caused me any problems. They make a lot of people drowsy, especially if you don't need them and take them recreationally. If you do need them they usually will not make you drowsy (as long as you keep the dose at what you need).

 

[BigBoyJ]

Excel, that does sound like good advice. I think I'm too far gone for that now though. I think if I have something to take the edge off and get me in a state of mind where I'm able to follow your advice, then maybe after a while I won't need the drugs anymore. But for now, I don't think there's any way I can force myself to be nice to people. I almost feel like a hypocrite for even acting like I give a shit how someone I don't know is doing. I know that sounds bad but it's true. If I run into a stranger, I can't strike up a converstion with them because their life really means nothing to me. Like I said before, I'm an asshole.

Saint, thank's to you for the info as well.

 

[KillerStack]

If it gets so bad that you are considering drugs for this look into SSRI's before benzo's.They are approved for Social Anxiety Disorder i.e. social phobia.

 

[BigBoyJ]

KillerStack, I have just started reading up on ssri's, etc. The only thing that scares me are the sexual side effects, of course I realize these are possible with benzo's too. Hell, I don't have a sex drive as it is. So, I guess the question is, do I want to be an impotent socialite, or a hateful bastard that can still have sex? What a predicament.

 

[MR.BICEPS]

Try Wellbuterin. It helps that particular problem.

 

[BigBoyJ]

Try Wellbuterin. It helps that particular problem.

Thank's Mr. Biceps. I read over some info on it. That may be the best way to go.

 

[tbonus]

Dude, many people are afraid of places with much people in it.
Me to, If I'm in a bar that's crowed, I'm getting nervous and angry just
because they are much people.

If there's a few people in the bar, I'm totally relaxed.

The same in the gym, I just CAN'T train if the gym is to crowed.

For me places, that are the worst are:

1) airplanes
2) clubs, concerts
3) malls, shops

So I know I have a fear for a place with much people in it.
The strange thing is ,that I have it only for a few years.

This fear has a name, just like people are afraid of spiders, are
we afraid of people.

Nothing to worry about, I don't go to crowed places, I don't need to and I
don't want to, I'm perfectly happy, but I admit my social life is pretty much
the internet and my close family.

But that's how I like it, so the hell with all the rest.

Lol

my God, it's like you are reading my mind. I am ok with friends and small gatherings. I am ok when I go on sales calls and it's just a few people that I have to meet with, but large crowds kill me.

 

[Tom]

You have a gift BBJ

BBJ....you have a great gift and you need to pull it out of the depths of your spirit when you find yourself in social situations. You my friend have a great sense of humor and people warm up to someone like you if you just give them a chance. I have been in these situations myself when I think of some one as being an asshole without even knowing anything about them. You'll find you really can't judge a book by it's cover. Just try engaging one of these people at a social situation such as the fiance' family affair and drop one of your warped sense of humor bombs on them. I have done this and before you know it a small group forms around you and things just begin to flow. I hope you consider using your own God given abilities to make people laugh before you resort to a pharmaceutical method. I hope I'm not looking at your problem too simplistically and that you can work things out next time and have some with it!! Hope this helps.

Tom

 

[Willy]

BBJ

BBJ i have had the same problem my whole life even as child, but over the last couple of years I have pretty much eliminated the problem. I used pretty much all the ssri's, My best combo was effexxor and clonipin(benzo).
Xanax is addictive but I would rather see you pop the xanax before the party and have a good time a make a good impression with your fiancee's family than the other option, hopefully next time you see all these people you will be more comfortable and not have to take the xanax. Its tough being a person who uses juice and has anxiety, if your honest with your shrink he is gonna tell not to juice because it can cause anxiety, therapy helps we did group therapy and he also gave us assignments and made us go do things that we hate and work our way through them its tough but for me atleast things have gotten better, good luck.


Willy

 

[Queefer]

Well, let's be honest here. The juice DOES contribute to the problem and can make you far more irritable than you would normally be. I'll assume your not going to give them up, so I would reccomend the wellbutrin. It worked great for me when I went thru a bout of depression caused by long term drug abuse. Man, I surely think you are very smart by confronting this problem now before it gets any worse. And kudos to you for actually recognizing your problem. There are lots of guys out there who don't even care about this kind of problem and just chalk it up to "that's the way I am". They are called ASSHOLES. And I was just like that a few years ago also. I had everything. My own business, a beautiful wife, and lot's of money. To hell with everyone else. I received the wakeup call when my wife asked for a divorce, and I became addicted to heroin and coke. I realized I was no better than anyone else. When you lose everything and almost take your own life, it changes a person. Anyhoo, deal with this now before it's too late and things spiral out of control. I was just like you. Now I actually enjoy being out among people and thouroughly like to have conversations with strangers. BTW, my opinion is that we as bigger fellas should be nicer than the average Joe, especially since people's preconceived notion of us is that we are going to be cocky butholes. Good luck!

 

[JustWannaBeHuge]

Try Paxil CR

I used regular paxil for over a yr and a half, then I lost my health ins. and had went off cold turkey, which isn't that great of a feeling.

But with the new time released paxil, it's made my life alot better, no side effects, and it controls my anxiety to a great degree.

I understand exactly where you're coming from, it got to a point in my life where I HATED just going outside being around anyone. I would make up excuses not to go whereever and do whatever. and finally one day I said "fuck, this isn't how i want to live. this isn't the life for me"

I went to the dr and was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, to anyone that says it's just in your mind and can be overcome, sorry, but you don't understand the things that people with this feeling go through.

I lost numerous jobs in sales, not because I didn't know what I was talking about, but because I would freeze up and have an anxiety attack when I would be talking to someone, sweat would start pouring out of every pour I had, and that would just look so unprofessional. the body's natural response to these situations is "fight or flight" so the mind tells the body that there's a danger, which the body responds by releasing more hormones and the adrenilin (sp) gets to pumping, which causes the body's natural temp to rise and the heart begins pumping faster...anyway...it's unpleasant.

Anyway, I would go to a Dr and speak to him about the paxil cr, just give it a try. Just to let you know, I have read that for most people, none of the meds are instand, as it's still going to take a few months for your body to completely become "changed".

i've been on the time released paxil for about 9 months, and i like it, if you have any ?'s, just shoot me a PM.

JW

 

[BigBoyJ]

Tom, thank's for the kind words. It's kind of strange that you mention that though. When I am among a group of people that I already know well, I have no problem opening up to any strangers that may also be present. In these situations I have no trouble making friends. Hell, people love me when my blunt, twisted personality starts showing through. It's just when I don't know anyone and I'm expected to get to know people that I can't take it.

Willy, thank's for the info. I don't plan on seeing a shrink if I can avoid it. I hate those fuckers. And not to sound conceited, but I'm a pretty smart dude, so I can never seem to resist fucking with their heads. When I was a kid, the school made me see several different psychologists because of some of the twisted things I did. I found at an early age that I could make them diagnose me with whatever I wanted to be diagnosed with. It came in pretty handy.

Queefer, no doubt about big dudes having to be nicer than normal size people. First of all, I'm bald, second, I usually hover around 260 pounds, and third, everyone says I look psycho. If I'm not EXTREMELY nice to people, I scare the shit out of them. I guess I just became too tired of trying, now I'd just rather scare 'em. That's what I have to change.

JWBH,
""I lost numerous jobs in sales, not because I didn't know what I was talking about, but because I would freeze up and have an anxiety attack when I would be talking to someone, sweat would start pouring out of every pour I had, and that would just look so unprofessional. the body's natural response to these situations is "fight or flight" so the mind tells the body that there's a danger, which the body responds by releasing more hormones and the adrenilin (sp) gets to pumping, which causes the body's natural temp to rise and the heart begins pumping faster...anyway...it's unpleasant.""

That sums it up exactly.

 

[JETHRO TULL]

Holy crap!

I hope you get it all worked out. I have the opposite problem....sorta....I quickly meet new people and bullshit my ass off with total strangers. I am all sunshine and smiles. The problem for me comes later....<when they think you are their best friend> ....that sucks. I try so hard to be a good Christian, show others that lifters are not all a-holes..and in general be an all around nice guy....that it becomes a huge assed burden. My girl has to drag me out of social situations <luckily> she comes to my rescue often. I have a hard time saying 'no' to people and end up doing shit like helping them move out of their apartments ect......I stay away from crowds now too....and I am far happier.