The age of being offended.

[bbxtreme]

I’ve learned in life and especially in the gym you don’t give unsolicited advice. If someone wants your opinion they’ll ask for it.

The only time I help someone out in the gym if they’re younger than me is if they ask OR if they’re stuck under a bar. The second one happens more than the first and even then “they had it”.

The last kid who asked me to critique and help him in the gym told me I looked really good to be 35. I said fuck it after that. They’re on their own. LOL

You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped.

 

[Muay Thai]

Absolutely correct.

It's all about delivery. Two men can say the exact same thing to a woman and one an come off as a creep and the other comes off as potential partner. It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

so my janis joplin /yoko ono/rod stewart hybrid singing voice would be advantageous to me in this type of situation? or pretend I am stewart from mad tv on the approach

 

[raspberrypie]

I think some of you missed the mark here. Simply, EVERYONE is an expert now and she is an EXPERT on posing. Social media has created EXPERTS from people who have spent less than 400 hours in a gym total. She has 1k followers so she must be doing something right! Followers = EXPERT.

I have a relative by marriage who has a decent following on IG and Tiktok. She's cute, has a naturally big ass, and fake tits. She's won a bikini comp with two people in her class. She has more credibility than 95% of all members here simply because of her outreach--or so she thinks. It's delusional. But it is the reality of today.

Most of us paid our dues in various ways, which basically meant, shut up and learn. Be respectful, humble, and ask questions. If someone took the time out of their training to say something to me I listened. I remember trying to get some heavier dumbbells up for presses one time and the biggest guy in the gym said "Don't fucking do it that way, you'll hurt yourself...." and he showed me. It took ONE time and I learned. I think all of that is gone. I train at home now, 800 square foot private gym. I see this shit on vacation though more than I want.

 

[FK86]

I’ve learned in life and especially in the gym you don’t give unsolicited advice. If someone wants your opinion they’ll ask for it.

 

[Love_to_Bodybuild]

Theres a worker at Planet fitness. he looks like a mini snoop dogg, dreads, and same face as snopp dogg almost shorter and smaller. Hes put on maybe 5 lbs muscle past few months... Anyways, finish arms at home gym, and go over to PF, about a mile aways, bc they have better ab crunch machine, equipment, different ppl, atomsphere, and he says hey how u doing? I say hey. Three employees are there at front. He yells have a good workout ...I almost said something

he then walks up to me and says hey big fella, are you having a bad day? I say no why? He says I just said hey how u doing and you totally walked past me... he said you dont like to talk to people? I said sometimes , no.

I then am doing my workout he comes over and asks what am i doing today..I tell him..he talks, I ask him is there something I can help you with? He stops for a minute, and says , no not really. Then he says yeah legs, I train legs after I get off work at 10 pm. I dont say a thing and continue...

hes strange he approaches girls, and then has tried to bring me into the conversation, he was talking with a girl, once before while I was checking in, says something about should I train legs when I get off at 10? I say that depends if youve aten, and feel fresh enough too, then turns his back to me, after talking some fast talk I didnt understand, then and faces the girl..

I have many stories but really dont want to get into them. Gen z is lazy af at least IME. but maybe I havent seen the good ones ...I stay open minded despite an extremely bad expirience esp with one gen z girl. Learned a valuable lesson though through a lot of hurt and pain....

 

[Hatchet]

Social Media attention whores just want likes and positive feedback. Anything they perceive as negative, they dont know how to handle that.
(Even though you were being a positive person and offering help).

 

[stackdizzy]

I think you guys are giving these people too much credit. Its really a reflection of your expectations not being met. Everyone knows unsolicited advice is generally a good way to wind up looking like an asshole for being nice to someone and helping them. Yet people here expect a different outcome. I know a lot of us growing up appreciated people fixing dumb shit we were doing starting out but that time has passed. Kids have so much information available to them and are bombarded by people who they know very well as they document their entire lives on the net. Or so they think, it has nothing to do with how you look or just because you want to be the you you've created that folks give a shit about you at all. They have people they have "known" for years and have never met them telling them to do this and that. They "know" these people and yes they got a link but that's because they trust this or that source and they should too. I don't care who you are you have no stripes with these people. They got all the information in the world at their fingertips and still manage to be total idiots. You think with all the information available these days and people are doing shit wrong that you can help them when they didn't ask?

"I tried to teach niggas how to be kings and all they ever wanted to be was soldiers" JayZ

If you must just approach them with "hey can I get a minute of your time to show you something" then they feel better as they know you are leaving soon.

 

[Lift2staysane]

I see both sides to OP's story.

Many of us want to be left alone. If someone interrupted my workout to try to teach me something I would be offended. Mind your business unless I'm doing something incredibly dangerous and stupid.

We have access to more information than ever. Many of us can self teach/coach ourselves. I'm 41 and consider that behavior old guy shit. Mind your business and focus on YOUR workout.

I enjoy learning on my own and from others when I want the information. I can come here, and go other places for info, or I can think long and hard. I don't need random people coming up to me giving me unsolicited advice. Sorry if that opinion offends anyone

 

[Bleed]

Coming up to you to give you advice? On TikTok?

I see both sides to OP's story.

Many of us want to be left alone. If someone interrupted my workout to try to teach me something I would be offended. Mind your business unless I'm doing something incredibly dangerous and stupid.

We have access to more information than ever. Many of us can self teach/coach ourselves. I'm 41 and consider that behavior old guy shit. Mind your business and focus on YOUR workout.

I enjoy learning on my own and from others when I want the information. I can come here, and go other places for info, or I can think long and hard. I don't need random people coming up to me giving me unsolicited advice. Sorry if that opinion offends anyone

 

[Eguz22]

I don't help anyone at the gym even if they ask. They don't listen anyhow. Especially when you begin with nutrition. I think most of these kids think it is a certain steroid. Some take at my gym and don't even look like they workout.

That's why the growth of fitness is a mirage, training hard and consistently has always been an effort for strange and weird people like us.

People are lazier and don't have the capacity to think about working on something long term like bodybuilding demands.

There are more people in gyms but they would not lift if social nets did not exist.

 

[Eguz22]

On that note, I have something funny to tell you. I was in California 4 months and my wife was in Romania. I got down to probably 7% bf. Then I went to see here feeling real good about how I looked. When she sees me, she asks me if I am sick. She was looking right at my face with my face sucked in. Her mother sees me and immediately tries to feed me. So, I get that about family. Our perception is differently different then theirs.

For us the death face is a badge of honor, for the common people it means that you are seriously ill.

 

[SouthernMuscle]

That's why the growth of fitness is a mirage, training hard and consistently has always been an effort for strange and weird people like us.

People are lazier and don't have the capacity to think about working on something long term like bodybuilding demands.

There are more people in gyms but they would not lift if social nets did not exist.

“People” like to create a faceless façade and hide behind the internet.

“People” like to self delude themselves into believing they belong somewhere they don’t.

Even when given the opportunity to belong, “people” recoil and reject those opportunities because their personality is manufactured and there is nothing of substance under the surface.

 

[buck]

That's why the growth of fitness is a mirage, training hard and consistently has always been an effort for strange and weird people like us.

People are lazier and don't have the capacity to think about working on something long term like bodybuilding demands.

There are more people in gyms but they would not lift if social nets did not exist.

Short term immediate gratification is just them norm in most all areas for people. Few spend a life time exercising, eating well to stay healthy, keep stress down, financially plan for their future etc.
Just the way humans are.

 

[Eguz22]

When I went to the gym, I always watched what the bigger guys were doing and listened to what they were saying. I found out that everyone had a slightly different way of train, just like the pros showed in the magazines.

I read and was always self-taught, and from very early on I liked to design my workout routines, but I never for a second thought of reluctantly disregarding advice from someone more experienced than me, even if it was unsolicited.

There were also rookies or fat guys who would come to you and tell you not to push so hard or you would get hurt, you just wouldn't listen to them.

 

[SouthernMuscle]

When I went to the gym,

Are you saying you no longer go to the gym?

I always watched what the bigger guys were doing and listened to what they were saying. I found out that everyone had a slightly different way of train, just like the pros showed in the magazines.

Everyone train same same but different

I read and was always self-taught, and from very early on I liked to design my workout routines, but I never for a second thought of reluctantly disregarding advice from someone more experienced than me, even if it was unsolicited.

There were also rookies or fat guys who would come to you and tell you not to push so hard or you would get hurt, you just wouldn't listen to them.

What an interesting gym. To have rookies and fat guys both approach another rookie lifter and tell them to do LESS. Very interesting

 

[Muay Thai]

“People” like to create a faceless façade and hide behind the internet.

“People” like to self delude themselves into believing they belong somewhere they don’t.

Even when given the opportunity to belong, “people” recoil and reject those opportunities because their personality is manufactured and there is nothing of substance under the surface.

excellent perspective

 

[Eguz22]

Short term immediate gratification is just them norm in most all areas for people. Few spend a life time exercising, eating well to stay healthy, keep stress down, financially plan for their future etc.
Just the way humans are.

Agreed, that's why it's hard to stay in something if you don't develop some emotional connection, a real passion that leads you to commitment, something that is stronger than fads, likes, etc...

In any case, there are also instant rewards when you do a good workout.

 

[solarsentinel1]

There are two scenarios being referenced here. The OP is speaking about an interaction on social media. Some others are describing face to face interactions in a gym. Unfortunately, social media has changed the way people relate with one another in person, for the worse..... and nearly all interpersonal communication is suffering.

Before the days of social media, if you were an introvert- perhaps you had one maybe two friends. If you were an extrovert-perhaps you had 4-8. When those people in your "circle" provided commentary or feedback to you, on anything, the way you looked, the way you behaved, the actions you took, the successes and failures you had, either they provided constructive criticism or they offered you affirmation or even edification. Usually, you'd get a mix of both and you valued the positive and the negative, as after all, these were your friends (and presumably they wanted the best for you). You also only received this kind of feedback once a day at best, and in many cases, once every few days or within a week.

The human psyche is not made to have hundreds and in some cases thousands of people offering commentary on your daily look and activities by the hour. When you have 500-1000 people tell you "OMG you look amazing" you start to think you are the star of your own TV show. When the same number of people hate on you for how you look or something you achieved or an opinion you stated, you react defensively and in many cases with equal malevolence.

Its different here on PM as most of us are seeking constructive criticism. We want to hear "you need to bring up your outer sweep" or "start hitting those rear delts". Most of us would be disappointed if our brothers in iron all came back with a generic "you look great" because we are not here to be placated nor patronized. Other social media....not so much. What is particularly sad is how thin skinned social media has made everyone, particularly the younger generation raised on it, as they never established a baseline by having to learn face to face interactions with people who like you, dislike you, hate you, bully you, adore you, etc.

Personally, I am an introvert to begin with, and also a grumpy old man, so I don't have social media (other than PM), and I don't talk to anyone in public. I smile slightly and politely, maybe nod and otherwise keep to myself. It is very rare that I interact with a young person but when I do, I have to remember that a 20 year old today is a completely different breed than 20 year olds 38 years ago when I was that age. Not making excuses for them or stating that we have to accept their every behavior. It is just a reminder to myself that there is no amount of logic or lesson I can apply that will help them understand what I am trying to elucidate.

Getting back to the OP...... what is truly a shame is that along with all of the above, the social media generations have missed some basic manners training. All she had to say was "thank you for your input" and gone about her business, whether she valued the critique or hated it. The ultimate shame is that she left the interaction feeling genuinely attacked when Pesty was authentically trying to help her and had the best intentions.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
― George Bernard Shaw

 

[Biggerp73]

Everyone gets offended about everything these days. This is why I won't help anyone in the gym unless they approach me and ask for advice.

If you found a silver bullet cure for all forms of cancer you know people would be complaining that this is putting Healthcare employees out of work.

The only time I offer unsolicited advice is when the gym has a pullover machine and guys are using the pulley instead.

 

[stackdizzy]

I think most people here have given advice and was treated like some asshole just for trying to help. It sucks but if people don't like you being nice...don't be. I firmly believe that people treat you and they want to be treated. Just say "I let you get back to whatever the hell you think you were doing"