This sucks

Tman2002 · Aug 9, 2005

Me and my girlfriend split up and this time I think its permanent. I've only fell for 3 women in my life and each time it takes its toll on me. This time she tells me that she's not in love with me as much as she wants to be. WTF? The first few times we dated she was in love with me and I was still kinda scared because of a past girlfriend. I didnt want to fall in love with anyone. So she's so in love with me and all this BS. She tells me thats this song she likes is about me, that i'm the best thing that ever happened to her the usual shit. Eventully i fall for it and as soon as I do I get dropped. A few months later we hook up again she tells me that losing me was the biggest mistake she ever made. The same BS starts again and I fall for it again. As soon as i do its over.

Every time I lose someone I make the mistake of finding an old girl or new girl whoever to give me some attention and to get my mind off things. Sometimes we have sex but thats really not what I'm after unfortunatly they usually are. I just want the attention at that time. Problem is I probably do this to soon. Thats starts new problems and gives her the excuse that I was cheating on her which I wasnt. If I dont find someone then I sit at the house and do nothing and usually fall into a deep depression. I've never been depressed while dating someone.

This feeling sucks its so hard for me to fall in love and even harder to fall out of love. I really dont think its healthy to just run to someone else every time I feel like I need attention. But I really dont have any other way of venting.

AsylumBitch · Aug 9, 2005

Tman, If I may be so blunt, it sounds like you may have some self esteem issues.
You really need to learn to love yourself. You are the only person that can truly make you happy. I think if you were to work on that, either through counseling or at the very least, picking up a few books to help you dig up the issues that made you this way (almost always stems from childhood stuff) that this would make you so much easier to love.

You won't find true happiness and love with someone else until you can first find it in yourself.

What are some things that you really love about yourself? What positive things can you give to a realationship?

Sigmund Roid · Aug 15, 2005

Sometimes it happens that way in relationships.

You are really going to appreciate it when you find a faithful woman who means what she says!

Many times this happens with girls who fall very deeply in love with a fella who doesn't appreciate them. Then later on in life after this b.s has happened to them a few times, they meet a nice guy. Trouble is they have aquired baggage and have all sorts of hang ups and trust issues.

Work on being the best man you can be and look for females who share the traits and behavior you desire.

We all go through it. I've been there myself!

maxsupplements · Aug 16, 2005

sounds like to me...

you just need to get to know who you are, as an individual, not as who you are with.
sometimes people rely on others to make them happy. they later find out, that it isnt the other person that can make them happy, but they must be happy with who they are as an individual.
i agree with what asylum said in saying you might have some self esteem issues, you might rely on the attention of a woman, or having women around to make you feel better about yourself. i have been in those shoes, and for many years, relied on having quite a few women strung along and dating in order to make me look like a "man" because i could date tons of girls. well, all that really did was cover up who i truly was, and was not in touch with.
now that i know who i am and have become a healthy individual, i can now really look for what i want in a woman, and as sigmund said, find women who share the same traits you have, be it health wise, or religious wise, or hobby wise, search for healthy wholesome women who dont have TONS of baggage ( you wont find many baggageless women, its hard to find) and make sure when you do find one you are interested in, dont compromise your standards. make sure its someone you deem worth spending time with, it will make it that much more pleasurable in the long run, and maybe you can put a stop to this cycle you keep repeating.
and as far as what to do instead of running to another woman, rely on your family and friends, and even board members here, we are here as a community of support, be it bodybuilding, business, or friendly advice, we are all here, but this also doesnt mean that you cannot date around and meet women, just dont go so head over heels evertime you think you met someone who is the "one". take your time and dont sacrafice your needs in a relationship for anything or anyone, you might want to go to some coulseling, it would be some great help. i would recommend calling a church you attend or a non denominational church (christian) to finda good counselor. thats how i found one, and he helped me more that i could ever repay him.

Tman2002 · Aug 16, 2005

reply

I'm doing better guys thanks for the help.

Leviathan · Aug 17, 2005

Remember this: the only person truly responsible for making you feel anything is YOU. How you picture things in your mind, how you talk to yourself (self-suggestion) and how you carry yourself physically all have an enormous impact in how you feel and behave in life.

The best single distinction that I have ever made for myself is that I ultimately am responisble for my own happines. You can rely on few individuals to make you happy. Usually my folks and brother, and close friend can make me feel good just by looking at me. However, the majority of the time, I do things that make me feel good. Sounds silly, but when I feel down, I see myself as tall as a movie screen, wearing a slick outfit, smiling ear to ear, living life the way it was meant to be lived: with joy and a commitment to squeezing the juice out of every day! Also, I'll play my favorite music in my head as I look at the 'new and improved' me. Pretty soon I'm grinning and feeling better.

Does that sound pollyanna? Yeah. Does it work if I concentrate hard enough? HELL YES!!!

Look, you don't need a reason to feel good, you can just feel good for no reason other than the fact you can make goofy pictures in your head and be happy with that!

As far as the female issue: recognize that you think you need someone in your life in order to feel like you have worth and that you are moving in a positive direction. And you know what? You aren't a bad guy for feeling that way. I'm happier in my life when I have a girlfriend too. Should you run right out and get another before you've had time to cope with your feelings? That seems to be the issue. If you feel fine with this approach and aren't carrying a bunch of baggage into the next relationship, then maybe you shouldn't worry about it. If you carry some with you though, and take it out on the next girl that dates you, then that could be a problem.

Personally, you should follow through on those feelings. Most people will say stuff like "I had a hunch I should've done that but didn't, and I wish I had." Don't be one of those folks, listen your mind as well as your feelings and do things that make sense, so follow through on those hunches. If something tells you that you need more time to get your head together but find yourself persuing someone anyway: take a moment, step back, relax. Then ask yourself what you really want from the situation. If the answer is you just need something to occupy you, then you would want to avoid the situation until you were in a place were you honestly just want to get to know the person.

Seems simple, but humans screw up life by making it too complex. Follow your instincts. That's what they are there for.

Good Luck,

Aaron