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I can't take credit for this... while cleaning out my garage, I found a photocopy of a page from an old Muscle Media 2000. Hilarious 14 years ago, and still hilarious now. Enjoy!!!
30 Warning Signs That You Are Taking "Too Much Stuff..."
1. While taking your blood pressure, your doctor whistles in amazement.
2. You nick yourself shaving and water comes out.
3. While tapering-off a cycle, you notice pharmaceutical stock values seem to be plummeting.
4. During a cycle, you see more than one Presidential election.
5. You think Tim Belknap's shape is aesthetically pleasing.
6. You don't look small to yourself anymore.
7. You wonder how people can get all their groceries into those tiny shopping carts.
8. You wonder what you are going to do when you're too heavy for the bathroom scale.
9. Your latest issues of Penthouse and Muscle Media 2000 arrive in your mailbox on the same day, and you open MM2000 first.
10. You are starting to think toupees don't really look bad.
11. When renewing your driver's license, the motor vehicle attendant writes "yellow" under eye color.
12. They don't let you into buffets anymore.
13. You've been in "contest shape" for over a year.
14. You think manufacturing two hundred pound plates would be a great money-making idea.
15. You've had a "mild" headache for about six months now.
16. You wonder where you could get bigger syringes, maybe veterinary, or better yet, if you could somehow get a needle on a turkey baster.
17. You figure your liver should be just like your muscles. The more abuse you subject it to -- the stronger it should get.
18. You butt cheeks resemble pin cushions.
19. All your shirts have the name of a gym, muscle product, or picture of a barbell on them.
20. Your sperm count is in the single digits.
21. You have checked for a Weider principle regarding pissing blood.
22. You notice your patience tends to be on the short side, and you become irritated by things like questions.
23. You're surprised each morning when you wake up.
24. You got through so many plastic pill bottles and syringes that you feel guilty for not recycling them.
25. You get respect at family functions, and your dog has started to obey you.
26. You check to see when this list ends because it's time for another pill or shot.
27. You don't "buy into" that whole HDL-LDL cholesterol nonsense.
28. The back and shoulders of all your training shirts have blood stains on them.
29. Dan Duchaine thinks you might be going a bit overboard.
30. You think it's perfectly reasonable to expect your wife to...
a. Pay for all the household bills from her paycheck, as your money is already accounted for.
b. Shave your back.
c. Work two jobs so that you can train and eat full time.
d. Get her own damn medicine cabinet.
e. Understand your little problem.
30 Warning Signs That You Are Taking "Too Much Stuff..."
1. While taking your blood pressure, your doctor whistles in amazement.
2. You nick yourself shaving and water comes out.
3. While tapering-off a cycle, you notice pharmaceutical stock values seem to be plummeting.
4. During a cycle, you see more than one Presidential election.
5. You think Tim Belknap's shape is aesthetically pleasing.
6. You don't look small to yourself anymore.
7. You wonder how people can get all their groceries into those tiny shopping carts.
8. You wonder what you are going to do when you're too heavy for the bathroom scale.
9. Your latest issues of Penthouse and Muscle Media 2000 arrive in your mailbox on the same day, and you open MM2000 first.
10. You are starting to think toupees don't really look bad.
11. When renewing your driver's license, the motor vehicle attendant writes "yellow" under eye color.
12. They don't let you into buffets anymore.
13. You've been in "contest shape" for over a year.
14. You think manufacturing two hundred pound plates would be a great money-making idea.
15. You've had a "mild" headache for about six months now.
16. You wonder where you could get bigger syringes, maybe veterinary, or better yet, if you could somehow get a needle on a turkey baster.
17. You figure your liver should be just like your muscles. The more abuse you subject it to -- the stronger it should get.
18. You butt cheeks resemble pin cushions.
19. All your shirts have the name of a gym, muscle product, or picture of a barbell on them.
20. Your sperm count is in the single digits.
21. You have checked for a Weider principle regarding pissing blood.
22. You notice your patience tends to be on the short side, and you become irritated by things like questions.
23. You're surprised each morning when you wake up.
24. You got through so many plastic pill bottles and syringes that you feel guilty for not recycling them.
25. You get respect at family functions, and your dog has started to obey you.
26. You check to see when this list ends because it's time for another pill or shot.
27. You don't "buy into" that whole HDL-LDL cholesterol nonsense.
28. The back and shoulders of all your training shirts have blood stains on them.
29. Dan Duchaine thinks you might be going a bit overboard.
30. You think it's perfectly reasonable to expect your wife to...
a. Pay for all the household bills from her paycheck, as your money is already accounted for.
b. Shave your back.
c. Work two jobs so that you can train and eat full time.
d. Get her own damn medicine cabinet.
e. Understand your little problem.
