a call from school principal......

[marilyn]

Yesterday while I was at work, I received a call on my cell...it was the principal of my sons school.........

He introduced himself, then told me one of my sons was in a fight....

The story goes.......... they were playing flag football, and one kid pushed my son,( Adonis) my son then came back with a punch to the face!!, I said what??? not my handsome beautiful sweet son Adonis!!! But yes, Adonis did punch the kid in the face......so, what happened?, well, the kid came back with a punch himself, so they are both SUSPENDED! Eventhough it was over quickly, the teacher saw them both throw a punch, so its automatic suspension for three days!!...they were ok, after that and wanted to continue to play the game, but nope....off to inschool suspension until school was out for the day..so, now he's home for a few days.......

I wasn't upset, because they were playing a sport.....it could happen to anyone, they are boys, and all would have been ok......what would you do?

 

[cm]

I think you need to teach him something from it, just so one day he doesn't do it again and get sued or have charges pressed against him. but I don't know if I myself could be upset. How many playground fights we all had and never was a suspension handed out, but times are diff.

Maybe he can play football on the team, I am assuming he might be to young at the moment. They fight all the time, but it is part of healthy competition, and no one usually gets hurt and no gets suspended.

 

[Michaelthomasj]

Ehhh shit happens...No biggy. Happens in the heat of the moment, and it seems like they got over it pretty quick.

 

[Tom]

trouble

my son would be in bigger trouble with me if he had not defended himself. i will back him 100% despite zero tolerance policies but if he ever threw the first punch i would ground him for a month.

 

[marilyn]

yes

It is not hes character though....but I didnt let him know I wasnt upset, and I will get his assignments tomorrow....in the mean time, I discussed the plan for his few days off from school with Tony, and we agreed, he will work, and work alot around the house and complete his assignments, so, he doesnt think that its ok.

So today, he cleaned the pool, he cleaned his room, did yard work, he had to take care of dogs all day....he was bored after that,lol....and he missed his brother(twin), they really dont like to apart all day, as they never have been apart.

tomorrow, I will have him wash my car, and maybe throw in vacuuming, lol....hes a good kid, so I will pretend to be kind of upset...he never gets in trouble...and he is a gentlemen with me...how can I get mad?

Oh, you know what, I'll make him clean his own bathroom...lol...he hates that!!

 

[Tyrone]

Heck, he's lucky to have parents like yourselves! Mine did okay but I did the same stupid stuff in school...Remember what that was like?...gotta save some "face" when it's important to you back when...that's how it was for me at least.

 

[swervedriver]

I 100% agree with Tom on this one... I recently had something very similar happen with my 5 year old... The teacher sent a letter home stating that my son was in an altercation at school, and that she was just giving me notice of the incident.

I asked my son what happened, and he said that a kid punched him in the stomach while they were in line to go to recess. So my son said, "I punched him in the face!"

My initial thought was that I cannot believe my son punched someone in the face. So initially I was going to come down on my son for the incident. Then the longer I thought about it, the more I started to see it differently. This kid punched my son in the stomach. If my son had not done something about it, what would prevent the kid from doing it again, either to my son or some other kid. Also, what would that teach my kid if I get mad at him for taking up for himself?

I know the PC thing for him to do would be to go tell the teacher... Yeah, and then the teacher who is under paid, a lot of times unhappy with her job is going to tell him, "don't be a tattler!" So where does that leave my son? He is to take the punch, and if he tells on the bully, nothing is going to be done... If he hits back he's going to get into trouble....

So, for me, I talked with my son, and told him that I better never hear of him starting a fight, but I also told him that if someone hits you, you hit them back... Criminals learn that they are insulated because people are taught early on not to take up for or protect themselves... Therefore, they prey on these people...

This kid that hit my son, I can guarantee you will think twice before he hits my son again, because he knows the end result. Also, it puts it in his mind that the next person he hits may do the same thing...

Therefore, I don't condone violence per se, but I do condone a child taking up for themselves... I will back my son 100% for doing so...

 

[dgarr21]

Well in school or at least public schools if your son didnt do anything back after the other boy pushed him he would be considered a punk and therefore more often then not he would get messed with even more by other kids if they know he does not defend himself...i know he punched the kid in the face over a push but heck their kids and like u said no one got hurt at least now that kid and others will think twice before thinking to push him cause they may get a black eye hahaha

Now if he just punched someone for know reason at all or a girl (even if she pushed/hit him) i as a parent would be upset and ground him but as a boy i know he is young but in public school systems its getting more violent even at a young age and now u know he can defend himself

 

[Thebigone]

Adonis, thats an awesome name.

 

[dragonfire101]

Yesterday while I was at work, I received a call on my cell...it was the principal of my sons school.........

He introduced himself, then told me one of my sons was in a fight....

The story goes.......... they were playing flag football, and one kid pushed my son,( Adonis) my son then came back with a punch to the face!!, I said what??? not my handsome beautiful sweet son Adonis!!! But yes, Adonis did punch the kid in the face......so, what happened?, well, the kid came back with a punch himself, so they are both SUSPENDED! Eventhough it was over quickly, the teacher saw them both throw a punch, so its automatic suspension for three days!!...they were ok, after that and wanted to continue to play the game, but nope....off to inschool suspension until school was out for the day..so, now he's home for a few days.......

I wasn't upset, because they were playing a sport.....it could happen to anyone, they are boys, and all would have been ok......what would you do?

Unfortunately with all these zero tolerance policies boys can't be boys like years ago. I guess it could have been worst, and he could have been arrested for Breach of Peace or Disorderly Conduct. Happens all the time now in the schools I work with. Kids are being arrested for fighting or threatening each other or teachers and staff. Not like 10-15 years ago. Were you would get detention.

 

[littlejames]

Well my son is not a fighter yet.lol

i got a call from the principal and he said i needed to come down to talk to him. he stated that my son had slapped a girl on the butt.

now i have no idea where he learned that from.

but my some was 7yrs old and the mother was upset. i could understand if he was 13 or older but come on 7 yrs old. they give him two days in iss.

they kindof acted like my son was a sexual rapist or something. anyway i was happy he wasnt slapping litthe boys on there but.
and later he told me he liked her.

 

[big nasty]

Marilyn...

The first fight I was ever in(I threw the first punch...big mistake) they called my dad on a technicality...couldn't get a hold of mom.

That's probably the most fear I've ever experienced in my life...riding home from school in dad's truck...knowing my impending doom lay at home just minutes away...the whole time he didn't even look at me...didn't make a sound...

Once we were home he sat me on the couch, closed all the blinds, and proceeded with the biggest ass beating I have ever taken in my life(sadly it wasn't the last)...I was ten years old and my dad, who had worked construction and concrete for the previous twenty years, was on top of me holding me by the neck and threatening my existence on this planet...

Eventually he stopped, let me catch my breath and stop my sobbing...he then explained to me how wrong it was to start fights and especially wrong it was to throw the first punch...his words were: "Don't ever let me get word of you starting another fight again - cuz then you'll have to deal with me again. But if someone starts one with you...YOU end it."

...I don't know if this even helps at all but its just my first experience with fighting. Haven't swung at anyone since. You're a good mom, though, and you and Tony are good parents sooo...you guys will be just fine. Good luck.

 

[big nasty]

BTW your son's name is freakin awesome

 

[The BB Monad]

I don't condone violence as it might set something less positive for my son's future but I do like that he knows how to defend himself.

In the beginning my son, now 9 years old, was bullied by some guy and I taught him some BJJ locks and some Aikido moves so he could defend himself and he did!

He broke a kid's nose after he hit him and held him down in a neck lock. Now he is respected and knows that violence is not good.

 

[mekanikal]

I think your sons response was appropriate. Someone assaulted him and he defended himself. His response was commensurate with the push and he had the self respect to stand up for himself. Imagine what could happen to his self esteem if he did nothing...rolling over with your belly in the air is an instinct neither parents or administrators should nurture. I have an 8 yo. He plays baseball, football, swims, boxes, is a tough little kid. But he knows if he ever lays a hand on another kid first he is in a world of trouble. Your son sounds like he's very well grounded and a nice kid as he started to play with the other boy afterwards. I wonder what that teacher would do if someone punched him in the face..seriously.

 

[Chrysler]

I think your sons response was appropriate.

Most definitely. Furthermore, I would be secretly proud of him. Shit, I'd probably encourage him to continue to defend himself in appropriate situations. Then, I'd work myself up and go on a tirade about how this country has become supremely pussified and consequently get in trouble with my wife. Thus, unintentionally refocusing my wife's anger upon myself I'd be able to alleviate some of the potential punishment for my son.

 

[superman21]

I can understand kids playin sports and start to get a little rough and things get out of hand. boys will be boys.

I dont have any kids(im 24) but the best advice i feel my dad gave me is......

" If anyone puts their hands on you then take em down, noone has a right to touch you! But dont let me dare catch YOU starting anything"

In your case i believe it was just a little scuffle and no biggy, but i do believe that one should defend themself, physical force is the last resort.

 

[maldorf]

I think you need to teach him something from it, just so one day he doesn't do it again and get sued or have charges pressed against him. but I don't know if I myself could be upset. How many playground fights we all had and never was a suspension handed out, but times are diff.

Maybe he can play football on the team, I am assuming he might be to young at the moment. They fight all the time, but it is part of healthy competition, and no one usually gets hurt and no gets suspended.

I agree. I would be worried that he might pull something like that as a young adult/adult and find himself in a lot of trouble fast. Law suit or worse. Nowadays punch the wrong person and they will either pull a knife or gun on you. As a 16 yr old boy I had a grown man start crap with me and I went to fight back and they guy ran to the back of his truck and pulled out a tire iron and started swinging at me. Needless to say I back down. Crap like that unfolds fast, and before you know it youre in a world of hurt.
As a school teacher I witnessed a 18 yr old senior on the football team punch a little 16 yr old in the jaw so hard that his feet left the floor. I tackled the football player and put him in a full nelson until the school resource officer came. That boy's jaw was broken in 3 places. He had it wired shut and had to drink through a straw for many weeks. Of course a law suit followed, and he got into big legal trouble because he was a legal adult at age 18 yrs.
Make sure you discuss the problems that can happen. Hopefully hes old enough to understand.

 

[BigCracker]

This kinda thing is what made me wanna be the biggest kid in school so nobody fucked w/ me. My parents were so strict if I got into any fight period I got an assbeating at home far worse than I wouldv'e gotten from the gangsta kids that picked on me. I was told that I should be able to avoid conflict at all costs. WTF??? How am I supposed to avoid conflict when some ghetto kid is trying to punk me out of my lunch money???

By the time I was 17 I was so big and aggressive from football, wrestling and weight training that getting beat at home wasn't even that big of a deal to me any longer. I started beating the shit out of every kid that picked on me through grade school/jr high. Every weekend I busted a different nose of some asshole that had wronged me in the past. I continued fighting regularly and got kicked out of my house at age 18 after putting a kid in ICU with a concussion, broken jaw, and broken nose. I carried around this angst well into my 20's until I started getting tired of going to court, fines, restitution, etc. Anyway, violence begets violence. The regular beatings I took as a kid only made me more violent. It's amazing that I didn't wind up dead or in prison.

Anyway, I think you're handling it just fine. Kids need to know that when they choose the behavior, they also choose the consequences.

 

[marilyn]

thanks guys

Really good responses and stories....

He was pushed down on the ground first, but I also do not condone violence, and they know it,,,they are never in trouble at school, and have never fought, they know they would be in trouble if they didnt try to solve it without violence first...unless, it was really self defense....

we had a conversation of course, about what really happened, and did he really need to throw that first punch....and in the face, so, he understands that maybe he needed to first evaluate the situation, but we were not there, and he does need to defend himself....

Still, hes doing everything around the house, and with good attitude, he already wishes it didnt happen and he was back at school...but he cannot return until Tuesday, since tomorrow school is closed.

His brother said he would of done the same if someone pushed him down!! Yikes, boys!!! They do battle with each other here at home, but never have with anyone else.

Good advise advise from all of you...thanks again.