sorry in advance for any rambling.. but always find some great responses in here that makes me see a different perspective...
background:
-been with her just over 2 years (i'm 32, shes' 27).... lived together... always kind of been up and down.. fight.. talk and made us tighter... however, past 3-4 months things were getting shit again... she's always enjoyed her wine.. however getting BAADDD... and to point where she's just a horrible drunk.. drinking daily.. she lost her job 6 months ago (going back to school though) ...
one week ago, go out for dinner and she's just a bad drunk again (i've brought this up numerous times past few months).. so in the morning bring it up and end up deciding time to go our seperate ways... felt like she couldn't "get her shit together" when we were together.. said she's felt "embarassed" by herself around me (i have a few succesfull business', work hard and she isn't really doing anything)
all week she brings up where needs a break but wants to stay close and she sees me with her again and wants one day to be "ready" to get married...
then 2 days ago ...:
she had a french tutor for a few months... never snooped on her or anything.. whenever she'd leave email open, i'd just close it down.. tried to fully respect her personal space.. but past few weeks a few things "just didn't add up".. would get dressed up to go to her friends house at 3pm even though not going out to dinner till late.. then slow to answer texts/calls..
i'm thinking hey, had some GREAT times with this girl.. maybe we will work this out... she goes to run an errand and leaves her purse on the counter... i notice a dairy in there... and i was like fuck it, i'm going to snoop.. i'm not sure if it was just a hey, i just need to double check, but regardless i obviously didn't trust her at this point...
and low and behold, about 2 weeks ago started getting more serious with her tutor... made out with him, naked... claims no sex and she called it off after one week because she was "repulsed" by him...
i confronted her immediately.. and ended up with her moving out next morning.
the fight.....:
i was very shaken.. she tried to say i was just as bad by snooping (which i don't agree with, i was wrong but i don't feel anywhere near what she did)... said "people can still work thorugh this kind of stuff".... pretty ugly evening that's for sure..
i've NEVER cheated on anyone... i feel she totally crossed a moral line that i won't ever get over... i don't even want to see her ever again.. yet she keeps texting/emailing me (i don't respond).. she lied, cheated, and blames it on how i've lacked sensuality wiht her... i CAN see how i've lacked that with her lately, it's been tough to get sensual with someone i feel is becoming an energy vampire around me.. and i've mentioned htis for months... so i'll admit i'm part of the blame here... but i still don't think my blame is anywhere NEAR the shit she pulled... i feel as if people who accept cheaters back just lack self respect..
anyway that's my ramble.. anyone have any thoughts/input?? i just kind of feel a bit lost here on how to feel.. 50% of me is like this chick was awesome and WAS someone i thought i would marry... but the other 50% of me thinks she's just trash and i want nothing to do with her EVER again... it takes every bit of effort i have to stay classy around her and not text her back saying to efff off and stay away from me.
background:
-been with her just over 2 years (i'm 32, shes' 27).... lived together... always kind of been up and down.. fight.. talk and made us tighter... however, past 3-4 months things were getting shit again... she's always enjoyed her wine.. however getting BAADDD... and to point where she's just a horrible drunk.. drinking daily.. she lost her job 6 months ago (going back to school though) ...
one week ago, go out for dinner and she's just a bad drunk again (i've brought this up numerous times past few months).. so in the morning bring it up and end up deciding time to go our seperate ways... felt like she couldn't "get her shit together" when we were together.. said she's felt "embarassed" by herself around me (i have a few succesfull business', work hard and she isn't really doing anything)
all week she brings up where needs a break but wants to stay close and she sees me with her again and wants one day to be "ready" to get married...
then 2 days ago ...:
she had a french tutor for a few months... never snooped on her or anything.. whenever she'd leave email open, i'd just close it down.. tried to fully respect her personal space.. but past few weeks a few things "just didn't add up".. would get dressed up to go to her friends house at 3pm even though not going out to dinner till late.. then slow to answer texts/calls..
i'm thinking hey, had some GREAT times with this girl.. maybe we will work this out... she goes to run an errand and leaves her purse on the counter... i notice a dairy in there... and i was like fuck it, i'm going to snoop.. i'm not sure if it was just a hey, i just need to double check, but regardless i obviously didn't trust her at this point...
and low and behold, about 2 weeks ago started getting more serious with her tutor... made out with him, naked... claims no sex and she called it off after one week because she was "repulsed" by him...
i confronted her immediately.. and ended up with her moving out next morning.
the fight.....:
i was very shaken.. she tried to say i was just as bad by snooping (which i don't agree with, i was wrong but i don't feel anywhere near what she did)... said "people can still work thorugh this kind of stuff".... pretty ugly evening that's for sure..
i've NEVER cheated on anyone... i feel she totally crossed a moral line that i won't ever get over... i don't even want to see her ever again.. yet she keeps texting/emailing me (i don't respond).. she lied, cheated, and blames it on how i've lacked sensuality wiht her... i CAN see how i've lacked that with her lately, it's been tough to get sensual with someone i feel is becoming an energy vampire around me.. and i've mentioned htis for months... so i'll admit i'm part of the blame here... but i still don't think my blame is anywhere NEAR the shit she pulled... i feel as if people who accept cheaters back just lack self respect..
anyway that's my ramble.. anyone have any thoughts/input?? i just kind of feel a bit lost here on how to feel.. 50% of me is like this chick was awesome and WAS someone i thought i would marry... but the other 50% of me thinks she's just trash and i want nothing to do with her EVER again... it takes every bit of effort i have to stay classy around her and not text her back saying to efff off and stay away from me.