Dealing with an obese wife?

[S2N]

Get rid of her bro she isn't gonna change and you're gonna make it worse for your kids in the long run. Lifes too short to be miserable when you can fix the problem

 

[Godzilla50]

:headbang:Grow big balls and show her this thread . Let her read all this shit thats being said and let her know how much this community cares about her and you, Moody ! Then give her a choice . get a committment and make her stick with it. Sounds like she needs some sound advise and we are here to do just that. Come on , bring her here and let us Help !:headbang:
Post some pic`s and let us see what she really looks like:yeahthat:

 

[Ehren]

Hahaha! Dude, this is a great place, but as far as people to give you advice about an obese wife...maybe this crowd is not gonna be the most understanding.

That being said, I agree with everyone. I couldn't do it. For me respect and attraction come before love. IMO Love is a result of a both, plus some chemistry.

Anyway, I'd start packing. You can't give someone self respect, or make them have it. It's her lifestyle and character and that's unlikely to change. Many here, myself included, have tried to "fix" people, family, friends, lovers. It never happens. Negative reinforcement never works. As soon as the negative result is removed, the bad habits return.

Get out. Unless you love her beyond anything else. But if it were true, you'd be happy and it wouldn't be a problem.

 

[alphamale1]

Ehren you missed your calling sir.....your words are so on point.. I hear alot of test filled men speaking....sex for a woman is more emotionally involved meaning stimulate her mind then you will stimulate her legs..thus there's no "sex pill" i.e. viagra, cialis, levitra etc., for women. Goody your issues with your wife transcends the bedroom, I would suggest counseling. Good luck..love and marriage is worth it

 

[Goody]

:headbang:Grow big balls and show her this thread . Let her read all this shit thats being said and let her know how much this community cares about her and you, Moody ! Then give her a choice . get a committment and make her stick with it. Sounds like she needs some sound advise and we are here to do just that. Come on , bring her here and let us Help !:headbang:
Post some pic`s and let us see what she really looks like:yeahthat:

Ouch...I couldnt do that to her man..no matter what happens betw. us, my goal is not to absolutly crush her self-esteem for the rest of her life. I do love her and always will, just dont know if I can live with her anymore if that makes sense...I have tactfully told her how I feel...she knows whats on the line.

 

[1Rhino1]

1 Rhino, that was the funniest & best post ever! :headbang:

Concentrate on the issue of her lack of motivation while you are in therapy. Everything she is not doing is based on this key issue. If she was motivated (wanted it bad enough) she would diet,exercise & get out of bed.

What her main complains about you are?

I couldn't be with a fat lazy man so my sympathy is with you.

I thought I might catch a little heat for being shallow.... thank god your here. Lol

Man I can relate to the NO SEX DRIVE part... I am healthy and have a very healthy sex drive, my wife has NO SEX DRIVE!!! Wine and Dine, backrubs, etc... Make no difference. I am worried that I will be 60 and not get to experience a life full of good sex, love, intimacy, etc.

Don't know what to do!

This is how my last relationship was man, no good. I couldn't stand it. I'm a 5-7 times a week type a guy. I hated it man. I had to beg like a sailor to get some hammer time two nights a week. Very sad deal, we were young, and pretty, and celibate.

I traded her in, got a new ride. Now SHE gets mad at ME if I don't break bread. I like this much better. I would put her on something that could cause some slight virilization and let her clit enlarge ever so slightly. Now you gotta time this so she doesn't grow a beard and start sounding like an eighty year old smoker from the Bronx. Now once the clit is swollen, you simply just brush up against her ever so slightly when you are ready to go. Lol, this will work.

The trick is gonna be sliding that needle into her butt cheek while she is sleeping. You have your work cut out for you sir. Ha ha ha ha!

 

[razorsedge]

Goody...you don't need the advice of anyone on here as you know exactly what you have to do..in fact..I think you've already made up your mind and your just looking for reinforcement here cause you're feeling guilty...it's unfortunate there are kids involved but 2 out of 3 kids are from split families....get on with it.....RUN !!!!

 

[Strategus]

I've had a couple of situations with friends (not partners) that have let themselves go and become obese. Basically these were people who shared a hobby interest of mine (nothing to do with fitness). These are people in their 50's, not young folks.

Each time, I tried to get them to go on walks with me or tried to convince them to use their unused gym memberships.

They didn't respond. Long story short, one developed really bad Type 2 diabetes, another has mild type 2 diabetes, and a third just passed from cancer.

I think your wife is probably eating/drinking soda at the school where she works. That is probably where the extra calories are coming from.

She doesn't sound like a morning person. So, work around that and do stuff in the afternoon or evenings.. I would basically issue an ultimatum that either she comes to the gym and/or walk/ride bike with you after work ---- or it's over. It'll probably require some time out of your w/o while you spot her etc. Make sure she lifts or at least works on the machines and doesn't just do the treadmill.

It's hard losing friendships or relationships over this, but sometimes it comes to that. I don't want to sound hard-hearted, but it's a reality in what has been called an obesogenic America. A lot of ppl will just go along to get along but obviously you're a lot more motivated and have done the lifting thing for years so you are more principled than that.

Once again, I think she's overeating and/or drinking soda at work. In other words, work is the obesogenic environment since you are cooking her meals and controlling the situation at home. She's probably friends with those other fat teachers and that's giving her social "validation" to stay the way she is. (social contagion of obesity - Google the study by Christakis et al.)

I've only rarely posted here before, but this post attracted my interest because it's a situation that's happened with me a couple of times even though they weren't intimate relationships.

I'm female, BTW.

 

[S2N]

Ehren you missed your calling sir.....your words are so on point.. I hear alot of test filled men speaking....sex for a woman is more emotionally involved meaning stimulate her mind then you will stimulate her legs..thus there's no "sex pill" i.e. viagra, cialis, levitra etc., for women. Goody your issues with your wife transcends the bedroom, I would suggest counseling. Good luck..love and marriage is worth it

There are plenty of "sex pills" for women

 

[liftalot79]

She probably feels inadaquite...

So you have to motivate her... The walk was a great idea and if you get to talking 2miles 20-30mins will go by quick. What about giving here some kind of Fat burner for start like liquid redline just enough to get her the boost out of bed then on with the walk. From doing nothing to something even walking 3x a wk will shed some weight.

 

[Joejo]

Get rid of her bro she isn't gonna change and you're gonna make it worse for your kids in the long run. Lifes too short to be miserable when you can fix the problem

:yeahthat: I have to agree with you on that one. How is it going to be better for the kids? The more distant and repulsed you get the less likely you are to tolerate her BS and the more your going to fight. The more you fight the worst it will be for your children. Now I don't want you to throw in the towel if there is still some fight left in the marriage, but it does seem like she doesn't care much anymore. The fact that you posted this leads me to believe that your there if not close to throwing it in as well. If she doesn't care anymore, you need to do what is best for you and only you. Stress is a killer and you don't need any more in your life. Do what you will, but I think you know what needs to be done.

Good luck and hop all works out for you in the end. Happy Holidays.

 

[bigcat56]

kids angle

It sounds like a lot of the reason you still love her so much is you are a good family man, you love your kids and you know she loves them a lot too and is a good mother. Given that have you tried discussing the implications of her weight on your kids with her?

My mother is 58, is an absolutely amazing woman, but has been 250ish for 30 years and is on a suitcase full of pills a day for health issues. The biggest issue in our relationship has always been some form of animosity. I have felt shorted by the fact that she chooses food and laziness over her own health and over me.

I always thought that even if it wasn't enough to do it for herself she would want to do it for me, that she would want to see me get married, see her grandchildren, etc... The reality is she may never see these things for me or my brothers and sisters and its a direct result of things she has CHOSEN to do to herself. Not cancer, or some other disease, but a choice. Its no different than choosing a drug habit that ruins your health and makes you die young over your husband and children...

I know its really hard, it was very emotional when i verbalized these feelings with my mom... But please do. I sure wish my dad would have at least tried when my mom was 31, maybe if this issue had been addressed earlier somethign could have been done....

p.s. my mom and dad remained married, going on 37 years, but I'll tell ya what, none of us kids have a positive relationship with him b/c he is an angry/ bitter man... I cant help but think some of his issues stem from the exact type of relationship you are describing...

 

[Goody]

Bigcat,
You hit the nail on the head there.
I have tried all those angles...I flat out told her awhile ago that she is shaving years off her life and the kids and me might have to bury her too soon...and shes gonna leave us hanging so to speak...we all know the health problems obesity causes..she has early signs of lots of them to be honest. Just this past week she went to the gym on Sun. I praised her for it...Mon. night came home from work, sat on the couch watched biggest loser I think (ironic, I know) and had a couple glasses of wine before bed...made me sick to watch her drink all that sugar before bed but Im just done holding her hand with this shit. Tues. night, no gym...just sat around...wed. night I was like I'll do dinner..go...she says no...I'll bathe the kids and put them to bed, go to the gym..nope too tired...gotta pack for her weekend trip to see family...theres another 4 days at least where she wont be doing squat...:banghead:
I dont get it...we are going to counselling now and she is well aware that her weight problem is the main cause of problems with our marriage...shouldnt it be at the forefront of her daily thoughts? This is how she shows me she is trying? Really?
I feel guilty cause the kids are wrapped up in this shit..but I know I'll still be a kick ass dad to my boys no matter what..they are my world.
I feel like I failed in a way too...here I am, been working out forever, have competed in bodybuilding, played a bunch of sports, I have a college degree in Health and Exercise Science and I couldnt "fix" her...just dont get it.
Thanks for the insight folks, the support helps as do many of your ideas to get things moving..really appreciate it.

 

[bloodshed]

I dont know if this has been said, but confront her and say that you think you should have an open marriage. That could possibly get her going on the right track. i know if it were me in that position i would do everything i could to make sure that doesnt happen.

 

[ryneex]

Sounds like you really love her and your family, by how nice you talk aout the whole situaition. She has to have some type of emotional issues to be unable to give up food over your happiness. It is not healthy to be in a marriage like this. Dont give up but if she is unwilling to change you gotta get out. Kids pick up on things and they will grow up knowing their parents are not happy. Good luck man

 

[wasp]

i had to get out of an 18 yr rel cuz of this, i tried to tell her i wasn't happy and waited 2 yrs, i miss her, but she decided not to do anything about it, no idea why but, sometimes life sucks

 

[Benches]

Ouch...I couldnt do that to her man..no matter what happens betw. us, my goal is not to absolutly crush her self-esteem for the rest of her life. I do love her and always will, just dont know if I can live with her anymore if that makes sense...I have tactfully told her how I feel...she knows whats on the line.

Don't give up on her then! Keep trying different things until you find the thing that works for her. Don't put anything on the line either the added stress won't help things it will hurt them.

When I met my first wife she was thin and a gorgeous and sexy woman. Within a year or two she had become very fat. I guess the temptation of living with a man who is constantly eating to try to bulk up was too much and she started to eat, nothing like I did but weight came too easily for her. She had to starve herself to be a normal weight. Metabolic problems? probably

Even after she got really fat (I'm talking 220ish at 5 ft 7) she was still a gorgeous and sexy woman in my eyes and on top of that she was my best friend. I learned after meeting her that she always struggled with her weight, some people are just going to be fat unless they pay with extreme sacrifice.

My point is just to keep working with her. Don't give up on her because of some extra weight.

That first marriage of mine did eventually dissolve but for other reasons Good luck!

 

[preload]

She is not going to chang! It's time u find a girlfriend