Feelin down.. feel like leaving my wife...

[bigrig]

I don't even know where to start. first i do'nt really know many people on here..

but i just feel like shit and like i want to leave my wife and start over again..

i've only been married for about 6 months.. in late 20s... my wife makes good income, but i'm more around 200K.. which has made things tough.

i pay for everything pretty much.. house, cars...

i can't pinpoint what is bothering me.. or why i'm not happy and i just can't figure it out.. i moved away from my family and friends to be with her.. i go on routine visits like every month to see them.. its just like we're on different paths in life..

she's goes out on weekends for drinks with her coworkers/friends.. unless i specificaly say i want to take her out she makes plans with her friends... never sees if i want to go out... i do all the cooking.. take care of finances. do nice things for her, yet they never seem to reciprocate back to me.

sex life is getting worse adn worse already.. she really doesn't do anythign to make me feel like she's cheating. but for some reason i'm paranoid all the time.. this i don't get at all becuase she's never coming home late, always tells me where she is.. no weird phone calls.. i just can't figure it out.

all i can think of daily is just packing up and moving back to where i was... she usually gets upset with Me over small things, and that i'm not into our relationship.. i just don't get it.. i do something everyday to show how i feel for her.. a text message, phone call, a massage.. yet it seems meaningless to her.. i ask ehr what else she wants and she has nothing to say..

 

[maxsupplements]

BR

dude. well, dont know where to start. but i was in your EXACT shoes about 2 years ago coming this may...

seriously... at least from what you write, it was to the "T"... i can even rebump the thread for you to read what i went through...

the bars, the going out constantly, just dissatisfaction after the "yes" part huh? well, man. all i can say, and i wish i had done this, is WAIT A BIT..

have you tried any counseling? talking about the subject? my ex had a spending addiction. everytime she would get depressed, she would go and blow a grand of MY MONEY on clothes and shit.. it was for me and HER. but mostly her.. and then the going out started big time.. realy started when we finally got married...

i will say this. our sex was consistent all the way through.. if i recommend antything, its marriage conseling, or couple counseling. i would even suggest you guys getting away to gether for a weekend.. no cell phones, nothing. just you two on a little weekender.. nothing expensive. but just focus on the LOVE you have for eachother. when you can get away from life and the hustle and bustle, you have to focus on EACHOTHER. life takes us away from our love, and it takes LOTS OF WORK to be in a marriage. dont throw the towel in and want to start over later, FIX this one if you can. at least give it a good try.. i wish i had.. ask OTH, or SIGMUND. they will both tell you i wanted to make it work. it was just unfortunate how it worked out. i dont know if you are a christian or not, but focusing on the love that the Lord has blessed you with will help you a lot. thank Him. He brought this woman into your life, and now, you have to continue to thank Him, and to love her, and give her attention. now at the same time, she has to as well. its a give and take thing. you have got to be getting your "needs" met, as well as she does. and it can be done bro. thats the greatest news ever. just stay posititve. you can do it...

PM me if you need anything. and if you want, i can rebump that thread for you to read what happened in my case.

 

[flexmaster]

I don't even know where to start. first i do'nt really know many people on here..

but i just feel like shit and like i want to leave my wife and start over again..

i've only been married for about 6 months.. in late 20s... my wife makes good income, but i'm more around 200K.. which has made things tough.

i pay for everything pretty much.. house, cars...

i can't pinpoint what is bothering me.. or why i'm not happy and i just can't figure it out.. i moved away from my family and friends to be with her.. i go on routine visits like every month to see them.. its just like we're on different paths in life..

she's goes out on weekends for drinks with her coworkers/friends.. unless i specificaly say i want to take her out she makes plans with her friends... never sees if i want to go out... i do all the cooking.. take care of finances. do nice things for her, yet they never seem to reciprocate back to me.

sex life is getting worse adn worse already.. she really doesn't do anythign to make me feel like she's cheating. but for some reason i'm paranoid all the time.. this i don't get at all becuase she's never coming home late, always tells me where she is.. no weird phone calls.. i just can't figure it out.

all i can think of daily is just packing up and moving back to where i was... she usually gets upset with Me over small things, and that i'm not into our relationship.. i just don't get it.. i do something everyday to show how i feel for her.. a text message, phone call, a massage.. yet it seems meaningless to her.. i ask ehr what else she wants and she has nothing to say..

im sure your wife can easily see in your body language and the way you look at her and talk to her that you are dissatisfied...thats why she says you arent into your relationship. my girl and i are the same way. i try to do lots of nice things fr her like buying her things and taking her places...even when im nt feeling so good about our relationship...but she sees right through it. try complimenting her bro...make it a sincere compliment or she'll right through that too. i think its usually pretty easy to see when someone is being fake with you. body language and tone of voice speak much louder than the actual words you are saying IMHO.

like maxsupps said, a relationship (at least a healthy one) takes some real work...as you should know.

 

[balla06]

i agree with max and flex bro. get a away for a weekend or sit down and talk with her and yall go see someone and talk with them see if they can help. no need to jus pick up and leave. u owe urself more then that bro. after all th help and yall talk if things dont get better then go from there but at least talk with her and try to get yall back on the same path of things and get things rollin the way they should again

best of luck to u bro! and god bless!

 

[marshall]

I would have an honest discussion with her, like the other guys said.

Let her know your feelings, perhaps it will help. If not, if you don't have any children, perhaps a trial seperation is in order. See how you get along in life without each other, it will either re-inforce your feelings for each other or realize it isn't meant to be long term.

I'm not one to say you should have to work at a relationship, that should come easy and natural, or you are not with the right person imo.

 

[JETHRO TULL]

I would have an honest discussion with her, like the other guys said.

I'm not one to say you should have to work at a relationship, that should come easy and natural, or you are not with the right person imo.

I AGREE WITH THAT. IN MY EXPERIENCE OF FOUR DIFFERENT LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS...2YEARS OR MORE FOR EACH..IF YOU'VE GOT TO GO THROUGH A LOT OF TEDIOUS BULLSHIT....THEN YOU'RE WITH THE WRONG PERSON...OR SHE IS.

THE RELATIONSHIP SHOULD MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER, MORE ENJOYABLE, NOT LESS.

THAT'S ONE MAN'S OPINION.

 

[strongmind]

I AGREE WITH THAT. IN MY EXPERIENCE OF FOUR DIFFERENT LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS...2YEARS OR MORE FOR EACH..IF YOU'VE GOT TO GO THROUGH A LOT OF TEDIOUS BULLSHIT....THEN YOU'RE WITH THE WRONG PERSON...OR SHE IS.

THE RELATIONSHIP SHOULD MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER, MORE ENJOYABLE, NOT LESS.

THAT'S ONE MAN'S OPINION.

And one woman's... I agree that a relationship should make your life better not worse.

First, some questions...

Is this your first marriage? Hers?
How long were you together before you got married?
Was there any indication that things would be this way?
How do you think things (including you or her) have changed since you got married?

It sounds like you're having doubts or second thoughts about this marriage. Part of that is perfectly normal. But don't throw in the towel yet... This is an adjustment period. It's going to feel uncomfortable for a little while. Try to focus on what you love about your wife and why you married her in the first place.

Also, flex is right. If there is some of that second guessing going on, she will be able to read your body language loud and clear (women are much better at this than men, btw). No matter what you say, she will hear otherwise.

So be sincere with her. TALK to her. Tell her what's going on and what's been on your mind. You have to be open and COMMUNICATE if you want this to work. Seeing a marriage counselor may not be a bad idea either.

Good luck.

 

[hngrygrl]

just focus on the LOVE you have for eachother. when you can get away from life and the hustle and bustle, you have to focus on EACHOTHER. life takes us away from our love, and it takes LOTS OF WORK to be in a marriage. dont throw the towel in and want to start over later, FIX this one if you can. at least give it a good try.. i wish i had.. ask OTH, or SIGMUND. they will both tell you i wanted to make it work. it was just unfortunate how it worked out. i dont know if you are a christian or not, but focusing on the love that the Lord has blessed you with will help you a lot. thank Him. He brought this woman into your life, and now, you have to continue to thank Him, and to love her, and give her attention. now at the same time, she has to as well. its a give and take thing. you have got to be getting your "needs" met, as well as she does. and it can be done bro. thats the greatest news ever. just stay posititve. you can do it...

QUOTE]




Seriously just brought some major tears from my eyes. I'd like you give you a virtual hug but I dont know how. so **hugs**
That was beautiful and so very true. We all need to remember what you have said.