I am so happy for you !
Babygetoboy...........I know I am probally the last person that should be throwing advice on this forum [ especially right now ], but truethfully I have a background in this field so at least hear me out ......
First of all , congradulations on having the balls to realize that something is wrong and trying to fix it .[ same to you brandonpowell] . Think about it ,f you are lacking in Vit C , wouldnt you adjust your diet or supplement to fix the problem ? Well , the majority of socitity is damaged chemically within their brains . [ genetics , combined with environmental stresses effect our brain chemistry ] We are not taught to communicate or to reconize when things are not working right ,so most people self medicate or just deal anyway they can .[ why do you think that drugs , and alcohol run so rampet in our socitity ?] to be strong enough to reconize that something isnt right and to attempt to fix it is the wisest choice that you could ever make .[ and best investment as well ]
I know you have been working hard in the gym and you are feeling good about how you are looking[ and you should be proud ] , but I think that you should come off all your gear and give your meds a true chance to work .[ also stay away from any alcohol or rec as well ] It takes time to get your dosages right and for the meds to really begin to work. You also may eventually need to switch medications or add drugs as you go along . Give it time my friend . If you really do it right, it will surely change your life forever . I would recomend keeping a journel everynight , keeping track of any side effects ,as well as tracking your feelings and basic lines of thinking .[ a very useful tool and so worth a few minutes everynight ....I promise ] I know you have been hurting and it is time to end the pain .......This should be your number one objective in life [ as it should be everyone's .....you have been basically fighting the gun battle of life with a knife ....get it ?].......Take care of your body ....keep leaning up [ you look way better and dont need drugs for that ] ....... A sound mind and sound body will equal happiness for you ...................I promise .....If it means anything, I am proud of you and Brandon for taking the right path .......too many people dont ....they are the crazy one's ......
And as to me , I am well aware of my situation of who am and why I am the way I am . I have always had a pretty clear head and felt mentally strong [ big advantage over others in life ] . People have always followed me because of my mental strength and character ......But with all the death , injury ,sickness , evil , badluck ,my own fuck ups , and now this huge finacial loss that I have endured . I am just not sure I want to start over . I am not saying I dont appreciate the many gifts that I have , but when my responsibilities are settled ,I will make a decision as to what to do with my life . A rational choice , not an emotional one .....I have no problem getting help if I feel it is needed .......right now I have to take things a day at a time ......I have a huge whole to dig out of and I have lots of work to do ........................Good luck fellas ..............Would you rather be the DALI LAma and have everlasting true peace or be Bill Gates and be the richest man in the world ? Think about it ........[ ever really rich man that I have known is not happy ......what do you want ? ] I need to heed my own advice and look within and find what true happiness is to me ......and so should you!!! ALL MY BEST GUYS < JASON